Pat Hatt's Blog, page 207

A dVerse Time With This Chime!

So today for dVerse we go have a look at the calendar at each nook. Yeah they did it months ago. So did I, it just took months to show. Lets see what comes to pass when it is looked at by my little rhyming ass.

What's in a date?
Increased interest rate?
Inflation at its best.
Bi-weekly your guest.

What's in a day?
The sky is grey?
The sun is shining.
People are whining.

What's in a year?
Death comes near?
The seasons change,
Or simply rearrange.

What's in a date?
Could it be fate?
You missed the truck.
Fate or luck?

What's in a day?
9-5 on display?
A traffic jam or three.
Those sure annoy me.

What's in a year?
Something to fear?
Bones begin to crack.
A hypochondriac attack?

What's in a date?
Some pearly gate?
Sights of a drunk?
Make my day, punk?

What's in a day?
Another food tray?
Some little breeze,
Causing fingers to freeze.

What's in a year?
An ever growing rear?
Around goes the sphere,
As you stay in first gear.

What's in time?
A lemon or lime?
Always on the go.
While life eats crow.

And there we are for today. I went all out there at my bay. Too many questions for you? Sometimes I do that at my zoo. So sit back and stare or clean up cat hair. I will let the later pass as only a little comes off my daily little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Cat Continues To Thrive At Five!

So today the cat turns five at his bay. But I still look young I say. You humans ask all the time how to stay young. I will help you out so you don't go pop a lung.



 First you need to be aware.Have to watch all at your lair.Don't be afraid to give an evil glare.Or just sit there and stare.

Then get your exercise.Fight or chase flies.Fighting is more fun.Just watch Cassie run.

But don't play fair.Screw that at your lair.Attack and don't be kind.Whack your foe in the behind.

Or bite them too,When they can't see you. They never know where you will attack.Just watch out for their return whack.

And don't eat that GMO crap.Blow that off the map.Just eat some yummy grass.Works for my little rhyming ass.

Get lots of toys.They bring joys.Making you play.Keeping you young at your bay.

And stretch every day.On back the chair you can lay.Just stretch those arms.You won't raise any crazy alarms.

And don't forget the side stretch.If those toys you have to fetch,You will need to be in shape.You don't want to be round like a grape.

And eat some yummy fish.They are quite the tasty dish. That stuffing is the best.It just gives me such zest.
 
But most of all,Don't be afraid to try new places at your hall.Fit within the cracks.Good for what ails backs.
So there you are, tips from my bar. Now you can stay as spry as me. Well maybe not Manzi or Betsy. They could be too far over the hill. Ooops, out that sorta did spill. Now I will go eat a huge mass that is sure delight my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What Is It You Do At Your Zoo?

The other day, actually when this runs it will be a while ago at my bay, the cat was asked what he did. To which he just blinked an eyelid. I guess they wanted to know the experience so I let it flow.

I rhyme off my rear.
But I usually say ass, dear.
I hop here and there,
Visiting many a lair.

I travel the Earth,
Seeing things of worth.
Some not so much.
Some things I'd never touch.

I do videos too.
A couple of light hearted fools in view.
Plus things involving ass,
Like sand, a puppet and mini me come to pass.

Write some more and then some more,
Here at my crazy shore.
Fend off old one eyes.
Maybe even kill some flies.

Entertain the kiddos too,
With a book or twenty at my zoo.
Some even star little old me,
I'm as grand as can be.

What? You tweet at your hut?
To 100 people in a rut?
Wow, my 62,000 look insane,
Compared to your slow poke lane.

Did you give me the stink eye?
You asked there umm guy.
I'll even rhyme about this.
A post you might not want to miss.

See, I told you so.
Did you see it at my show?
Don't be afraid,
Numb Tongue is the one with Raid.

Did I mention such people hang around?
A gawker is even found.
Along with a ninja wannabe,
And a halloween nazi at my sea.

Why are you backing away?
You don't like what I say?
How rude are you?
Did I mention I host Whoopdi Friggin Doo?

That is one way to scare them from my bay. Won't ask that question once again near my den. I suppose it can confuse as old one eye I abuse. Did they expect me to just say I eat grass? Better things to do with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Future Is Back At My Shack!

The cat got that time travel device working again here at our den. Of course the damn thing only told me the news in title form. I guess that is the norm. So away we go giving you the news of the future at my show.

2165: Oldest Person In The World Dies
I guess they had one too many pies?
Didn't even say their name.
The future is kinda lame.

3034: New Aliens Have Landed
Are they right or left handed?
Do they even have eyes?
I wonder if they are wise.

2016: Google Drive Helps Drunks
Put them in trunks.
Then no problem at all,
Drive them to their hall.

2050: Cubs Win The World Series
Puts an end to theories,
That they will never win.
Place a bet at your bin.

3666: Aliens Blow Us To Bits
Better hide when 666 hits.
I'll be long past dead though.
But at least future generations will know.

2063: Sailing Is Now Outlawed
Are we supposed to applaud?
I guess too much pollution in the sea,
They are just trying to protect thee.

2098: First Contact With Alien Life
You mean you actually talked to your wife?
Wow, what a great writer indeed.
I can't wait for another 85 years to come so I can read.

2154: Plants Mutate Into Killer Herbs
Better watch out if you live in the burbs.
They may strangle you.
Destroy all plants at your zoo.

2762: More People Live In Space Than On Earth
How much is a space house worth?
I'd rather stay here.
Being stuck in space I fear.

2953: Earth 4 Is Open For Everyone
What happened to the first three that spun?
I bet they went boom.
Thanks for the doom and gloom.

There you go, now you have lots to look forward to at your show. Might want to duck and cover though if you plan to live to be 2000 years old you know. Nasty aliens will come to pass. Keep them away from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

When You Are Bored Do You Hoard?

Get ready for an It's Rhyme Time Edition of Hoarders! We have no borders. We will go anywhere to show you a hoarding lair. So what if we had to peep. We will just blame that on that Tom creep.

 
We went to a certain house,There was not even a mouse.But there were books by the ton.None from Pat, so we knocked them over and away we did run.
 
Another house nearby,Was owned by a guy.Can't you tell?A box hoarder isn't swell.
 
We stopped by Betsy's too. It seems her kitty crowd grew.We figured we might get lost there,Plus we already have plenty of cat hair.
 
75 tons of clothes,Sure can cause woes.Who the heck hoards all of that?We quickly decided to scat.
 
We also stopped by Mary's place.We quickly got a frown on our face.Each mutt tried to sniff our butt.Who knew she had such a hoarding hut?
 
Next was just this!This did not cause bliss. A hoarder who hoards this,Needs to burn it down and hiss.
 
Stuff animals galore,Were hoarded away at this shore.That is quite the pile.I bet they can stretch a mile.
 
More and more books.Gave them all quick looks,And none of Pat's once again,So we burned down this den.
 
Stopped by Mary Kirkland's place.It gave us a happy face.Snacks on the go,The cat's belly hung low.
 
This worked for our OCD.It was all neat and tidy.Don't you just want to knock them down?But you might make that hoarder frown.
So there was our hoarders display for today as we investigated each bay. Who could the others be? We won't tell at our sea. The clothes may be the ninja wannabe though. His naked clones are scary after all as they stand in a row. At least no one hoarded singing bass as that would surely annoy my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Crime Wave For The Brave!

So after the dumb criminal act the cat hears many bloggers made a pact. They wanted to show all how it was done and then retire some place with sand and sun.

There they were outside a bank,
Folklore the getway driver with a full tank.
With her big fancy redneck horn,
All would get out of the way and go look at porn.

Brian gawked the situation over.
He pretended he was some crazy rover.
Betsy sent in an army of cats,
Who gave fleas to all the banker dingbats.

Optimistic bored the passerbys to death,
Yapping until he was out of breath.
Terry and Manzi gave the rest worms,
Many humans got what one may call the squirms.

Alex used chopsticks to pick the lock.
It worked, which left many in shock.
Mary waited in the bushes,
Just in case her dogs had to bite tushes.

Truedessa sadly let one get away,
And they called the cops to join the fray.
She was too busy waiting for the moon.
More fixated than a bad saturday morning cartoon.

The beer guys had a plan.
One in which they were the only fan.
They got drunk and made puke puddles in the road.
So the cops would slip while they took their money load.

But when the cops showed up,
Old one eye walked out and scared even the police pup.
They all peeled over in disgust.
So the heist was not a bust.

Rosey used her learned mail skills,
She directed everyone taking the bills.
Theresa thought what a great giveaway.
Yes, we know the Halloween Nazi isn't all okay.

They piled into their stolen bus.
Folklore then let out some cuss.
She hit her horn and away they went.
She even told a mime to get bent.

I hear they got away.
To some nice sunny Timbuktu like bay.
Sadly pesos don't go very far.
But at least they can rest at a sunny sand bar.

See, there is a crime for thee. Wasn't it so not dumb? Hmm well they did not leave a bread crumb. So there was no fail that landed them in jail. I guess that is a pass. That is as much as it gets from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Dumb Return To Feel The Burn!

A double dose today as the cat is guesting at another bay!
The cat figured it was time to do another chime on dumb crime. I wonder if there will be a mime? These criminals are really in their prime. The criminal underworld ladder the are ready to climb. The cat is gonna drop a dime with this little rhyme.

Fast food is oh so great.
After $120 robbery is your fate.
These criminals went and got some grease,
Then posted on Instagram their fleece.

If a squirrel in a store won't stop.
Just call a nearby cop.
He will scare the critter away.
Shooting to scare it and cause dismay.

A guy walks into a gun store with a bat.
He wants to steal a gun stat.
The owner pulls out a gun of his own.
This guy gets a big dunce cone.

A dumb criminal to take the cake,
A fake ID she couldn't make.
So she gave a stolen ID to a waitress to buy a drink.
Except it was the waitresses stolen ID, landing her in the clink.

Some fun thieves are so broke,
They couldn't hire a getaway bloke.
So they used a donkey to carry their stash.
Now they are having a jailhouse bash.

A couple of thieves couldn't afford a mask.
So what did they use you ask?
Permanent marker on their face.
When stopped by the cops they got a nice cell space.

A thief was good and caught.
So he ran away and forgot his plot.
He did it in the light of day.
So when he was found he thought burglary charges were only for a night display.

A man walks into a bank.
He gives his finger a yank.
Look I have a gun.
Then his finger falls out and he shows everyone.

Another with a nice fake finger gun,
Flagged down a motorist and said what he wanted done.
He wanted to go to nearby bank machines, quick.
But the dummy withdrew from his own account some slick.

The best of all was a man,
Who was no flash in the pan.
Mask, gun, rental car, check!
Wearing work uniform with name tag = no full deck.

They seem to get dumber year after year. You humans are something to fear. The cop technically was not a criminal though. He just wanted that squirrel to go. Too bad, so sad a firing was had. These guys must have sniffed more than grass, so so sad to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

They Provide With dVerse Pride!

There are those with names that allow you to call and play games, Verizon and Bell think they are swell. They give you a fee and laugh to the bank with glee. Bill you up the wazoo with pride but they surely provide.

Leave a message at the tone.
If you paid for one of your own.
If not, sorry is all we say.
Call back again another day.

That is if your minutes are there.
If not, we really don't care.
Just sit and wait a while.
Hey, at least you don't have to turn a dial.

Texts you ask?
In them you can bask.
But we will charge for each one.
Feel free to have many spun.

Reach out and touch.
Go talk much.
Even if they are far away.
Show the love at your bay.

Forget the extra fee.
Let your blabber fly free.
It doesn't rack up fast.
That is a thing of the past.

What? You calling me a liar?
I suppose my pants are on fire.
But your wallet feels the burn,
As we ding you at every turn.

And never fear,
You can find each blog cheer.
Just log on the Internet.
If your data purchase has been met.

If not, buy some.
No need to be glum.
Then if you go over,
We charge you up the rear of even rover.

But if you want.
You can forget our taunt.
Don't worry your pretty little head.
We will still charge you a processing fee while you're in bed.

What? Forget the hype.
Don't use that thing called Skype.
Free isn't what it is cracked up to be.
Stick with me and my fee.

The cat just had to have a little fun with the cell phone companies under the sun. A fee for this and a fee for that, they are worse than a gnat. Even worse than a singing bass. Glad none are needed by my dVerse little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

And Now Round Nineteen Makes A Scene!

Here we are once more as the nuts from search engines get another encore. This time they are crazier than ever with their search endeavor. Many are wordy too as they search and find my zoo.

...circus was visiting little... town
Dots and all. The bearded lady must have been giving Morse Code a call.

ass crack snowman
snowman butt
mooning snowman
free mooning snowman
mooning snowmn
snowman ass
ass of a snowman
ass = snowman

Damn! They come each year. These snowman fetish people I really fear. Wouldn't it be cold? How can things stay bold?

man made things that try to pull feet from head

Wow! That is a feat some how. Anyone else raise their eyebrow?

Sneaky forms that get you to take it up the

Up the what? Something that rhymes with hut? Or are you the feet head guy? Come now, don't lie.

Tired of trash in the trash

So do you keep a trash stash for a trash bash?

Man humping sheep

Ummm okay. Go away!

Tag your it you little turd now fly to the moon

That is just rude. Such a mean name calling dude. I'll give you a moon and maybe death by spoon.

Can people really find alien life in the sky on a dark night

Grab your tinfoil hat and look for a bat. It could glow and then you'd have an alien show.

I bet it was the one armed man

He's already in the can. but nice to see a Fugitive fan.

My mommy won't let me go out and play in the snow

And you found my show? I won't help, I hate snow.

And the winner of today with this search engine batch on display, is quite the nut and has less brains than a mutt.

Time the one thing I control better than gas
Okay, what do you make of that one on display? The cat needs to talk about something else I think as the gassy keep finding my rink. Maybe I should just show zombie toes each day at my bay? Or just pretty pictures of grass. I still think these nuts will find my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Showing The Love As She Swirls Above!

So dVerse is on the lovey dovey trend. I think they are around the bend. But the cat will just nod and agree. It is so much more fun being mean at my sea. The cat does love a thing or two. So he can share with you.

She wants me to fetch,
To prove shes a catch.
So I give chase,
From place to place.

I want that embrace.
Puts a smile on my face.
Her short dark hair,
Just looks so rare.

That eagle like end,
On which I depend,
Allows her to fly.
The cat is one lucky guy.

She is short and sleek,
And likes to rub my cheek.
She's only covered a bit,
Sometimes I just can't take it.

She slowly sways before me,
Letting herself fly free,
Soaring like a bird,
I hold onto her every word.

The way she makes me bend,
I love it to no end.
I get a little pep,
Added to each step.

My eyes never leave her.
She sure makes me purr.
Sometimes at night,
I stare at her beautiful sight.

Under the covers I chase,
As she leaves a trace.
Between the sheets she plays,
I could stay there for days.

A little kinky it can be,
But that is fine by me.
I still give chase,
At a more steady pace.

Even in the bathtub,
I give her a love rub.
But don't sit and blubber,
We protect with rubber.

Oh how I love her so. My mouse that chirps on a string can really glow. I chase her here, there and everywhere. What? You thought it was something else at my lair? Such dirty minded people here. Can't I give my mouse on a string a cheer? She is such a regal lass and brings much fun to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.