Pat Hatt's Blog, page 236

Is It Your Fate To Have A Personalized Plate?

So the other day the cat saw a license plate when going to that other place that I hate. It said T0P CAT. But the driver was anything but that. Figures you humans would pretend to be a cat. He was bald, old and fat. I think he needed a top hat. Anyway, that got me looking for others to share at my mat.

EATME comes first.
Hopefully there is something to quench my thirst.
N0M N0M suggests so.
Or they are a cannibal and just letting you know.

L0VE BJS was found.
I'm snip snip, go bother a hound.
HI0FCER gives a wave.
Bet the cops think you are all the rave.

CHIL BR0 likes to take it easy.
Or maybe they like things that are cheesy.
Y0U F00L doesn't agree.
Maybe they'll drive into the sea.

MUWHAHA that was funny.
For that plate they actually paid money?
FK Y0U doesn't like me making fun.
But it will still be done.

WTF OMFG really has a word on the brain.
Bet they say it with each changing lane.
PMS 247 scares me.
See that and I will flee.

IMN269S likes numbers?
Or is it doing things with cucumbers?
OUTTAGAS is a liar.
Unless it's another part they can't sire.

U LQQKED might get a grin.
Or you could run them off the road for a win.
SAVESEX, for what?
You are a nut.

ADHD, thanks for telling me.
I will avoid thee.
G0C0CKS is the worse one.
I never want to see your cocky fun.

L0L R0AD is so dumb.
Must have made it up while drunk off rum.
I95 SUKZ, that I don't know.
Sure some will agree though.

AZZ KIKR you say?
Does kicking them give you joy at your bay?
CYABR0 has it right.
These things need to get out of my sight.

So there you are, some personalized plates near and far. Do you have one at your show? Seen any you just have to give a go? Most of them are so dumb but a few are okay to strum. The cat would use FULL0FGAS if he ever got a car for his little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Even The Broke Can Make A Rich Bloke!

The cat was thinking about this the other day as he saw the word Free on display, on some social media site.  Now that is nothing new by any height. But well they provide this and that for free, we stay broke, they get big money!

Make a Facebook account,
And look at the cost amount.
It is entirely free,
To talk, show pictures, and make dumb updates with glee.

Go to reddit for all the news.
I mean how can you lose?
You get it all for free,
Stuff can even be submitted by thee.

The same old song and dance,
No matter where you prance,
Is oh so true,
Things are free for you.

You get to have your say,
Show things on your display,
Even make an account for your cat,
Nothing wrong with that.

Even finding porn for free,
Is out there if wished by thee.
But with this free trend,
Your time is what you lend.

You work and make so much an hour,
But free is where you have the power.
For by playing online,
Up goes the dollar sign.

You just make Facebook all the more rich,
So much so if you knew you'd twitch.
Same for everything from reddit to porn,
As more and more ads are born.

Just from you taking your free time,
And giving a chime.
Free time using stuff that is free,
Is oh so loved by the greedy.

As they laugh all the way to the bank,
While you complain about no gas in your tank,
Or update saying you took a pee.
Oh how great is the word free?

See even if you are flat broke,
You can help out a rich bloke.
Doesn't that give you a warm and tingly feeling?
As now you make some rich guys wallet get stuffed and the poor thing is left reeling.

The cat just had to have some fun with that, as we all do it at our mat. Obviously or I wouldn't be yapping about it right now. Still oh so wrong somehow. But oh well, what the hell, as at least the cat can give some sass from my daily little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Science Lesson Today With Some Visuals On Display!

So Pat got one of those work emails showing stuff that was a bit off the rails. The cat just has to share, in case you are unaware. So get ready to go back to school. I will try to make it so you don't fall asleep and show all your drool.


Now the cat doesn't mind the protein.But others may find it obscene.Although with that many they must be yummy,As they squirm around in your tummy.
Imagine having that in you.That is just eww.How can it even fit?You wouldn't even be able to well umm shit.

That is one big heart.Anyone could hit it with a dart.A whale must know the meaning of ache,Its heart must create an earthquake.

Clowns and heights you say?What? No mimes on display?I'd just chew off the rubber nose,And my gas helps me float, so there she blows.

Did I just add,Here at my pad,An extra twitch?My, 100,001 movements must be a bitch.

No wonder the drain doesn't flow.But what I want to know,Is who gathered it all up and measured?To them hair truly must be treasured.

This one I knew,But it is still just ewww.Think of all the other crap you don't see,Sometimes literally.

That is one big box.I could use it to bury Pat's socks.Be like a day at the beach.To clean it, you'd need much bleach.
So you humans are full of more than crap?I guess you get a bum rap.See what I did there?Enjoy your carboniated affair.

So they spit on you?That is just eww too.Such nasty things those bugs,As they acts like thugs.

A booger lunch,From supper to brunch.Brian may swallow a little less though.As he picks some out with his tongue, just so you know.

And one near and dear to my heart.That of the fart.See even women do it too,No matter how much they try and pretend they have no clue.
So now you have learned some science facts on some very eww and strange acts, hope you were able to stay awake and your brain did not bake. All that carbon could boil, but hey, it beats oil. But then I suppose you would have slick gas. That would be fun for my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

The Cheap Skate Goes For A Better Rate!

Another of Mary's wants back four months ago was to do things people try to get for free at my show. Damn she was a mouthy one, but gives the cat some more rhyming fun. So let's see what people try and get for free.

Give a yell,
Stomp and scream.
Raise a little hell,
Get a hotel room upgrade like your dream.

A free meal,
Is sure a deal.
Say you will review,
Only works if the owner has a loose screw.

A free ride,
To some far off place.
Stand by the road side,
May get some dust in your face.

Of course free dough,
Many try for at their show.
Wishing on that lottery ticket,
Better off betting on cricket.

Free advertising too,
Is found all around.
Most have no clue,
Ignoring that pleading sound.

Free room and board,
Sure strikes a cord.
In mommy's basement though,
As you line up your action figures in a row.

Free TV.
Of course that doesn't take much.
Is rather easy,
With pirates and such.

Free days off,
You give a fake cough,
And poof a sick day,
Magically takes place at your work bay.

A free toy,
With each crunch.
Oh the joy,
Of having cereal for lunch.

Of course there is sex too,
But that is never free at any zoo.
Always comes with a price,
Might want to think twice.

There was some free that is continually tried by many. Especially the last even if fast might want to watch where things are stuck for free you may walk away with a brand new disease from your umm truck. That is some free advice class from my snip snipped little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A dVerse Lunch That Comes With A Crunch!

So for dVerse comes something that is rather perverse. Your stomach may squirm, as this is worse than any worm. For Mary wanted the cat to bring some weird food back, so here is some more at my shack.

In need of a treat,
Something different than the guy down the street?
While you are in luck,
Although some may cost quite the buck.

Like brains from a monkey.
They may taste funky.
But even better for you,
You get to eat them while the monkey is alive and staring at you.

Here is one to feed your old chum,
Dog penis topped off with a plum.
No wonder they want them to get the snip snip.
I shutter and hope it doesn't come with a drip.

Stinkhead is also grand.
You chop off a fish head and bury it in the land.
Then when summer is done,
Dig them up and have some yummy fun.

Scrapple should not be missed.
So add it to your list.
Scraps of meat to vile for even hot dogs.
Might cause brain fogs.

Be as mad as that hatter or even madder,
And chow down on fish flotation bladder.
Doesn't that sound yum?
You can even eat their bum.

If you want something real neat,
Throw in some camel feet.
After traveling through all the sand,
You may find something special from beneath the land.

Blood jelled sounds yummy,
As you suck it into your tummy.
You eat it like jello.
Some pig or duck blood now gets to say hello.

Seahorse is also in.
So add it to your bin.
Comes on a stick,
You can snack on it rather slick.

And then wash it all down,
As you stumble across town,
With baby mouse wine.
I hear it is divine.

Blah to any of that, so nasty to the cat. I will stick on chewing my TP. That is rather tasty. So have you tried such a dish like the bladder of a fish? Was it yummy? What happens when your stomach and a fish bladder get chummy? I bet it gives a ton of gas. I already have enough of that coming out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Fright Late At Night!

So back at the start of season three with little old me, some ideas were given by Mary. Yeah I know, that was four months ago at my show. But when you are so far ahead it takes a while for things to be said. The first was late night TV. Oh this is going to be fun at my sea.

 
Too broke to afford porn?The butt lift is born.Works for either gender,As they go on quite the bender.
 
All kinds of facial crap,With a redundant lap.As seen on TV?So what am I watching? A goat taking a pee?
 
You even get a reward,For striking the late night TV cord.Look 40,000,000,000,000 bucks out of thin air.That would buy one big lair.
 
Conquer like the Hoff? Yeah sing and cough.You'll sell 2 whole albums in North America too.Wow, what his conquering can do.
 
Look at that mug,I meant the jug.You can slap yourself awake,But such a mug you can't fake.
 
Even thinking of the mutt,Who will also be up at your hut.Huddled by your butt.As you watch some creepy nut.
 
See what I mean?He is just trying to clean.But you continue to stare.Do you think he is aware?
 
The hang thingy magiggy man,Wants all to become a fan.Just say yes,To what is anyone's guess.
 
Mr. T will clobber thee.He'll bring in Rocky,And sell you a blue room.Blue will always be in bloom.
 
And here you go.It's some great balls of fire at your show.I bet your ears will hang low,As you watch him wobble to and fro.
Don't you just want to stay up and watch now? I'm sure they will even try and sell you a cow. I think I'd rather take nightmares over the above. But feel free to show Richard some love and dance away until the light of day. When it comes to late night TV never trespass, trust my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

I Can Do It Too You Stupid Robot You!

Seems the spammers are out in full force lately at my sea. Thankfully blogger is good for something and catches them for me. Wow, blogger did no commit a sin and actually got a win. Better go mark that down somewhere. I will put it at the bottom of the litterbox in my lair. Anyway, the cat wants to spam away. You heard that right, time for a spam display.

Hello,
Would you like some jello?
It is very juicy and good for you.
I swear what I'm saying is true.

There are things in it,
The will help "you know" grow a bit.
I'm a good God fearing cat.
So I will keep such terms under my hat.

I would also like to offer you,
Something that may seem to good to be true.
But just keep reading until the end,
And I guarantee you will be around the bend.

You will be so happy with what I will give out,
That you will truly want to shout.
But I ask you keep this between us,
And not tell your neighbor, Gus.

Because if too many people know,
This wonderful trick won't go.
It has to be only spread to a few,
And you are so lucky I picked you.

Now here is the deal,
I know it will seem unreal.
But don't stop reading just yet.
This is a very safe bet.

Heck, I'm a God loving cat,
So I can't even bet at my mat.
This is 100% guaranteed to work,
And leave you with a smirk.

For just a little advice,
And at no additional price,
I am willing to share with you,
My secret to making all your dreams come true.

All you have to do,
Is get your check book in view.
And send me a blank one,
So I have your info and all will be done.

Now don't write on it.
For then it won't work one bit.
Just send one my way,
And I'll take your info and add it to my display.

Then you will be entered into my system of money,
That will get you so much you'll move somewhere sunny.
That is all it takes,
I know you must have the shakes.

So send your check to,
Three miles west, two miles east and around the golden loo.
Then I'll pick it up and get things ready.
The cash will then flow in steady.

Thank you for your time,
I hope you join me and stop working for every dime.
Oh and enjoy that jello too,
That was made especially for you.

Damn, if the cat had no morals and was a sleazy slimeball scum sucker, saying that three times fast makes your lips pucker. I could really give crime a go. But that would never be done at my show. Just showing that spam should be crushed into toe jam for all it is is trash. I hope those spammers get a bad rash. Somewhere where it will cause them quite the amount of sass. That would be quite enjoyable to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Bored At Work So Why Not Smirk!

So poor Pat is oh so bored and the cat has to make up for that by picking at the work horde. This should be an interesting run. For plenty of strange beings seem to be found under the work sun.

There is the gossip hound.
I'd rather a dog be found.
As they just yap away,
Making up crap all damn day.

Next comes the lazy one,
Who thinks sitting one their ass is fun.
Pushing more on everyone else around,
Lucky if they'd ever make a sound.

Of course the loud crow.
Who always has to bellow.
Or be like old one eye and whine.
They too annoy the feline.

The know it all as well.
They are annoying as hell.
Always having done this and that.
Should get crushed flat.

The one always telling you,
Like you have no clue,
How to do your work.
Those idiots are not a perk.

The backstabber is there.
Those aren't really rare.
Ready to strike,
And run you down twice with a bike.

The ass kisser is everywhere.
Those are even less rare.
"Oh it wasn't me.
I pucker up, can't you see?"

The one with no clue,
That they smell like a sewer rat crew.
With germs galore.
Enough to open their own store.

Those that take and take some more.
Like some greedy god of lore.
Then you get to take a hike,
Once more being run over by a bike.

Then idiots who put nothing back,
I really really want to whack.
Give them a kick to the head,
For causing such dread.

And I know there are more but they all surely bore. They also annoy the cat and I don't even have to work like Pat. Such fun to pick on the working class that work even less than my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Joke Or Ten At My Den!

So after visiting John's for a while the cat thought he would try the joke mile, or rather Pat did. For they don't really rhyme and that flipped the cat's lid. But Pat can't rhyme anyway, sucky human at our bay. So away we go as a joke or ten decides to flow.

Want to cause a war? Start a new religion.
Or maybe kill a pigeon.
You know those birds lovers would be up in arms,
And hit some fire alarms.

I have come to find, the bigger ones job title, the more lunch breaks they take.
All can give a head shake.
They seem to go to the loo more too.
Many are full of it after all at their zoo.

I feel for every newborn, they are surrounded by prying eyes and are too wrinkly to give a hateful facial expression.
After such a goo goo session,
I'd have to whack someone in the face,
Especially if they try and embrace.

If rush hour moved as fast as my grandmother when she has to go, there'd be no need for a car horn.
Imagine that being born.
New York without a horn honk.
They'd probably still give each other a head bonk.

With nerve pain even before you go out the door everything is already a pain in your ass.
I say that with class.
And with no gas,
As it comes to pass.

Gluten, the substance cancer cells are made of.
Even to a dove.
Don't you want to spread the cancer love,
As in the mouth you shove.

Lately my version of getting lucky is the cat missing my penis as he jumps across the bed.
Oh what comes out of Pat's head.
Bad choice of words,
I'll go chase some birds.

Fund the economy, create a new disease.
Just go and give a sneeze.
Then there you go,
Money for the rich at their show.

Great healthcare comes at a cost, you have to be mute and go to a vet.
That is a safe bet.
May stick a thermometer up your bum,
But at least most aren't dumb.

I am going to wear an umbrella hat. That way people will stop telling me the weather and just assume it's going to rain.
Be nice to board that train.
Do I really need you to tell me the weather,
When we are standing side by side together?

So there was Pat's attempt at a joke or ten here at our den. Fun to give a try as the skills are stretched under our sky. But he still doesn't have the skill of the cat at all at our mat. Feel free to sass my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

More Crap And It Doesn't Even Go In Your Yap!

So just the other day the cat was hopping around at his bay and he came across something not so neat. That once more curled his feet. And guess what? It is once again at almost every hut.

Newsflash for one and all!
Fire retardants DO NOT help what so ever at your hall.
That is right,
Don't blink when it comes into your sight.

For it is sadly true.
Instead they harm you.
Polar bears have had it detected in their blood,
And they aren't even around to play in the retardant mud.

But who cares about them right?
They are losing the global warming fight.
Man has better things to do,
Like pollute and stick them in a zoo.

Yet guess what else it does?
Just following my rhyming buzz.
Fire retardants in clothes, baby products, couches and beds,
Go right to your friggin heads.

Sealed or not,
They feck you up a whole lot.
But they only cause cancer, reproductive issues, thyroid trouble and lower IQ.
That isn't such a bad thing to do?

After all you eat organic food.
That saves you from such attitude.
As you avoid the pesticides in that.
Oopsy, you sit on the couch and wade in a pesticide vat.

The same family of chemicals are used.
Are you confused?
That's what happens with a lower IQ.
As more chemicals wade inside you.

And it all came,
From the tobacco company game.
Yep, they got a bad rap,
As cigarettes proved to be a fire trap.

So they planted a guy,
Paying him 200 bucks an hour, no lie,
Inside a newly formed fireman's association.
Then he removed the cigarette fixation.

By making flame retardant the new big thing.
It will sooooo protect you at your wing.
PFFFFT to that,
It burns just as well at your mat.

Meanwhile those flame retardant pjs you put on your kids,
With their ever so cute lids,
Are poisoning them every night.
Still think flame retardant is right?

The cat just thought you would want to know what is going on right under your nose at your show. Don't believe me? That is alright at my sea. Just click here and all will be just as clear. People need to take the damn blinders off their face and start using that empty space. For all are being poisoned in mass, which just disgusts my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.