Pat Hatt's Blog, page 216

Tick Tick Tick Watch It Kick!

Everywhere you go it seems people are kickstarting this and that at their show. Some it sure does help as they give their little yelp. But then there are those who should do something else at their sea. So they will be helped out by little old me.

Forget kickstarter,
That is nothing but a farter,
Compared to what I got.
I'll get you out of your rut.

With stuff like these,
Funding will be a breeze.
Help a rich dick!
Doesn't that sound slick?

Feed my maid!
A golden sidewalk will be laid.
Fill my private yacht!
That will make all hot to trot.

Tip my dog!
That will be juicier than a brown log.
Just buy this!
That is pure bliss.

Pay my traffic ticket!
I bet it will even be funded by a cricket.
Fund my nose job!
Might even attract Sideshow Bob.

Football my backyard!
That will make buyers hard.
Martian funder!
That will bring the thunder.

Stoked, Dude!
After that how can you be rude?
Designer Car!
That will surely be above par.

Forget penny waste!
They'll give them over post haste.
Sign your life away!
You may have already done that the other day.

Stick it in my pocket!
That will get you enough to build a rocket.
Buy me lunch!
I bet you will get a bunch.

I saved the best for last.
This will make all a thing of the past.
Give Me Money!
That will even impress the Easter Bunny.

See, aren't my ideas so grand? I bet they could make a ton across the land. No? What do you know? I bet I could sell them to a singing bass. He would appreciate my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have nice fall.

A dVerse Gift So Your Spirits Will Lift!

So this time for dVerse we have to make sure you open your purse and get the right gift. You do want spirits to lift. Or maybe you just don't know. Well the cat will help you out at his show.

A is for Allie the gator and its very sharp snap.
Instead of chucking an enemy in a crator she'll eat the poor chap.
B is for bog, the best of the best.
Who doesn't like fog at their nest?

C is for camel and their mighty fine spit.
Give a ride to Mark Hamill and watch out for shit.
D is for door, as those you really need.
When some come to explore, a slam can take seed.

E is for electric bill, which is the greatest thing ever.
Stockings will surely fill with this great endeavor.
F is for Fraggle, they are just groovy.
Don't sit and haggle, just buy the movie.

G is for goop, the funniest of all.
Then your troop can run putting it all over the wall.
H is for hornet, not one who's green.
Your foe just torn it and he makes a scene.

I is for ice because it is so cool.
At a cheap price you won't look like a fool.
J is for junk, something so grand.
Grab a hunk from where they bury it in the land.

K is for kit kat, the one and only.
Go all tit for tat and no one will be lonely.
L is for loonie, the Canadian kind.
Or go big for a toonie and simply unwind.

M is for moon, the kind can be either or.
Lasso the big one like a loon or yank and explore.
N is for night, the simplest of all.
When in the light, say their gift is nightfall.

O is for offer, a cars salesmen's dream.
Be a fake cougher and pretend gifts will stream,
P is for prunes, they are oh so good.
They'll fill up sand dunes with way more than dry wood.

Q is for quilt to keep them all snug.
But they may wilt when on it they see your mug
R is for roar and you might want to drink.
Let your voice soar then watch as they blink.

S is for slinky, that loveable toy.
Even all dinky it brings so much joy.
T is for tears, bottle them up.
Then you'll hear cheers when drunk from a cup.

U is for utter, it could be from whatever.
They may stutter at you being so clever.
V is for van which will make all shout.
Not some flash in the pan, you want to start popping them out.

W is for world, give it to all.
Toes may go curled when they look at the ball.
X is for xi, write it down on paper.
Then ad a qi and they'll pull a Scrabble caper.

Y is for yahoo, the scream you give out.
Then an empty box opens and all pout.
Z is for Zapped Again, one movie had to show.
Of course trapped at your den you may feel as it is given a go.

Now hasn't the cat helped you out a ton? These will make your gifts oh so fun. At least for someone watching on. Some might get banished to the back lawn. Hopefully it is warm with green grass and not snow covered, which is hated by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Tweet All Should Delete!

Thanks to Folklore keeping it real and spinning the dumbtweets.com wheel, the cat saw it and had to give it a go. Warning, you may lose a few IQ points from reading those below.

 
Wow, just wow.To you I give a bow.Can't even make a blonde joke.Even dumb blondes on that would choke.

 
So people with dyed hair sleep,And those who don't creep?New type of zombie about?Died people have such clout.

 
Yep, a big state.With Canadian bacon on a plate.That was invented by Americans too.Probably by someone as dumb as you.
 
Oh yes.I must confess.Coming from a spoiled rich kid.That statement sure has my bid.

 
Axis you say?Spokesperson at your bay.Preach the axis everywhere,And soon it will come to pass at your lair.

 
Yeah, because meteors = global warming.Outer space is storming.Oh no!Space objects are caused by mother nature you know.

 
Hmm dinosaurs may take offense,Are you like them and dense?I hope you don't cut,And try to remove that gut.

 
Hmm ummm errr and then some.Can anyone be that dumb?If on there they got Twitter.Do I leave you bitter?

 
Ummm dumb times two.Some people have no clueBut it is such a rare sight,For twins to have the same birthday, right?

 
Try try again.There at your den.Eventually you'll get it right.Or walk away in spite.
So there you go. We are all now dumber for looking at such a show. These type of humans make the cat like dogs, they are smarter even if they eat umm logs. That is pretty bad. These people should never leave their pad. Or be locked away in mass so their dumbness does not come in sight of my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.

A Saying Not Worth Displaying!

So way back when at my den, the cat stumbled upon a saying that he used for another displaying, and it spurred this post, with Betsy going on about it too at my coast. But it was all me, not her at my sea.

Not to mention...
Gets some attention.
For you may say it,
But out the words you will spit.

May I take a seat...
You ask as you greet.
When really you are going to sit,
No matter if they throw a fit.

I'm not supposed to tell...
But you still give a yell.
Such a blabber mouth.
Maybe your face will get a growth.

With all due respect...
Respect you neglect.
Going to say it any way,
Respect be damned at your bay.

Bless her little heart...
Means she is a slow fart,
Belonging on the people of wal mart,
Pushing a shopping cart.

Stays behind closed doors...
Means let's go do chores,
Out of ear shot,
And I'll blabber a whole lot.

Did you hear...
Then comes fear.
Whether you heard it or not,
You will soon be taught.

Waiting with bated breath...
Means you'd rather have death,
But are humoring them,
So they don't flem.

Can I have your blessing...
Well we are confessing,
I just went and did it anyway.
Whether or not you think it is okay.

No strings attached...
Means we aren't matched,
But what the hell,
Let's humpty hump for a spell.

Those are just some of the many that popped in as I gave them a spin. Humans always feeling the need to say such stupid things at their feed, when really they are going to do it anyway come what may. I won't let any of them come to pass and still wiggle away with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Away They Crow Ho Ho Ho!

The cat was lounging about when he heard a shout. I looked out the patio door and it was those two fools once more. I bet from the title you can guess who. They were both there dressed as Santa outside my zoo. Gung being rather large fit the bill well. Ho, well at least he could ring the bell.

"Do you think Santa will notice, Gung? I am about to pop a lung."

"Ho, just keep on ho ho hoing. The real Santa will be showing."

"You really think this is the year he finds me? I bet I get the biggest Christmas tree."

"He goes ho ho ho every year. He is searching for you and hopes you are near."

The two actually thought Santa was calling for Ho each year when he let his Christmas cheer flow. How stupid can a pair be? Very stupid, silly me.

'Ho, look there is Santa in disguise."

"Gung, he is covered in flies. Are you sure that is him?"

"He is just hiding and has let his Christmas lights dim."

The pair ran across the street, Gung holding tight on his collection plate, ready to meet and greet. I guess Santa's disguise is to be a bum. He was sure sucking back the rum.

"Santa, I am here. You have looked for me every year."

"Ho, you have finally been found. Come on Santa, let's hear a ho ho hoing sound."

The two stood over the guy as he began to snore. They quickly started to bore. They tapped him on the head. They even yanked his beard, thinking he was dead.

"We may be too late, Ho. Looks like Santa has suffered a fatal blow."

"Gung, this can't be. Santa has always been looking for me. We can't lose now. We have to wake him up some how. Santa needs to tell my why he yells my name as he flies through the sky."

The pair splashed water on his face. They yelled and danced in place. That was a sight I would like to erase from my mind. I guess they did a dance of some kind. Then with a twinkle in his eye. The drunk turned out to be rather spry. He hopped to his feet and stole Gung's collection plate, running away at an alarming rate.

"Santa stole my money!"

"Gung, this is not funny."

"Santa is always calling you, Ho. Because he wants to rob you with his twinkling glow."

"Santa is a thief. Good grief."

The two took off yelling at the drunk. But he had far too much spunk. They would never going to catch him. Boy, their lights are pretty dim. But at least they gave to the needy, who was really speedy. Maybe one day their stupidity will pass. Although I would not bet on it with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Merry Date Could Be Your Fate!

I had to go and have a look to see what I could make fun of at my nook. There are plenty to choose from, they must already be drunk on the rum.

Here comes Mary Santa Claws
Keep away those paws.
Rudolph won't make you glow like me.
So are you saying a reindeer causes glee?

Find me under the missletoe.
I hope kaboom you don't go.
Vrooom goes my mind.
Not judging by the size of your behind.

Stuke n towne al aloan.
Do you make Al groan?
Maybe you can come put up my lights?
I hate manual labor and heights.

Want to see my bag of toys?
I have a feeling they are for bad boys.
Sack me
Ummm football fan are we?

Riddles are not my strung point.
Maybe put down the joint.
Current affairs are all I want on TV.
My, what a pervert you are at your sea.

Cats in christmas clothes are so cute.
I would throw you down the garbage chute.
Let jingle all the way home.
To cold to jingle while I roam.

Snuggle with me by the tire.
Well I guess a rubber must really light your fire.
Badder things could happen then me.
Gooder things may as well at ones sea.

My magic eight ball said I would get lucky.
I hope all is just ducky.
Fishing animals liquor bathes are my favorite things.
You have some strange fetishes and flings.

Drool all you like.
My OCD tells you to take a hike.
Strip away the bad stuff and love the cood.
Hmm a cod may find that a bid odd.

I see you.
Peeper number two.
Clingy, negative, pessimistic, fat, lazy, unemployed, whiners need not apply.
So after you say all of that will you poke them in the eye?

That is it for another round of dating nuts that can be found. If you want one I can go back and look then send them straight to your nook. I bet you would love a tire snuggling lass about as much as my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Rules For The Day At My Bay!

You know there are rules for this and there are rules for that. But all are ignored by the cat. Yet there are some that just come anyway. I'll let you in on them today.

The rule of the cat,
The rule of the dog.
One will squash you flat,
The other, eat a brown log.

The rule of the truck,
The rule of the car.
One can be out of luck,
The other can go far.

The rule of the male,
The rule of the female.
One will always fail,
The other will need bail.

The rule of the house,
The rule of the alley.
One will eat the mouse,
The other set it free in the valley.

The rule of the movie,
The rule of TV.
One pretends to be groovy,
The other claims to be reality.

The rule of the sea,
The rule of the land.
One will drown thee,
The other pounds sand.

The rule of the tune,
The rule of the quiet.
One leads to swoon,
The other stops a Ghostbuster riot.

The rule of the hand,
The rule of the foot.
One helps you stand,
The other never stays put.

The rule of love,
The rule of hate.
Both make you wear a glove,
Just some at a different rate.

The rule of this,
The rule of that.
You do not want to miss,
What comes from the cat.

How were those for the rules of the day? Did you already know them at your bay? I just had to make them come to pass. I guess there are a few I follow with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Two Light Hearted Fools Find Peace in Greece?

This Thanksgiving, at least for those down be low, us Canadians have already been there done that you know, Bora Bora once more comes into view. These two really have no clue.

Fortune cookies you say?
For those do you actually pay?
Bring about a day,
With a single cliche.

Find peace too?
Who even knew?
Is there such a thing,
At any wing?

The cat is confused,
And still feels abused.
The white fluffy thing,
Is so not like me at my wing.

But I suppose being fake,
It can survive an earthquake.
Or an alien probe,
Above the globe.

So away we go once more,
As the two light hearted fools explore.
Irish Air gets a look.
Thanks to a fake book.


Wow, every time I say what next will come, these two drink more rum. Who knows what will come next down the pipe, maybe a dinosaur of some type? I guess we will just have to see what comes to pass next time with them and the fake representation of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

dVerse April Fools Are Here In November I Fear!

It just has to be a joke watching you humans as you choke over a whole dollar off. Did your brains get left in some horse trough? At least you are dVerse as many surely curse.

It has to be April fools.
Look at this sale on tools.
I'll stab you in the eye,
If you take my 3rd pair of pliers, guy.

Oh look it's a towel.
Let's all give a howl.
It is only a buck.
Touch it and I'll whack you like a hockey puck.

A big TV.
That causes me glee.
55 inch is so hard to see.
I really need 60.

Get out of my way.
I was first here yesterday.
I stood here all night.
Hypothermia is no fright.

Do I look like I care,
That I am walking around in my underwear?
Touch those clothes,
And I'll break your toes.

I really need that candy.
It will come in handy.
10 cents off is great.
I'll be ready for next Halloween at this rate.

Touch the last cream corn,
And you'll wish you were never born.
Redneck Folklore will pun you to death.
Or at least until she loses her breath.

Taking all the cat food.
That is just rude.
Wait, it is the same price.
You got beat twice.

Get out of my way.
I need that toy today.
Who cares if I could've got it last week.
I would rather fight over it with a geek.

I am king of the mountain.
I get the two dollar fountain.
This thing truly rules.
I only wish it were April fools.

Oh what you humans do to save a buck or two, when really a lot of it is crap. But one falls for it like a sap. I'll sit home like a smart feline and just shop online. You never know though what might show. If you gloat you may find a lass with gas among the mass,who passes the gas to disperse the mass. Then you can pass. Just a tip from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Clap Your Hands And Stomp Your Feet To The Bohlingaringding Beat!

Can you say that three times fast? Even one may give your tongue quite the blast. So what is a Bohlingaringding you ask? Are you sure you are up to the task?

Bohlingaringding's come in all shapes,
Some even look like grapes.
They are all rather odd.
So just give your head a nod.

Go with it!
Bohlingaringding's will be a hit.
But that is not the only class,
When they come out in mass.

Stuperhingalingdings join the fun.
Peeperingalinglings won't be out done.
Chipalingaringlings like to play.
Burgningalingdings will have their say.

That is just some of the ones,
That come out to shake their buns.
Joining in their yearly parade.
A sight that will surely never fade.

I guess they like Christmas time.
So they dance in their prime.
Now join the Bohlingaringding beat.
Clap your hands and stomp your feet.


Click here to have a peer.
The Bohlingaringding's think they are so cool. With ringing bells they surely think they rule. At least they will never be able to sneak up on you. Does that make it better at your zoo? I know their name is one big long mass. But that is so fun for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.