Pat Hatt's Blog, page 218

Glitch Of A Witch Part Fifteen. WorqueenDan Makes A Scene!

There we were falling back to candy land. The place that none of us can really stand. I would rather play the dumb board game, at least that will not maim. I was hoping we would stop in thin air like at the Island of the Gawker lair. But I knew that was not a probable action, at least we would be dead and not in traction.

"Oh Drazin is not going to like this."

"Demon, I am with you on that one."

"How disgusting!"

We saw the ground coming ever closer and there was something much bigger than a mouser. It was WorqueenDan and I think I'd rather get crushed in the blades of a fan than what was about to occur. I was really going to have to lick my fur.

"Get out here you zombie freak! That half jack ass better show herself too."

WorqueenDan was screaming at those below the ground. He could have quickly got down if he wasn't so round. Round is putting it too nice though. He was so big if he stepped in front of the sun it would no longer glow. And of course he had his ass in the air and its crack was giving off quite the glare.

"Ouch! Damn fleas."

WorqueeenDan scratched his ass, as in the crack Drazin and Pat fell, but not me and Cass. I know bad grammar there but I just don't care. We bounced off his cheek and scratched him as he continued to speak. With all that blubber though it barely tickled our candy loving foe. WorqueenDan then let out a big fart and away flew Pat and Drazin out of such a part. Thankfully they weren't covered in anything. Unlike old one eye nothing decided to cling.

"If you Fleabags ever speak of this, Drazin will make you into slippers and then set you on fire."

"Demon, I will make sure they stay quiet."

"Who'd believe you got sucked up into a giant's ass anyway?"

WorqueenDan turned around before we could scatter and I think, if possible, he had gotten even fatter. That is when I formed a plan to rid ourselves of Worqueendan. I knew we could not run away because with one step he moved a mile across the bay. So we did the only thing we could do. The others caught on to my plan as I jumped up on his shoe.

"Hey there Dan.
You need a tan.
If you didn't block out the sun.
I bet you'd have more fun.

But at that there is little chance.
So I'll do a little dance,
And help you out a bit.
So you can get fit."

"Shut up cat.
I'll squash you flat.
And eat you too.
That much is true"

"That you may do.
But not before I chew,
And eat this yummy candy.
This one is so dandy."

I pranced about candy land and pretended all the candy was grand, even though most of it was crap. But that is the same on any map. He fell for my trick. Damn, I am slick. He snatched the candy from me and ate it up, refusing to share like a greedy pup.

"Drazin loves this one."

"I could eat these all day."

"I must maintin my figure but even a prissy cat likes these."

Drazin, Cassie and Pat joined in. WorqueenDan was snatching each one away at the candy land bin. No matter how many we went to, he grabbed them and began to chew. We tried our best to stay out of his way but he was getting larger with each passing second of the day. Of course that was my plan and within ten minutes there was no more WorqueenDan.

"He's gonna blow!"

"Drazin already seen his ass once, never again."

"Agreed, Demon."

We jumped behind a tree and shelter ourselves with some hard kind of candy. WorqueenDan rumbled and tumbled all around making it feel like an earthquake as he hit the ground. I thought I just gave him a heart attack but then he began to clackity clack. Then like some exploding gigantic mushroom Worqueendan went boom!

"WorqueenDan guts, yuck."

That was the thought of every one of us. It was so disgusting, as most of nearby candy land looked like a huge ball of puss. But at least that was one foe down. Now just Betsy the zombie freak and that Thinkingcap ass from crazy town. Speaking of which before I can even scratch an itch, Half zombie Betsy popped up from her lair giving some sort of shrieking blare. Her zombie followers popped up one by one. at least now WorqueenDan no longer blocked out the sun.

************************

Can you imagine falling into a giant's ass? That is just so crass. Thankfully Cassie and I avoided such a thing. No need for that type of fling. Now we have to find a way to stop Betsy and her zombie horde. At least in candy land we are never bored. But if I were you there I would never trespass. Trust my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Cat VS Ninja Wannabe Today At My Sea!

So when Buy My Books came to pass by the thing with a hand up its ass, the ninja wannabe said his mini me would win at his tree. The cat had to put that to the test. We all have to know who is the best.


Once and for all,
Here at my hall,
We shall see,
With this spree,

Who is tops,
And who flops.
The puppet vs the cardboard thing,
Any bets at your wing?

One has no ass.
The other wears the pajamas of a lass.
One is large,
The other small, but has a mighty charge.

Can itty bitty,
Win out in this ditty?
Or will helping hand,
Burying him in the sand?

I guess you can hit play,
And find out today.
If you aren't insecure now,
You may be after this meow.



So what do you think? Did the fight end the way you thought at your rink? How does this relate to insecure you may ask with my little video task. Well it is simple as can be, don't take yourself so seriously. If you don't have some fun, you may still get things done. But it will drain you and make you hate it. Who needs that shit? Mini Ninja Wannabe sure doesn't need crap to come to pass. He has plenty of that after being buried in the litter box of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A dVerse Rhyme I Have Not Done For A Time!

So for dVerse today I think I will hit play. This may go on a while. So the run time could stretch a mile. We shall see what I pull from the pile as I turn up the movie dial.

You might be stating O Brother Where Art Thou? before I'm through.
For a great big mental Breakdown I may give you.
Tell the Newsies all about it.
You have Nothing to Lose at your pit.

Could make it all the way to Detroit Rock City.
But if it is Judgment Night that may be a pity.
Especially because White Men Can't Jump.
Unless they use Grease or leg hump.

At least they are out of the Rat Race.
So Club Dread they can embrace.
Unless Uncle Buck decides to join in.
Aladdin may think that is a sin.

Turner and Hooch may not though.
With a Fast Five away they may go.
But watch out for The Man Without a Face.
He and the Matchstick Men may shoot up the place.

Or go Dirty Dancing I suppose.
I'm a Liar Liar? Who knows?
You can trust me more than Grumpy Old Men.
The Principal doesn't say the same about my pen.

That is why I'm Leaving Las Vegas today.
I mean Flubber is doing so at its bay.
For a Few Dollars More,
And some Daylight down by the shore.

He will find out Reality Bites.
Especially when The Postman has you in his sights.
So if you are in Striking Distance of him,
Be Gone In 60 Seconds or things could get grim.

You could hire The Dream Team.
That would make Big Stan steam.
Or just go Commando one day,
That would even scare the Ghostbusters away.

It may be liked by The Man On The Moon.
But he won't be able to see it at High Noon.
So tune into another Frequency for the poor guy.
Air Force One will help you, no lie.

Unless Coyote Ugly is your fate.
Then you may need a Clean Slate.
That can be given by the Men in Black.
Unless Happy Gilmore decides to attack.

He may throw some Space Balls.
Defintely, Maybe a possibility at your halls.
But you can Lean On Me.
Aren't I Big at my sea?

It beats bringing Armageddon to you.
Do I have to say it Seven times at my zoo?
Maybe the Gremlins will help out.
If Mars Attacks and you shout.

At least no cliffhangar will come due.
If so, the Princess Bride will kill you.
Unless Ernest Goes To Jail.
Then The New Kids will give you bail.

But Fools Rush In.
Iron Man commmitts that sin.
Goodfellas like that.
Flushed Away they make you like a rat.

So Good Luck Chuck.
You and your Role Models are out of luck.
Sorry for the Critical Condition today.
Don't Die Hard at your bay.

The Silver Streak will be along soon.
Taking you to Silverado by noon.
Or maybe Tombstone.
Either way, Clerks will moan.

America's Sweethearts may like it though.
The Dark Knight is sure to show.
Fanboys everywhere will jump up and down.
It will be a Chicken Run across town.

Flawless in every way.
Until Godzilla comes to play.
Are you Losing It yet?
Gung Ho for the pet?

Sorry, Can't Buy Me Love.
It's Goin' South like a dove.
Your brain has Shattered?
Rambo is flattered.

I am a Man on Fire.
Unforgiven for something so dire.
Pat is Zapped for that one.
Time To Kill a Mocking Bird because I'm done.

Yes, as many know I could go on forever. But then you might try and pull the lever, if at Silverado and see the hangman's noose. I wouldn't want that and neither would a moose. So I will let this movie post come to pass from my ever so entertaining little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Goes For Another Clue!

Robbie Raisin, here today and something is off in blogland I say. So Whoopdi Friggin Doo is on the case, which is, Who Stole Captain Caption's Shoe Lace? The evil tyrant will have to pay. We accept all forms of cash at our bay.


Who would steal such a super heroes shoe laces? With captions he is off to the races. Now he has to wear slippers, I think. They may be women's shoes, but at least they aren't pink. Now on with the case. I will find the thief with grace.

Brian, where were you that night? Did you take them when they caught your gawking sight?

think its seedy, the overlords of retail are greedy. that was funny my eggs are no longer runny.

Hmm okay, you don't like to pay and no longer have runny eggs. You probably stole kegs. Truedessa, you did it didn't you? Admit you needed shoe laces at your zoo.

I'd rather sit on the beach and sweat, too hot jump in the water get all wet

Well I guess being at a nude beach counts you out. No shoe laces are needed about.Hank spill! You fit the bill.

No.#1

Umm number three. Are you sad now because of me? Alex, it was you! I know it to be true.

Heck, I'd go through the gate. One of the best damn shows ever.

Damn ninja wannabe, still obsessed with TV. Manzanita it was you. Did you have some worm killing to do?

To kill off Santa sounds OK to me, Who cares if no presents around the tree

Good grief. You are a murderer and not a thief. Long name Optimistic guy. Come now, don't lie.

Damn we are soooo busted, Like stale bread that has crusted

Eww mold man. You just steal things from the trash can. Betsy, it was you I bet. Needing to feed each pet.

My tongue was only numb and not swollen, silly one.

A tongue fetish, okay. Let's move on I say. Adam tell me the fact that you did the act.

than a air-borne cow pie.

Playing with cows at your bay? Stay there while I slowly back away. Keepin it real, come over here and spin the guilty wheel.

You know what they say about dudes with big feet?

You looking at Captain Caption's feet? Or something else you think is sweet? Theresa spill your guts. You wanted them for your muts.

Nothing is a bigger turnoff for me than a man who is wearing cowboy boots.

You just felt you had to share? Well I don't care. Terry, tell one and all what you did with them at your hall?

run the other way, they are probably full of worms

I guess you get your exercise in, but cut back on the gin. Remembering Grace, get over here and admit to stealing each shoe lace.

Oh man, I am still so bitter about Lost...all that time and energy invested...all those theories...and then to have that awful crappy ending that answered nothing.

I did not say rant. Geez, I think my eyes began to slant. Rosey, come and tell the truth. Don't go blaming some old bitty named Ruth.

If I wiggle my eyebrows will you buy me coffee too? I love Tim Horton's.

Does this look like your blog? Whoopdi Friggin Doo does not give away free things, want a log?  Gloria it was you. You wanted to bake them at your zoo.

I love old cowboys style

Hmmmmm wow. Meow. Brian the cat, what can you say about that?

HA!!! Yippie-Kai-Yay Pat!!!

Another one. Ride away under the setting sun. Francis are you ready to confess? You are my last guess.

Street magicians=Devils in disguise!

Okay, preach it. They give you a fit. Mary, how did you do it! I know you did it bit by bit.

with their horses, boots, and rope

That would be a sight. Can you rope shoes at night? Snowcatcher spill it now. I need this edition to take a bow.

I can't be shocked. Nor mocked

Can't catch snow in the summer. You were mocked, bummer. Dwei give it up already. You took it for your stuffed teddy.

I can't believe they actually made a live-action show of The Tick

I can't believe you can't believe. Now go somewhere and grieve. Waffles I'm at the end of my rope. You are my last hope.

I hope the move is going well and all that!

That was months ago. Are you kinda slow? Robyn rawk away. Spill today!

I like the line about never needing a rubber

No protection for you? Or is it because nothing is had at your zoo? Elsie, you tried to hang yourself with them, right? Then you saw the light?

Did you send R my way? He showed up at my bay yesterday! What the??

Do you have to ask everyone that? Go bother the cat. Al, be a pal and remember who stole them, guy or gal?

Deaf dogs can hear
confuses your rear?
Oh my, oh dear!
You might try using your ear. 

And so we close the case. Al stood there with a funny face. Turns out he never had shoe laces at all. Captain Captain likes women's shoes slippers as he hobbles down the hall. That is it for another edition of Whoopdi Friggin Doo. Blame Al for the length, he never gave me a clue.

****************************

Well wasn't that fun. Have to watch what you say under my sun. Can come back to haunt as one can surely taunt. But that you knew. Does Captain Caption really reside in the loo? If so, I think I'll take a pass and not go near him with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Colorful Day Here At My Bay!

So dVerse is getting all colorful once more at their shore. Color me pink. I think I might sink. Can you tell where this is going to go? If not, you will I just know. Unless you are R then you may not get very far.

So color me impressed,
The redneck comes dressed.
Oh she may turn me black and blue.
Isn't that for another to do?

True colors shining through?
Just maybe at my zoo.
What? You're green with envy you say?
Brian will gawk and make that go away.

You will turn as white as snow.
Yeah, I really mentioned the white stuff, I know.
Don't look into those baby blues,
You may get bad news.

Unless you are the black sheep of the family I guess,
Then you are always out there making a mess.
Can you really have blue blood?
It would stand out in mud.

Do I get brownie points?
Hmm dog noses fly everywhere at human joints.
But they will get caught red handed.
They are dumb and will get stranded.

Hey, every cloud has a silver lining.
So don't sit there and start whining.
Things like that only happen once in a blue moon.
Unless your life is inside a cartoon.

Let's cut through the red tape.
Paint the town red like Superman's cape.
Red sky at night, sailors delight.
Unless red letter day comes to play.

Are you seeing red?
That must be tough on the head.
I hope you are not tickled pink,
That is done in the clink.

Wave your white flag.
I still won't play tag.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
Ummm whoopdi friggin doo?

Was that true blue?
I hope it will come due.
Or else could see the devil and the deep blue sea.
That would just be very scary.

Okay, now time for the colors to head south. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. So color up buttercup. Although I will still get colorful in mass. It will just be a more colorful language pass with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A New Task That Makes Pat Look Like He Hit The Flask!

So the cat started watching Pat the other day and it looked like he had been drinking at our bay. He was moving all about and standing there looking like a trout. So the cat just has to make fun as he tries to get bendy under our sun.

He's standing there but he's climbing a mountain.
Not even reading that book that had the golden fountain.
Was that a shameless plug?
Would you rather read of slug the thug?

Next he had his hands to his heart.
I sat and watched and tried not to fart.
I think he could tell I was laughing to.
Cassie thought he had to use the loo.

Especially when he did the chair pose.
Why he didn't just sit on a chair, who knows.
But with his ass in the air,
I do not want to see the forward fold again at my lair.

I ran away rather swift,
When he did the halfway lift.
Next instead of robbing a bank,
He went into what they call plank.

Next was some locust thing,
Making him look constipated at our wing.
Then came the worst of all.
He tried to be a mutt at our hall.

Going into some downward dog.
He clearly has to have brain fog.
Especially with that leg high.
Does he really think it's going to reach the sky?

Next I had to spring back,
As he looked like he was going on the attack.
I figured he knew I'd do it in rhyme,
And thought me making fun would be a crime.

But instead he just stood there looking to lunge.
He never did take such a plunge.
Instead he looked more like a loon,
After he went into some crescent moon.

The next one looked like it hurt rather bad.
Half splits should not be done by a lad.
I don't care if you're a reverse warrior or not.
Chaturanga sounds like some evil plot.

I could not take it anymore.
So I ran across the floor.
And darted under the nearest bed.
Now I have to get those images out of my head.

Yes, Pat went all yoga nut on the cat, he even got that stupid mat. But at least I can tear that up and have some fun. Although the next time I see him doing it I am just going to run. We shall see if he becomes a bendy mass or just continues to scare my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Stepped Out Of Their Car "Win A PS4 At You Bin" And Into A Bar!

What is it with the bar? I guess it is where nothing is on par. So when people walk in they get made fun of easily at ones bin? There has to be a better place to go about such a race. The cat doesn't mind the easy one. But lets see if other places are just as fun.

Two guys walk into a morgue,
One looks like a borg.
They look at the dead.
Then one finds a little head.

Two dogs walk into a park.
Each of them have to bark.
They solve life's riddle,
If something bugs you, step up to it and piddle.

Two cats go nowhere.
Resting at their lair.
Everything they need,
The humans simply heed.

Two bloggers meet in an alley.
One a city slicker the other from the valley.
Sadly, it does not end well for the city slicker.
But the other blogger takes pictures to show as pop goes his ticker.

Two people walk into Walmart.
They each grab a shopping cart.
One for the front, one for the back.
Today clothes they kinda lack.

We Interrupt This Blog Post To Bring You A Giveaway. Two posts in one today. Take that Rosey and Halloween Nazi. Thought all would like this one at my sea.


 
It's November and that means it's time for Playstation 4 Giveaway. This event is Hosted by A Little Bit of Everything So make sure to stop over there and say Thanks.   This event is co hosted by these wonderful blogs. A Peek Into My Paradise, Out of the Bags, Chronically Content, It's Rhyme Time, LoveMy2Dogs, Java John Z'sThis will be sent directly to the winner. I will contact winner, and winner has 48 hours to contact back otherwise, I will pick a new winner. I want the winner to have this before Christmas. This can make the perfect Christmas present. Giveaway is open to US/Can.   a Rafflecopter giveawaySharonWrap Yourself Skinny with IT Works BLOG - A Little Bit of Everything Sponsor me to BlogHer 2013

Enter And With A PS4 You Could Have A Fun Time! We Now Return You To You Regularly Scheduled Rhyme.

Two doctors meet at the shore.
They decide to explore.
But it is tough to come to pass,
As neither can't get the others head out of their ass.

Two kids meet at the loony bin.
They are happy to be let in.
They think it is dandy,
To get so much free candy.

Two women meet on Mars,
Tired of the bars.
But they still get the same view,
With Uranus coming due.

A married couple goes to a flick.
They come across a real dick.
The lass is excited though.
Those toys were overused at her show.

Two politicians meet, who cares.
They just get eaten by bears.
Saving the bear population one at a time.
Politician bear poop art is sublime.

See you don't need a bar or even a car. You can go near or far and things are still on par. The cat had to point that out. Now I'll go meet a trout. And like the bears it will come to pass, eventually, out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

It Is A Fright For Two Light Hearted Fools This Night!

After aliens, a red neck and a grumpy blue guy, what more can get in the way as we head for the Bora Bora sky? Sadly, it seems a whole lot. For today two bad guys are all hot to trot.

You have a witch,
Who seems to have a glitch.
Not Glitch of a Witch,
That is a whole other ditch.

This witch can't speak.
She is really up the creek.
She has a numb tongue.
Her bell is really rung.

Then there is a guy,
With something that decided to die.
It landed right on his head.
Yeah, that is what I said.

He likes the discovery channel too.
That I bet you never knew.
As he flails around,
Like a stroked out hound.

He also has quite the gawk,
Staring at you like a hawk.
And the fake representation of the rhyming cat,
Really has a bad day thanks to Pat.



Now was that not grand? They so wanted to bring back the king of pop in their land. Sadly they are all dead now. Zombies that can't even plow. Hmmm was that a discovery channel special on bass? I better slink off with my dirty little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Those That You See That Should Be!

So you always see the scary at Halloween and it is always the same old scene. You get these fake monsters and such who look scary to the touch. But the next day they are gone, unless some pass out on your lawn. Yet some scary's are still out there. Let me prove it to you at my lair.

 
Steroids are bad.Just look at this lad.The poster boy.Buy in bulk, get a free toy.
 
Drench your face.Make up you must fully embrace.Put a clown to shame.I bet a mime is to blame.
 
See what I mean?A golden mime on your screen.Oh wait that is just lust.Care for some gold dust?
 
You better beware.Who knows what is hiding in that hair.Probably home to the bogeyman.Might even be its own trash can.
 
And man boobs galore.Those are scary at any shore.Even the fake kind.To do this one must be in a bind.
 
Need I say a word?I wonder if out comes a plastic turd?That must be hard to pass.It might even give plenty of gas.
 
And still on that train,Something you could gain.It would be with you for life.For an STD she could be your wife.
 
I just don't know.This is such a scary show.Speaking of which,Even trying to watch that Anger Management thing makes me itch.
 
 And this one is all tongue.His belfry may be rung.But he has a streak.Even if he is up crazy creek.
 
And the scariest of all,This mook who shares his ball.With another's wife.Just looking causes strife.
Now I think I have proved my point today at my joint. At least at Halloween they can fit right in at just about every bin. But then the next day they are still that way, with such a scary display. If you wake up to any of them on your grass, bury them like I do stuff in the litter that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

This dVerse Candy Is More Dandy!

So who wants candy anyway? What is the good of that at your bay? I say we change it to something better at each sea. Then age would not matter and we could all get dVerse with glee.

Candy is dandy,
It can be handy.
At getting you fat,
And all of that.

Time for change.
At every range.
Stuff the candy,
In the g-string of Mandy.

Save a buck,
And might get some luck.
Or a slap,
Right to your trap.

Let's give out free gas.
That would get no sass.
Make the greedy go broke.
I hope they choke.

Some free liquor,
Could stop or start a bicker.
Just be a safe picker.
Don't grab one that will make you sicker.

I'd be there is a flash,
If all gave away cash.
The banks should fund it.
In their pants they would shit.

A free car.
At every bar.
Grab the keys,
And away you breeze.

A free trip.
Wouldn't get any lip.
Unless you sent me to Timbuktu.
Then on your mat I'd leave a present for you.

Free coupons could be all the rage.
Could give away a whole page.
To wherever you see fit.
You might get tp'd because of it.

And what is the best,
Beating the rest?
Giveaway nothing at all.
Then you'll be decorated for free as all have a ball.

See all kinds of better ways than using candy trays. You can even get decorated for Christmas early, just make all the trick-or-treaters squirrely. Snow will then surely fall, well after last call. So which would you like to come to pass? I'd take the cash or car or trip or gas for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.