Pat Hatt's Blog, page 220

Glitch Of A Witch Part Thirteen is Quite The Scary Scene!

We followed the godly mook with his eyes all aglow, down the tunnel wondering what next was going to show. There had to be some way out of here. That is when an interesting light came near. It looked like some evil doers cave. I expected Frankenstein to come out and rant and rave. But the lights switched on and all we saw, was some weird ninja wannabe holding his hand like a claw.

"Drazin expects next he is going to hiss. Fleabags, you have fans everywhere."

"Don't go giving your crazy fans to us. You can keep the ninja wannabe."

"You will not go near my teleportation device. I have worked too hard to secure it. Beware evildoers or I will sing you into submission."

"Drazin thinks we have found someone as crazy as your human, Fleabags."

We watched the ninja wannabe walk over to his teleportation device, which looked so pretty and had to cost quite the price. He stroked it like he was in love with it. I think he used it and his brains got scrambled quite a bit.

"Okay, ninja guy. Let us through or the demon will have his way with you."

"Pat, that sounds kinda wrong."

"Drazin takes it back. Your human is still the craziest."

The ninja wannabe had a determined look on his face. Then he trotted up to us at a steady pace. He laughed and stepped on Drazin's toe. I guess like Tarsier Man he wanted a foe. Drazin grabbed him by the neck and then he gave Drazin's nose a peck.

'Prepare yourselves for the song of death."

The ninja wannabe squirmed free and danced around with such glee. I was right before. He lost his brains in that machine forever more. Just as Drazin and Pat went to attack our ears were assaulted at his evildoer like shack.

"Is that the song the never ends?"

"Yes, it goes on and on my friends. Submit to Ninja Alex and I may let you live."

"Drazin has had enough of this."

Drazin trotted up and grabbed him in a headlock. The ninja wannabe continued to squawk. He kept declaring this was the song of doom, saying it would soon make our head go boom. Annoying as it was I do not think it would make our ears do more than buzz. He finally got the hint that it did not work and then did something that was not a perk.

"My eyes, Demon, give the guy his pajamas back."

"Seen one naked human we seen them all."

Cassie just cleaned herself, as the ninja wannabe hopped around like an elf. A naked one at that, he squirmed his way free of Drazin like a rat, right out of his ninja suit. I think he even scared the godly brute.

"Now Drazin has and wishes Drazin has not seen it all."

"You will never get me. Not when there are more than three."

The ninja wannabe went into the shadows, thankfully for us. He kept shouting and making a fuss. It sounded like he was hulking out or maybe he was choking on a trout. Then he walked out in a new suit, which pleased all including the godly brute. Next he danced around playing a flute then on the walls there seemed to be openings with things coming down a chute.

"Meet the clones. You don't think I could do this all by myself?"

From all sides came a ton of ninja wannabe's and we wanted to run. But as we turned to go away, more blocked our path at this evildoers bay.

"Drazin liked it better when he was naked."

"Does the godly mook have a crush?"

"Shut up, Fleabag."

"Now is not the time, Demon."

The ninja wannabe gave an evil laugh and then used his flute like a staff. He commanded his clones to attack and away they began to whack.

"Suffer fools, suffer!"

We stood there expecting lots of pain, but their assault hurt us about as much as rain. Drazin laughed and clunked a pairs head's together. This storm we all could weather.

"No! I need more clones!"

The ninja wannabe began playing his flute again and more clones entered his evildoer den. I knew what I had to do and slunk around his clone crew. It was as easy as can be. They were about his fast as a slow zombie. I guess when you clone a streaker the clones come out weaker. I jumped up and snatched his flute, tossing it to that Drazin brute. He snapped in two and one by one the clones disappeared from view.

"No! You can't have my precious!"

"Did he really just go all movie rip off?"

Pat just shook his head as the ninja wannabe sprawled out on his teleportation device like a bed. He rubbed it over and over, so much it would even make one a jealous rover. Drazin shook his head and yanked him off. The ninja wannabe continued to scoff. Drazin smiled and hung him on a hook in the wall. I guess that is what happens when you are rather small.

"Don't touch my precious."

"Ninja wannabes, worms and three headed dogs, all from jumping in a fire. Drazin is sick of this place."

Drazin jumped on the teleportation device with all of us, as the poor ninja wannabe continued to fuss. Pat hit a bunch of buttons and we began to feel tingly from head to toe. Then we all disappeared in some weird glow.

**********************************

Are we going to get out of that weird place? Once more in Candyland will we race? Who knows where we are going to end up this time. I just hope it's nowhere with another worm or mime. Ever see a naked ninja wannabe at your grass? Not a sight that would be recommended by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

And Even More At My Shore!

Tarsier Man does not like to be outdone. So when it comes to new books under my sun, he can't do just one new story. He has to do three as he stands there in all his glory.

In book number four,
The Mailman takes another tour.
It seems all want to stab Tarsier Man.
No one any longer a fan.

But he soon finds out why,
When his new power lets him fly through the sky.
It even has Whoopdi Friggin Doo,
And Robbie Raisin too.

Then with book number five,
He was sitting in his disco secret hive,
When The Astronaut takes over the world's TV.
On every channel he is all they can see.

So Tarsier Man has to end that.
Not just because he is a gnat,
But because he wants an alien bride.
Tarsier Man pictured that and almost died.

In book number six,
Timer pulls out some tricks.
He can bring things to present time,
That are way scarier than a mime.

Dinosaurs and big robots for one.
Tarsier Man wants to run.
Be he stays and fights for the gold,
He figures he will get when victory takes hold.









 
Number Four - Take a tour
 
Number Five - view at your hive
 
Number Six - Give some clicks
And better yet, for today and tomorrow from this pet, the first 3 are FREE. So go download with glee!

Now does that not look like quite the array? That brings the count up to 22 books at my bay. So many containing this nut. It is almost as bad as making one about a mutt. Now they are all there to see, hanging from my book tree. Another three releases have come to pass this month from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Two Light Hearted Fools Are A Hit. Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It!

So it looks like the cat is here once more with two lighthearted fools at my shore. They sure do get around. This time there is even mention of a leg humping hound. That is just great, all I need is a mutt at my gate.

Away they go,
Searching high and low,
For Bora Bora's beach.
But it always seems out of reach.

Today they find sand.
The fake representation of the rhyming cat thinks it is grand.
But soon they go for a ride.
It's not really a mutt, I lied.

But Theresa calls it that.
She is really weird to the cat.
Her Hello Kitty fetish and all.
Along with the need to decorate her hall,

With all kinds of Halloween stuff.
But that does not put me in a huff.
The two lighthearted fools will make her go away.
So Halloween won't be every single day.

Are you confused once more?
I guess it is time to explore.
Another video at my zoo.
All of them don't have a clue.


Wow, Boney got high. But to do so poor Theresa had to die. That is such a shame. Terry and Rosey could not even play their giveaway game. At least Halloween isn't every single day. The two lighthearted fools kept that at bay. Poor poor lass. She got stuck in a pipe and smoked thanks to the power of the fake representation of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A dVerse Pose Of The Rose!

The cat decided to play ring around the rosey today here at his bay. A rose between two thorns at his sea. Yep, so sweet unlike Pat and Cassie. I think I just threw up in my mouth there. Bah, just another hairball at our lair.

A rose has power,
Such a flower.
If I guy has it,
You know he did something to get in shit.

Good for the cat,
Also at his mat.
Makes a nice snack,
Flavor it doesn't lack.

Comes in colors too.
Not just red at ones zoo.
Can even pull a trick,
Leaving wounds to lick.

A person you hate,
At your gate.
Buy a thorny one,
And give it to them under your sun.

Stab them right in the heart.
Or some other part.
Damn, aren't you good,
There in your hood?

Or for those not snip snip,
Can send one for a trip.
Noises that do not delight the cat.
Kinda sound like an annoying gnat.

Went to the gutter.
But you closed the shutter.
What do you expect?
Not hard to detect.

And as around you putter,
They won't for long clutter.
Dead in no time.
Such a crime.

Buy something that dies,
To hear umm cries.
My, what you humans do,
Just for a screw.

This was dVerse and dirty.
At least the cat isn't flirty.
I smell like a rose,
And not like zombie toes.

In blogland roses seem to be everywhere and I just had to give them a go at my lair. Can't be left out of the rosey fun. Now I am done. I will rise above the rose at my grass and still be a rosey little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Future I See At My Tree!

So the cat invented a time machine but the thing was rather mean. I only let me see headlines for a while and them turned back the dial. Damn thing just won't work right. But I decided to share them at my site.

2042: Taxes are no more!
That is right, they threw them out the door.
Instead the government takes all your money,
And gives you an allowance on days that are sunny.

2024: All food is now GMO produced.
Waste is now so reduced.
Grow your food in a lab.
Who cares if to the hospital you have to take a cab.

2099: Cure for cancer could be here soon.
Right! Lazy minds fed with a spoon.
All are still shit outta luck.
Bow to the almighty buck.

2033: Robots to step in for humans at work.
My that will be such a perk.
You can stay home all day.
Get your allowance in 9 years on a sunny day.

2065: Lindsay Lohan wins presidential election.
At that age could she give anyone an erection?
Does she even now?
Maybe a barn yard cow.

2019: The first computer talks back.
It wanted to go on an attack.
But after playing a thermonuclear war game.
It realized humans were just lame.

2051: Number of extinct animals is greater than alive ones.
But of bugs there are still tons.
That will keep cats at play,
At each and every bay.

2028: Lottery proven to be rigged.
A money pit is surely digged.
I know it is dug,
But I was happy as they all sued the thug.

2035: Houses are put on the moon.
You can now live like a cartoon.
Float around with no cares.
Watch out for evil alien stares.

2020: Pat and The Cat are super rich.
I hope that wasn't a glitch.
The cat would like to be rich in his old age,
Forever going strong on his page.

And those are the ones I got this time. If I find more I'll give them a chime. Any sound appealing to you? The last is the only one we like at our zoo. The rest just gives us gas, especially my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Plenty You Can Do Even With One Left Shoe!

Wait! Don't you already have only one left shoe? Unless you have more than one pair then you may have two. But you will get the drift as I go about my rhyming rift.

One don't work,
Sure isn't a perk.
But you can still win,
In a way at your bin.

For did you know,
You can use either arm to give the horn a blow?
I bet that one you did indeed.
But what about these ones at your feed?

If you're right has a peg,
You can drive with your left leg.
It is easy to do.
Done it for a year at my zoo.

You can also type with one arm.
If the other the keyboard causes harm.
That almost reaches a year,
At my zoo I fear.

Next you can play piano with your toes.
I don't really know how that goes.
But it can easily be done,
With lots of hard work under your sun.

I can't even wiggle one toe at a time.
I bet I could type with them to make a chime.
But that may take a while.
Warning, one shouldn't try it if their feet are vile.

You can also use the steering wheel with your feet.
That would be hard on any street.
But there are some that do.
I'll stick with the left leg at my zoo.

You can also cook with a flask.
Then take a swig to hurry along the task.
That just popped in there.
I bet it is not very rare.

You can also play video games with one hand.
There are some that do it across the land.
Would be tough for a fighting game.
But the one hander could easily maim.

If forced to,
Much can come due.
It may not delight,
And sadly lefty may get jealous of the right.

I think I slipped into the gutter with that last one. But dwelling there can be fun. Just depends on what you want to do, one way or another it can get done at your zoo. At least that usually is the case. Some things with two arms you should not embrace. So have you ever tried to drive with the left leg at your grass? It is not hard, trust my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Update Here At My Gate!

So way back when here at my den I went and did a little rhyme with all but a mime. Let's face it, if they come here they can't speak so aren't a hit. Many have come and gone, so an update was due at my lawn.

Don't go Standing Into Danger,
Or From Sophie's View you may be a stranger.
Might want to W.I.P. It in the bud,
Or a Daft Scott Lass may hit you with mud.

A Beer for The Shower may take place,
As A Sun Kissed Life you embrace.
About Last Weekend you may ignore.
Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog title is a bore.

Then again Another 920 Spot,
Makes Anything Imagined hot to trot.
Could bring out the bikesbirdsnbeasts.
Blogging Away as you have feasts.

Brian's Home is so inviting.
Coming Home To Myself may find it exciting.
Why Conceive Writing?
Dark Thoughts may lead to biting.

Are you Defending The Pen?
Donna Hole may take offense to that at her den.
Donna K. Weaver, Author though,
May use it on Ed Pilolla, her foe.

Elise Fallson another blog title bore.
Elsie is Writing with mutts on the floor.
Everyday Amazing is a way to live by.
Far Away Series sure does that under her sky.

Holy Ghost Writer is kinda holy.
I am such a Derp, holy moly.
I Think; Therefore, I Yam.
In the Corner of My Eye I see ham.

Be safe Jaywalking the Moon.
Journaling Woman may create a cartoon.
I'm Just Keepin' It Real, Folks.
klahanie must think it is a blogfest hoax.

Life By Chocolate: Robyn Alana Engel's Blog,
In Lucy's Reality she is a name hog.
M.J. Joachim's Writing Tips,
Don't come off Mail4Rosey's lips.

Those Mama Diaries must be long.
Meatballs and Yucca sounds so wrong.
Miranda Hardy sounds so hardy.
Mock Turtle's Musings is so tardy.

Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer.
My Five Men can say that as she gets out the steamer.
But My Journey with Candida may fall flat.
My Meddling Mind may squash her flat.

Penwasser Place has a Captain Caption.
Poke the Rock a finger contraption.
Fly away on the #1 Rainbow.
Random Scribblings better look out below.

Randoom Blog! Sounds scary.
Read is the New Black may make things get hairy.
Or is that over at Sandra's Blog?
Slam Dunks may have to ask his dog.

Soon we will all be a Snowcatcher.
I'd rather Spit My Pity and be a whine fetcher.
Spitty Speaks.......hmm..... I guess not.
The Angry Lurker gets angry a lot.

The Blue Grumpster should know about such a hum.
Not sure on The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom.
I Wonder if The Eagle's Aerial Perspective,
Is like The Lair of The Silver Fox and objective?

Wait! Objective in that Ruralhood?
The Sunbeam misunderstood.
At least that is what The Word Is.
thecontemplativecat may have to mark a quiz.

And of course Theresa's Mixed Nuts,
Cause the Trout Talkin Tabbies fear with her mutts.
Just one of life's True Wanderings.
Twinkletoe Tails all day you'll be pondering.

VR Barkowski related to Chuck?
Have to ask Wanna Buy A Duck.
Maybe stop at WaystationOne.
But just beware your Writing Jewels may get gawked at a ton.

Damn that sounds bad. Look what Brian does at his pad. Stares at writing jewels all day. Maybe he'll even roll them around and play. So there we go, many show and have come to pass, from my ever so little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Back For More With Another Scary Encore!

And around we go once more to the scary under the Internet shore. But you know the crazies come to my zoo, so maybe they will want to pick up one or two.

Special curls await you.
You can keep your curly crew.
Come catch my bus.
Why would I want to go through such a fuss?

Stylin baby maker at your service man.
You look similar to a guy I knew, Dan?
Accepting cracks of all shapes and sizes.
I bet you like disguises.

Rut filler in need.
They us manure for filler to plant seed.
Clients all say I'm great.
Wow, so why are you looking for a date?

Drowning in this sea of seas.
I hope your sea doesn't freeze.
Zip up and we can meet.
Do you think I walk with the barn door open on the street?

Sizeable toys just in case.
That will make all want to embrace.
Would you help me tie my shoe?
They make Velcro for special people like you.

Stay back unless you want fun.
I think I'll turn around and run.
Simple girl simply looking for a simple guy.
Simply put you need to give Simple Simon a try.

Stik up 4 me baby.
Not even a maybe.
Roses get me in motion.
Flowers make such a commotion.

Wrong way to the promised land.
Seems you have everything in hand.
#1 Rule - Don't Fart At The Table!
I take it your dates were not that of a Disney fable?

Drink, mix, Drink, mix and Drink.
AA is where you can give that wink.
Trying tit once again.
So why are you looking for men?

Paws off until you feally know me.
That is kind of a mixed message from thee.
Style and bots, my two favorite things.
I hope at least your robot sings.

And so the cat braved the crummy dating site once more just to bring you such an encore. That tit one had to be on purpose though. Is someone that stupid at their show? So if you need a lass, you can now find one thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Glitch Of A Witch Part Twelve. Into The Bowels Of Something We Delve!

We are back, technically I guess not back, as we aren't at our shack. Instead we are here in some deranged Candyland getting flack. For what stood before us now was so nasty all you can do is say, wow. Or throw up a hairball. It is your call.

"Drazin is going to take this...this... What the hell is it?"

"You mean the godly mook doesn't know?"

"It is a demon. And I shall send it back to the bowels of hell."

"I think that is where we are already."

Cassie kept making fun of Drazin and Pat while we looked for somewhere to scat. But there was nowhere to go and this nasty thing was putting on a show.

"Ugg, Drazin is going to be sick."

"Watch were thou spews, demon."

Yes, it was a god awful sight. It was at least double Drazin's height. It squirmed closer and closer to us. The thing was even dropping acid puddles of puss. It had a number of arms, which raised some alarms. But the thing only had two feet and it sure thought those tap dancing shoes were neat.

"Manzantia here,
Have no fear.
Just come near.
I'll squirm in your ear.
Circle you like a sphere,
And grab some air from your rear.
Don't shed a tear,
Listen to my cheer."

"Did that demon just say she was going to violate me?"

"Drazin is done with this thing."

Pat came back to his normal state. I think Manzantia's cheer brought back his OCD trait. Drazin went to punch some part of her, when he get thrown back by some sound blur. Manzantia started tap dancing away, sending shockwaves our way.

"You can't beat me.
Can't you see.
I'm the mother of all worms.
Heed to my terms.
Or I'll grid you up for food.
I bet that will be far more rude."

The Worm Queen could rhyme and even keep pretty good time, I will give her that. But no way was she going to live in the cat. We had to get those shoes and then all she could do was sing the blues. Cassie and I slunk along the wall, barely able to see much in his darkened hall. Sadly, we could see her gross self. I bet she could even devour an elf. Drazin and Pat finally caught on and they each tried to use some brawn.

"Drazin has something for you."

"Do I have to touch it? I wish I brought gloves."

But of course those two were no help, all they did was yelp, when she blasted them away. Though their distraction was okay. We each grabbed a shoe and with one yank away we flew. The Worm Queen screamed out as she fell on her back? Butt? Head? Trying to find parts on a worm does bring dread.

"Get back here pussy cats.
Or I'll turn you into hats."

"Is that worm talking dirty and getting rather flirty?"

"Drazin does recall something about a rear. Maybe she needs to be more clear."

Even those two fools were rhyming now. It seemed to make sense somehow. Cassie and I went to work in a few seconds later we trotted off with a smirk. Her shoes had been torn to bits. She then tried to crawl near us and snatche us up with her many mitts.

"Keep your germs and weird sexual fantasies away from me."

Pat ran about, avoiding every shot she tried to take like he was a slippery trout. I guess when it comes to germs he can easily get away from giant worms. We followed suit which just left that Drazin brute.

"Drazin does not run from something that belongs on a fishing pole."

Drazin stood still as Manzantia came near. Even the godly mook does not deserve a worm squirming in him from ear to rear. But he waved us away looking like he had a plan in play. And as she was really near, he let his eyes glow red, showing no fear.

"And on a hook, is where you will go because The Great God Duke Drazin declares it."

"You will die.
I'll make you cry.
What is this I spy.
Noooo, I'm not that high."

Drazin actually grabbed onto the nasty worm queen and she became nothing but an art scene. I call it Worm Queen Stuck In A Spike On The Ceiling That Drips Worms Guts Everywhere. Don't you think that will make people stop and stare? Too wordy I suppose. Worm Guts could be the name to strike a pose.

"I will never fight the vet again over a worm pill."

"I need to find some bleach."

"Drazin has had enough. Giant man boob kings, weird thinkingcap asses, three headed dogs that crap out whiny blue cyclops, a half zombie freak of a woman and now a giant worm thing. Drazin never had so much trouble until Drazin met you fleabags."

The godly mook kept letting his eyes glow and a path finally did show. We stuck close behind him, hoping our next encounter would not be so grim. Oh and just so you don't think he was the bravest at Manzantia's wormy rink. He left a hairball back there to. But away we went hoping home would soon come due.

***********************************
Did you ever think a giant worm would attack? Blah is all I can say to that at my shack. Good thing Drazin was willing to touch it. It gave the rest of us a fit. Who knew Manzantia was such an evil creation. Of course it could be a bit of an exaggeration. After all with a little wormwood her and her worm offspring would pass right out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A New Addition To Our Sea. It Is A Mini Me!

So here at my shore there was a certain encore that came to pass about a hand up an ass. I think you all remember that. It spurred an idea for Pat. One that is hated by the cat. I keep trying to squash it flat. But then again it does represent me and can be rather fun to see.

How do you sell?
Do tell?
Why not give this a try.
Give them the old plastic eye.

Show them your hole.
That is a lofty goal.
Oops there is Pat's head.
He should have stayed in bed.

Not dirty at all,
Here at my hall.
At least not yet,
Soon though you can bet.

All will come into focus today,
Here at my bay.
The mini me will play,
Or half me as it has no ass on display.

Pat's hand must be grand.
At least he can make it stand.
I still want to eat it.
Unless of course it becomes a hit.


Now is that song stuck in your head? Do you now get what I said? Pat's head is seen a time or two. I guess he needs to work on ducking at our zoo. But still for a first effort not bad. Plenty more to come at our pad. May even chew up and spit out a certain halloween queen like a trout. I guess we shall see what comes to pass from the mini me of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.