Pat Hatt's Blog, page 219

The Joys Of Toys!

Now a days toys can do much, they can sing and dance and such. But kids are really missing out. They don't know what toys are really all about. The cat has to help them out a bit with a toy fit.

Who needs a remote control,
You could be on a roll.
Who needs batteries anyway.
Just grab a toy and play.

Sit there and one by one,
Having a little light fun.
Take peg after peg and stick it in a screen.
Hours later your light bright work will be serene.

Don't need any hammer,
Instead pick up a slammer.
Hit those cardboard round things.
The Pogs will fly like they had wings.

Oh my God!
It's a hot rod.
That you have to push.
Looks like you'll have to get off your tush.

And why not pretend to be an ape?
But no cheating and using tape.
One by one you must connect.
A barrel of monkeys you can't neglect.

Look it is a pig with a hole.
Filling it is your goal.
Oops, it won't count by itself.
Pull the calculator from the shelf.

Now you have a dog.
It sits there like a bump on a log.
You also have to move that.
At least you won't get fat.

Look it is a Monopoly game.
But this one is oh so lame.
You have to count the money too.
There is no electronic version for you.

An Atari, wow.
We are getting somewhere now.
Two whole buttons you have to press.
Is that hard? Come now, confess.

It's a thing they call a puzzle.
Sorry to a computer screen you can't nuzzle.
Have to take the pieces and put them together.
How are these toys you ever going to weather?

The cat just had to make fun. At least I never used a cap gun. Those things make me run. But better than being Rosey and getting shot in a bun by a BB one to I suppose. Oh the butt cheek woes. Now I will go play with my singing bass. I can just sit and stare at it with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Brains Are Bad And Quite Mad!

So dVerse wants to prove to all that things are not scary at each Halloween hall. Theresa is plenty scary I have to say. She could give one second hand smoke at her bay. After all she was put into a pipe and smoked. I bet Boney choked. Anyway, here is the scariest of all. Gor the killer brain is at my hall.


He's from far away.He's here to stay.Whoops, no room.Here comes the doom.
Gor will get you.He won't go boo.You'll get the stink eye.Then you'll just cry.
For you will fry,That's no lie.Those Arous dwellers,Are tough sellers.
So lock your door.Avoid the shore.The floating brain,Has much to gain.
Beware the air head.Could brainwash you instead.Put you through a strainer.That is a no brainer.
He might just be kind,Giving you a piece of his mind.But don't get ahead of yourself. He could really be a magic elf. All brains no brawn.What a long con.Don't lose your head,It just needs to be fed. Give the brain a book.It will no longer sook.Instead go all Johny Five.Input and it's alive. The brainless already float by.What's one more in the sky?Won't even notice Gor.He just adds one more. Brains before beauty.Don't get snooty.Wanted: Theresa's Lost Mind!Floated away, she's in a bind. Do you mind? Wait, don't mind my behind. Pay no mind to the Krang wannabe. Mindless as a stump is he. I won't mind my own business though. Theresa needs to find her mind too at her show. The cat just wants to help her out. Mind yourself and if you see her mind shout. I may be out of my mind at my grass but as least my mind has not taken off from my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.

Let's Give New A Hand Here At My Land!

So you see it every day in some form or another at your bay. A sign that says "New" then blabbers on about some crap. It is the same across each and every map. Heck, just look at the map to and you will be bombarded with new.

First there is New York.
Dropped years ago by a stork.
Anything that age would be old.
I guess it is just new and bold.

A brand new house.
It doesn't even have a mouse.
But it looks the same as the one next door.
It even has the exact same floor.

A new show this year.
This one will cause fear.
Cop A is going after Bad Guy B.
Hasn't that been done at CBSpinoff's tree?

A brand new car.
You can drive it far.
It is the newest of the 10,000 made.
It's newness will never fade.

Some brand new food.
I don't mean to be rude,
But it looks the same as what I just ate.
It is even on last night's plate.

A brand new phone.
Why does it have the same ring tone?
That version 5.5.5.5,
Looks oh so worthy of new at your hive.

A brand new flower,
Appeared after a shower.
My, it looks great.
Which is the new one again of the 50 at your gate?

Brand new book.
Have to give it a look.
Guy kills girl, girl kills guy, guy comes back from the dead and eats other guy.
That has so been done under the sky.

Brand new remake.
We wanted a second take.
Remake and new in the same phrase?
Something wrong with that as you gaze.

Brand new sale.
So hit the trail.
It will still be brand new next week.
But you should still have a peek.

New is thrown around a ton and all give it a run, but as much rather new at any zoo? New friend, baby, pet and new is a safe bet. New can be relative I suppose like growing grass. Anyway, there was a new rhyme from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I Will Not Lie As I Answer The How Do I?

On October 24th, 2013 at 9:35am Atlantic time reached the 1 millionth person to view a rhyme!
The cat has been asked here and there how he keeps it all up at his lair. Oh that sounds rather dirty and a bit flirty. But I'm snip snip, so pick up your lip.

How do you keep it up?
Have special coffee in your cup?
Nope, not even one glass.
Care to try again at my grass?

You must have a clone.
That is why there is never a ring tone.
Do I look like a ninja wannabe,
Too shady to let his clones free?

You hire out.
That is how you have time to shout.
Umm with what money I say,
A cat does not get any pay.

The cat has a litter.
So he uses the babysitter.
Using a babysitter you say?
My, someone's in the gutter today.

You can stop time.
So you can keep up the daily rhyme.
Very out of the box with that one.
But nope, although it would be fun.

You wrote 1000 posts before you decided to blog,
So now everything rotates like a cog.
My, I must have really been on it,
With some posts I was able to tell the future a bit.

You have a machine that hooks up to your brain,
Then it transfers thoughts to your blog lane.
Damn, that would be nice.
I bet it costs a hefty price.

You force neighborhood kids to do it.
Not paying them one bit.
Now there is a plan.
I could round up a whole clan.

You just don't sleep.
Easy enough answer at your keep.
Cat's sleep 70% of their life.
So wrong, sorry for the strife.

I give up.
Let's go back to the coffee cup.
Some nice guesses there.
But actually it is far more rare.

Ready to hear the cat secret at his bay? It may cause you a little dismay. So go now if you don't want any strife, I don't want to rule your life. This blog is all in your head. Yep, that is what I said. Really there is nothing here at all. You all just have a rhyming syndrome at your hall. I hear it also causes a case of gas. Now I wiggle off with my imaginary little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Glitch of A Witch Part Fourteen, The Clouds Are Not Serene!

As we appeared in some cloudy place, looking like a heavenly embrace, we all checked to make sure we didn't go crazy like the ninja wannabe, and thankfully we were the same and had not joined the ninja wannabe's crazy spree. I figured it was just him. Maybe one day his bulb began to dim. But how could this be as we now were in the clouds. I guess it beat standing before Betsy's zombie crowds.

"Drazin is home. Drazin is back to Drazin's throne where the great god Duke Drazin will rule all."

"Someone has grown quite the complex."

"Is the demon constipated?"

Pat was back on his King Arthur kick. But Drazin did look like he was going to be sick. I guess that is just the smile of a bald godly mook. All but him knew he was not even the equivalent of a Duke. But we had no time for that as out came some optimistic nut with a weird looking hat.

"What are you supposed to be? God?"

"No, my feline friend. I am Optimistic, I am the question maker, I am peace and love, but my friends call me Keith."

"And you say Drazin has too many names for Drazin's self."

The optimistic clown spun around and began to frown. He actually had a second hack on the back of his head. Why did this guy ever bother to get out of bed?

"No, my feline enemy. I am Pessimistic, I am the answer maker, I am war and death, but my friends still call me Keith."

"Demon, you are easier to understand than this strange little man."

We each took a side and walked around this guy. We figured out it must be different if you live in the sky, as he had no back or butt. He was a two faced optimistic, pessimistic nut. Yes, he had a face on either side of himself. Who let this weirdo off the shelf? It was like the devil and an angel on each shoulder, except this guy was way more bolder.

"So cloud man thing, can you point to the way out?"

"I may be able to."

"I won't do it for you."

"I might do it for you."

"No, I won't."

Even Drazin was thrown for a loop with this guy and his goobly goop. Talk about having a conversation with yourself. We figured we would get more help from an imaginary elf. So we left him chatting all optimistic and pessimistic like and began our cloud hike. But it was like one big maze. After an hour walk we were back in his gaze.

"Drazin has had enough of this two faced thing."

"I thought you were home? Don't you know how to find the exit of your own house?"

"Shut up, Fleabag."

Drazin marched over and grabbed the nut by his optimistic neck. Even with two faces he was not playing with a full deck.

"Tell Drazin where the exit is or Drazin will leave you with only one face."

"I think the exit is to the left."

"Don't listen to that idiot, he is always wrong. Go right!"

This was clearly getting us nowhere. All we could do was sit and stare. How did this guy even go? Wait! I probably do not want to know. Drazin kept whacking him in the face. I think he wanted to put the optimistic one in its place. That is when Pat noticed the static he gave off after each whack. He smiled and also went on the attack.

"Demon, we have to hit them at the same time."

"Drazin is fine with that."

The two kept whacking the optimistic and pessimistic parts of this guy and the static sure began the fly. It was like he was melding together. Soon he spun around like a tornado in bad weather. Pat and Drazin jumped back, lying in wait. That is when the nut revealed his true fate.

"Ahh, I thank you. No longer am I pessimistic or optimistic. I am now realistic."

"Great! A third voice. Keep it up and you will soon have as many as the Fleabags human."

'Quiet, Demon."

We both trotted up behind Pat and the realistic nut threw away his weird hat. He then smiled and started to yap. He kind of did it in a bad sort of rap.

"To get from here,
To over there.
You have to have no fear,
Become more than a pair.

Jumped together,
Jump as one.
Any stormy you can weather.
And get things done.

No way you lose,
No way you die.
Unless the wrong path you choose.
Then you all die."

He spun around once again and then poofed out of sight at his cloudy den. We knew he made no sense at all. So we decided to split up and each try another hall. Once again we all ended up back in the same spot. This idea was not going so hot.

"Drazin is sick and tired of this Piss Pot Place."

"Say that three times fast, godly mook."

"Demon, can barely say it once."

The three of them argued for a while and that is when my brain started to run a mile. the realistic nut was trying to tell us something with his realistic rut. Why do they always have to be so cryptic and crap? I see him again and I'll give him a slap. I told them all the plan and none of them were a fan. Well the three of us were fine, but Drazin did not think it divine.

"If you tell anyone about this, Drazin will skin you alive, Fleabags."

"Being this close to a godly mook is punishment enough. I'll have to lick myself for a week."

"Stop moving so much, Demon."

Pat crawled up on Drazen's shoulders the best he could, holding each of us like a piece of wood. We stood there expecting being as one to work, for of this whole mess that was the only perk. Sadly, it did not work at all until Drazin started bouncing like a ball.

"Drazin isn't going to like this."

"Demon, that makes two of us."

We bounced around for a while and ended up in something rather vile. The four of us were now as one. It was scary by a ton. One body and four heads on display, which body part was which who could say. But there was something there to grip, so I knew that was not mine, as I am snip snip.

"Drazin feels dirty."

"I really need some bleach."

"At least now the godly mook has brains above his shoulders."

We argued with each other for quite a while and this predicament was still very vile. We finally decided the best way to get out of it was to try a spinning fit. We spun in place and before long we were all singing a new song. Like screaming as we went through the clouds and start to fall toward the ground. I hope that optimistic, pessimistic, realistic, love, death, war, question nut who can be called Keith, gets bit somewhere tender by a hound.

********************************

Wow, who knew we could all become one? Who knew Keith was bat strat crazy by a ton? Who knows where we will land. Maybe in some giant litter box sand. After all of this I have more than gas I need to pass from my adventurous little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Gives You A Clue!

Robbie Raisin is here, so have no fear, if you are late there are plenty of others who can relate. But here today on Whoopdi Friggin Doo. I am going to be nice and help all of you. So get ready for your best costume ever. After this you will swear I am clever.

 
Need a pop?Well forget the gum drop.Just chew the fat.Aren't I a dirty rat?
 
If you get drunk,Don't sleep in your trunk.Test your breath here.Blow into that center gear.
 
Catch the big one.Have tons of fun.Don't even need a pole.I guess that depends on the role.
 
Get a wish.Instead of a fish.Rub a ton.A wish may be spun.
 
A good vibration.At your station.With a big vibrator on hand.Would that not be grand?
 
Announce a bun in the oven.After some lovin.Or say you want one.Then have fun.
 
She can play with Captain Pat Hatt.Dressed like that.With one yank,Could walk the plank.
 
This sounds like a deal.You can spin this roulette wheel.Then you may win.Either way it's a sin.
 
Anita Waxin time.Folklore knows that is a crime.But then she does it the redneck way.Still doesn't sound like fun at any bay.
 
Or you could just get spooned.And maybe even mooned.Spooned and mooned,Beats being marooned.
So there you have it today. Robbie Raisin is spicing up each bay. Don't every say I never helped you out, with my Whoopdi Friggin Doo shout.

******************
Hmmm he was helpful today I suppose, if you humans want to curl your toes. Maybe get weak in the knees. Bah, I'll just send you fleas. Any perk you up today on display at my bay? I may not want to know what comes to pass. I'll go back to cleaning my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A dVerse Mash That Is Quite The Bash!

So today for dVerse it seems those that are hit with some bad guy curse, want to come out and play. And they would not leave my bay. So I gave them all fleas and away they did breeze.

First came the Shredder.
He had a doubleheader.
Carrying some brain thing.
Krang was all it could sing.

Then there was a zombie lurking.
It left the cat smirking.
For it had clean feet,
As it hobbled down the street.

Next was some vampire.
I knew the situation was not dire.
When it brushed Lady and the Tramp.
So on my neck it did not clamp.

A pirate came due.
He wanted the loot at my zoo.
But I just kicked out his peg leg,
And no longer did he beg.

Then came some cackling witch.
She sure deserved to itch.
Running her mouth about some apple.
Drown her in Snapple.

Then came a Bush.
I wanted to give him a push,
Right in front of a car.
But I just sent fleas from afar.

Another Shredder was in sight.
I bet there was going to be a fight.
But all they did was shake.
Shredder #2 looked like he just ate cake.

Some thing with robot eyes,
Next gave some scary cries.
But I took his batteries away,
No longer did it bother my bay.

Then came the worst of all.
A dog tried to get into my stall.
No, not even a real mutt.
It was was a human cross at my hut.

After that I slammed the door.
I did not want to see anymore.
A human and a dog.
What next? A cute fluffy hog?

It has been a while since I wrote this one under my rhyming sun. For it has been stuck in draft for almost a year, had to wait for the next Halloween to draw near. Saw these creepy things last year. They were something to fear. Especially cake face who wanted an embrace. No way is that coming to pass. I scurried away with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I Thought It Was Bad When They Got Weepy But This Is Just Creepy!

So the cat is going here and there when he noticed something disturbing at his lair. There are nut jobs out there by the ton. But that you knew under your sun. Now they just give a creepy encore and a whole lot more.

You don't like that character on your show.
You want them to go.
Meaning wind up dead.
You want a zombie to rip off their head.

You even smile when they do it.
With you that is such a hit.
Then for others they may weep,
For fake characters at their keep.

Key word there is fake.
As in all made up from take to take.
And I can see, in a way, the weepy.
But no damn way the creepy.

For there are some out there,
Who really really care.
Now they have taken to the message boards,
To cheer the zombie hordes.

And anything of the like,
Then they ask for your head on a pike.
No, not the character in the show.
They want the actual actor/actress to go.

Yep, these people are so bright,
They hide within the night.
Then utter death threats to the real one,
Who plays the character they find no fun.

Some have even had to hire bodyguards.
As they don't know what is in the cards.
Could find a nut at the corner store.
Can't even go out to explore.

Nuts have been there through the ages.
But now with anonymous Internet pages.
They can utter death threats to their delight,
From mommy's basement at night.

And for stupid things to,
That they see in view.
A serial killer character is fine.
But a wife who stands up to her husband is not divine.

Oh no, we can't have that.
Think of the chaos at your mat.
Lets utter a death threat to keep that at bay.
Pffffffffft lock them all in a rubber room I say.

So not only do these idiots lose brain cells watching reality TV, but they also let death threats for real people who play made up people fly free. All for something as stupid as the above. I guess if your fake husband is a crack pot you should still show fake love. You humans are a crazy mass. Stay far away from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Mind Of A Child Runs Wild!

So today dVerse wants the cat to go childish at his sea. Umm is that any different than any other day for me? I suppose not. but I'll pretend it is a new plot. So away we go with a childish show.

That little rat,
Ate my cat.
Fur and all,
Like his ball.

Cat in a dog.
Dog with a clog.
Controlled by a cat,
How about that?

Bark into meow,
Run from a cow.
Grass into holes,
For potty strolls.

Climb up a tree,
Swat at a bee.
No longer eat poop,
Or follow the troop.

Stare at a hawk,
Forget a walk.
I need to lick,
Keep the stick.

Cat in a dog,
One big clog.
But how to pass,
More than gas?

Chew on a string?
Give pest control a ring?
Hawk it up,
To be a free pup?

Trust the talking toaster,
Use a help wanted poster.
Along comes a flea,
Dancing with glee.

Ears like a bat,
Under a hat.
Pop your eyes,
Tell no lies.

Open the door,
To something more.
Leap off a cliff,
So butts you can sniff.

Land on a beach,
Rat in reach.
Out comes the cat,
How about that?

Cat out of dog,
Goodbye clog.
Rat in a cat,
How about that?

There you go with my childish flow. Just what came due here at my zoo. And now I have to go back to crass before I get to be too childish of a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

More Crap They Try To Make Take A Nap!

No matter where you go there is something that is going to get you at your show. But you are literally being gotten each day, as you sit about your bay. Just sit back as we go on the attack.

Curly light bulbs are great.
They save energy at any rate.
But who cares if they poison you.
Away the radiation hits you on cue.

Think the fight between Plasma and LCD TV,
Is just how you view and see?
Plasma actually irradiates the crap out of your home.
Bet they didn't tell you that under their Sony dome?

North Americans are so great.
We just put our heads in the sand and accept the fate.
Unlike Sweden and every other sensible place.
Who monitor this shit and don't embrace.

I bet if you took an EMF reader through your home,
You'd curl your nose up at where you roam.
Because guess what?
You have plenty of this crap at your hut.

Did I already say that?
I am such a silly cat.
But then some need to be told it twice,
Thinking everything is oh so nice.

Right! I say,
Pull your head from more than the bay.
I could get crass,
And say something with mass.

Canada and the United States,
All have such great fates.
Some of the greatest countries on earth.
If you want to have a mutated birth.

Backasswards is the word for it.
Who cares if they bombard us with shit?
That is more pills they can make you swallow,
As in pain you continue to wallow.

So watch your plasma TV,
Walk around in an irradiated sea.
Let the signals mutate you.
I bet it will be fun when instead of speak you moo.

Hard as hell to avoid indeed. But it is there at every single feed. Dirty Electricity runs throughout your home, 40-50 GS is the rate recommended at every other dome. But nope, North America doesn't care and many aren't aware. The average home is 700 GS plus. So 650 GS, at least, above what other places who get in a  fuss, do at their zoo. Hmmm no wonder pills fall like rain. Trust the cat, we're a walking billboard for this at our lane. Now I have done my ranting pass that was rather crass, and I try to avoid such a mass with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.