Pat Hatt's Blog, page 233

Today We Trim The Skim!

So over at Anne's sea when she was being all blog whore-y, yeah a cheat rhyme I know but blog whore'y just has such a glow, she did a post on how to tell if people skim. But it was rather grim. I mean she did not even rhyme. That there is just a crime. So once again for old Irish Air the cat will have to pick up the slack at his lair.

Wrote a post,
You are a proud host,
You hit publish on the day,
Or schedule if like my bay,

Then all is cheery.
But then you see something eerie.
"Nice post"
Is given a boast.

"That was fun"
Is given a run.
"Great job"
You hear from Bob.

Wow, your post threw them for a tizzy,
They must be really dizzy,
Or oh so busy.
Maybe they need to take a umm whizzy.

I mean such a comment is so grand,
How can you not think you topped yourself in your land.
But wait there is more,
As others come to explore.

"I win"
Something got into the gin.
"Yeah I saw the snow today."
Meanwhile you said it was sunny at your bay.

"I love dogs, you are great."
That just automatically gets hate.
"Nice picture of a monkey"
Meanwhile your post was about something funky.

"Look at those boobies on display."
They can distract, so okay.
"Can't wait until your next post"
My, you strike the ego of the host.

"Great photo of you."
Actually it was of a log in view.
And the best of the best,
"You blog beats all the rest."

My such wise words in there,
How can you not stop and stare.
I mean now all can be aware,
That you have the bestest best ever besty best lair.

See Anne, that is how it is done under my sun and with a rhyming run. But still yours was spun and gave me my fun so I will give you that one. Now I am done as I heard the gun and off I run to go pester a nun. Don't look at me like that way lass. I will pester anyone with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Stuck In A Tree? Beats Me!

So dVerse wants the cat to go all twin here at his bin. But pfffft to that I have better things to do at my mat. For looking out the window I had quite the show. I get to stare all day at a person wrapped in a tree at my bay.
There was a person in a tree.How did she get there? Beats me.But there she was stuck in the tree.How did she get stuck? Beats me.
But there she was stuck in a tree.Suffering through dogs lifting their leg and having a pee.She could not even wash her knee.I'm sure they never gave her any glee.
How do you get in a tree?I wish I knew to tell all of thee.Then you could set her free.So a dog can't pee on her knee.
Maybe I'll ask a friendly flea,What was the cause of her in a tree.Maybe she went on a shopping spree,And pissed off her husband named Lee.
Or maybe she tried to get things for free.Instead getting a one-way trip in the tree.Maybe she drank some herbal tea,That was cursed at her sea.
Or she pissed off a busy bee,Who stuck her there with a tee hee.Or she ate a magic pea,Those are nasty between you and me.
Maybe she got a guilty plea,For kicking a shopper in the knee.Her sentence was to be stuck in a tree,Letting dogs pee on her knee.
We could go on from A to Z.But that would only be conjecture from me.So I will go in search of the flea,That could tell me how she got stuck in the tree,
With dogs peeing on her knee.Taking away all her glee.For such a hefty fee,I may just ask three.
But if they were to decree,A simple, beats the hell out of me.I would have a sight to see,And she'd remain stuck in a tree.
So just in case don't piss off a bee,Or kick someone in the knee.Or if you get a guilty plea,You too may end up in a tree.
If you want to live with glee,Avoid getting trapped in a tree.With nothing at all to stop the spree,Of dogs passing by and peeing on your knee.
Now doesn't that make you want to avoid hugging a tree at your haunt? I mean wouldn't want to trapped inside one. That would just be no fun. Plus you would smell like dog pee all day. But if that's your thing, what the hey. I suppose you would at least have the company of the lass that I stare at with my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

You Suck, But Good Luck!

So the other day, for an early gift of Easter/Pat's birthday months ago at my bay, a pack of scratch tickets came with the money on display. I mean I guess you never know so may as well give them a go. But what a load of crap they are. Better luck convincing a drunk to leave a bar.

$100,000 you can win.
Who cares if gambling is a sin.
Grab a pack and scratch away,
Wasting a few minutes of your day.

Look, a winner in every pack.
That has to make you want to go on the scratch attack.
Simply pull out a penny and have fun,
You do know here in Canada the penny is done?

So better save one for luck.
Oh look, you won a whole buck.
We just made nine bucks off you.
But a winner still came due.

Don't spend it all in one spot,
Put it back in the pot.
We may as well suck that back too,
But you could still win money, it's true.

Oops, lost once more.
I guess you could try another at your shore.
Oh just one word away,
From two whole dollars at your bay.

Damn, if only that number was there,
Could fling your hands in the air,
And shout bingo!
Too bad, so sad, gotta go.

Follow the pretty arrow,
Looking for the $100,000 show.
Damn, turned just in time,
These things are a crime.

Get three of a kind.
Easy for even those with brains in their behind.
Oops, none of them match,
Not even if you cheat and mix some from your batch.

But one in three tickets win.
So it's not a sin,
We give back too,
Helping all by sucking money from you.

Look a new jackpot with big chances,
That is getting many glances.
You better join in,
For you just might win.

Pfft is what I will say to such crap at my bay. Of course free I will scratch and find the whole $1 win out of the batch. That will surely make me smile. I mean you can stretch a $1 a mile. Might get a gummi bear or even three. My that has to impress thee. But at least it was shown off by a pretty lass. Pffft that still does not impress my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Getting Hot So Grab Some Ice Before Things Go To Pot!

The cat thought since the heat will surely come as summer soon starts to beat its drum, that he would help out by giving you a little ice to cool down with this shout. Isn't the cat so nice? Feel free to say yes twice.

 
See an ice arrow to your butt.That will cool you down at your hut.With a little poke,You won't need to drink ice and choke.
 
Stick your head in its yap.No fire will take a lap.But if you move too fast,Holes in your head may make you a thing of the past.
 
See you can pose with ice.That is so nice.Having an ice sculpture show you up,May even get you laughed at by a pup.
 
Take the bull by the horns now,And you literally have a cow. Looks like he was snip snip too,Between me and you.

 
Cool down and drool.But then you are a fool.As things will rise,Creating heat, making it not so wise.
 
For this one just run away.It screams Michael Bay.Such a scary sight,You'll get cool from fright.
 
Can practice away,Outside at your bay.And if you can't score,Go do a chore.
 
Can hug a tree,That will give tree huggers glee.Cooling you down at the same time.Could even impress a mime.
 
You can have a seat,And rest your feet.Getting cool with ease,As the creepy ice guys give off a breeze.
 
And of course the best of all,Gives a cat call.It will come alive too,And bite you.
There we go now you have ways to cool down at your show. So no need to search high and low, just sit with the creepy ice men all in a row. Isn't the cat so helpful today at his bay? Never mind that when the sun takes a pass they will melt away, leaving you nice green grass to mow and talk crass as you find stuff in it buried by my little rhmying ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Fill Your Cup As The Next Batter Is Up!

So the cat hears it all the time that you humans seem to chime. Why the heck to do associated the humpty hump with baseball? Not that it isn't liked some at my hall, but still. Are you humans ill?

You're so far out in left field,
Damn, I need a shield.
So I don't start using them too,
Here at my zoo.

Stuck at third base?
Why the said look on your face?
Just steal home,
Of course if you aren't in Rome,

You may get called out.
Come now don't pout.
Or would that be balk?
Such confusing talk.

Stuck on first,
Would surely screw up your thirst.
Or not.
We won't dwell on that line a lot.

A pinch hitter,
Could make one bitter,
And lead to divorce.
Even if you are full of remorse.

The seventh inning stretch.
What you stop to play fetch?
Games can be three hours or so,
My you had stamina at your show.

Unless of course there is a foul ball,
Then things may halt at your hall.
Or the ball bounces over the wall,
Then second base is where you'll stall.

Patting a butt for encouragement may work,
Some may consider that a perk.
Plus you are all geared up,
With a helmet to prevent any hiccup.

And just slide in,
So you get the win.
My baseball is a dirty game.
This post is far from tame.

Picked off at second base,
Halts your embrace.
Three strikes and you're out,
What were the first two about?

And the cat will leave you with that, as the baseball terms fly at his mat. I guess I can see why you humans use it on the fly. A real hole in one, damn, that's another one. Slipped that past the goalie I guess. Damn, what a mess. The cat is off now to pass gas that will calm everything down thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Top Tunes At My Sand Dunes!

So the cat has done movies time and time again, especially with 24 posts in one day at his den. Done a few music ones too. But never the top albums at his zoo. So found the list of the top and now will rhyme away even if some of them are a total flop.

Time to make a stand,
With Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band.
And if that doesn't fill her,
I guess it's time for a Thriller.

Or go down Abbey Road,
And crush a poor toad.
Make sure it doesn't have a revolver though.
Or death may become you at your show.

But I suppose if you have a Rubber Soul.
You could easily slay a troll.
But Led Zepplin 2,
May have a bone or two to pick with you.

Then you'd be on a Bridge Over Troubled Water,
Like a lamb to the slaughter.
Unless you have some Brothers in Arms,
Then it may raise no alarms.

I hear the Joshua Tree,
Is up all night with glee.
Having Saturday Night Fever.
Someone needs to pull the off lever.

But only Rumours they are,
Could be from a drunk at a bar.
Who lived on the Dark Side of The Moon.
Boy, would he be a loon.

He was probably Born in the USA.
Whoops, a dig at my bay.
Don't build up The Wall,
Those Mexicans don't like it so tall.

Instead take a Jagged Little Pill,
That has to cure you from being ill.
The Hotel California serves a ton,
So go there for some jagged pills and sun.

Watch out for Sticky Fingers though,
Or away your wallet may go.
But that is a West Side Story,
And far far too gory.

At least after A Hard Day's Night,
You can hop on a flight.
Purple Rain is so kind,
Ah hell, Nevermind.

That was easy to do, could go on forever at my zoo. For the tunes and movies can flow easy enough at my show. Skipped some though as an album named Elvis Presley or Grease the Soundtrack is so unoriginal don't you know. So there were some top albums in mass from my ever so lyrical little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling. 

Strike It Rich With This dVerse Glitch!

The cat has found it for one and all. The way to get rich at every hall. It is so easy too. That it is something all can do. Never fear it is not even one bit dVerse so you won't have to curse. It is not perverse but you may have to run after you fill your purse.

The lottery you say?
Pfft forget that at your bay.
Some sweepstakes too?
Pfft no one will knock on the door at your zoo.

Nope, you have to take the easy way.
No casinos or scams at your bay.
There is only one thing to do,
Hire an accountant at your zoo.

Yep, go to the nearest wanted site.
Don't worry, it will be alright.
Everyone you find on there,
Is on the up and up, I swear.

Then just let them go to town.
They will get you a golden crown.
You will be rolling in dough,
So much you will even glow.

I am telling you the truth,
It happened to the brother of a friend of a cousin of a horse owned by Ruth.
Did you follow all of that?
Neither did the cat.

But it is the best deal around,
And it is so sound.
For it is amazing what they can do,
And find money for you.

You will be able to buy a new car,
And go some where far.
Heck, just borrow a car,
Save your money for the bar.

Just get one of those medal rods,
And do some head nods.
Stick it in the door,
And cruise away to some far off shore.

With your borrowed car and money,
You will live some place sunny.
No extradition is just a perk,
Something to leave you with a smirk.

So hire an accountant today,
From some place like ebay.
I bet you will get a sweet deal.
The money he finds will be unreal!

The cat just had to go there at his lair after watching a few believe what their so called accountant did was true. Oh we're getting tons of money back. Whoops, now they have to pay in with interest at their shack. Bravo, at your show. At least you could go to that private island first class and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Time To Work Out, Come Now Don't Pout!

So way back when at my den Mary also said the cat should do a workout post.  So I will get to training at my coast. By the time the cat is done you will be in tip top shape under your sun.

 
First you have to stretch,And you can do it through better things than fetch.This will help your reflexes too.We all want to avoid the poo.
 
Next work those arms.Turn off car alarms.Then flatten a tire,Change it and your biceps will grow higher.
 
Take a horse for a ride,You can then walk with pride.As you clench that ass,Eventually it will become top class. 
 
Now take a break,And work on balance by the lake.If he can do it, so can you.Can do it with one foot or two.
 
Stretch those legs as well,Crossing them is swell.Then they are stretched and crossed.And it doesn't even cost.
 
You have to eat too.So get something big at your zoo.Then give those face muscles a work out.You may want to stick to something like trout.
 
A leg stretching routine?Is that all going on at this scene?Pushing and pulling those legs apart,I hope nether let loose a fart.
 
Balance a fish bowl on your head.That is what I said.It will keep your head straight.And you can use it to hold fish bait.
 
And finally if this is too much for you,You only have one final thing to do.Give those neck muscles a good stretching out.Do it out of view though as some may shout.
There you go, now you can get all buffed up at your show. The cat is so helpful to all of you. I don't know why I do it at my zoo. You'll give Arnold a run for his money with those tricks and it even works for hicks. Afterwards go roll in the grass it is a good cool off routine for my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

They Really Went There At Their Lair!

So Claudia of all people went all bathroom at dVerse. I expected Brian to be the one to go that perverse. He probably ghost wrote it for her, I bet. Either way it will be done by this pet. They want to know what you do in the place you go to, well, go. I know! How can I ever sink so low?

This may offend a prude,
But they asked what happens when in the mood.
Maybe they think all do it differently at their sea?
Really beats the heck out of me.

So when in the loo,
I either do number one or two.
Did that confuse dVerse?
I guess I'll have to get worse.

I drop the kids off at the pool.
Isn't that cool?
I take the Brown's to the super bowl.
And they surely score a goal.

I deliver the requested order for a number two.
Are you getting it yet dVerse zoo?
Send some floaties out on some boaties.
I hope I don't offend any goaties.

I export fudge to Mexico.
What a way to go.
I chuck a brownie,
Like an uber townie.

I have to see a man about a horse.
I hope the horse has remorse.
Putting a deposit in the throne room,
For which the smell will loom.

Yes, you oaf.
I pinch a loaf.
I've really got the juice,
As I drop a deuce.

Also punish the porcelain seat,
With a brownie treat.
Yes, you hicks,
I lay some bricks.

I lay down a bridge.
Might not get you across a ridge.
I have to let the brown bear out of his cave,
So he too can rant and rave.

dVerse are you with me yet?
Come now, don't fret.
For sometimes there is a blizzard,
And I do need to drain the lizard.

Ask and you shall receive, although you may just want to leave. For the cat gives what you asked for at his sea, no matter how crazy. And just in case you are still confused by it, in the bathroom I take a shit. I probably also pass some gas from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Shining Through The Crack At My Shack!

Why do people say such things at their wings? Don't they comprehend what they say? You humans are a strange bunch I will say. For with all your sayings and such you can surely confuse much.

Up at the butt crack of dawn.
Is this some kind of con?
I see no crack in the sky,
Although pigeon shit does fly.

Are you telling me that is one big crack,
From above on the attack?
Or are you really saying,
With your sun praying,

That all women named Dawn,
Even if living with Tron,
Get up the same time as you,
And have their butt crack in view?

That could  be a perk,
And make one smirk.
Unless of course its the size of a house,
Then you'd go blind no matter how close.

Or is something up literally the butt crack of Dawn?
Does she have worms from the lawn?
Maybe a grass stain or two?
And who the heck is there to view?

I guess that left you all cracked up?
Did your cheeks move as you spit in your coffee cup?
I hope you don't cackle,
Then your voice may crackle.

Could step on a crack,
And break your back.
That is quite the load.
Don't know if one can even crack this code.

Maybe one needs to crackdown,
On such sayings in human town.
And whack some upside the head,
For ever getting out of bed.

Then they'd never see the  butt crack of dawn,
And wouldn't be the sayings pawn.
Leaving the cat having a nice day,
And not having to think of the sun's butt crack at his bay.

Or maybe it will slip through the cracks,
And keep being said at shacks.
Forever going on their attacks,
Looking at Dawn's butt crack in packs.

All from one little saying came what is displaying. My, what the cat can do here at his zoo. But it is true, makes no sense as the sun has no gazoo. But I guess not much does with you humans anyway at any time of the day. Next the moon will have gas worse than my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.