Pat Hatt's Blog, page 7

A Story Of Balls

Pat was complaining about yet another storm.Lately here that has been quite the norm.

But why should I care here at our sea?He brings smells back like this one to me.

And there's yet another out in the snow.So I guess that means you reap what you sow.

My day was busy with picking on Cass.She can sure be mean to my rhyming ass.

Then I heard them from out in the hall.Damn it, they have come back after my ball.

They aren't getting it. No, sir. No friggin way.I'll never let poop machines take it and play.

They skipped me and went to a big old bag.That should have been yet another red flag.

For these are all mine. Each and every single one.I don't care if I chew them and ruin your fun.

You just stick that bucket on your tiny head.Then no one can understand what you just said.

I got most of them batted, but it was time to go.That thing isn't petting me. Hell friggin no.

Pat should be here, but instead he was here.That's a lot of fluffballs he feeds not so near.

Then he took in another view before coming back.He complained more when stepping into our shack.

Then he helped them collect all of my hard work.I spread them out and he picked them up like a jerk.

But I showed them when they went out for lunch.I hid most of the balls that were in that bunch.

They looked and they looked and only found a few.This one was pooped and slept right here in view.

The other was still going, however so slow.He grabbed Pat's books and Uncle Pattie gave them a go.

Those poop machines are too short to give the report.So upon high I sit retelling the story of my court.
Any interlopers stop on by there?Do they come with balls to spare?Take em and hide em is my advice.My rhyming ass doesn't care if it's not so nice.

Thursday Thoughts Round 2

This whole letting Cass post there and here is actually nice for my rhyming rear.
"Like you let me do anything. Get a grip."
Come on now. Get up from your nap and wow.
"I can do that with one eye open. Just sit and watch."
Works for me. I get a break at my sea. And I don't have to share with Pat. Much rather share with a cat.
Now let's see what is around this week. Oh, here's one:
Ding...Deposit...Ding
Did you hear that? Some human that just decided to follow your Farcebook, Tweeddle Dee, or Instaneedy feed just got a deposit from their oh so great work from home job. They even have the evidence to prove it. They will even share their secret knowledge with you. For the low low price of $59.99 you will be making 5 figures every month from home.
How are these things still even a thing? Do humans ever really stop being fools? The only humans getting rich from them are those at the top as they sucker all below them. Yeah, you can sell all kinds of things and get a percentage, but if you need to pay to learn some uber secret, then the secret likely is you're a sucker. Sorry, humans, but this cat doesn't pull her punches.
What? You didn't mention we had a bridge to sell? Low low price and comes with a love spell.
"I figured I'd leave something for you to do."
Here's one that I overheard.
Be The Expert
Don't go to a professional who has knowledge of what you need. Nah, that's so 2019. These days you should do everything yourself because it saves you money. The best way to learn is through doing after all. And how do you become an expert? Easy. Just Google it. Some expert somewhere will be expertly sharing with you how to do what you want ever so expertly. 
Take out an appendix? No big deal. Get a knife. Invest in that latest dope company. Go for it. It'll be a huge hit.Buy a house through private sale without covering your ass. Enjoy. That hole where the stairs used to be gives it character. 
With one simple search you become the expert. That is all it takes. And remember that everything you read on the internet is true, so there is no way anything will come back to bit you on the ass. Except maybe that bed bug infested house you just bought.
Thinking of those just makes me itchy. Having them would make all bitchy.
"Can't disagree with your rhyming ass there."
Local
Seems you can't cross the street these days without someone shouting about local this and local that. Local gets shouted more than what rhymes with duck in NY traffic. Then the whole "support" gets added to it. Support Local gets said and suddenly there is a line up of humans ready to suck at the local tit. Cows may want to stay out of sight in farm areas. Just fair warning.
You want me to shop at your store where you jack up the prices because you are "local" and we should all "support" you, yet you go to stores outside of our "local" area to get what you want and to order your stock. I think a word is missing to your oh so great chant. What was it? Oh, I got it. Support Local Hypocrites. There. That has a much better ring to it. Now you know you're getting screwed beforehand. 
At least make it specialty items or something original. If I want to support local it will be because local deserves it. Not because you can chant what all the other nuts chant while jacking up products that one can get elsewhere for half your selling price. I could slap $20 on what I leave in the litterbox, doesn't mean it's worth anymore than $0 though.
I think you may have brought some humans to the brink. 
"As long as no one local has an issue, we'll be fine. If there is one, I'll send them your way though."
That is fine. As they can then suck on the gas of this feline. And now to take it out with a final shout.

Have you ever bought into a pyramid scheme? Did your bank account go ding ding ding by being on their team? Are you an expert on anything thanks to Google and such? Will people come to you to get in touch? Do you shop local at your sea? Are you disgusted by some of the prices like we? Even with gas it is still cheaper to go elsewhere. But shop local and don't care. That is the best way to support. So ends this report. Now listen to the words of Cass and the few bits from my little rhyming ass.
The Blind Leading The Blind = Mankind.

Choices Choices Everywhere!

Where to sit or where to stand.Choices choices are in hand.Could go left or could go right.Could go during day or night.
Which job to take, which job to pass.Both are so great they give you gas.Could go up or could go down.Could just simply drive out of town.
Which one to date, which one to not.Choices choices to your plot.Could be the one or could be the toad.Could just skip for a lighter load.
Could do nothing, could do all.Could just simply trip and fall.Could go round or could go through.Either way, the buck stops at you.
Choices choices rule the day.Choices choices are on the way.You make one and then there's two.Choices choices are coming for you.
Could go out, could stay in.Could just simply drink some gin. Choices choices on what to drink.Could be premium, could be sink.
Could smile and nod your head.Could just tell them to drop dead.Choices choices in what you speak.Could be shiny or up the creek.
Could go editing or could go not.Creak could take creek's above slot.You're in charge or your not.Could just use some silly bot.
Could still go left, could still go right.Could take the middle in the light.Could still go round, could still go through.Either way, the buck still stops at you.
Choices choices rule the day.Choices choices are on the way.You make one and then there's two.Choices choices are never through.
Pat gave the cat a choice on where to stand as he tried to get a pic in our land. It only took a few shots too. I guess I had an off day and let him get me easily in view. Then this one popped on out. Any choices out and about? Are choices ruining your day? Any choices you want to say? You have the choice to post a comment or not. You have a choice to read the plot. You have a choice to share with another. You have a choice to tell your brother. You have a choice to give your daughter one of those. Unless a sister comes out when umm it blows. See? Choices choices are there in mass. I stick with the choice of being a little rhyming ass.
Choices choices in your life. If you can, leave em to the wife.

Thursday Thoughts

I guess it's time for a rhyme.
"Please. You can't even tell time."
Like you could even rhyme. Go away, Cassie.
"I don't need to rhyme. I can just get my point across without it."
Fine. Let's see you do a post, lazy feline.
"If I must."
Thursday Thoughts Cute name. Not really. So lame
"Stay out of it or I'll knock you to the floor."
Fine. Let's your lame name thoughts align.
I call this segment humans that see the small picture and cheer. Or something like that. Humans not thinking may offend them, and these days that may get a cat sued. But then again, all they'll get is litter. So...Humans Lack Brain Use.
Now let's see what is around these days. Oh, here's one:
Plastic Bags
Humans are cheering because a grocery chain is doing away with plastic bags. Now on the surface that may be grand for many, and it's not a bad thing to do, but is it really that grand? Would you stick a bandaid on Mount Everest and cheer? Would you throw a glass of water on a wildfire and cheer? If yes, you may need a brain transplant, if no...then I just proved my point. 
You got rid of plastic bags but you still buy things in the store. Guess what? Those few plastic bags that you saved are nothing compared to all the plastic in your cart. Even your cardboard boxes can have plastic packaging inside. You just polluted with ten times more plastic than any bags ever could, but having no bags makes you cheer? Pfffft.
That wasn't too bad. I should take a nap at our pad.
"Quiet. I'm on a roll."
Here's one I swiped from Pat's phone. I agree with him, which is rare.
Nice Guys
The question of can't humans just be nice for the sake of being nice came up. Yeah, that person holding the door for you is being nice. That person who gave you an extra tip, probably being nice. That person who grabbed what you just dropped and gave it to you is being nice. And so on and so forth. That is nice for the sake of being nice. So yes, people can just be nice. BUT...
If one person is nice to you constantly, doing all the above things constantly, going out of their way to do all these things constantly for you, and not doing them for everyone else...then...THEY WANT SOMETHING! 
They could just be brown nosing for a promotion. They could be brown nosing to get in your will. They could just want some and hope to make their fantasy a reality after you see how wonderfully nice they are. Or...they could be a stalker. 
Stalkers aren't fun. I'm glad we aren't nice with our rhyming run.
"Let's make it three, shall we?"
She can rhyme for a time.
And we come back to humans and their one and only thing to talk about.
SPECIAL WEATHER BULLETIN (Great. The weather. I'd rather go cough up a bird feather.)
It seems that every human talks about the weather so much that lately it has been drowned out and not as news worthy. So what do the weather guessers do? They put the word "Special" in front of it and the humans come on running back.
2 cms of snow. SPECIAL WEATHER BULLETIN!!!Possibility of clouds. SPECIAL WEATHER BULLETIN!!!Chicken crossing road. SPECIAL WEATHER BULLETIN!!!
It would seem that the weather guessers lack definition training as much as they do weather predicting. If you use special for everything, wouldn't that make it not so special? Isn't special something that is more near and dear? A KFC special could come a calling, I suppose. 
Don't blame the humans, Cassie cat. They are also stuck on awesome, wonderful, and 50 other words like that.
"I'll blame who I want to blame. But yeah, they don't seem to see what is right in front of them. Maybe eye doctors are in short supply these days. Who knows. I'll give my thoughts a rest and go back to my nap now."
And that means I'll finish it out. Easy enough with a final shout.
Do you think people can be nice for the sake of being nice? Once in a while, but all the time, no dice? Ever have a stalker? Trust me, better to chase after an old person in a walker. Do you get 50 special weather statements at your pad? Maybe the weather guessers have gone mad? Are you cheering plastic bags being gone while buying tons of things in plastic still? Did your cheering just chill? I"ll let you answer while I go nap with Cass. She's almost as good at poking fun at you humans as my little rhyming ass.
The Blind Leading The Blind = Mankind!

Expect The Expected!

You flip a switch.The light comes on.Unless there's a glitch.Either way, no con.
Inanimate has the way.Does or doesn't and that's it.When it comes to the human fray,They are full of umm err spit.
This is what I want.This is what you must be.What? How dare you taunt.You have to completely accept me.
Thanks for offering to take me there.But we need to stop here, here, here, and here.Don't say no or it wouldn't be fair.All spots are somewhat, sorta, maybe near.
You should do this and this.I wouldn't do it though.But you do it or I'll hiss.I just wanted you to know.
This is for your benefit.I'll get the raise, but it's for you.That's how I presented it.Glad you don't have a clue.
This is what you should do.I don't have any but it is what should be done.Whether kids, cats, dogs, or a whole zoo.I know, because I know someone.
This is what I would do.What is it with you?I told you what was true.Why can't you get a clue?
My opinion is fact.It is just the way it is.Don't do another act.There will be no re-quiz.
You shouldn't write this.You shouldn't write like that.

Pffft...my ass you can kiss.So says the cat.
Don't you love it when such people says such things? There are sooooo many variations where so-called wisdom springs. When usually they are full of more than spit. Although some won't believe it. They think they walk on golden grass. Got news for them, I used it to relieve more than gas. Know any such users, know-it-alls, credit takers, changers, or just plain lazy people at your sea? I bet it is yes, as there are so many that they fall out of a tree. I kinda cheat rhymed once too. But pffft, think I care at my zoo? I think I'll stick with Cass and giving them sass. It is much more sane for my already crazy little rhyming ass.
Cut out the fat, as you don't have to live like that.

At The Start Or In The Middle Or In The Start Of The Middle

Would this be the start of the post or the middle of the posting on my blog or the start of the middle? If we dropped dead tomorrow or the internet went kaput, would it be the start of the end? Would you say yes, no, or maybe so? Would me answering for you by giving you only a few options make you stick to them or go with another just to stick it to me...or maybe stop my run-on questions? I better get to it before I run out of questions. Pffft do you believe that will ever happen? If you do, there is a bridge nearby that I can sell you for dirt cheap. Does that saying still work? Dirt doesn't seem to be cheap anymore. Unless you steal it from the giant litter box then maybe it is. Back to it before that dirty look you are giving me turns to dirty words. How'd we get on dirt again?

What started you on your writing journey? Was it a particular book, movie, story, or series? Was it a teacher/coach/spouse/friend/parent? Did you just "know" suddenly you wanted to write?

Is that all I can answer? Wouldn't that defy the question if you want to know if it was one of those? Are you trying to pigeon hole me? Did you think I would take it like that? What? Okay, I'll play.

Book - NOPE
Movie - NOPE
Story - NOPE
Series - NOPE(Couldn't the above three apply to this?)

Teacher - NOPE
Coach - NOPE
Spouse - What is this foreign word?
Friend - NOPE
Parent - NOPE

Suddenly...umm...if it was sudden would you really know? Wouldn't you have to know before hand for you to actually know? Does sudden and know work together? Suddenly I may end up getting those dirty words thrown my way again. But why did you eat mud? Does that make the words dirty? If words aren't physical can they be dirty? Right! On with it. I'll go back to the start.

What started you on your writing journey?

All because I started a blog pretending to be a rhyming cat. Now why wasn't that one of your next questions? I could have said yes then. Now that we have that cleared up, are you going to suddenly change the question? If you think of changing it before changing it would that still count as suddenly? Suddenly I've reached the end of the start or the middle or just hey diddle diddle.

Are you writing away? Did I ask too many questions? Are you into dirt? What started you on the writing and/or the dirt loving? See where things can go if I start to write away? Still got that bridge. Dirt cheap. Your dirt fetish will love it. Just saying...or typing. Kinda...sorta...maybe...the same thing. Not really. Really not really. Now I'm really done.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Happy New Number Day!

And here we are again. The time when humans pretend that everything will change at their den. They pretend things are fresh because of a number. Oh, things will be different as they slumber. Hey, at least some of that childhood imagination is alive. Even if you can only get it by taking some deep deep dive. Maybe the Tooth Fairy will show too. Hey, your teeth could be old and fall out, so may as well get some dough given to you.

Here's the magic day.Shout and go all hooray.For things are going to change.Doesn't that seem strange?
Nope? You touched in the head?Maybe you fell outta bed.That ought to be an excuse.Wait. Maybe you'll ask a moose.
Or get that golden goose.Let's go back to the moose.I hear it's on the loose.Like your magic lips or widening caboose.
What? We saw one.It wasn't fun.It was rather wide.Now back to the magic side.
Things will change.Back to the strange.Must you repeat?Can't I just hit delete?
Here we go.Eye roll in tow.You are going to...Not do anything new.
You will pretend.May even bend.Take in this or that.But then just chew the fat.
Back to the norm.That is the form.May as well sign it.For new is full of spit.
Yep. Your spittle and slime.For you wait for magic time.Then the snot flows.Right out your nose.
You cry and you moan.You're back to alone.Your resolutions didn't stick.Next magic day they'll surely click.
Pffffffffffft. Nothing is new but the number on the date. 2020 is nice looking to my OCD though out of the gate. But nothing will, is going to, or whatever the hell else humans say to make you think change will come. It is only going to come if you get off your bum. Whether the date says 2020 or 1933 or 2055. You want change? You'll have to do more than do some placebo deep dive. You can do it now or five months ago. No magic day is in tow. Nope. It's not fresh either at your sea. You still stink as much as you did yesterday so let the shower fly free. Are you a resolutions setter? Maybe you are also a platypus better? Same odds they tell us. Or do you hide it behind goals and not the resolution fuss? Good to have goals any day, but a number changing isn't going to make things magically come or go away. Unless you can change the numbers in the lottery draw. Then you and your billions can change many a flaw. Oh, and taxes will again come due. The new number let's the IRS get you. And you just got older as well. But that is every day where you dwell. Now that the cat has crushed all spirits with this cheery pass, I'll just continue on being an ever so poking fun at humans little rhyming ass.

Happy New Number Day Or Whatever They Say!

All In A Day!

There I was all comfy and rather warm.Sitting in my box to ride out the storm.

Pat was out with way too many a mutt.I can still smell them here at our hut.

The ground became covered with that yucky snow.Do you think that would stop them? Hell friggin no.

I knew they were coming from this little old bag.Nanny stopped me from diaper eating. She's such a drag.

So I climbed up to get a rather good look.Why do they insist on invading our nook?

I will admit they have some very yummy toys.Cassie said I was nuts. Pffft more for us boys.

Although she played when he came with that stick.She sure thought that was anything but ick.

I didn't miss my turn, even if it is all a blur.I kept my distance so he didn't germ up my fur.

But then I just had to go and get that yummy string.Cassie can go and play with some other old thing.

But he insisted on sharing with each kitty cat.He even called us both Cassie. How rude is that?

Pat came home just as I decided to rest.Although Cassie thought she'd put that to the test.

He read and kept the poop machines busy until night.Then they were sleeping and all was all right.

Pat then tried to make up to my little rhyming ass.For the moment anyway, I gave him a rather hard pass.
So that was my day as I dealt with each unwanted guest.Do any of you have anything you'd like to get off your chest?

A Merry One And All!

The cat must have a word with all...
"Of course you do, as you never shut up."
Quiet, Cassie. No one was talking to you. But you fit in. Don't worry.
"I won't...worry that is."
Go away. I'm talking. The cat will get his words in now.

While Pat was whining that his view went from this to...

This! Really? Who wants this? It does bring a few bliss. Back to me though.

I was dealing with this.
"You don't actually look to be dealing with him."
Shut it. It is beside me, so I'm dealing with it. Dealing with your big butt in the shot too.
"My big butt will squash you all merry like."

"Uncle Pattie, Orlin really likes that toy."
See? It interrupted me and is eyeing my toy. 
"I think he was just making an observation."
Nope. Everyone was after my toy.

See? You even wanted it. That is just rude. This sharing and merry stuff needs to take a hike. EVERYONE wanted my toy. EVERYONE!!!
"Drama queen."

"Not me. I have my eyes on another."
Who asked you?

Oh. Maybe he did. Just don't bring him here when you scare the pee out of him. Now back to my toy.

My toy! It's gone. What do you mean it was a Christmas present? I had it early? Oh well. Give it back. I can be merry. Hand it over. Nanny took it. Not fair.

See? I'm merry. Merry Fishing Christmas!
"You might want to stop before you dig a deeper hole."
Oh yeah. I'll dig a hole in the litterbox and leave Nanny something fun. On second thought...

It will be a Merry Christmas all right. Take my toy will she. When she's not looking this tree is coming down. I'll be rocking around the Christmas tree tonight. Just wait, Nanny. But if you put my present back here maybe we could come to some kind of arrangement. Just saying.
Yeah. I kind of stole the gift Nanny had hidden away for me. What? Why should I wait? It isn't like some jolly fat guy is going to care. He's too busy catching diabetes. But as I wait for my toy, and maybe or maybe not knock this tree down, I hope all out there in blogland have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, or just a few days off from the work grind. Nope. My toy still hasn't left my mind. I'm sure by next Christmas the thought will pass. Right now I have to go get into more trouble with my little rhyming ass.
Merry Everything everyone. Enjoy the holiday fun!

Balance The Score Forevermore!

Perfectly balanced as can be with a little plug for all to see. What? It's my hut. I balance how I like. But you humans sure make it take a hike. At least a few. Actually, more like a whole lot of you. We won't sugar coat it like those cookies you make. But in them the cat will partake. Baked goods are a win. If you don't put them away, I'll take em for a spin. Now on with the show. I have to show some balance, you know.
Balance is key.Balance is great.Balance ain't free.Sorry there, mate.
It's time for work.It's time to go.9-5 is such a perk.Wait...wait...although.
We need you more.We need you now.We need's the encore.Don't have a cow.
So you get home at ten.So you go back for six.I control the check pen,So do it and take your licks.
Kids can be raised by others.Your spouse can get love elsewhere.Screw the fathers and mothers,We only pretend to really care.
You're needed more.That must make you tingly.If not, there's the door.Go be poor and mingly. 
But balance was said?I don't remember that.You made that up in your head.Leave the balance to a cat.
Or those yoga fools.They are all bendy.You sit and use those work tools.No need to get trendy.
You want more pay?For doing what was asked?A job well done is all I'll say.Now get back to what was tasked.
Was that a nod?Great. I'm glad you agree.Follow every other cod.I have a golf game at three.
The cat has to roll his eyes as the word balance flies. I think many lost the meaning of it. Or they just have to take the shit. Have to pay the bills. Can't go head for the hills. Maybe there they have goat yoga though. Wouldn't that ruin the flow? Thankfully Pat doesn't bring goats home to do it. It's bad enough watching him do it as we sit. Anyway, back to the fictional balance of it all. Has your work life balance taken a fall? Was it ever even there? Are you just bendy and don't care? On this work stuff the cat is glad he gets a big pass. It all would annoy my ever-so-relaxed little rhyming ass.
If it's balance you seek, you may be up the creek.