Pat Hatt's Blog, page 212

The Beer Guys Get Caught! It Must Have Hurt A Whole Lot!

Back we are at my bar, of course that is no shocker. But did you know the beer guys are being carried around like shoes from Foot Locker? No? Well you will after this show. Could it be rip off week once more? I guess we shall see at my shore.

Last the beer guys knew they were in the shower. No, not together, because Bryan refused to first give Brandon a flower. Then they awoke ready to make fun of some bloke. I guess they had too many beers because their situation was still not clear.
  "What should we write about today? Damn it! My fingers aren't working."

"I told you not to pleasure our retarded goat any more. There is our next post, six simple ways to pleasure a goat. Miley Cyrus will love it. Damn it! I think I helped you. My arms won't move."

They schemed about their goat post and finally attempted to move and give each other a blog roast. It finally dawned on them they were all head. Three whole hours later, yep, that's what I said.

"Bryan, I have no ass. What did you do?"

"Hmm I knew I shouldn't have spoke to that green skinned woman. Why did I find her nine breasts attractive? She said she was just testing a new product."

"And you believed her? Well she did have nine breasts."

The pair yapped about size, structure and placement for a while, enough that it would make even the most devote porn addict change that dial. Finally they decided to make a plan to make themselves once again a whole man.


"Okay, she has nine breasts right? So she doesn't need all that skin. We can mold them into bodies of our own."

"It's alive, It's alive. I always wanted to say that."

"Then we kick that alien bitches ass with our little gingerbread man, alien breast made bodies and hop a ship for home."

"I'm game. But just so you know, she had two asses. So we leap on three?"

"Leap with what? Didn't you listen to what I was saying? We have to pucker up to each breast and then climb them one by one until we get to her throat. Then we bite through it."

"Do they make shots for alien std's?"

The pair went over their plan time and time again, waiting for the nine breasted alien to enter their display case den. Finally she came into the specimen room and they puckered up, making her alien ears bloom. She stripped and the beer guys were open lipped.

"Bryan, your nine breasted alien is a hermaphrodite. She has six peckers. And they look frisky. Damn you!" "I was hoping those lumps in her pants were a tenth breast."
"I'd rather stay a head than get frisky with your nine breasted, six dicked alien crush."
"You can't deny, she gives a whole new meaning to sixty nine."
The pair pondered that as they remained in their jars, each realizing they would never again visit bars. The alien girl was ready for action though. Who got high and who got low? I don't want to know. End of this six dicked, nine breasted, alien hermaphrodite show!
Oh the life of a head in a jar. At least they can visit galaxies afar. Must be hard for them to drink beer. I hope they have an alien with some near. Otherwise that could cause dread. I hope this does not go to their head. So there was a heads up for you on the beer guy crew. It could be all in your head at my grass. Head on down to get ahead of the game and leave a comment for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Politic Or Two Comes Due!

So Pat may have to bite his tongue a bit but the cat does not have to do it. Away I can go with whatever I want at my show. Don't worry though its not about politician idiots at my show. I think I'd throw up in my mouth writing about that or just have a hairball on the mat.

There is a ring,
Say one thing.
Really mean another,
Oh brother.

I hate that phrase,
But over it I'll glaze.
Away I will go,
At my show.

Pucker up lass,
Tag that ass.
With your lips,
Not your hips.

Don't get dirty,
This isn't flirty.
Mind from the gutter,
Big ass though, so shutter.

Oopsy, they say.
Facts they lay.
Really thinking hard,
To bury you in the yard.

While others are fine.
Oh so divine.
Ass on their lips,
From multiple trips.

Do less with more,
At a certain shore.
But more for less,
Is your mess.

All in a round about way,
To play chicken at your bay.
Afraid to cross the road,
So they drop a load.

Of BS that is,
With their shifty biz.
Trying to be all grand,
When lying at their land.

They simply want the space,
So lie through their face.
One you'd like to slap,
As the bs flies from their yap.

Pat can bite his tongue indeed at a certain feed. But the cat will just blither away no matter what they say. And if they should see, doesn't bother me. Some have less class than the fleas on my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Left Or Right? Such A Plight!

Every day we go about our bay and have to say which way we want to go and come what may, let things fall where they lay. Still have to go one way. What is it I'm trying to say today at my bay?

To get up or not.
Think about that a lot.
But it is an easy one,
Off you run.

Eventually anyway,
As sometime that day,
Off you must go,
Before there she does blow.

Leave early or late.
Such a tough fate.
But if it is the latter,
"You're fired" may end up on your platter.

Of course could be slick,
And call in sick.
Then go all hot to trot.
May or may not get caught.

But as you look,
There at your nook.
One second earlier you find,
You'd have a flat behind.

That bus would have got you,
As away it flew.
Maybe you're brain,
Boarded the lazy train,

To keep you safe.
Or to make things chafe.
Or maybe you look into it,
Thinking you would have got hit.

When a passerby,
Would give a cry.
Saving you,
From a flat view.

Either way,
Come what may,
There you are,
Still on par.

The fork in the road,
Becoming a load.
Choosing your mode.
Don't squash a poor toad.

And that just came out as the cat let his mind linger about that fork thing and away the words did ring. Damn, thinking too much today. I need to put zombie feet on display. Did the right choice for you come to pass? It must have, as you visited my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Same Old Rhyme And Reason Tis Is The Season!

Now that there is no more holiday cheer for a good long time to come near. The cat will give you a good burst to keep you going until Easter starts showing.

You spit and you sputter,
Tossing the tree in the gutter.
Cleaning up the messes,
Before other stresses.

Up on the roof,
You slip and, poof!
Go for a tumble,
Grumble, grumble.

The bills come in.
Each day at your bin.
A nice neat pille,
Stretches a mile.

The car won't start,
Can't get to Walmart.
No nude crack today.
Oh the dismay.

Buried in snow,
Nothing will grow.
Oops your poor back,
Has a shoveling attack.

You go to explore,
Down comes more,
Making you stumble.
Grumble, grumble.

Smack goes your face.
A ground embrace.
Not very nice.
Damn that ice.

Things turn blue.
Don't go all ewww.
Fingers and toes,
Even your nose.

Layers of clothes,
Bring new lows.
Look rather fat,
At least to the cat.

Two months to go,
Until spring starts to show.
So cheer away.
Celebrate each day.

Hey, at least there is no nude crack attack at your shack. Unless you are into that. I'm not a judging cat. But with all those clothes you won't suffer such woes. So cheer in every ear, you could warm them up if you get near. Now my cheer has come to pass from my ever so cheery little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Going GREEN At My Scene!

So Santa was nice to the cat and dropped off some fun stuff at our mat. Yeah, there was a bed and some toys to chew. But this is the one we like the most, between me and you. Just look at what it can do. Oh what things we can now cook up at our zoo.

We got a green screen,
And software at our scene.
Now we can film whatever,
And be oh so clever.

The cat can walk on the moon,
Dance to a tune.
Beat up a moose,
Or eat a goose.

Can walk out on the town.
Steal some king's crown.
Oh the ideas just flow.
I'm sure plenty of videos will show.

But for today and as a test,
So I can get to my best,
Here we are with version two,
Of buy my books for all to view.

No puppet this time,
Cassie even get a cameo with my chime.
Of course she is sniffing my butt.
It didn't turn out too bad for a first cut.


So there we are. Now I can truly be a star at our sand bar. All thanks to a little green screen we can really make a scene. Although so many different backgrounds at first made it look like I had holes and was about to burst. We will forget that little pass. Wait to see what comes next from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Happy New Year Across The Sphere!

So another year is gone and the cat is ready to predict this on at his lawn. That is right. He will help you win bets at your site. Just sit and stare to become aware.

The cat won't miss a day,
Here at his bay.
Zombie toe may come in view,
Just warning all of you.

A new reality tv show,
Will come and go,
About some down and out nut,
In a Hollywood rut.

The US will go into more debt.
That is a safe bet.
The Blue Jays won't win the big one,
That deal is done.

Iphone 6.6.6. will come out,
Superstitious people will shout.
Oh no, Rosey look! 
It's 666 at my nook.

None of us will win the lottery jackpot.
I know, that makes me sad a lot.
Betsy will get more cats.
They will keep away the bats.

I'll finally get the tip jar,
Stealing it from the dVerse bar.
Truedessa will write a rose poem.
Those roses sure roam.

There will be an alien sighting,
But sadly, it will have bad lighting.
Someone's computer will break.
That has to make your knees shake.

Old one eye will climb more stairs,
But still, no one cares.
GMO crap won't die,
Sadly it will multiply.

Cars still won't fly.
I can't lie.
And no teleportation at all,
Sorry ninja wannabe for the downer call.

And the worst thing ever,
The mayans weren't clever.
They were off by two years,
Que the world ending fears.

Okay, the last one was a lie. But it just had to be done under my sky. The rest are all true, I swear to you. Just you wait and see. You will be really impressed with me when all come to pass. I am just such a knowledgeable little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Resolution What? Oh Kiss My dVerse Butt!

Hey, I did not go crass and say ass. Of course that did not rhyme. But still I avoided that title crime. So for dVerse today and at many other a blogland bay, such things as the year in review and resolutions may be in view. The year in review I shall not do. For 2013 did not suck unlike 2012 where in the garbage I'd like to chuck. Could get shot, not an exaggeration, and still have a better year than 2012 at my plot. And as for resolutions at my zoo. WHOOPDI FRIGGIN DOO!

Look at me,
Look and see,
I have something to say,
On this very special day.

I will lose weight.
That is my fate.
Finally to the gym,
To get myself trim.

I will write a book.
It will be off the hook.
It will be so grand.
All will buy it across the land.

I will move away,
To another bay.
I will start anew,
With a brand new zoo.

I will get a life,
Maybe find a wife.
Make a baby or two,
Create a real zoo.

I will blog every day.
That is what I say.
Even with nothing to tell,
I'll still ring the bell.

I will quit smoking.
No longer will all be choking,
As I puff my cancer stick.
This day will do the trick.

It is oh so special after all.
They sing at every hall.
When to 12 goes the clock.
This year will really rock.

Oh just wait.
You mean magic isn't my fate?
I have to do work?
That is not a perk.

I want a magic day,
Here at my bay.
Where I can still sit on my ass,
And everything I want will come to pass.

One big crock. I know that doesn't come as a shock. People wait for some magic day, which I've said a time or two at my bay, instead of getting off their butt and doing it now at their hut. Let's wait six months for that magic day instead of getting in done by then at our bay. Humans are a pathetic mass. If I want change I simply do it and get off my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Helping Your New Year Out With Today's Shout!

Back once more we go at my shore with the dating nuts who wonder why they are in ruts. But if you need a new years date, a crazy below may be your fate. If you are that desperate though you may want to go roll around in the snow.

Why ant I find a date?
What? No ants will take the bait?
Look at my pants but don't touch
Those ants must go dutch.

Count down the cock with me
Somehow I don't think so at my sea.
I won't be forgotten baby
If I try hard enough just maybe.

Travel the gravel and unravel
Appreciate the rhyme but don't like scratchy gravel.
Join me babe, its UP to u
Snip snip, sorry, nothing up to view.

U B My Tackle Dummy And I Be Ur Cheer
I don't need bruises or a headache, my dear.
Aeroplanes are my specialty of the day
Do you charge a fare for round trips at your bay?

I will drinc u sillie willie
I think you are already drunk and on a fun pillie.
Short out your crap before you yap
I guess short really does get a bum rap.

I'm busy but will make tim for you
I don't want any Tim's at my zoo.
Cough my way
Germs! No way hosa!

You'll jingle all the way
Arnold might take offense at his bay.
We'll ring in 2019
Time travel can be a dangerous scene.

Why you looking at me?
Because you show yourself for free.
Slack asses need not apples make
Ummm am I the only one giving a wtf head shake?

Scores have tried but none have won
Are you saying you team with anyone?
My sweat glands are ready to go
I had a shower, thank you though.

Triple threat, me, you and my sweet.
Sorry, to the cat bestiality isn't neat.
Same the bar and everything will be fogot.
I think you have made the drunk cut.

There we are, I'm always helping out at my bar. You can get a date with ease. But then they may give you fleas. Especially the one with a sweet. You may want to bring a dog treat. But on them we will take a pass which delights my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Typical Show Will Give Each A Blow!

So with each and every TV show, the typical stuff they always give a go. Humpty humps and bare rumps. Some of this and some of that. But then there is stuff you wouldn't expect many to pull from their hat. So here we go with them all aglow.



 
Things go boom.Even in shows without doom and gloom.Eventually something will explode.Okay, that is kinda in typical mode.
 
But aliens are not.They show up a lot.In cop shows too.How many shows have them may surprise you.
 
 And in every show someone tries to rob a bank.The good guy is there to make them walk the plank.But they get stuck in their during the heist.Most times they don't get iced.
 
And of course a monster comes due.Usually a famous one or two.Can be a doctor show as well.These things still cause hell.
 
 And of course someone goes to jail.There is always some sort of tale.But away they will go."I'm innocent" they will usually crow.
 
Another you might not expect,Strangely in many you can detect.Time travel comes into play.After they jump the shark in the bay.
 
And this guy is everywhere.Maybe it is because he has no hair.Bet he has been in ten shows you've seen.Even in Full House he was on your screen.
 
And Pirates come into play.In many in some way.From treasure to actually stealing.They get that walk the plank feeling.
 
Santa also goes bad.Many a show has him going mad.Robbing a bank and such.I guess they don't like him jolly much.
 
And maybe the biggest one of all.It seems in most every tv show you can give a call.Cats don't exist.That makes the cat rather pissed.
Can't you tell from my look? They need to get on that at each and every TV nook. But then we don't take direction well. It would still be fun to cause the humans hell. So have you noticed such themes on more than one show? It is okay if you are a little slow. Now I will go leave a present in some producers grass. That will teach them to cross my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Eye See You At Your Zoo!

Did you ever get the feeling that something was off? But no matter how much you scoff, you still don't know what. Let's see if today you can catch on at my hut. It is okay if it takes a moment or two. For it has been done before and confused a few.

Today's post is the bomb.
You may chew your comb.
Have you guessed what is to come?
I hope you have from the comfort of home.

If not ask your daughter.
She may give much laughter.
But just don't sit there and brood,
Or go letting any tears flood.

Did I hear you cough?
That sounded a bit rough.
Maybe you need a mint,
Or a good pint.

Sorry though, I have none.
Although I can get you a stone.
Those I do not love.
Even snip snip they won't move.

Aren't you feeling alive?
Of course you have to be to live.
Unless you fall over when you take a bow.
That could interrupt your flow.

Then you would not be anyone's envy.
Don't sit there and ask me why.
I guess it just has been proved.
I can't help it if you're not loved.

Don't raise your eyebrow.
I may just have to send you a crow.
Yes, you heard what I said.
The plans have now been laid.

It may or may not be dead.
It depends on how you read.
At least it will look new,
And there will be no need to sew.

Are I not an evil fiend?
But I am still your friend.
Unless you are too rugged.
Then I'd have to be drugged.

But I don't mind strange.
I'll give them a nice orange.
Have you caught on to my hubris,
Or is your brain now full of debris?

Did you guess eye rhyme today? I have to do them to screw with all once in a while at my bay. Blame Grammar Nazi if you are now confused and you feel abused. He first told me about such an eye rhyme pass, which I just knew had to be used by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.