Pat Hatt's Blog, page 208

It's Not Too Late! You Can Get A Commercialized Date!

So you spent the commercialized day alone? No one dialed your phone? I guess the guy in the diaper neglected you. Never fear, I'll help you out at my zoo. Here are some picks to perk up some ummm errr wicks.

I'll change your diaper baby
No way, not even a maybe.
Click here to enlarge your gift.
You're already so large, you clearly aren't swift.

Con u luv me today?
I don't think so at my bay.
I want roses damn it!
Hmm direct, just a bit.

Move over, momma is ready for you.
You belong in a zoo.
Lets help cupids arruw along.
Sorry, you spelled it wrong.

From me to you
Nothing! Indian giver at your zoo.
My sis said you'd love me
She lied, sorry!

I share my roys
No way hosa, not into boys.
I'm ready for doody.
Smells like roses or fruity?

I'll be your fair fary.
Only one I or things get hairy?
Scroll down for more details.
If I scroll down will I find umm tails?

Werk on your skills cry babies.
Do you have a form of rabies?
Life could be best with me.
My ears may bleed at my sea.

Top pick on my twitter feed.
I bet you help all in need.
Not a good time for me but oh well.
Yourself you really can sell.

Don't message me if you are old, hairy, shy, double dipper
What if it is still umm chipper?
Clothes make me feel naked.
Bet your brain suffered from bake it.

Swim in the waters with me.
Sorry, too cold at our sea.
Baby, its bold outside.
Shouldn't bold be cause for pride?

So there you go. I can forward them to your show. Just ask the cat and you could have a lover of doody there in no time flat. Some even share roys, I hear they are lifelike toys. You could have a lass of a whole other class all thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Time To Sway At Your Commercialized Bay!

Love is in the air at many a lair...for a price...you can make it more nice. A guy in a diaper with a bow is surely in the know. Sit back and stick your rump in the air, you may find someone to care. Or someone with a butt fetish I suppose. They may think it smells like a rose. But I digress as once more I attack the commercialized mess.


Search out a man,Not a flash in the pan,But a true guy,That looks rather spry.He'll be in underwear,Ready to make a pair.Stick up your ass,To find your lad or lass.Unless it's diaper change time,Then make due with a mime.He may be too full of crap,To take a lovers lap.Then where will you turn?Such desire continues to burn.You need a mate,One that doesn't deflate.One who's a looker,Nope, not a hooker.This isn't the day,For hourly pay. Instead you need,Absolutely need, at your feed,A box of this and that,Looks like it came out the rear of the cat.
A flower or ten,Heck, break out the pen.Sign a big old check,Spread flowers across the deck.
Don't forget the card.It isn't hard.So many, I know. Just grab six or so.Now you are ready,To look good and steady.Just stick out you arm,This stuff works like a charm.Trust us we say.You'll have a great day.On this very special date,Cupid's arrow is your fate.Pffft as usual at my sea. They can take their day and stick it up their corporate rear with glee. Just like crummy New Year's day, there is no big wowing magic when Valentine's is on display. Should do things waaaay more than once a year not just when commercialized idiots give you ads to see and hear. I could be more crass but today I'm trying to be a more loveable little rhyming ass.Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Whoopdi Friggin Doo Because Of Two!

Robbie Raisn here. Come on in and have no fear. Today we help two conquer just that. Or who prove their brains are flat. I guess we shall have to see as we help the beer guys climb down from their tree.

So beer guys let us help, tell us your greatest fear with a little yelp.

"I find that the problem with mannequin hands, aside from unsatisfactory nose pickings, are the unsettling and aggressive nature of their hand jobs."

Wow! You fear mannaquin hands that give aggressive hand jobs. Maybe you should hand them old corn cobs? But that is just my advice. I am sure Alex has something with more spice.

Are you ready, man??? Because trust me - that many will make you INSANE!!!

Okay, apparently many mannequin hands will make you a crazy sex nut. Manzanita, stand up and speak proud at your hut.

Let's dance a jig with a thousand ghosts

Getting a thrill from a thousands ghosts is for another day. Brian, come and join the fray.

you drop it daily, which makes it all the more crazy

Wow, the beer guys do it daily you say? Folklore, make such an image go away.

WHOO HOO way to go at your zoo!!!

Add another quirk to the redneck. She likes cheering a mannequin hand job trek. Truedessa shed some light on this mannequin bliss.

I'm a loon
singing my songs about the moon
all, that action below making me swoon

Damn, the beer guys have mannequin loving groupies piling up.  Humbird prove you know more than a pup.

what the power you use
to get out of 'caboose' ?

First hands below and now around. The beer guys and their mannequin love is profound. Betsy for the win, help explain this sin.

I was an an auction all day!

Aren't you over that excuse yet? Optimistic, is your answer set?

I can hear Tony the Tiger saying greeaaattt

Frosted Flakes will never be looked at the same again. Sherry, beat out all these men.

Be careful of the scary duckbill. I've heard she's dangerous!

This is not the place to toot your own horn. Anne, say how this fetish was born.

Your snip snip doesn't stop you from sucking the fat of your Viking Woman.

No need to talk about your fetish with the cat. Elsie, are you smarter than a gnat?

At my next feature show
I better at least have a bow

Hmmmm so you are a feature at the mannequin show? That I did not need to know. Gloria can you explain this strange bliss?

If Im bury but I participate

Buried and still get a mannequin thrill. I think I feel ill. Claudia can you shed some light on this fright?

you never know who comes through the door next makes it all the more fun.

I suppose that keeps it fresh. Do the mannequins wear mesh? Susan Gourley with a slash care to join the bash?

It's fun to watch after I read,
I think those nuts had a little weed.

So you are just a watcher you say? Theresa make this go away.

I feel special when I get included in one

Another groupie in the click. Mary Kirkland what is your pick?

I saw a lot of familiar faces in that video 

Too busy watching mannequin porn. DWei how was this born?

That's insane. 

I agree. Remembering Grace, can you remember at your sea?

You should probably take my name out of the drawing. I can't take the stress.

Drawing for mannequins now? That could get a meow. Robyn what is taking place? Don't be afriad to show your face.

Encore. Encore.
I'm looking forward to
1000 more.

Another groupie for the mannequin ways. Rosey, what is the answer to this craze?

Dead skin cell droppings is not a pretty thought

Whalla! It has been found. The beer guys get hand jobs from mannequins because plastic leaves no dead skin cells around. Rosey is so smart for a bit of an old fart. Oops, did I say that. Now I send you back to the cat.

********************************
That was Robbie Raisin not me. Rosey, don't blame me. So the beer guys have been explained. I hope their mannequins are well trained. At least they always have an on call lass. Still very weird to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer. 

Another Time With A Spotlight Rhyme!

So movies and Rhyme Time ABC. May as well combine the two at my sea. Heck why not? Could make a good plot. The movie triva abc killer. Could be the next big thriller.

A is for Alien that big drooly thing.
It was not mammalian but its tongue could cling.
B gets some Bad News Bears who play ball.
They need to climb some stairs like at old one eye's hall.

C is for Con Air which was a bad thought.
Shouldn't it dawn on a pair about some evil plot?
D is for Duma that big spotted cat.
Evan a puma would sure love that.

E is for Elf the shower peeper.
Off the shelf he can be quite the creeper.
F is for Flipper that sea faring thing.
Get me a clipper and I'll have lunch at my wing.

G is for Go, it just popped in.
Search high and low in the used bin.
H goes for Harry and The Henderson crew.
He may seem scary with his very full hairdo.

I is for Indiana Jones, except that last one.
Bury the fourth with bones, a whole friggin ton.
J is for Jimmy Hollywood the pathetic loon.
He never understood he did not live in a cartoon.

K jumps into Karate Kid action with a wax on.
You might end up in traction is wax off is a con.
L makes you a Lethal Weapon by the light of day.
Just watched where you're steppin at night, okay?

M is for Mannequin one and not number two.
The first was fun the second was poo.
N is for New Kids and their carnival plight.
Kids flip their lids and bring a big fight.

O is for Open Range and lots of cows.
I think cows are strange, prefer one who meows.
P goes to Point of No Return which is near.
But none I will spurn today with my rhyming rear.

Q is for Quiz Show and its trivia stuff.
Those not in the know end up in a huff.
R brings a Roger Rabbit with his craze.
It's a bad habit to see birds when in a daze.

S is a Short Circuit but its alive.
Just figure out how to work it and you'll survive.
T is a Top Gun with a need for speed.
Look, some video game fun decided to take seed.

U is for Unstoppable times two, each a load of crap.
Burn either one at your zoo if they enter your map
V brings Varsity Blues and another ball.
But that isn't news as they give plays a call

W brings a Weekend at Bernies and a dead smell.
Those monopoly tourneys can really raise hell.
X dances to a Xanadu that is quite a miss.
But such news isn't new over its rainbow bliss.

Y features Yes Man and its yes ways.
A flash in the pan compared to the no craze.
Z is for Zapped, up goes the skirt.
Sure won't be trapped and easy to flirt.

Now I am done my two in one. Hope it was fun. But if a movie trivia abc killer comes to your door, don't blame my shore. But if you must you can Scream and shout something crass before you die at my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Little dVerse From Kind Of Hum!

Today for dVerse we are going to see the junk senders names that email me. We already went down the junk road a time or two. But we never made the names come due. So away we go as a from hum will show.

It's Gadgets and Gear.
Might want to protect your rear.
Then we have Canadadrives.
I bet it saves lives.

If not they can use -SUPPORT-
Warning! You might end up in court.
There is always Hornymatches.com though.
Those gadgets could come in handy you know.

Stealth Attraction will show you the way.
Learn to be sneaky at your bay.
Oh my! It's Watches Online!
Not where I got mine.

VipStockReports just for you.
I'm so special I get two.
Strategies of Deduction.
Use a gadget that has suction?

Proactiv Special Offer just for me!
I am so lucky at my sea.
Job Support is hounding the cat.
I don't work, so scat!

Free Par-tay is on today!
Come join the par-tay fray.
University of Phoenix wants me too.
That is so far from my zoo.

LivingSocial is just not me.
I like being a hermit and living care free.
SeniorPeopleMeet.com is after the cat as well.
Do I look old and senile where I dwell?

Live Cam wants me to look.
Sorry, not taking the hook.
My Real Income Online!
Fake, even to this feline.

Pharmacy is open for all.
Viagra seems to be the only thing on their wall.
Female Seduction is at play.
Come use suction better at our bay.

Self Improvement is just what I need.
I have too much gas at my feed.
And the worst junk of all,
Facebook wants me to post on their wall.

Most of these names tend to be dirty, flirty or rich. What happen to from Bob, Fred or Mitch? Whoever named these people needs to be spayed. They also need a name trade. Now I will go work on getting that gas out of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Two Nuts And Me With A Prober On A Spree!

So back we are and this time there is no video at my sand bar, but the two light hearted fools are on display. I think some probing alien is about to have a very bad day.


 The fools stared at the moon,While I ran around like a loon.They have nothing on me,I went on a tp tearing spree.
 
They were staring away,When lunch came my way.Too bad Truedessa got in its path,I wanted to drown it in the bird bath.
 
Of course Pat could not let her get away,One fool doesn't have the same ring I say.So he called a big cat.My, that must have some huge scat.

 Then came the probe guy.He liked to fly high.Those long things go up your bum.They make all rather glum.
 
But just in case he misses,He doesn't want any hisses.So he has a pet unicorn.That horn makes probing be born.
 
But Truedessa would have none of that.That made me a happy cat.She rode the deadly alien probe.Hopefully she has underwear on under that robe.

The alien was ticked off.No one got probed and was told to cough.He brought out ray guns.The prober had tons.

Truedessa let loose a sparkly fart.She really took it to heart.Yeah, women do that,You can't fool the cat.
 
She killed the alien with her stink,Then along we did slink.We slid down a moon beam.Wait! Was this all a strange dream?
 
Find out the truth by clicking here and seeing book 26 from my little rhyming rear.
Aliens, moon beams and giant cats in the sky. Not sure I could dream that if I try. All comes from the voices in my head. Now the cat needs to go rest in bed. That alien had probes in mass. I am glad he never got near my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What I See Told to Thee!

So over at dVerse they want all to jot down a scene from their day. Do I look like the gawker at my bay? A mohawk on the cat, I wonder what animal rights groups would make of that? Anyway, since the cat and Pat are hiding away after the creepy old guy across the bay, we went a little different way.

World is black.
A static attack.
Nothing to view.
Universe and you.

Breath crawls,
Breaking walls.
Thoughts are faint,
Drying oil paint.

Scene from within,
Circular light spin.
Dark vortex calls,
Expanding mystic halls.

Flashes of age,
Ripped from the page.
Clouds of light,
Breaking from night.

Images cluttered,
Static fluttered,
Unable to hone,
Message not known.

Outsourced control,
Ever translating scroll.
Index from reach,
Mind able to teach.

Stars form clutter.
Twinkle and flutter.
Constellations of you,
Sew lines and brew.

Eyes wide yet shut.
State yells cut.
Traveler's return,
Insight equaling earn.

Twenty minutes gone,
A five minute con?
Universal truth,
Just beneath the tooth.

Spotted cat trotting,
Over time allotting.
Night becomes day,
Thoughts again at play.

There you are. There was a previous day's scene at our bar. Technically it was all in Pat's head as after he put the hour and a half yoga workout to bed, he tried some of that meditation stuff. Clearing one's head is not so rough. The cat was even quiet for such a pass. I guess I just wanted to be a nice little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Board The Bus Of Blow Jobs R Us!

Okay, this may get a little strange today at my bay. But the following is a true story told in all its not so glory. You have been warned at my sea. So now is your chance to flee.

So the other night,
Pat got a letter at our old site.
He was told he could come get it,
Instead of that return to sender bit.

So he went to the old place,
To see why it going there was still the case.
It was just some credit on a bill.
One that already happened at my hill.

Nothing new there.
Still hate our old lair.
But one of the old guys is still there,
Wife in the hospital and unaware.

Was lonely and wanted to chat,
Said okay as he was always nice to Pat.
Plus I could do Betsy's act of kindness thing.
Betsy, I am going to put a curse on your wing.

For up we went and sat down,
That is when Pat entered crazy town.
After the usual chit chat crap,
Pat was propositioned by the old chap.

"Every been with a man?"
I guess of a man he was also a fan.
Nothing wrong with that mind you,
If that is your thing at your zoo.

Of course Pat said no.
Then he went on at his show.
"I saw you naked through your window,
You have a great body you know."

Yeah, he really went there.
I guess my broken body is a nice affair.
Before this I figured people see me naked, what do I care?
Everything is the same one way or another down there.

But then came the kicker,
I guess he likes to be a licker.
Offered me $40 to give me a blow job.
Maybe he got tired of corn on the cob?

And did I mention is age,
As his hormones rage?
Over 70 or so,
Easily at his show.

And that is why I avoid people at my show. No more acts of kindness or walking naked near the window. So what do you think? Should Pat set up by the sink and charge $40 for people to give him blow jobs each day? Could get some thrills and some pay. Mind you it was not done in a, that, creepy a way. He just hoped Pat would be up for experimenting with such a display. Yes, it is all a true pass. Damn, the crazies, offline and online, keep finding my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Details Matter As You Climb The Ladder!

Do you mind the details at your work sea? If one is had of course by thee. But we have all had one a time or two, unless you were born rich, then just screw you.

Walk on in,
To your work bin.
There is lots of hate,
For this 9 to 5 fate.

It is so vile,
But slap on a smile.
It is time for 8 hours,
Of ass kissing showers.

Such nice shoes,
Did you hear the news?
Those are so great.
I can't relate.

But I still know their great.
Great is their fate.
My fate is great.
Great and no hate.

Damn, where was I?
Did you just choke on a fly?
After all that great,
It was like repeat is your fate.

What a great idea you had.
Let me get a pen and pad.
I'll write it all for you.
There at your zoo.

You won't have to do work.
Isn't that a perk?
I'll kiss your ass,
Err umm do work in mass.

Never mind my drool,
Everything is cool.
Don't be a fool,
I'll pick your kids up from school.

Then you can take that spit,
And shine your shoes a bit.
So helpful am I.
Way better than that other guy.

Now do I get my raise?
Yes! Ass kissing pays.
What! You just said no?
Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Is that you? I hope not at your zoo. Seen plenty far and wide. They cross far far far into the great divide. Surprised they don't run into a wall while darkened by their ass kissing call. But I guess they are used to such a mass, just keep them away from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

An Optimistic Existentialist Thinks He Rules Against Two Light Hearted Fools!

Well it seems those two light hearted fools sure need some travel tools. Maybe a compass would help out. For they seem more lost than a brainless trout. But they are back once more at my shack.

Narrator guy has enough.
He tries to get rough.
He wants this done,
So he can go have fun.

But instead of Bora Bora's shore,
He sends them to a place of lore.
I mean just a regular place.
But I put that just in case.

It is Gloria's house.
She is oh so close,
To getting out of the sand.
I bet then life would be grand.

Sadly, they leave here there.
They are quite the nasty pair.
Then along the way,
They meet Optimistic Existentialist who wants to play.

That big long name,
Makes some weird claim.
It's really a wind up toy?
I wonder if it brings people joy.


Wow, Optimistic Existentialist in spandex is so scary some how. Although from some one like worm killers he may get a meow. Then again if he is just a toy it may be some weird ploy. Who really knows as he died in the grass. I will not dwell on it with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.