Pat Hatt's Blog, page 227

Better Run As Deliverance Was No Fun!

Sadly today is the final guest and he is as strange as some of the rest. I guess I will have to go back to entertain you all myself after today at my shelf. But then that is what I always do and it is easy to do now that the move is through.

So did you guess today,
That you would hear a bearded hick play?
He is not as scary as Tuesday's guest.
But avoiding him in the woods is best.

No need for any pig talk.
On your two feet you would much rather walk.
So enjoy this strange fellow.
He is anything but mellow.

He goes right to town,
And deserves some sort of crown.
You certainly will not frown,
Unless of course he tries to make you wear a gown.

Are you scared yet?
Don't worry, you'll be safe I bet.
Just keep one eye open when you sleep.
Now here's the final guest at my keep.



Did you get up and do a hoedown and dance all around town? Or did you just plug your ears and gave him no cheers? So who was your favorite guest this week at my grass? Come on, you can be honest with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Today The Guest Is Crass At My Grass!

So today we go all the way back to the A to Z. This guest saw my U post and wanted to record it for me. I guess it struck a nerve. Or maybe he just doesn't like the hand of a perv. It was a hit back then, so let's see if it still is at my den.

The poor Fraggle outcast,
Wants to make the hand a thing of the past.
For even when he walks across the grass,
He still has a hand up his ass.

Have you caught on yet?
Do you remember the U post of this pet?
Well you are about to.
Say hello to the Fraggle outcast at my zoo.

He seems to have a pain,
Much like I described at my lane.
It just will not pass.
I hope it is not a big hand up his ass.

Especially if it were to linger,
Or one tried to give the finger.
I will go back to exploring the new place with Cass.
Enjoy a little tune by the Fraggle wannabe with a hand up his ass.




There, now is that not better than words alone? I know it has kind of a dark undertone. But how can you not love a Fraggle wannabe even when he's singing, if you can call it that, at my sea? Maybe other posts should be recorded to. Or was this enough for all of you? Tune in tomorrow at my grass for this week's final guest visits my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Danny Boy Wants Blogland Joy!

So after yesterday's guest I bet you thought it would be another strange one, as you know I like those the best. They let me watch you all cringe at my bay, which is fun to do for me at least every day. But not today. Instead of a typical whoopdi friggin doo display, you will all be sung about. This should be a mighty fine shout.

The cat wrote the tale,
But he was not about to wail.
I am too busy exploring my new shore.
Plus that is such a chore.

So I contracted out to an Irish lass.
She was happy to help out my little rhyming ass.
She thought it was fun to make fun of you to.
Oh the things the cat can get people to do.

Give a human a nudge in the right place.
They will surely break and off they'll race.
Doing what you want them to.
They won't even have a clue.

But now it is time for you to listen to a little ditty.
That delights this spotted kitty.
Should be interesting to see,
What retorts are left for me.



Sadly, Danny boy could not rhyme, that is the only crime with my time. But oh well, I got to cause all of you a little hell. Or maybe it backfired and you could be flattered by it. It could be a top ten hit. Sorry, no royalties will come to pass. All money goes to my little rhyming ass.

Fill you rummer, get drunk all summer.

A dVerse Convention Where I Did Not Even Get A Mention!

So as the cat explores his new place and Pat goes about an unpacking embrace, I think we missed out on something grand. There seems to have been a convention in blogland. I know you were all there. Don't try to deny it at your lair.

You tried to keep the cat away.
But I still found out at my bay.
That you all got together.
I hope you had good weather.

Did not think the cat would catch you,
Did you at your zoo?
But I caught on indeed.
I have the proof right below at my feed.

They even called you by name.
See how the cat has brought you fame.
From numb tongue to gawker,
It seems you all developed a stalker.

I think maybe it's two.
For there are that many in view.
You all really were a hit.
These newbies simply loved it.



So was that not truly dVerse? I suppose with moving I did curse. But this just proves there are things that are worse. I hope you all held onto your wallet and purse. That is what you get for meeting in mass and not inviting my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

In And Out As We Move About!

Get your mind from the gutter, I am snip snip so there is nothing to do with an utter. Oh that sounds like redneck speak. It could leave me up the creek. So what is the meaning today? Yes, it actually has one at my bay. A change of pace with my title embrace.

The meaning is we have to run.
Cassie and I think this is no fun.
But of course she sucks up a ton,
So isn't too bad under our sun.

But me, no way.
I want to stay.
No cage for me.
I don't want a new sea.

Catch me if you can, Pat.
I am one fast cat.
Damn it, you closed every door.
This is something of lore.

I can't even blog stuck in a cage.
That is not all the rage.
So I'll let this guy sing about my woes.
As I sit in a cage and pick my toes.



That is right! Finally moving to a new site. Moving on up I suppose. No east side so can't have that theme song in lyric rows. Instead I made my own above. Did it get any love? The cat will be in and out this week as we move to a new creek. But don't worry at all as there are some very special guests coming to my hall. Some better be afraid such images will never fade. Don't worry, the cat won't have any more class. I'll still be the same little rhyming ass.

Fill you rummer, get drunk all summer.

So Far Off The Edge, Come Back From The Ledge!

So now for all the masses they target glasses. Saw this the other day and yes, much is corrupt to those that have their head out of the sand at their bay, but this is just off the deep end. I so hope it doesn't start a new trend.

At your computer screen,
Your eyes become less serene.
Did you know radiation is at fault?
It seeps from your screens vault.

That is right!
Day and night,
It seeps into your eyes.
We are so wise.

Get a pair of glasses.
We have enough for the masses.
Even if you are not in need.
They will save you from radiation as you read.

They are radiation proof.
So don't be a goof.
Order right now.
So your eyes won't have a cow.

No no no!
We have our ducks in a row.
Forget what you know,
There at your show.

It is not because you spend hours focusing on the screen,
Instead of taking breaks and looking off into the distance at your seen.
That is just too wordy.
So flip that logic the birdy.

It is all due to that radiation stuff.
On your eyes it is so tough.
Buy our glasses now.
Then you will be safe as you bow.

We are not full of crap.
We will spread our word across the map.
Saving eyes for one and all,
At each and every hall.

Radition is a killer.
Don't look like a thing out of Thriller.
You want to see that curvy behind,
So don't risk going blind.

Order you pair today.
Keep the radiation away.
Don't believe what others say.
Save your eyes as you play.

Pfffffffffffffft now there is a huge load. Believe that and you may be in brains fall out mode. Theoretically it is possible for radiation to leak from the screen and hit you like a jumping bean. But the screen would have to be broken much. Even then it probably wouldn't turn on and such.  The heat from the laptop can kill sperm and such if sat on your lap. But this is nothing but a money trap. Eyesight gets worse because you look up close and not far away for so long, not because of this so called radiation song. More radiation, literally, comes to pass from what comes out your and my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Can't Grow? Sure You can At Your Show!

So many people including Pat, jump around to each blog mat, watching others with a green thumb, knowing they suck and then some. But you just have to have your eyes clear and I will help you do that with my little rhyming rear.

Can't grow a thing,
There at your wing?
Don't be such a liar.
You have so much to aspire.

For you can grow much.
You don't even have to reach out and touch.
Let's not get dirty.
I don't want some search engine nut getting flirty.

For you may not be able to grow a pretty flower.
But you can go for something in the shower.
Just look at that hair monster in the drain.
See, all you needed to do was let the hair rain.

But you can also grow weeds.
You don't even have the plant any seeds.
Just spread some ground,
And pretty soon they will be found.

That makes two.
See how I am helping you?
You want another?
So you can impress your mother?

My, aren't you greedy.
But I guess I can help the needy.
Quickly spread some water on your counter top.
Not too much, you'll know when to stop.

Then stick something on top of it.
A few weeks later your third hit.
You have a brand new batch of mold.
You can make penicillin and trade it for gold.

See you don't need a green thumb.
You can still sit on your bum.
Or you can just stand around and hum.
So there is no need to be glum.

But if this is still too much for you.
There is still one more thing you can do.
I warn you it is so very hard.
Simply, stop mowing the yard.

In your grass will grow.
Now you have lots to show.
Of course you may get plenty of grass stains.
But you'll save some clogged drains.

You can never say never again. For you can grow much at your den. It may not give those with a green thumb thrills and it could send them heading for the hills. But at least you can grow something at your sea. No need to thank little old me. Can you grow more than grass? You can confess to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer

Bring Them On At My Lawn!

You know people think they are being smart but really they have the brains of those people on that site about Walmart. But that you knew but did you know this at your zoo? People that are in direct competition with you pay others to give you a bad review.

His must look bad,
My must look good.
I'll hire some lad,
To make his sound like wood.

I hated this book.
It was oh so very bad.
The guy was really a crook.
I can't believe I paid this lad.

Oh this book is great.
This book is so grand.
Buy this one at any rate.
Ignore competition in the land.

Sadly they are generic as generic can be.
Yet people still think they work.
When it all actually,
They just give you an added perk.

Now you have another review,
And they all aren't gushing five stars.
That makes you seem down to earth at your zoo.
Soon you'll be riding in fancy cars.

Yet the one who hired the mook,
Will still be sitting there on their butt.
They will think your win is just a fluke,
And target others at their hut.

Yes, this is oh so very true.
There is many underhanded things going on,
Over at Amazon's and other book sites zoo.
But that is the same everywhere from dust to dawn.

I just hope no one gets mad,
That the bunny held up his finger.
So no fun is had.
I guess the finger stuck around to linger.

Oh my this is good.
This book is bad because there are no ads in it at the end.
My, give it one star you should.
They got off of the advertising trend.

Should I be insulted they don't hire good bad reviewers to insult me?
Pfffft bring it on I say.
Unless it is you playing that movie at my sea.
Then go far far far away.

There we go. Now you all know that a bad review comes to you, it could simply be the competition thinking it will give theirs a better view. But just remember the more they sass, the more they are afraid, just like they are of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Now I Really Hate The Other Sea When This Thing Greets Me!

So when we see the cage come out we run away not wanting to go out and about. But once a month or so Pat catches us and takes us to that other show. I hate those other cats but it is fun walking around and giving them bats. I get them right upside the head. They usually just go stay in bed.

And as far this dope goes,
I can also cause him woes.
I just grab his tail.
He can give off quite the wail.

Hey, they called them wieners for a reason.
So it is not that much of a treason.
He keeps coming back for more.
That is a mutt for you at your shore.
By now we have to deal with this.
This is not pure bliss.
She thinks she's a bat dog.
I hope she goes and gets lost in a bog. Of course she tries to look cute.
But she is not fooling this brute.
I will have my day,
And make this new mutt go away.
Cassie just hid under the bed.
Yes, the prissy one thought it was something to dread.
But I knew I would beat it.
After all it eats its own umm spit.
What? I was not hiding with her.
The thing drooled on my fur.
I was just biding my time.
Cleaning myself and thinking of a rhyme.
The win was mine.
Nothing can stop the feline.
The mutt never knew I know how to use the door.
I like that the doors have handles and not knobs at the other shore.
Yes, if your door has a handle and not a knob or some guard named Bob, I can easily open it if I stretch up. I am so much brighter than a pup. Of course that doesn't take much with what they eat and such. So while I explored the house she stood in the grass. All thanks to my ever so clever little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The Circus Is In Town, So Head On Down!

So a while ago at mail4rosey's show, she was going on about the circus and the scary things that can happen. Of course I helped out there with my yappin. But the cat had to share with all what can happen when you visit a circus hall.

Clowns, elephants, and rigged games, oh my!It is clear somebody is going to die.I mean the elephant could stomp you to death.A clown could use a balloon to suck out all your breath.
The ringmaster could choke you with his whip.A monkey could punch you and break your hip.Those things are stronger than they look,But if you had one at least you could stop a crook.
Like the rigged carnival games.You may as well put your money up in flames.Of course actually making it burn might take time,So you may as well fall for their crime.
But of course when you play,You could put an eye out at your bay.I mean the ball could bounce back in your face,Or go through the cardboard and hit somebody in another place.
Let's just hope you don't aim low.Was that a low blow?Damn the cat is good.Unlike the tigers at the circus hood.
They could get loose and eat you up,To them you'd be like poop to a pup.Quite the image there.Don't you now want to visit a circus lair?
Pack your bags and get ready to go,For a clown with a gun is about to show.But will it really say bang?Or will your bell the rang?
At least if it's the second you won't know,Unless again you only get hit down below.Or maybe the human cannonball,Will have a rather bad fall.
Except you'll be there to break his landing.After that you won't be standing.I'm sure the lions will take action.They will save you from being in traction.
And then you could walk past the clown,That had great big frown.So his flowers  spray you in the face,Except instead of water it could be mace.
All of that and more can happen when you visit a circus at your shore. Aren't you glad I told you everything about it? Now won't the circus be such hit? Also watch where you step along the grass. What is left there is much bigger than what comes out of my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.