Pat Hatt's Blog, page 197

Is It Storming? Just Blame Global Warming!

So aren't we supposed to be buried in water now? Weren't the ice caps supposed to melt some how? Hmmm I suppose being like the Mayans is okay. Except they are kinda dead at their prediction bay.

Global warming is so bad.
It will screw over every pad.
The Antarctic ice will melt.
A bad hand we will be dealt.

Oopsy! The sea ice there,
Extends over a greater area at its ice lair.
The greatest since 1979.
Bah! That's just a backwards sign.

Global warming is still here.
All should run in fear.
It's the end of days.
Forget the chemtrail haze.

Al Gore also had fun,
Predicting more thanks to the sun.
Or thanks to us.
Why make a fuss?

The entire North polar ice cap will be gone.
By 2013 this will dawn.
Instead there was a 50% increase.
Hmm wallets he was trying to fleece?

Oh no it is so hot!
Global warming is hot to trot.
Wait! Hmmm 40 years ago,
Hotter temperatures seemed to show.

At least in some places,
Not always the same cases.
And what of the cold?
That makes global warming so bold.

The heat got used up in the summer,
Which is such a bummer,
Then that made it cold.
That is pure gold.

What? It was colder 30 years ago?
Shhhh don't let people know.
That just cannot be at any sea.
Global warming it has to be.

So join on in.
Give global warming a spin.
Blame every weather act on it.
Have a global warming fit.

Now there is no question the environment is ruined by humans every day but blaming every last thing on global warming, pffft is what I say. Becoming just another Y2K or Mayan end of days crap. But just blame everything across the map. Even though you look at temperatures years ago and what do you know? It was hotter in spots than today and colder too on display. Winter is cold, summer is hot. Always global warming it is not. And now I will ruin the air by passing gas out of my ever so warm little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Lazy Is The Key When Dealing With A Human Spree!

Wow humans sure like to invent so their poor out of shape bodies will not get bent. You do not believe the cat? I guess I will have to prove it, stat!

A nifty garbage can,
Helping every man.
With a wave of your hand,
It opens, isn't that grand?

Talk to the TV.
Get super duper lazy.
Can't even use a remote.
Lazy sure gets a vote.

Why bother with a shoe lace?
Just puts a frown on your face.
Get some self lacing ones,
To go on those long runs.

Need to rest your head?
Get Selfy the EasyBed,
It makes the bed for you.
You may want to by two.

With dust you can be chipper,
Just put on a dust mop slipper.
Two in one,
As away you run.

Like your ice cream?
Want to lick it by the stream?
Get the motorized ice cream cone.
I hear they take orders over the phone.

Don't be a thug,
Get the self stirring mug.
Why waste ten seconds of your day?
It can twirl and play.

A motorized spin the bottle,
Brings kissing full throttle.
No need to spin.
At least everyone can win.

Need to turn on a light,
Could be useful at night.
Just give a clap.
That switch is such a trap.

And best of all,
At your hall,
You can avoid a beer looter,
With your very own cooler scooter.

Wow, you humans can't walk? Can't say that is too much of a shock. You can't even lift a garbage lid up, or oh no, stepping on the foot thing for it causes a hiccup. That is just sooooo much work. A hand wave is such a perk. At least the battery companies are a happy mass. So glad I am not a lazy little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Are You In Need Of A Quickie At Your Feed?

Back we go with the dating show. I hope you got a rubber handy, as for some it could be dandy. The cat could not pass that up. We will blame it on a pup.

stop by any time bub
I think I'll avoid a bub hub.
Be my fries with that
You saying you want a fat cat?

Social media sucks my life away
So you signed up to say, hey?
Trivel thigs stic too me
Hmmm need a shower at your sea?

Can I meet your mom?
That is your first hum?
This space is blank like your mind
My, aren't you so kind.

I luv luv luv luv luv cats
Sorry, we hate ding bats.
Poking around for some fun
I'd watch where poking gets done.

Saddle up boys
Horses don't bring joys.
Bribe me and I will let you take me out
What kind of bribe to remove all doubt?

Special places have special meaning to special people especially
Escape that special place special you did actually.
Twister is boring alone
Score one for the dunce cone.

Greasey hands make me happy
OCD has me out of there snappy.
I am all out of frogs.
Next move up to hogs.

Can stares grunt my wish?
Maybe if it is a singing fish.
Crime is at an all time high
Ummm looking for a superhero guy?

Time is tiking away from us
Learn that on the short bus?
Help! They are starting to sag.
Errr ummm play tag?

Drink, drunk, drank, drunk
Enjoy your drunk funk.
Leave me a quickie and get a quickie.
Anyone want to give her a clickie?

And there you are, a whole new herd at my bar. Don't you just want one or two to come see you at your zoo and make you special on cue? No? Do not pass go? I guess so. but could line them up in a row. You could have your very own nut job lass all thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Do What They Say? Umm No Way!

Ever wonder what would happen if things were taken literally from advertising that you heard? Wouldn't it be hard to flip one the bird? What would you do? Grab a bird and flip it at a person in your view? Anyway, today we look at that at my bay.

It is mouth watering good.
So your mouth will water in your hood?
Drooling like a mutt?
What next, sniff a butt?

It kicks ass!
No matter the mass?
Big or small,
Does it kick them all?

Improve your financial health.
Wow, doctors tend to wealth?
Well they take a bunch I suppose,
Making sure their wealth grows.

A bigger bang for your buck.
Ummm what the duck?
Can a buck explode?
Oh no! They have a self destruct mode.

All the bells and whistles.
Does it shoot missiles?
Can it have a kitchen sink?
We all have to drink.

Bet your bottom dollar.
So one dollar for a flea collar?
I guess that I can do,
And give it to a mutt or two.

Cheap at half price.
All of that for spice?
Why not put it on ice,
And save that saying for rice?

Dollars to donuts,
You have donut ruts?
What are you a cop,
Needing to make a donut stop?

Finger lickin good.
Manners aren't understood?
Licking and drool,
That is not cool.

Keep it under your hat.
But you just told the cat.
This is such a big deal,
You only want me to get the steal?

The cat must say you humans and your advertising causes dismay. What? Buy this, no longer causes one bliss? You have to drool and lick, whatever else, take your pick. Maybe mutts do take an advertising class and pass it on in mass. Then they go roll in the grass. About the size of it to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

And Round Twenty Two Now Comes To You!

Back we are again with the search engine nuts that find my den. There seem to be quite a few that somehow end up at my zoo. But at least they can entertain or make you want to run away at your lane.

"poem poem for spotted dick pudding"

A cheer squad for spotted dick. I guess it does the trick.

"bye bye cute"

I guess now an old fart? Can't take cute to heart?

"blow jobs r us"

The stupid creepy guy is stalking me. Or other weirdos looking for such a spree.

"reproductive gas can"

Hmmm okay, lay down and reproduce away.

"cats with fleas on their knees"

Humans get those, but I bet you found a cat striking a pose.

"Herded old men with goats."

Okay everyone, take notes. Old men and goats need votes.

"wtf gangreen pics of toes"

Did you think zombie feet were a treat?

"robin hood the merry mary humper"

So I guess mutts leg humping Mary is merry and not scary?

"hamburgers with cheese rats titles"

The Cheesy Rat! How's that title from the cat?

"Glad I'm not a little blue man"

I guess of the blue guy he isn't a fan. Maybe he is afraid of a blue tan?

"warped things you find when you drop your pants"

Wow, strike a warped stance. Hopefully on you no one will take a chance.

"Buffy on my nuts"

If she stabs you, let's just say your nuts are through.

"Drink the fluoride and you become one of them"

A fluoride head? A living undead?

"Mac and me sucked."

No argument here from my rhyming rear.

"Stoked, my mom got laid."

Errr ummm errr ummm I'm going to ignore this one and play dumb.

And the winner leaves you with a real treat. Some may even find his advice sweet. Like the guy above and his happiness for his mommy finding love. 

"Plucking ass hair hurts like a steer kicking you in the head"
So there you are at your bar. You now know how to compare the plucking of ass hair. Why would anyone want to do that? Sure beats the cat. Now we are through with this search engine mass and no one is ever going to pluck the hair of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Hit The Deck As We Go High Tech!

So much to look forward to at your zoo, or so they say a time or two. This or that will come to pass. They tend to sound like a singing bass. The same old tune as they try to swoon.

Suits that makes you super.
They turn you into a trooper.
You could hop buildings too.
Yep, they are supposed to come due.

Going invisible at your sea.
That is next to come to thee.
A cloak or three,
You could wear with glee.

A pill for a meal.
No big deal.
No muss, no fuss.
No dishes to cuss.

Dream sharing by machine.
That would be a scene.
Hooked up to EMF stuff,
Fry your brain with a puff.

Soon you can de-age,
Or stop the age wage.
Or slow it down a bit.
Who comes up with this umm spit?

A robot maid?
The Jetsons by trade.
Then they turn on you.
Terminated at your zoo.

A flying car?
You won't get far.
Crash into a building or wall.
Better off with a flying bathroom stall.

A clone pet?
Such a safe bet.
Clone your cat or dog,
Double the brown log.

Teleportation you ask?
They still seem up in the air on that task.
Sorry ninja wannabe.
Stuck driving at your sea.

And the best of all,
They will cure every disease at their hall.
Pfffffffffft they have cured so much being clever.
Wait! They have cured a disease ummm never.

So there you are, now you know what is coming near and far. Want to make a bet with this rhyming pet? I bet you in ten years time they will be saying the same old crap in their prime. Unless you see it on a TV show no cure or flying car will ever grow. Just one big joke in mass. But they are not fooling my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A dVerse Did You Know At My Show!

Today for dVerse the cat gives you a fact or two. Or maybe a few you knew. Did you know any of the ones below? It is okay if you get zero though.

200 million skittles are made every day.
Who the heck counted that many, I say.
Every time you give a stamp a lick,
You are consuming 1/10 of a calorie some slick.

Professional cyclists pee while still going.
That is a contradicting showing.
Over 1000 birds die each year,
By smashing into windows I fear.

The whip was the first invention to break the sound barrier.
And the foreplay just got hairier.
But in Spain that is okay,
They have two dead dinos having sex on display.

You can't talk while inhaling through your nose.
Did you try it and strike a pose?
The world's old piece of gum,
Is 9000 years old, chum.

Your ribs move 5 million times a year.
Boy, they better not get out of gear.
Slugs have 4 noses.
All the better to smell the roses.

Owls are the only birds who can see blue.
I wonder how they found that clue.
Nolan Ryan was so great.
His jock strap fetched $25,000, mate.

Dr. Seuss's estate earns 5 million a year.
Damn, share some with my rhyming rear.
The world's largest book weighs 133 pounds.
I bet that just astounds.

A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did at the start.
Maybe because some take hump day to heart?
Each year more people are killed by teddy bears than grizzly bears.
I guess stuffed bears provide many scares.

One out of five people live off of $1 a day.
Damn, I'd be dead at my bay.
Chicken is one of the only things man eats,
Before it is born and after it is dead for treats.

Toto was paid $125 a week.
That pup can play some nice hide and seek.
And pigs can never look up into the sky,
I guess that is why humans want them to fly.

There you are, some fun facts at my bar. Did you know each one that the cat spun? You had to know at least two, as I used them before at my zoo. Have to keep you on your toes class with my ever so fact filled little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Super Hero Team! Nope, Not A Dream!

So you have seen them all here at my hall. Each of them on their own answering the superhero phone. But now they come as one to make a big bad be done. Who are they you ask? Never fear, I'll remind you as some may have had one too many hits from the flask.

There is the bug eyed creep,
That wants pockets that are rather deep.
In it for the loot,
Tarsier Man always gives his own horn a toot.

There is the kinda creepy one,
Who did not want to be feared under the sun.
So he also went on the super hero run.
Zombie Man scares the bad guys a ton.

Finally there is the best,
He beats all the rest.
A superhero reality jumping cat,
Catality will stomp all bad guys flat.

Of course this super trio can fight,
But will they see the light,
And realize three is better than one?
I guess you will have to give it a run.

It even has a naked guy,
Can I get an oh my?
A super alien thing,
Can also let rockets fling.

They come from his yap.
All run across the map.
It is up to a super cat, a zombie and a bug eyed creep,
To make this bad probing alien thing weep.







Click here for superhero gear!
A brand new super hero league is born. Some of their motives may be torn, but they are around to save the day even if you are far away. Just give them a call when you spot a bad guy. P.S. long distance charges still apply even if they do not get there in time and you die. But they still promise to get the bad guy. Now that is all for my super pass from my ever so super little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Stabbing We Will Go High And Low!

So the cat thinks Pat is nuts, he must have been around too many mutts. For a while now he gets stabbed on purpose at our sea. That is really strange to me. The last time I was stabbed I was snip snip and as you know that makes me run my lip.

Right out of some torture fable,
You stretch out on a big table.
Strip like a porn house,
Okay, something close.

Say where you ache,
They do a double take.
Then comes the fun,
With a stabbing run.

Leg hurts today.
Wham! Stabbed at your bay.
But not in the leg at all,
Your elbow gets the call.

Elbow for leg?
Round hole, square peg?
Damned if I know.
Away we go.

Neck has a fit,
So let's stab it.
Nope, not for that,
Bam! Got you flat.

Stabbed in the feet.
Isn't that neat?
No stomping for you.
Leg for neck? No clue.

Pain in the arm,
No need for alarm,
Stabbed in the arm,
On the needle farm.

Wait! What?
Arm doesn't equal butt?
Arm is arm you say?
Ummm err okay.

Then comes the back.
It's a full on attack.
Not one or two,
But ten come due.

Stabbed up and down,
All over back town.
Pin cushion resemblance anyone?
Isn't stabbing so fun?

Weird it may be getting stabbed at ones sea. But it actually works says Pat, so he becomes a pin cushion stat. Ever had acupuncture at your sea? Or for you is it too scary? I would rather go eat grass. You are not getting any needles near my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

With This Romp We Tackle The Floor Stomp!

Those above the cat can sure scat. The cat looks up all the time when he hears such a chime. I can figure out their feet and leave them in defeat. You don't believe the cat? Well we can't have that.

Stomp, stomp, stomp,
Someone on a romp.
A pissed off nut,
Maybe with a gut.

Super stomp attack.
Every day at their shack.
Means they are rather large,
Or think they are in charge.

A clang or a cling,
Clutsy I give a ring.
Thy broke a dish,
Maybe to make a wish?

Stomp, stop, stomp, stop.
One foot is a flop?
Having uneven feet,
Would not be neat.

The stomp and slide,
They have no pride.
Can't pick up their feet.
Maybe loaded down with wheat?

Bang, bang, bang,
A little different than the clang.
A ball bouncing up and down?
Or maybe two going for the ball bouncing crown?

Crack here and there,
They are a normal pair.
At least for feet.
The rest of the human may deplete.

Stomp, crack, stomp, crack,
A high heel attack.
Must have a date,
Or feet killing is their fate.

Boom!
Something spells doom.
Dropped something big.
Hope nothing lost its wig.

Feet share the love,
With noises above.
Isn't it so grand,
Living in apartment land?

I guess at least the cat gets a good neck stretch each day when the stomping comes on display. It keeps me nimble and quick. Maybe it does the trick? Do you stomp with each pass? I bet your feet make more noise than the four attached to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.