Pat Hatt's Blog, page 223

And That Makes Two At My Zoo!

So I hope I have gotten better with age as each day a post graces my page. Don't get confused as we are still in season three of little old me. But this post is to celebrate two. Two of what you ask at my zoo? I guess you just will have to be patient that is all. And just read the writing on the wall.


I bet that at least one knows.
Hit every post even when the cat watched crows.
At least with the longest run,
At the moment under my sun.

But now back on to the two,
That could be confusing many of you.
Don't look down at your shoes.
Having to have those should not be news.

Same goes for your socks.
Brian, even mismatched ones won't get any head cocks.
At least not here.
Yes, you humans have two buns on your rear.

But I really don't want to go there.
That is the last thing I want to see bare.
Enough with the two body parts.
You aren't going to get anywhere at your carts.

What was that you say?
You need something on display?
That I guess I can do.
It may even give you a clue.



Does that help you some?
Or are you still playing dumb?
Nope, wrong once more.
It isn't two cats at my shore.

I just put that there to get some attention.
Plus the cat's ego likes to get a mention.
It has gotten pretty big, I know.
But today makes it really grow.

Very few have done this task.
What is it I hear you ask?
I guess I can tell you now.
I know it will truly wow.

Today marks the two year mark,
Of when I started posting every day at my park.
Have not missed a day in two whole years.
I think that deserves my rhyming cheers.

Yep, two whole years and I have not missed a single day. Not many can say that at their bay. Who knows if I'll keep it up for another year or maybe will be here after eight more when I give ten a cheer. I guess we will have to wait and see what comes to pass from my every day little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A dVerse Ear Comes Near!

So as Pat walks down the hall he hears more than a cat call. Many around are rather loud. Some are also rather proud. He kept some in his head of what they said and now the cat will put this dVerse post to bed.

"Take that you ****ing noob."
Think he shot the noob in the boob?
"I have a story to tell"
I bet it is swell.

"Eww ee ahhh."
Plug my ears with my paw.
"Today I am going to do it."
Didn't we already cover that bit?

"Why are you such a pain in the ass?"
 Someone pissed off a lass.
"It is going to rain today."
Thanks for the weather report at my bay.

"Sorry, I stepped on your..."
Just left me hanging a little after four.
"There are two ways this could go."
Obviously watching a TV show.

"Hi honey."
Must be a cat, voice went funny.
"Take your pills today?"
Yes, but thanks anyway.

"Parking there is a bitch."
I feel that itch.
"Brian, did the KFC give you gas?"
Wow the gawker is here taking a pass.

"I can't believe you spent that money."
Won't be calling her honey.
"If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck."
It's a goose crap outta luck?

"Why do you have so many shoes?"
Women and shoes, this is news?
"How many times have you tried that?"
Well if exercise is involved they won't get fat.

"We are out of coffee!"
Oh no, there is a coffee stealing spree.
"That is not what you do with that."
Any guesses? Stumps the cat.

"Cry me a river."
All that water may make me shiver.
"It is not out yet."
Did it get caught in a net?

And that was some of what Pat heard as he walked by each day. Most of them keep things at bay. But some are easy to hear. They just make us peer. Some are also very crass, it hurts the virgin ears of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

It's Number Three Featuring Me!

So it's about time for another book to be shown at my nook. Did you think I would miss a month at my sea? Pfft I have them lined up until well after the Christmas tree. But this one is the longest I have done with the children's book run. And of course it stars little old me, not to mention Cassie.

This time we are out and about,
When we hear a shout.
It is some baboon,
Selling a balloon.

So we try to get some,
As I beat the war drum,
For Pat's birthday.
In real life that is far away.

But for the sake of the story,
We go with it in all its glory.
And of course things don't go swell.
From the pics below can you tell?







Click here to have fun with my rear. (You know what I mean. Don't make a scene.
Yeah, we are in for a fight.
For those balloons made us take flight.
Now we ended up in the wild.
Things don't end up being mild.

So join in on adventure number three,
With me and Cassie.
As we take that anteater down,
And try to get home to our part of town.

There we go, that makes 19 at our show. 20 will come due next month from me. Maybe even 22 will hang from my tree. I guess we shall wait and see as the cat is a busy bee. But more will surely come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Pound Or Rope? Either Way You Have No Hope!

So I could be all clean like Mary but I would rather be contrary. dVerse wants sayings of some kind? I got those coming out my behind. Let's see what can come to pass as I burn the candle on both ends like that Mary lass.

Go Pound Sand Up Your Ass
Now that is rather crass.
I wonder who made that up.
Did they watch a pup?

Maybe they were at the beach,
And went around to reach,
There they found lots of sand.
I bet they figured it wasn't grand.

So they used it from that point on,
To get people off their lawn.
I bet it would be hard to do.
But never trying at my zoo.

Go Piss Up A Rope
Now that would not be dope.
Can it even be done?
It would just be no fun.

They would not say 'there's mud in your eye."
Something else they'd surely spy.
While you sat and had a cry.
Should not try to piss up a rope, fyi.

Did you know it was a song?
Piss up a rope can do no wrong.
Kinda catchy too.
But only an adult should view.

Better To Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On.
I can see how that would dawn.
It is very true too.
Hand and hand could go the last two.

You can wish in one hand and shit in the other than tell me which on fills up first.
My, that is one long arse burst.
I guess if wishes were shit.
You have quite a bit.

You couldn't poor piss out of your boot with the instructions on the heel.
So wordy, what is your deal?
But all of these turn out rather ewww.
So balls on a heifer is all I have left to say at my zoo.

Damn, dVerse made me go all dirty today. Not even any gutter at play. Blame them for that. It is not the cat. Wait! The pound sand one I seem to have at my gate. Said the rope one too at any rate. Okay, you can blame me for being crass. I am such a dirty little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

When It Comes Listen To The Hums!

Can't think of an idea at your sea? Then one comes in a flash oh so suddenly. But what happens when it comes when you don't want it to? Much fun can surely ensue.

Driving alone down the road,
Radio in full blast mode.
Flipping off drivers here and there.
Then an idea pops in by the pair.

Slam on the brakes,
That is all it takes,
So you can write down and remember.
Sadly, a crash may leave you unable to write until November.

At a party getting drunk.
Trying to work yourself out of a funk.
You shoot another one back.
Then an idea gives a whack.

You try to write it on a napkin or your hand.
But you can't make it out in your land.
Shouted out to a friend.
But with your slurs they think you are around the bend.

Could even come when doing the humpty hump,
As you feel up each umm clump.
Yes, come did not escape my sight.
But the gutter is a whole other plight.

You could get lucky and it doesn't last long,
You can quit playing human ping pong.
But if you are rather screwed,
My choice of words is rather rude,

But I don't really care,
I'll go just about anywhere.
Anyway, you could just scratch it on your partners back.
Although then things could get bloody at your shack.

Could be in line at the grocery store.
I know that is far less fun at your shore.
But in between the Cheerios and hot dogs,
Around could go the wheels on the cogs.

You could ask for a pen and paper.
But they would probably charge you for such a caper.
So just steal a diaper from the screaming kid in line.
It beats having to scratch it on someones spine.

See, where there is a will there is a way.
I just thought I would point that out today.
Thankfully my head is always full of stuff.
So if I lose one it is not so rough.

Have you ever done any of that at your mat? It is okay to admit even if one came when you were swapping spit. Today I was a little crass. But it so delights my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Some Days In Many Ways!

That saying it is just one of those days, can be taken lots of ways. Let's see how many I can do as I go about it at my zoo.

Some days are good,
Some days are bad.
Some days the wood,
Is not there to be had.

Some days you get burnt,
Others you get bent.
But at least you can say you learnt,
Where not to pitch a tent.

Some days fly by,
Some days go slow.
But look to the sky,
And see the ducks in a row.

Some days are old,
Some days are new.
Just dig for gold,
But don't turn blue.

Some days are young,
Some days are obsolete,
Let things be hung.
Unless you have flat feet.

Some days are silly,
Some days are crappy.
So just go all willy nilly,
But make sure it's snappy.

Some days are up,
Some days are down.
Just put something extra in your cup,
And you will never frown.

Some days have no time,
Some days have too much.
But well in your prime,
Try hard in the clutch.

Some days are gone,
Some days will come.
There is always a con,
So walk as you hum.

Some days are alive,
Some days are dead.
As long as you survive,
Don't worry your pretty little head.

Some days I go all different ways. Did any of that sound dirty as you gaze? My words are like a maze with my rhyming craze. Now I will go eat some grass as today I am a hungry little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Gone Wrong As They Sing Their Song!

Today we will see how they go wrong when they sing their same old song. I guess technically they are not the same, but they are far less tame. I still skip them either way. But I can still make fun at my bay.


Don't you want to drink,
Something that has the link,
Of taking a piss?
That is just something you can't miss.

And it's okay to be a thief,
Maybe even give subjects grief.
You just have to be king,
Plastic face and all at your wing.

Brains are overrated.
We'll get someone who's deflated.
That will sell a ton.
Haircuts are overrated under any sun.

This makes me pity the mutt.
We can't have that at any hut.
Too small to even sniff up a butt.
Poor guy is in a rut.

 They even declare it is okay to be a flasher.
Or maybe that's just a McDonald's trasher.
I'll go with the first one.
He looks the type for such a thing to be done.

Let's now take a moment to embrace,
The life of the double face.
One head is not enough.
It takes two to have the right stuff.

Is that redneck speak?
I'd never go near the creek.
Nothing will come to pass,
Up my little rhyming ass.

And yes let's spend money on money.
That will make things so sunny.
If I had a nickel for every time I said that,
I'd have shoe at my mat.

Makes you feel so safe.
I bet the seat surely does chafe.
At least they were able to get it off the ground.
I figured they would just tow it around.

And best of all help the NRA.
Don't buy clothes at your bay.
Just go out and buy a gun.
Don't be stupid, have fun.
See the cat can watch commercials to. Now you know what I get out of them at my zoo. Not a whole hell of a lot. At least the gun covered up things that may have been hot to trot. Now I am done with my commercial sass. So I will go protect my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Some Fun Facts Again Here At My Den!

So today away we will go with another little ditty of did you know. For there are plenty of weird and wacky facts out there. They provide plenty of ammo for my lair.

Bananas are more than just a toy.
They can cure stress and anxiety to bring joy.
In Japan most cell phones are waterproof.
So when they talk in the shower nothing will go poof.

Shower sexting the next rage?
I will move on at my page.
In 1939 the New York Times predicted TV would fail.
I wonder what they said about email?

In one day your heart beats 100,000 times.
No wonder heart aching is such crimes.
Everybody loses millions of skin cells every day.
So you are technically all over your bay.

The thigh bone is stronger than concrete.
So I am stronger than the street?
A chameleon's tongue is 1.5 times the length of itself.
I bet it could eat an elf.

Cows can sleep standing up.
That must make a jealous pup.
An adult African elephant eats 600 pounds of food a day.
Would not want to be behind him in the grocery store at any bay.

If you eat a polar bear liver you will die.
Yep, go to that place in the sky.
A male giraffe will headbutt the female in the bladder until she goes.
Then he gives it a taste, and if she's in heat, he strikes a humpty hump pose.

Abalones is a snail,
That can go without fail.
For it has five assholes.
How would you even decide on such goals?

The word facetiously contains all five vowels in order.
Did you know that across the border?
Honey and Twinkies are alike.
They never spoil and need to take a hike.

The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when he goes.
Can you say there he blows?
Cats sleep for 70% of their lives.
At least we are never tired at our hives.

There is a so-called immortal jellyfish to.
It can go all fountain of youth at its zoo.
And one that you may not know.
A cat can rhyme on the go.

I bet you knew all but that last one right? Or should I reverse that at my site? So now more facts have come to pass. I have upped your knowledge but there is no need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A dVerse Game Not So Tame!

So for dVerse we are going to play a game. Warning, it may not turn out so tame. Now we go to all of you where only a few lines can come due. That is right. Only allowed for two lines to come to light.

There we were in the dead of night.
I saw some bats take flight.
Hank: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Don't interrupt or I will show you the claw.

As I was saying, there I was in the dark.
Not even a dog out to bark....
Terry: "What happens if I press that?"
You people are really annoying the cat.

Brian: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
I think it is time I lay down the law.
Folklore: "What happens if I press that?"
You will put your finger in scat.

It will turn very brown.
Now all of you leave my crazy town.
Keith: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Do you want me to smack you in the jaw?

Manzanita: "What happens if I press that?"
An anvil will drop on your head and squash you flat.
Truedessa: "What happens if I press that?"
Your lips will be stapled shut and you can't blabber at any mat.

Alex: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Quiet ninja wannabe or on your guitar strings I'll gnaw.
Mary: "What happens if I press that?"
I'll send you a nice dead rat.

Lucy: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Yes, it was a grocery store so you can now pick up your jaw.
Yolanda: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Only if you like cowboys that give a yee haw!

The Silver Fox: "What happens if I press that?"
Orson will sit on your head like a hat.
Anne: "Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Was it a rabbit eating your gardens raw?

Adam:"Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Yes, that guy really can't draw.
Rosey:"What happens if I press that?"
You will wind up with a permanent tat.

Klahanie:"Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Maybe Penny will whack you with her paw.
Susan:"What happens if I press that?"
You will get swarmed by a gnat.

Waffles:"Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Does whining count as breaking the law?
Farawayeyes:"Did I see what I think I just saw?"
Sadly, having no shoes on your feet is a flaw.

Betsy:"What happens if I press that?"
All your cats will call you fat.
Al:"What happens if I press that?"
Nothing, a sidewalk loo is rather flat.

Elsie:"What happens if I press that?"
You get a nice present on your doorstep from the cat.
Damn, this really went to hell.
Next time be nice and at least ring the doorbell.

Could you guys not think of any other lines? You have less of a vocabulary than monkeys swinging from vines. I guess I'll have to put some traps in the grass. That will keep your two lines away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

It's A Sign That's Not So Divine!

The cat was out and about and saw a sign or two that came into view. So now he has to share them all with you. I hope some of them aren't true.


 I bet that gift shop,Really goes pop.Many females may dig,If they are so big.

Well at least you know,Where to go.If you are dumb,And drive with rum.

 A good thing to keep in mind.Or a gun you may find.Right to your head.Should have stayed in bed.

Tell me how you really feel?Could spin a wheel.Complete jack ass,Could make a pass.

Will I need a new car?Will my door be ajar?Or will I just be dead,With lots of lead?

What the duck?That is just my luck.I went one way.Which one? Not telling at my bay.

Now that is the opposite we are told.Told to avoid that thing of gold.Oh wait!You mean my souls fate.

Hmmm so I guess mimes don't count?They have to pay the full parking amount?They may flip you off.You may even make them cough.

Damn, I looked at it.Isn't that some spit.I want the Spanish one.Then I can say I don't understand when something illegal is done.  
Well that is helpful, thanks!You are as great as banks.So I need to go in front of the back?You better not lie at your shack.
Now you know that when these great pieces of artwork show, you can follow the rules or just sit and watch them confuse fools. Next they will make a sign for bass trying to tell me not to eat them with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.