Pat Hatt's Blog, page 235

Some Not So Wise dVerse Cries!

Ever hear a dVerse tale that you believed at your sea? Only to later find out it is a fallacy. While we have all been there and then we grow up, sorta, and become aware. So lets see what we can do as the so called wise speaks to you.

Old wives tales make a sound,
Bringing belief to your ground.
Whoops, you won't turn into a hound,
If you visit the pound.

Inhaling the breath of a horse,
Can cure whooping cough without remorse.
Damn, even if it is rank?
I bet it works to stick your head in a tank.

If cows are lying down,
It will rain in your town.
My what those reguritating grass chewers can do.
But then again few meteorologists really have a clue.

If you sit to close to the TV,
You will go blind at your sea.
Pfffft to that,
I'd surely be blind as a bat.

A howling mutt,
Means someone nearby is going to kick the bucket at their hut.
Wow, that is sure a neat one.
Everyone must be dying soon the way they let their mouth run.

You will have one child,
For every ribbon you break at your wedding shower as you go wild.
Damn, I sure hope the ribbons break at a low dose,
Or you may turn out to be as big as a house.

Don't whistle in the house on any day,
Or the devil will come to play.
My he must have great hearing.
Maybe he just wants to come for cheering?

Hold your breath when a cementary you pass,
Or a ghost will latch to your ass.
Coming home with you too.
I guess they liked being breathed on by you.

Washing a persons clothes on new year's day,
Means death will come to play.
As some time that year,
They will die I fear.

You get warts from kissing a toad.
And why on a toad would you want to unload?
The goat would not have you?
My that must make you blue.

And of course there are a ton,
That can be given a run.
Thankfully I'm snip snip,
So I won't go blind or trip.

Those wives really must have had fun, making them up under their sun. Gossiping humans can create fake stuff with ease. If you scratch your nose you'll get fleas. See I can also do it at my grass with no wives near my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Return of The Scary Mime That Can't Rhyme!

So Cassie and I were out and about when we heard a familiar shout. It was of course that Drazin fool but it seems he had gone back to thinking cat slippers were cool. What a so called god needs slippers for we have never figured out at our shore. But here we went again, with this bald freak who thinks he is above normal men.

"Fleabags, your time has come. Drazin is finally going to have Drazin's slippers. Don't bother running because there is no escaping the Great God Drazin this time."

Cassie sat very smug not afraid of the thug, as she let her tail whack me and I was also able to see. Along came a bus and got between us as Drazin continued to fuss. When it left his view, we were long gone heading back to our zoo.

"Sorry Godly one, but you can't board that bus. You have to wait for the short one."

Cassie could not help but rub it in and Drazin sure wasn't about to let us win. He stole a tricycle from some kid and started peddling while flipping his lid.

"Drazin will have Drazin's revenge, fleabags! You can't escape Drazin."

"Says the grown ass man riding a tricycle. You'd make better time on ice skates."

"Drazin would use them to skin you and make Drazin's slippers."

He was really back to his old ways, which we had not seen in many days. We darted off into a nearby crowd who were clapping really loud. As if this day was not already bad enough, now we saw that damn mime flaunting his stuff. Yep, Darzin was back and shaking things in his women's bathingsuit with his fake rack.

"All can be happy and bright, just walk in the light. Have a big smile and cheer up the vile."

A mime who can only talk in a disguise. Yet all he does is give hippie dippie cries. Why were these idiot humans listening to him? Last time dogs chased him away as things got grim. But we knew how to shut him up without the need of any pup.

"Drazin will spread the peace and love after Drazin takes care of the fleabags."

Now Drazin and his wacko twin were together and going for the win? This could not do, that is when we saw it in our view. Drazin and each silly human had a chip on the side of their head. It was obvious they were being force fed. So it was time to do what we do best, piss of that annoying Drazin pest.

"What do you call a god with no shoes? Royal toe jam!"

"Drazin will turn you to toe jam!"

"Peace and love my friends, peace and love."

That hideous sight was smiling with delight, as Drazin came near us continuing his third person fuss. The rest of the humans crowded around us too, but none of them had any clue. We sat pretending to be beat watching Drazin eyeing his bare feet. Then two humans picked each of us up in their arms, thinking it would raise alarms.

"Any last words, fleabags?"

"When it comes to you we'd be here a year recounting all of your issues, so instead."

I sprang free and kicked the human holding Cassie, both of us got loose and wacked the side of the head of the guy who thinks he is stronger than Zeus. The chip fell to the ground, then Drazin curled his nose up and looked around.

"Remember peace and love my friends, peace and love."

Drazin chucked the drone humans to the side ready to send the mime for a ride. We helped out the foolish humans too, whacking the chips off their head and unclouding their view.

"Drazin is going to make mime slippers."

Drazin grabbed Darzin by the neck and ripped of his fake Drazin suit, every speck. Say that three times fast. Now Darzin was once more a thing of the past. The mime stood there not able to say a word, which is truly absurd. Who needs to copy a third person talking clown and then wear a women's bathing suit, strutting across town?

Out of nowhere that bug eyed creep gave a call. Tarsier Man was going to make Drazin's attempt stall. Not today, we kept him busy with his popping eyes on display. Then when he finally put them back in going for the win. He saw there was no one to save. Drazin was gone with that clone mime, hopefully sending him to an early grave.

We strutted away, leaving the nut to go save some other bay. Maybe Zombie Man will eat him. Just a thought on a whim. So just another crazy day as we were out and about from our bay. Who knows what other tales will come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Ring The Bell It's Time To Sell!

It seems, which is no surprise, you humans will sell anything whether it is nailed down or flies. But some really take the cake as in the dough they try to rake. Some are also really sick in the head and should never even get out of bed.

Look what I have for sale!
It will make you wail.
So hit the trail.
I need help to pay my bail.

Elderly parents going for cheap.
Can even be bought by a creep.
Willing to consider trades in lieu of cash.
Get here fast and make a quick dash.

I have two kids ready to go.
Yeah, who cares if i'm a sicko.
They are $4000 each.
Damn! I went to jail for being such a peach.

I'll sell you a part of me,
How about a kidney?
$100,00 bucks gets you one slightly used.
It's barely been abused.

Britney Spears used gum.
It's been chewed and then some.
Be the first to hold it in your hand,
It will only cost 14 grand.

Get your UFO detector today.
Right from Amazon's bay.
It will keep the probe away,
Allowing you to have a nice day.

Shatner passed a kidney stone,
Through his old bone.
And it went for 20 grand.
My, humans are idiots across the land.

Oswald's first casket is up for sale,
Someone clearly hit the third rail.
Paying 87 grand for an old smelly box,
Probably with rotten locks.

A grilled cheese,
If you please?
Wait! It has the face of the virgin Mary.
28 grand it will be, don't be contrary.

And for a mere $3.26,
Even if you live in the sticks,
You can buy the meaning of life.
I'm sure that would impress your wife.

All are actual things people bought or tried to sell, further proving many humans are going to hell. I'll sell some fur for a wig? A big hole I will dig? Heck, I'll just sell some petrified crap that looks like some famous chap. I'll get bills in mass just for something that came out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Exploiting The Feline Is Crossing The Line!

Have you ever noticed at every sea how they are obsessed with cute pictures of the kitty? They show them here, they show them there. They are around every friggin' lair. Now the cat isn't complaining about that. For it just shows the magnitude of the cat. But we are being used and the cat feels so abused.

Car accident kills ten,
Cat jumps on dog in den.
World is going to explode,
Cat goes into hyper mode.

War on Planet Nimrod.
Cat fishes out a cod.
Serial killer on the loose.
Cat makes friends with a moose.

Woman jumps from roof.
Cat pulls a goof.
Couple drowns in lake.
Cat predicts an earthquake.

Notice a pattern yet?
If you're slow don't fret.
Yeah I know cats are grand,
Even noticing a shift in the land.

But we are used as a magic trick.
As news sites think they are slick.
Look at the cute kitty doing this and that.
Forget about the killer bacteria on your doormat.

We told you the truth,
You were just too busy looking at the cats of Ruth.
She has twenty or so,
All lined up in a row.

How could you refuse to look?
Who cares if such and such plastic faced actress became a crook.
With that long of a headline,
You'll have to go for the feline.

Wait! You mean you clicked on that story?
That is just far too gory.
Whoops, how did that get there?
A cute cat popped up, I was so unaware.

The spirits are calling out to you.
Click on the cat in your view.
Forget the other stuff.
That will just leave you in a huff.

So just take the kitty,
The world ending is such a pity.
But fido and fluffy running around,
Fighting over some dirt mound.

It really is a sight to see.
So go and watch with glee.
I bet Fluffy beats the hound.
Don't forget to turn up the sound.

 See! Pat even exploits little old me.
So you see how we are used so much by you? We deserve a royalty or two. You humans take all our dough as we put on the show. That is just rude. No wonder the cat is crude. Or maybe I just like the sass that always comes from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Drown The Remake In The Lake!

The cat had to do this for remakes cause me no bliss. So I can rant away here at my bay about the stupid things. Stupid studios need to cut the remake strings.

 
Trick or treat,It smells like feet.Meaning that it has such wit,It is complete shit.
 
Hire a stripper,Whether or not you are a tipper.Guy or girl,Way better time than giving this a whirl.
 
God awful in every way.Go all Jumanji and throw it in a bay.Not worth taking it even if they pay you.You'd have more fun watching a cow moo.
 
Pathetic is the right word,For this turd.Flip it the bird,Stupid and absurd.
 
In for a delight,If you watch this fright.You will go comatose,Or something close.
 
Another pathetic attempt,Nothing is exempt.Avoid it in your hood,Instead have a conversation with wood.
 
The other guy from American Pie.Will make you cry,"I can't believe I watched this shit."Yep, you'll swear at it.

 
Let's remake a movie and make it the same.Oh so very very lame.Plus Farrell is in it,Which just makes it shit.
 
And one that was actually good.Different, yet similar in likely hood. Basically just stole the name and the place,Actually giving it a bit of a new embrace.
 
And another that is great.Two, wow such a remake fate.Although depressing at the end.Still one should hit send.
And that is all for today as there is way too many bad ones to put on display. Remakewood needs to learn something new and shove the remakes up their gazoo. I didn't count superhero ones though. Even stupid Spiderman and its same old same old show. There sure are crap remakes in mass and all annoy my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

My Eyes, My Eyes, I Don't Want The Booby Prize!

So the other day, yes day, not night at my bay, we were going about the floor as I was pestering Cassie and Pat at our shore. Then I was through and a nap had to come due. I so wish I had stayed on the couch and never noticed Cassie's wagging tail as she peered out the window in a crouch.

There I was about to have a snooze,
When Cassie ducked down like she had gotten in the booze.
She gave a little growl,
So once more I went on the prowl.

I climbed the cat tower,
Being my usual meower.
I talk no matter where I go,
That you should already know.

So I grabbed the curtain and pulled it back,
Trying to find what caused Cassie's growling attack.
A car? A bird?
She wouldn't say a word.

She just gave another growl,
That is when I heard a howl.
My ears perked up,
And my eyes expected to see a yappy pup.

Oh how I wished for dog drool,
Even the rear end of a mule.
Instead I got a blinding sight,
Something that shouldn't be seen even in the night.

A bare naked ass,
And all the other features of a human lass.
What is wrong with that you say?
Even if I am snip snip at my bay?

The car I mentioned before,
Would probably have an easier time fitting through the door.
My head began to bob,
I could not believe the sight of such a blob.

If she didn't move around,
You'd think nothing in the window was found.
Yeah she took up that much space.
She could run her own three legged race.

And as I stared at this wall,
I can tell you no nude sun bathing was done at her hall.
So much junk in that trunk,
That she'd scare gay a monk.

Now my eyes are forever burned,
And one thing I sure have learned.
Cassie is a pervert,
And that lass would need extra large sheets if she was ever to convert.

One for each bun,
As she could block out the sun.
Cause an earthquake if she tried to run,
Alright, now I am done.

You want to be the size of a house or the size of a mouse, fine by me as it is your choice at your sea. But for the love of God, pulls the curtains so no one can see that thing you call a bod. Such is the life of crummy apartment dwelling. I hope I didn't scar you with my retelling. Maybe next time I'll get a picture of the lass so all can live in the misery that has come to pass for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

No Longer Fret When You Reach Out To Pet!

A while back it was mentioned about things not to pet. Some of them you know, I bet. But others maybe not. So the idea needed to be given the old rhyming hot to trot. Of course the cat strayed away from the really obscene. Have to keep it sorta clean.


The obvious is here,Unless you want to lose an ear.Then pet away.But you won't have a very nice day.

Don't pet the dynamite,Or in one quick flash of light,You may be spread on the wall,And go bouncing down the hall.

If this comes into your view,Don't pet it at any zoo.If you really must I guess,You can go ahead and press.

As creepy as can be.But don't pet to see if it is real at your sea.Then the eyes may pop out.That's enough to make you shout.

Even if something died there.Don't pet it at your lair.Might get fleas,That bite your knees.

Don't pet the little guys.For even in a santa disguise,They will attack you,Turning you black and blue.

Don't pet the cray old man.For he will surely become your fan.Then follow you home.Now you'll have a peeping lawn gnome.

May look nice,But surely think twice.For you may begin to sneeze,Coming away with some disease.

It isn't really a mutt.So don't go petting at your hut.Unless you want a good lick.Then you might think it rather slick.

And never ever pet the blubber gut.You'll get cracked like a nut.And lose your face,From its blubber embrace.
Now wasn't that a scare? At least a few at my lair. So the cat made sure you knew, what not to pet should they come into your view. Of course if it is your thing to lick people and such, you may pet a bit too much. See not too crass, like showing a bare naked picture of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, havea fling.

A dVerse Can't At My Plant!

The cat heard can't the other day when obviously one could at their bay, so I figured I would give it a go for another dVerse rhyming show. Of course who knows what will come from my little rhyming bum.

I can't stop!
Here is a gum drop.
Now you are in luck,
As you are now stuck.

I can't go!
Be more specific at your show.
But I hear if you rock,
It might undo the lock.

I can't win!
Now that is a sin.
But you know they give medals to 30th place now too.
So something shiny could easily come due.

I can't find it!
Again not specific as you spit.
Yeah with that drool,
No wonder you can't find things, fool.

I can't do it!
That sure isn't a hit.
May I suggest a pill,
So you can get your fill.

I can't fly!
I should hope you never try.
Then you will go to the sky,
Or down below to that other guy.

I can't travel!
Does you tongue unravel?
Or maybe you don't want to get caught with your pants down,
In some unfamiliar town.

I can't remember!
It only happened last December.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste,
I guess yours ran away post haste.

I can't find anything to write about!
Then don't give a shout.
Writing about not being able to write,
Means you do have something at your site.

I can't rhyme!
That is such a crime.
I'll give you a dime,
If I ever see you as a mime.

The can't sure came into play today at my bay as I had my say this day of May and come what may under a sunny ray. My what a run on sentence on display. But what the hey. For "I can't" has come to pass with a retort from my willing and able little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Shrine That Is Divine!

So today we add another to the plate, one that you have seen at a former date. It stars another version of the third person talking loon, with the mind of a baboon. He is really a god in this though. Sadly he can't even stand up to a mutt at his godly show. Or maybe he can indeed? Guess you will have to read.

Buckaroo Tanzoo and his faithful mutt,
Who sniffed many a butt.
Actual lines above,
Couldn't resist the mutt butt love.

Are a greedy pair,
Then gets transported to Olympus's lair.
Of course the two,
Free Drazin from his zoo.

And lots ensues,
Zeus and his pals even lose.
My what Drazin can do.
Who ever knew?

This one has no cat slippers around.
He just tries to kill the poor hound.
He even puts his face on a mountain as well.
My Olympus really goes to hell.

If Hades is around,
Is Hell already found?
Hmm could be something to that.
But we won't go there at my mat.

It is a children's book after all,
And not Zombie Man giving a call.
So away we go,
With some pictures below.





Click Here for a view at Amazon's zoo!
Now Drazin and a mutt have a book published at my mat. Can't believe that was done by Pat. I will have to have a word over him being so absurd. Or maybe I'll just give him some gas out of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Temptation Can Rise Unless You Are Wise!

So dVerse wanted me to get tempting today here at my bay, I was tempted not to, as typing with one arm sucks at my zoo.But I avoided that temptation and away the cat went, for it was too tempting not to vent.

Temptation lurks within us all,
Preaching its alluring call.
Even to the aged and wise,
It still gives tantalizing cries.

Would it not be sweet,
To land that tasty treat?
There has to be more to life,
Than just one little old wife.

Would it not be grand,
To take that truthful stand?
The garage door was ajar,
When I borrowed that $500,000 car.

Would it not be fun,
To go buy a gun?
Target practice is surely needed,
Pfft safety need not be heeded.

It has to be your day.
A match will surely display.
Give it one more yank.
You don't need any money in the bank.

That guy you truly hate,
He brought on such a fate.
Just put your foot to the floor,
Wham! He'll bother you no more.

Go and be so cool.
Don't act like a fool.
Just take that harmeless drug,
You'll easily be able to quit and no hole will be dug.

Look it's just sitting there,
No one will be aware.
Grab the loot and go.
You need it more at your show.

Insurance is there for a reason.
It isn't some kind of treason.
Burn the place to the ground.
And a hefty payout will be found.

Listen to these tantalizing cries,
They are a blessing in disguise.
By supporting such a calling,
Your life won't be so appalling.

Now I have to go for my temptation is continuing to grow. I just can't help myself. I'm addicted like a shoe making elf. I have to use it when in need. For it is the place to do the deed. Oh hell, what do I care? It is only Pat at my lair. Temptation has come to pass as gas came out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.