Pat Hatt's Blog, page 238

With This Stint We Look At Print!

So as the "enjoy your winter, smash a printer" send off was on the go, Oui Oui mentioned how their human was an actual printer at their show. You know, someone who works at printing stuff to and fro. This amused the cat and so we go down that road at my mat.

Smash a printer,
I mean tin junk.
Might get a splinter,
But you won't be sunk.

For a human can be one,
And if a smashing came due.
You would sure have less fun,
Dropping the soap and showing your gazoo.

Then there are others as well,
That may confuse the brain dead.
Well is one that might cause them hell,
As they may call Lassie to be fed.

Say dam and their may be a big shock,
If you are near a prude.
They may pick up a rock,
And hit you for being rude.

Even something as simple as a sock,
Can cause a scene.
For one can smell making people gawk,
Or they could whack you and be mean.

Do you know what I mean?
So you say I am shrewd?
I mean I wasn't mean but serene.
Damn, brain dead dude.

Then to top it off,
There is little old me.
It could make me scoff,
But I can read between the lines at my sea.

For a little rhyming ass,
Is not a mule.
It is the thing that passes gas,
And that is way more cool.

So a word to the wise,
Be careful what you type.
For if the brain dead come like flies,
After sucking on their druggie pipe.

They make take your words to heart,
And actaully go another way.
They aren't as sharp as a dart,
More like as dull a spoon on display.

Have to admit I never thought of an actual human printer, I guess Oui Oui opened my mind this winter. But now thanks to them the cat has the warning for all, if you can't get it right or read between the lines, go bounce your head against the wall. Then maybe nothing brain dead like will come to pass. Either way though, at least I am not an actual little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Romp Rat From The Cat!

So the cat is here to cause some fear or at least get an oh dear as you come to peer. Also showing the need for a cat around to maybe thin out the crowd. I think you can guess that for R we go into a rat of a mess.


Oh so cute,And not at all a brute.But they might bite,Still not a bad site.

Then you get two,Who plan to screw.And we go down hill,As they get a thrill.

You get a full cage,As they unleash their sexual rage.Rat sex at my sea,I'll go anywhere as I'm that crazy.

Then comes your stock,That will make all gawk.Must be rough to feed,And a big shovel you will need.

For they leave lots behind,That does not smell kind.Will eat your trash though,Kind of recycling at your show.

But then you won't see the floor,Maybe not even the door.So as they go,You won't even know.

You'll be a hoarder like this guy.With food prices sky high.Yes, it is true,This guy hoards this many at his zoo.

They even grow wings,And fly over things.Letting whatever loose,They feel like from their caboose.

But then they evolve once more,To Nutria rats at your shore.They could be rather scary,And are really hairy.

Then they take over,Become worse than rover.This will not do,Never get two!
Did you enjoy the rat show? Maybe like the Rat King you like the ratty glow. Who gives a rats behind, the cat just had rat pop into his mind. Could it be the cat needs a snack? Either way you get a rat attack. I am all done with my rat sass. Those giant ones still scare my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

Grab Your Rig And Prepare To Dig!

Q may leave many reaching or send them on some queen type speeching. Maybe talk about the band who travel the land or some stupid wave that oh so many a 'sir' crave. But nothing will stop the cat as away we go with Q at my mat.

Some might consider it a cheat,
If used for a Scrabble retreat.
As it is more effective than Qi's use.
Some may even cry, abuse!

But that just makes it fun,
As it also proves the Qu rule wrong by a ton.
Just like i before e.
You humans need new rules at your sea.

So away we dig,
The hole has to be mighty big.
It usually resides in a giant litterbox,
Which is too hot for socks.

That must suck for cats there,
None to chew at their lair.
There are always toes,
As those Egyptians strike a pose.

That is where it was made too,
By Xerxes and his crew.
Ordering it to be made,
So they could control its trade.

Over half way there.
Have you guessed yet at my lair?
I know, making you use your brain.
That has to cause some strain.

Maybe you are Qasid at you sea?
Wouldn't surprise me.
But nope that isn't it.
You need to add more of what creates spit.

They originate upon high,
Helping the land below be less dry.
They run in a straight line,
Which works for the ocd of this feline.

That's right!
You have seen the light.
Or maybe not,
But a Qanat is the word behind my Q plot.

Could really increase your score and keep the water flowing forever more. See two great uses for you. One to help flush the stuff in the loo and another to bring you Scrabble fame. The Scrabble fans will cheer your name. Now back to digging your Qanat class. I will just be a slave driving little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Name Not The Same!

So for P I thought it would be fun to do a Pat run. I know all want to know what is the real name of Pat at our show. Yeah, the cat will finally tell as he rings the P A to Z bell.

Get ready to hear,
Perk up your ear,
Come closer, dear.
That word causes fear.

It's Foghorn Corn,
Since the day he was born.
Don't believe me?
Damn, I can't fool thee.

It's Klipper Clapper,
He's a mighty fine trapper.
It's Freedom Hatt,
He's really really fat.

Nope, Bubbles Magoo,
Is the name that is true.
I sure hope not,
Would not bestow that name on a robot.

Whoopdi Doo,
A relation to the mutt at our zoo.
Fartin Martin works.
Could pass gas and scare away jerks.

Books by Fartin Martin could be all the craze,
Even if the gas left you in a daze.
Of course if they stink,
That would tickle Fartin Martin pink.

Sadly, its Dugo Donald Diefenbaker.
Triple D could be a money maker.
At least one of the D's isn't Dick,
That would sound less slick.

Tucker Trucker is the best,
It passes the umm clucker test.
Peter Horne works too,
Many really have that last name near my zoo.

Orlin it really is,
Wait! That's mine with the rhyming biz.
Being named after a cat,
How about that?

So after all of that,
Still think it isn't Pat?
I mean you were given such great names by the cat,
Fartin Martin is still fat.

This came about as a while back Pat was given a shout, that one did not think it was his real name. So the cat decided to mame. But for those who think otherwise they are out of luck, as it has nothing to do with anything that rhymes with truck. Pat Hatt is truly what came to pass, so just trust my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Oligogenics Brings The Scary And Hairy!

Today the cat will save you some dough, I'm so nice I know. Unless you too are snip snip, then go ahead and throw out a hip. But for O oligogenics is at play, which will make you want to put it away.


With this good old boy,There is no joy.Don't even be coy,Just reach for a toy.
Less hair on a cat,But don't consider that.Such things will bring about the SPCA,Maybe they'll drag him away?
Make you want to knit a sweater.At least nothing gets wetter.Leaving clean sheets.Until your lint brush supply depletes.
Plus no grooming costs at all.Could use plenty at his hall.But what do you care?You're using him as an oligogenic at your lair.
At least he can't sneeze,Does that make you weak in the knees?I didn't think so,Proving oligogenics is at work at my show.

I can't forget the man.Although of oligogenics he is only a fan,If things keep progressing,For with it men are always regressing.
Hair in the nose?There she blows.A lazy eye?Look to the sky.
A blown up rack?Hear them clackity clack.Too big to move?Find a groove.
So the only way,Oligogenics works at any man bay,Is to bring forth the dead,Bet some would still get a-head.
But dead and hungry would disway most.After all they don't want to share food at their coast.Plus if she got a good grip,You'd be good and snip snip.
Guess what it means yet? Aren't I a sly pet? Oligogenics is another word for birth control and with such companions I'm sure that would be an easy goal. There was my helpful way of population control class. I enjoy being a helpful little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

No Butts, Just dVerse Nuts!

What is that you say? You were looking for a dVerse crack display? Doesn't work for N, so it's nuts away at my den. This should be fun as a nut tale is spun by a rhyming nut. At least I don't sniff a butt.

Nuts are great.
Nuts are grand.
The crazies can relate.
And they hang when you stand.

Nuts are scary.
Nuts are weird.
Some are overly hairy.
Others dawn a beard.

Nuts come with a warning.
Nuts come in a bag.
They may turn cold in the morning,
Or want to play tag.

Nuts come in many shapes.
Nuts come in a can.
Some shrivel like grapes,
Becoming a flash in the pan.

Nuts can make you dead.
Nuts can make you shout.
As up pops a nutty head,
That can really sprout.

Nuts can make you fat.
Nuts can make you full.
Once they have a hat,
Open wide and pull.

Nuts may give you pleasure.
Nuts may cause you doom.
Who cares how they measure,
As long as they are in bloom.

Nuts may make you cry.
Nuts may uncancel your show.
Thanks to many a girl and guy,
They uncancelled Jericho.

Nuts will always remain.
Nuts will always crow.
But if they are to vain,
Kick em down below.

Nuts will never be.
Nuts will never play.
For with little old me,
I was snipped snipped at my bay.

Wasn't that a nutty run? Nuts can sure have some nutty fun. Did your mind go to the gutter giving you a stutter? At least I didn't mention nuts in peanut butter. That may have made you mutter. But with all the nuts at my sea, I couldn't help but go all nutty. Damn, talking about nuts in mass sounds so bad to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Time To Make My Own. Maybe Spielberg Will Phone!

So the cat and Pat always go on about movies at our mat. But we have never made one up yet. So that just has to be done by this pet. Now this is the full layout of what would come about as for M I give a new type of movie shout.

They were tired of their life.From second grade they were caused strife.Called all kinds of names,And always left out of sports games.

But when he showed up it was the last straw.It was time they exploited their so called flaw.They now had a mission,For he never should have stood over them granting admission.
The leader of the bunch,Is ready to make some balls crunch.He can also delve into strange lands,From cartoon to videogame stands.

Next up is the brains of the bunch,He always serves them lunch.A real Reniassance Man,Of the sun he is also a fan.

Then there is the Doc.He heals them when pleted by a rock.But now he wants to MASH,And join in on the clash.

Then there is him,Whenever things are grim,He just puts on a show about nothing at all.He still claims he was in the pool when caught in the shower stall.

Finally the mouthpiece of the group.He hates drive thrus and their goop.Also can be found Gone Fishin' too.Plus he hangs out with the "I'm too old for this shit" crew.
Together they will take the titan down.They are determined to make him frown.Don't miss them coming to a theater near you,For when "Short Bald Guys Attack" is surely worth a view.
Now don't you all want to see how the titan falls to the shrimpy? Could be quite the show. A short bald guy team up is overdue don't you know. Would surely give The Expendables a run for their money and could be kind of funny. It will soon be sent out in mass all thanks to my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

A Monster At The Other Sea That Causes No Glee!

So dVerse wants us to find that monster at the end of this book. Whoops, read that the other day at another nook. I guess they have good timing I suppose, but the kiddo there still curls the cats toes. Yet at another sea there is something way more creepy. Thankfully it is not here but there it scares my little rhyming rear. Here or there, confused yet at my lair?

We jump from the cage,
Check our page.
Then go to explore,
When at that other shore.

Slap a cat or ten,
As they stroll around that den.
Bite a dog tail.
Fun to hear him wail.

Then there is a noise.
It causes us no joys.
That thundering cry,
Has to be Zeus in the sky.

Or maybe just Humpty Dumpty having a fall.
Or some human with one less brick in the wall,
Off to study the writing on the bathroom stall.
Sadly, that is a true study at ones hall.

And there it is again,
Roaring out across the den.
With its even tune,
My tail puffs up like a raccoon.

Cassie watches from afar,
I peek at it as the door is left ajar.
But then it creeps down the hall,
And I spring up the wall.

Taking off under the bed.
Could I be a monster there a kid might dread?
Hmm that could be fun to do.
But not with this thing in my view.

Its shriek hurts the ears.
It causes many fears,
As off those cats scatter,
Even the ones that are a tad fatter.

Good exercise I suppose.
As the sound grows.
It is getting near to us.
I need to board a bus,

And take off for home,
Where this monster doesn't roam.
Oh wait!
There is no need for such a debate.

I'll just sprint to the wall,
At the end of the hall,
And put an end to this thug,
By simply pulling the plug.

I guess there is an easy way to deal with many monsters at our bay. If all else fails yank the rip cord. Of course if you don't have a parachute you may end up as flat as a board. But that is a whole other story. So what is the monster at the end of this rhyme in all its glory? I think they call it a vacuum cleaner or something like that. It is not liked by this cat. I'd go bury it in the grass and walk away a proud little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Blubber Lip Trip!

So for L the cat figured he would give some lip. Or rather show a lip clip. Some you may not want to see, some could have too much tongue for thee. But you never know to type of lip that could turn your crank at your show.


Open your lips,For here are some tips.As they grow wide,Could bring forth a stink bomb tide.

Some are so fantastic,They are made of plastic.Barbie would even be jealous of such things.As plastic as your toy plane wings.

They can be full of metal too.Yes, it is true.You humans go and pierce such crap.To that I give a sarcastic clap.

They can be made of blubber.It would make you a great clubber.Especially on a party boat.If it sinks you can keep all afloat.

They can even pucker,When you want to umm flip off a trucker.You pucker when you swear,At least some do at their lair.

That can even crack,Blah at any shack.May want to consider the fish scales,And forget the rusty nails.

Perfection they say,From a photoshop bay.That works too,As all will believe your fake view.

Can even reveal a metal mouth.Sending any near lips south.For they can sure stick,With such a metal trick.

And some reveal a long tongue,They do say these guys throw their own dung.But if you feed him a grape,You might get thanked by an ape.

And speaking of tongue,Your bell is really rung,For if you live far south,I hear some like lips and tongue that has growth.
Now don't give me any lip for this lip trip. Or I'll show a clip of rumps for R. That could blind many near and far. Actually it would blind me too. Can you guess how many belong to each gender at your zoo? Forgeting the last two, as I know no human that comes here is that eww. So there was my lip sass from my ever so lippy little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

Kitty Instead Of Cat, How About That?

You knew there was a post about me in some form or another coming for the A to Z. I could use a number of letters it seems, as there are many ways to say cat on ones stream. But the cat went with K again. Maybe next year I'll change it at my den. But you know thanks to you guys, I missed the bed as I give my rhyming cries.


See what I mean?I only get a crummy blanket at our scene.

I tried the rolly chair.But all that does is show me off with flair.
 
Next the butt pillow of Pat,His impression leaves that rather flat.

So the fight was on. I figured I'd distract Cassie with some baking soda at dawn.

 Yeah she ate it up fast,It was now I add to employ that other cast.

Prissy kitty one just stood there,He was no help at all at that other lair.

The old grumpy gal,Was not in the mood to be a pal.

And this other black thing,Kept giving a purring ring.

He was as creepy as can be,Doing nothing but stare at me.

Of course the biggest poser of all,Never leaves that spot at the other hall.
 
So I had to employ some bait.A hotdog served up on a plate. 

A dog who thinks it is a cat,That had to distract her at the other mat.

 But nothing worked at all,Until the big moose gave his call.

 That sure got Cassie's attention,And she ran away like she was about to get detention.

 Ahhhh, success.But after all of that I have to confess.
 
This is a much more comfortable spot.Still I had to prove Cassie would lose with my plot.
Yeah, even employed dogs at my sea. They are good for something here and there between peeing on a tree. And never fear, I gave those posing kitties fear. I swatted them upside the head for not helping me get my bed. Now there was my kitty adventure for today, back to lounging about my bay. I don't care if I have any class. I just enjoy being a little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.