Pat Hatt's Blog, page 201

It's Hats For Bats!

So for H Pat Hatt and the cat will go once more into the land of the hat. Lots of hats there as we go all hat at Hatt's lair. Know which movie the title is from? Never drink Jobu's rum.


No need to worry about rain.Maybe blocking a traffic lane,But never ever rain.Your head may pop a vein.

 Need a drink?Not near a sink?Just use your hat.It's as simple as that.

Reach out and connect.The sun you can even deflect.Get radiation on your head.In a year, you'll be dead.

It's hula hoop time.For tiny people or a scary mime. Maybe horse shoes?May give the next one the blues.

All horse.Par for the course. Care for a ride?In and out with the tide.

Kermit is dead.Oh the dread.He may poop on her head.That's what I said.

Why I stick with chicken.Through turkey you'll be pickin.There will be hair in it.Unless one is bald a bit.

Umm err what is that? A fly swatter or door mat?I am just at a loss.Okay, not really, it's a carnival toss.

 A swan on your head.Must have got there in bed.Just like I already said,It's bound to crap on your head.

Who cares about your lungs?Forget the black tongues.Stick it in your ear.You have no need to hear.
And there we are a fashion show at my bar. Don't be afraid to mix and match. Heck, you could own the whole batch. I bet that would impress a lad or lass. Yeah, I am a sarcastic little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Glitch of A Witch Part Seventeen Makes An A To Z Scene!

So for G away we go at my sea. Glitch of a Witch came to mind. So here part seventeen you will find. The glowy thing was falling from the sky, just in case you forgot the last Glitch of a Witch cry.

It came closer and closer and the land seemed to breathe anew. I think the candy liked this glowing things view. We all got a sense of peace and then the three headed mutt got shipped off to, let's say, Greece. The glowing thing floated just above our head. Boy, did I wish I was back home in bed.

"Annnnnnnne, I'm full of drool. Damn cat! I blame you."

"Why couldn't this glowy thing ship her off? Drazin is sick of this place."

"Brandon, what do you call a...."

Before the beer guys could have their say, they too just poofed away. Old One Eye hid behind Anne and Pat started talking like he was more woman than man. God only knows who he thought he was this time. My money was on Cleopatra when he wanted his face on a golden dime. Miss Priss and I stayed low though as this thing continued to glow.

"Well this is threatening. What is it going to do, blind Drazin?"

"Demon, do not aggravate the power of Merlin."

"Eejits, all of you. Take us home now!"
    
Anne yelled at the glowing thing and gave her fist a fling. Poof she disappeared too, leaving Old One Eye not knowing what to do.
   
"Annnnnnneeeeeeee!"

Thankfully she went poof after her scream. Drazin sure would not have minded if the glowing thing drowned her in a stream. She was hard on the ears. Maybe she will now go climb some stairs and rid herself of fears? Probably not. But it was worth a thought. We were back to four and then the glowing thing went on a rhyming tour.

"You have won the game. Now to the world you can claim, you beat Candy Land. Isn't that grand?"

"The glowing thing talks? Demon, how about you slay it."

"Drazin is sick and tired of this place. Show Drazin the exit, now!"

"We won candy land. Wow, kids everywhere will be so impressed."
   
The glowing thing got closer to Miss Priss who backed off and let out a hiss. I guess the glowing thing did not like snarky remarks. I wonder how it would do it dog parks? I am sure if it had a face it would be proud thinking we should dance and shout out loud.

"You are the first to ever win. All the rest died, what a sin. Now you can pick a door. There are more worlds to explore. You four have what it takes to bake really big candy cakes."

"Not going to happen. Drazin has had enough already!"

Drazin picked up a hard candy and threw it at the glowing thing. It seemed to make it sing, or maybe that would be buzz. Either way, we starting kicking candy at it like they were fuzz. Pat joined in and we were going to make this thing take us home to our bin.

"You can't beat the force. I have no remorse. I sit and watch from upon high. If I wanted to, I'd make you all die."

"Eat it, you glowing shooting star reject."

The four of us kept up our assault and it seemed the glowing thing deemed while locked in our candy vault. Yeah, the candy was sticking to it now. It screamed, sounding like it was giving birth to a cow. Then the glow shined out across the land. the glowing thing did not like our last stand. We covered our eyes and opened them to find, the glow was covering that damn witch who brought forth this bind.

"It's the old hag that send Drazin here. Drazin is going to rip off her ear."

"Demon, you take one and I will take the other. Germs be damned."

"Leave some for me."   

"You will regret the day you said you want to no longer play. Not only did you kill the Easter Bunny but you cost me a lot of money. See you soon in my next cartoon."  

The four of us were ready to kill the witch. She sent us here and we wanted to bury her in a ditch. She cackled like witches do and then disappeared from view. The damn witch ran away. What next? Flying rats on display? She was not even brave enough to fight after we destroyed her glowing light.

"Drazin wants to know what is her deal with the Easter Bunny? Is she one of those Furry freaks?"

"Come out and fight, demon. Excalibur and I shall cut you down." 

We stood there for a while expecting the witch to send something vile. But nothing happened at all. We sat there and sat there, stuck at this candy land hall. Then when we were about to give up and sit down we heard a nut that sounded like she was from crazy town. She frolicked through the candy grass and was pretty much a bare naked lass. Drazin said his name fifty times and some other chimes, while Pat just stopped and continued to stare. I think he liked the lass who was bare. But it was obviously a trap. We just watched as she frolicked across the candy map.

*********************

And there we are, the nuts are still stuck at the candy land bar. Will we ever get back? This witch needs to melt or with some candy we should give her a pelt. Drazin says his name with every pass. He is so annoying to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Day Of The Flick Is Rather Sick!

So today for F we go with Flick. Movies could sure do the trick. But that we will save for a later day. This is another flicking display. Hey, at least it's not zombie feet. Don't they look so sweet?

 
No wonder they are germy,As their finger gets squirmy.Up it goes in the nose,Then they hug you and on you it glows.

 But it is taught right?They see it in sight.A famous dude does it.So it has to be a hit.

 See, not just one.The pick and flick is so fun.Even with a weird old man hat.Pick, flick and scat.

 Poor Indy does it too.Even if it is a fake view,Still promotes the pick and flick.My, this is getting sick.

 Bourne has his mission today,Don't let that booger get away.Get that finger up there,And grab each booger pair.

 She just wants to be friends,And set new trends.Do the pick and flick.Just never ever lick.

 Damn, the super pick and flick.Bend your nose as you pick.He can't be outdone.A superstar with his pick and flick run.

 Maybe he's looking for bush?At least it's not his tush.Got his eyes closed too.really concentrating at his zoo.

 The pick, read and flick.That is a neat trick.No wonder he is President down below.I bet his boogers even glow.

 Even the elderly pick and flick away.Some so royal on display.If a royal booger gets flicked at you,Will you still say ewww?
So now you know where the kids get it from at their show. They pick and flick them high and low because they see such famous folks never blow. Did you like my flick? Did it do the trick? All ready to pick and flick and say something crass? Steer clear of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Stupid Things To Say When You Go Away!

The cat notices all around that you humans need to make a sound. You can't just walk away, you still have to have your say. Even if it does sound dumb like you are drunk on rum.

You have to go,
Time to row.
Go on home,
Where you roam.

But how do you say,
Goodbye at your bay?
Goodbye is no good.
It might be misunderstood.

See you soon!
Boy, are you a loon.
Now you have to see them soon.
Skipping your favorite cartoon.

Talk later!
So unless you fall in a crater.
You will have to talk.
So ruins your walk.

Hugs!
Yuck, rather eat bugs.
Keep your hands away from me.
The cat will just flee.

Kisses!
Slobber will get hisses.
But my you must get around,
Kissing at every umm mound.

Got to go!
That has such flow.
Then away you can run,
Unless gtg you say to everyone.

Catch you later!
Are you singing about that gator?
Or are you Tom Hanks?
If not, low that ranks.

Have a nice day!
So you say.
When really you mean,
I need a new scene.

xoxoxo!
Is that some kind of yoyo?
Your alphabet needs some work.
Hope you aren't a filing clerk.

So there we are, what you shout as you run to your car, or away really far when one isn't on par. The cat sure hit the bingo with this lingo. Now off I wave to all in mass as I walk away wiggling my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Poor Mutt Gets It At My Hut!

So as the cat was looking for E he came across something that caused him glee. It was also a bit of a mystery as it sure must be tricky. So not only do they sniff butts they also suck eggs like nuts.


Egg Sucking Dog!
Beats a brown log.
But how do they suck?
Can they go, cluck?

Johny Cash sang it.
I guess dogs are a hit.
If they can suck an egg.
Keeps them from humping your leg

Is it hard boiled or soft?
I hope they don't drop it from a loft.
Imagine that on the head of one below.
Actually that would be fun to see, you know.

Do the hens share?
Or does the dog raid their lair.
What makes a dirty egg sucking dog?
They get fleas from a hog?

Do they suck it like a lollipop?
That could end up a flop.
Are they trying to warm the chick?
Then it hatches and they give it a lick.

This is as mysterious as what they get from an ass.
Maybe an egg sucking dog has more class.
Could be giving it as a gift?
Maybe spirits they want to lift.

They must have dull teeth.
Maybe just gums beneath?
So they can easily suck.
I guess toothless dogs are in luck.

They can go to the zoo,
Get humans a buck or two,
As they perform their act,
And passerby's they attract.

Or does it really mean an obsessive man?
Are humans an egg sucking fan?
Should there be an egg sucking ban?
Hopefully this is a flash in the pan.

So what is your take?
Why eggs and not cake?
Can you see through the fog,
And tell me about an egg sucking dog?

What dogs will do for attention, even the cat is giving them a mention. Maybe next they will go suck a lime. But the cat would not want to cut them down in their egg sucking prime. On egg sucking I will pass from my egg hating little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Hold Your Breath To Avoid This Death!

Today the cat will help you out so no one around you does a twist and shout. I will keep you alive by giving you some tips on how to survive. Today for D we go all Death at my sea.

Did you know,
That when you go,
If you push too hard,
Could pop a blood vessel and be beneath the yard?

What about those with a long beard,
They aren't just to be feared.
One guy stepped on his hair,
Tripped, and burned up at his lair.

A poet tried to kiss the reflection of the moon.
He was said to be a drunk loon.
Then oopsy, he fell in.
Drowned at his moon kissing bin.

Grammar Nazi better take heed,
The second could happen at his feed.
Truedessa better watch out for the third,
Okay, back to the absurd.

A man said when he died,
He wanted to be struck by lightning and fried.
He told one and all,
Then oopsy, fried as Zeus answered his call.

A Congressman was defending a case.
He said the victim shot himself in the face.
To prove it he pulled a gun of his own,
Showed how, oopsy wasn't empty, dead at the tone.

To prove the glass at the Toronto Dominion Center would not break,
A guy ran at it while all did a double take.
The window popped out of its frame and he died,
But the glass didn't break as he went for his ride.

A man wished to be killed,
So it was actually willed.
But that is not the whole story,
He also wished to be eaten, kinda gory.

A crazy woman driver hit a homeless guy.
He did not get thrown into the sky.
Instead stuck in her windshield but still pretty fine.
She went home, parked, left him there and acted like all was divine.

Then come the hoarders,
They have no borders.
Instead they had so much crap,
They were buried alive in their own death trap.

There you go the cat has now told you what not to do at your show. Too bad someone actually had to do the above though. Just never follow such an example at your show. So no moon kissing or running at glass. Feel free to thank my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Okay, If You Insist For This A To Z List!

So the cat always skips C for cat and goes with kitty or feline at his mat. But let's just do cat this year. See, you expect but don't expect and get what you expect from my little rhyming rear. Confused yet? That may be a safe bet. On to Cat with a mutt or two at my mat.



So we were at the other sea,And the cat had to flee.There were so many of those things.I wish I had wings.
You've got the poser.The brown noser.The buck tooth one.One who likes to run.
A real scaredy cat.Making it a valid term at my mat.A one room kitty.A grumpy old bitty.
An attention whore.One that likes to explore.The deaf dude.He won't run, kinda rude.
The fluffy ball.Good to dust the hall.And the mouthy one,Using his puny meow a ton.
Then you have dinner,That wiener is a real winner.Hmmm does that sound bad?Maybe just a tad.
And of course the huge mutt,Who tries to sniff my butt.She thinks she is a cat,A regular dingbat.
Can you blame the cat for being paranoid,They all could suck me into a kitty void.That would just suck.Thankfully we are in luck.

We have developed laser beam eyes.Those cats will drop like flies.I'll even get that mutt.No one but Cassie sniffs my butt.

But they can still bring joy,I will stuff them like my toy.Then drag them around.See, fun can still be found.
What? Not a good plan for the other hut? Geez, I guess I'll just get them fat by feeding them many a donut. That safer for you? I am still going to turn them black and blue. I swat them with every pass. They fear my little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

Boobs Galore Are In Store!

 Bet you did not think I could work this in with my below ummm stuff at my bin. But it is as easy as can be when you are little old me. Just remember, no matter how much you writing makes you curse, there is always something worse. Case and point, the below at my joint. Well except the last, she is fine in any cast.
For B we are going with the best B word under my sun. What? The cat likes them too at his hut. Warning, may be a little over pg so close your eyes if your a kiddie.


 These boobies I like.I can wait in a bush and strike.Then have a nice meal.They even let me cop a feel.
 
I guess humans like them too.It's boobies times two.Or maybe pigeons I guess.Creepy a bit I confess.
 
Just go to Japan.There they are a true fan.Anime strikes a pose.Too cheap to draw clothes?

Go to the moon.The aliens will swoon.You won't get a butt probe.So no need for a robe.



 Even guys can have one.I guess a pair are no fun.So just one big one.Odd by a ton.

 
Then you have Boob Man.He is a true fan.Making the bad guys stop and stare.He stops crime everywhere.

Care for a drink?Forget the sink.Just give a squeeze.It is a breeze.

 The scary kind.Some may not mind.Up close you may go blind,Wishing you could wipe your mind with rewind.

 Wow, boobies that need a tent.Clothes must cost quite the cent.Yoga must be a tad hard,When they are larger than many's yard.

 Or just stop and stare.Nope, not at her hair.Don't get too hung up on my display. Have a Serendipity day.   Wasn't that just the best B? Even a guy or two for all the women at my sea. No need to thank the cat. He enjoyed doing it at his mat. Now I have to go eat a boobie I see in the grass. That could be taken so wrong from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Little dVerse Ayahuascas Today At My Bay!

The cat has a confession to make today when you come to visit my bay. For the start of the A to Z we get rather dVerse at my sea. By coming here you have now become an experiment of the cat. You have been dosed with ayahuascas at my shack. That is the word of the day. Can ayahuascas you even say?


You are seeing colors of all kinds.I have infected your minds.This rainbow isn't really here.Prepare to run in fear.

The trees are growing faces,In many weird places.They might attack.Look out at your shack.

You can no longer see colorful things.Black and white is all it brings.Such a plight,Black and white sight.

Oh no!Ninja santa or a crazy eskimo.You have gone insane.What have I done to your brain?

 Things are in color again.They just keep changing at your den.Now there are more.They even move at your shore.

Kid eating rabbits,With nasty tongue habits.Head for the hills.Barricade your windowsills.

A mime is telling you to shoot,At the head of some brute.Wait! That is you.Don't give in at your zoo!

Okay, maybe now it is time to give in.When he shows up at your bin.Or go 1, 2, 3.Get that butt working at your sea.

Your eyes are seeing clearer.Just avoid a mirror.For now you look like this.At least sights you can't miss.

They are back,On the moving attack.Will this ever end.You've gone around the bend.
Do not worry though. Your exposure will wear off in an hour or two at your show. Just lock the door so no scary mimes give an encore. Did you enjoy your trip? I hope you never threw out a hip. You may need eyes of brass after this ayahuascas experiment from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Crazies Give The A To Z A Go At My Show!

The cat was out and about when he heard a familiar shout. It was Gung and Ho, both of whom are rather slow, sitting on a stump. It might have even got stuck up Gung's rump.

"So Ho, think we should give the A to Z a go?"

"Gung, is your bell rung? But okay, it can't be hard to post every day."

The pair sat there and tried to think. I bet there are more brains in a kitchen sink. But they gave it a go while I hunted down a crow.

"A is for Panama, right Gung?"

"No, I think it is for lung. Air goes into a lung so lungs need A to have a nice day."

"But A is in Panama three times. Without A, Panama may as well just home mimes."

They argued back and forth for quite a while. They even used language that was rather vile. That is when they agreed on one, at least for a few seconds before going on another argument run.

"Ass! That gets an A pass."

"Yeah Ho, look at us with the A to Z flow."

"Wait Gung! An ass is a donkey and there is now A, not even in its dung."

"Damn! We almost had one. Lung is still the most fun."

They were still hung up on A. They went back and forth on it throughout the whole day. Finally they just skipped to the end. These two could drive anyone around the bend.

"Ho, Z is the hardest one. Let's give that a run."

"Gung, what are you doing? Were those sleeping pills you were chewing?"

Gung fell asleep and started to snore. You know how much I love that at my shore. Ho caught on to his lame brain thing and fell asleep too giving a snoring ring. The cat was not about to take that again. I grabbed a nearby pen. I stuck it in Gung's ear and it went right through. It was a perfect view. They woke up before I could have much fun. But I still drew on their face a ton.

"Ho, I got the best idea ever. Z is for sleep, I'm so clever."

"Gung, that is great. Now we can solve them all at any rate."

"We just need to sleep on it. Then we will get them bit by bit."

"Look at our reflection in the pond. C is for clown, it was given to use from beyond."

"We have a fairy godmother, Ho. An A to Z one, bro."

The pair looked around for a few hours expecting someone to show up with powers. Then they decided to sleep once more. I took off so I did not have to hear them snore. Somehow I do not think they will pass the A to Z like my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.