Pat Hatt's Blog, page 193

Offense You Say? Just Another Day!

So the cat was minding his own business the other day and opened his email at his bay. There was some junk there and one who likes to blabber at our lair, but also a little more hate. This one was straight forward at our gate.

I take offense!
I got from the dense.
1200 posts or so,
And offense can show?

Well I never would have guessed.
Glad you confessed.
Offense to what?
The cat using ass instead of butt?

Oh no!
Gotta go!
Offense is had.
You are sad.

Not sorry I offended.
What? Expected things to be defended?
Never going to happen here.
For anything can offend anyone across the sphere.

No matter what you say,
It may give someone a bad day.
So the cat does not worry about that.
Offense can go splat.

What does it really do?
Doesn't bother me, just you.
Hold on it and let it fester,
Like a child wanting to pester.

In the end you're the only one,
Who gets hot in the bun,
Or under the collar,
Whether you are silent or hollar.

Is that too direct?
Is that offense I detect?
Uh oh!
Don't you have a lawn to mow?

You can only hurt you,
With most things at your zoo.
Like taking offense to stuff,
To which I say tough.

Get on with your day.
Let things be as they may.
And if something offends me or you,
Just give a whoopdi friggin doo.

Offended anyone lately at your sea? The nuts just seem to find me. Now obviously there are sicko things that offend all, those never go on any a decent blog wall, but as for the ordinary crap, the cat does not care if he offends anyone across the map. Send the hate all you like, it just shows a nerve I can strike. And as said, in the end, you are the only one letting such things fester in your head. It can be worse than a bad case of gas. That is all from my offensive little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

With This Stream We Tackle The Theme!

Ever notice how the TV theme is dead and now the title is mostly all that is said? Ever notice how the TV theme is dead and the titles are so long they hurt your head? The Following, poof, that is all you are swallowing. House of Cards, waiting, waiting, waiting, goes on forever as your pupils are dilating. But none have a catchy theme on their stream. I wonder why? Shhhh commercials are not the cause, you lie.

New York is where I'd rather stay,
I get allergic smelling hay.
So they give hay a bad name.
No wonder they lost their fame.

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name,
And they are always glad you came.
Can't have that, oh no!
Some sexual innuendo may grow.

Then one day he was shooting at some food,
And up from the ground came a bubbling crude.
Advertising the NRA and big oil.
That has to annoy one with the hat of tin foil.

Here we come, walking down the street,
Getting the funniest looks from everyone we meet.
What? It promotes walking.
Damn, that has to go as it ruins phone talking.

Sunday, Monday happy days.
Tuesday, Wednesday happy days.
What? Happy people all around?
Have to bury that theme song in the ground.

We've been waiting for you,
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three's company too!
They promote threesomes as well.
My, they have to be damned to hell.

There were times when I lost a dream or two.
Found the trail, and at the end was you. 
What? You want people to lose then go into the woods?
Some weird creature may pop out and steal your goods.

Whatever happened to predictability,
The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV.
Oh no! Promoting boring things.
We can't have a song with no mention of flings.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship.
What? taking ships for trips?
The airline industry would give all fat lips.

In west Philadelphia born and raised.
On the playground was where I spent most of my days.
What? Not at the office working?
What next? In the street twerking?

So that is why the theme song has died. It offends airlines, sends people in the woods, makes them not work and makes them avoid a hay ride. Oh the shame. What? No, commercials and cheapos are no to blame. Did you get all with this pass? They were engrained in the head of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

With This Fit I Want It!

The cat watches as Pat searches around and he sees a few things that should surround. Pat needs to get on this stat. I want to be an even more spoiled cat.


 I want it!I'll sputter and spit.I want it now.I'll give a nice meow.
 
Some food on the go.Can go high or low.It works for me.A grass eating spree.
 
No more constipation for you,When you step into this loo.For it will scare the crap out of you.What? Lame but true.

 Some fish to eat,Oh what a treat.It would be a hit.I want it.

 
A musical house,Beats a squeaky mouse. When it rains your house plays a tune.Think it will make people swoon?
 
An indoor slide.That would be a fun ride.Eat your heart out Ghostbusters and your pole,A slide is a better goal.
 
Fresh air! I want it at my lair.Could go out and run around.Could even pick on a hound.

A giant litterbox.Wear shoes not socks,And all will be fine.If you step in whats left by the feline.

A slide on the stairs.Now you can slide in pairs.Yep, I want two.Two for me, none for you.

 A pirate ship inside.That will give me pride.Although it might fall off the wall,If two try and have a ball.
Now you know what I want. In your dreams I will haunt. Send the cat each one. Pat is no fun. Any you want at your sea that would give you glee? The first one I need to come to pass, then I'd be a wall climbing little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The Speedy May Become Needy!

So the cat read something the other day that may be news to many a bay, or maybe not. The cat can be out of the loop on some such plot. Let's just say if you like to speed, you may be screwed indeed.

With each car,
They will raise the bar.
A tiny camera in place,
Nope, not on your face,

But to monitor what you do.
At first only 1% of cars will view.
It is to protect you each day.
So hit and runs don't happen, they say.

Plus no running lights.
No road rage fights.
No need for a cop.
The speeding will stop.

It is all so great.
Many will want it as their fate.
Plus it will lower your insurance rate,
So come now, take the bait.

The more fluoride heads that come in line,
The more your privacy will be mine.
We will get you every day,
Rolling more and more on display.

Until we have each car,
From here to the nearest bar,
All tagged and ready to go.
Now we can sit back and enjoy the show.

Yours stats will be ours each day.
We will know when you go away.
But what do you care,
You aren't a bad person at your lair?

So let us have it all.
We won't write things on the wall.
And when your car is rockin,
We won't come a knockin.

Unless the view is hacked,
Then that may be shacked.
On YouTube you may show.
Hey, your viewer count could grow.

So stay in the lane,
Board our monitoring train.
It will just become the norm,
No need for a shit storm.

Ready to be monitored all around, even when your horn makes a sound? Soon your car will just give you a ticket itself. Many may pile up on the shelf. Also may be stats that monitor closer the working class. Next they will just pick the fleas off of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

You Can Learn At Every Turn!

So what happens if you do not have the dough to takes such college courses as life in the universe at your show? Why you can go to a seminar or three. They usually do not come with a hefty forty grand a year fee.

You need to learn,
Feel the brain burn,
But where to turn,
To make the wheels churn.

Go to Parenting 101.
It sounds like fun.
Learn to talk to a child.
What? You can't let them grow up in the wild?

Time for Food And You!
My, what you can do.
Watch the GMO nuts,
Talk out of their butts.

Weight Lose and You!
Once again it's so true.
Follow some magic diet.
Pop a pill too, try it!

You and Your Money.
It is rather funny.
Spend money to go to it,
And once there learn not to spend a bit.

Your Pet and Their Need!
No snip snip so I can't do the deed.
That is my only need.
Humans, just make your ears bleed.

Listen To Your Body Talking!
My, my feet are sure squawking.
I bet they want to go walking,
Or maybe my toes want to do some gawking.

Dating and You!
Rather have Mating come due.
Let's listen to the guru.
Their cereal box certification has to impress you.

Come Find God!
Says the guy in a hot rod.
Ummm no thank you.
Go bible thump at another zoo.

Decorating 101.
My, that sounds fun.
What? White walls aren't good?
Guess I'm out of touch at my hood.

Ever notice how many involve the word you? I guess they need to scrounge up a follow crew. So do you need any of these? If so, I may send fleas to your knees. A wake up call is what you may need. But I will not judge, much, at my feed. Maybe the cat will start a seminar rhyming class. That should bring some dough to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Hmmm I Say, Never Thought About It Until Today!

So the cat was hopping about and found an interesting shout. "Should there be a competitor to the Olympics every two years?" I guess the would please the Olympic watching dears. But what would it be called? Did you just go all fourth walled?

The Rally!
From hills to valley,
We give you the best.
Even a nude contest.

Love Yourself!
From human to elf.
All can win and gloat,
So other humans will take note.

Sports That Aren't Sports!
No, not basketball courts.
Stuff like the one legged race.
Not a sport, sorry for the sad face.

Tricky Balls!
Could get cat calls.
Could entice Anthony Weiner.
The playboy mansion now sounds cleaner.

Virtual Sport!
They build a snow forrt.
Then sit behind it and type.
You watch over Skype.

Advertiser Games!
They even have a cup of flames.
Budweiser is on the side.
Beer and fire, take pride.

Make Like An Animal Event!
That would sure pay their rent.
Jump around like a horse,
While hitting a little ball on a golf course.

Guess That Sport!
Something you may want to report.
Warning, not for young eyes.
What? It's not a sport when you unzip flies?

Nursing Home Runs!
Look at those wrinkly buns.
They run down the hall.
I hope they don't fall.

Olympics 2.0!
Lame, I know.
But then each can wage war.
Olympics vs. Olympics 2.0....still a bore.

Think there needs to be something new or some competition for their Olympic zoo? McDonalds would be glad as they could sell like mad. Sponsors everywhere would rejoice and look, a choice. Bah, just more crap in mass. Forget anything was ever said by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

If You Want Bingo Forget The Text Lingo!

Ever get the feeling one is out to confuse you? Yeah, I know that is a daily thing at my zoo. But at least the cat uses words you can read at your feed. At least most of the time. Hell, let's just get to the rhyme.

How many PH is had?
Depends, is PH mad or sad?
Did you explain the thing?
The thing has a familiar ring.

TGD today all!
Did you miss last call?
Try the thingy in the thing.
That has a dirty ring.

RLO is coming near.
I will not shed a tear.
That thingy is great.
Such a thingy fate.

Try FVC today!
Do I have to pay?
LSW is your size.
You don't sound wise.

TRM has all the luck.
Must be a lucky duck.
RWY has your back.
I'm sure it doesn't lack.

Wise folks FGS a thing.
Is thing your only known ring?
Try biting OQD things.
Thing gets many dings.

DRB has it made.
Can we trade?
Tricky PRF stuff.
Did it huff and puff?

WFC has your number.
Stalking me while I slumber?
TWH is the very best.
Oh come now, you jest.

QGS is on top of it.
I hope not on top of umm spit.
GEW at you.
Screw you too.

AZU is your last chance.
No thanks on first glance.
EBC you are alright.
You are still a alphabet fright.

Did you know that people are dumb enough to say phone speak out loud at their show? Heard it the other day as letters is all they seemed to say. Oh they said thing and thingy too, quite a few times at their zoo. I bet they were taking a swearing pass and did not want to offend my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

No Need To Fetch, Just Prepare To Catch!

Did you know at your show that you can catch so much? All you have to do is reach out and touch. Or just keep in touch. Something like that and such. I guess the cat will have to show with today's flow.

Set up by the plate.
A game of catch is your fate.
Be sure and wear a glove,
As you spread the love.

Oh where that could go.
Just ignore and blow.
Instructions for life?
Moving on from such strife.

Catch is the theme of the day,
So catch we will do at my bay.
Except all the catching can be done by you.
I want none of it at my zoo.

Like you can catch germs,
Maybe even a case of worms.
Just touch a door knob,
Or shake hands with germy Bob.

Yawns can be catching.
That will make you look fetching.
With your big yap,
Open to all across the map.

Sayings you can catch.
Like telling one to go fetch.
Or sit on it in the bathroom stall.
I guess happy days are on the wall.

Things could catch your eye.
I bet you could really spy,
Something oh so bright.
That garbage is such a sight.

You could catch a chill.
That could make you go ill.
Those germs you already caught,
Like it when you're cold, not hot.

Go catch a flick.
Take your pick.
From American Pie to Zapped,
In a theater you could be trapped.

Now I will simply say,
Catch you later at my bay.
Even though I'll never catch you,
Considering you are at a whole other zoo.

Catch all of that today from the cat? Are you caught up on something? Need to play catch up at my wing? Come now, don't grieve. I am sure you can catch all before you leave. With that little bit of sass the cat will catch a nap with his little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Only The Cat At Our Mat?

Is it only me that gets no glee from this crap at every sea? What crap is that? I guess you will just have to follow the cat. Don't worry though, no litterbox is going to show.

How are you?
Sometimes comes due.
What are you doing?
Like the damn thing is wooing.

That is good.
They say if understood.
Then what is up?
Like a repeat pup.

Give a dead end reply,
The crap still flies on by.
The thing never stops.
Out another message drops.

Half an hour later,
It's see you later gator.
If you are lucky that is,
With this crap biz.

When it could be said and done,
In a two minute phone call run.
But oh friggin no.
A texting they will go.

Good for a quick note.
That has my vote.
But sitting there typing away.
Pffft to that crap I say.

Pick up the phone.
Hear the funky tone.
Use your yap,
Forget the texting lap.

I know you have to speak.
Oh no! Your brains may leak.
You can't use idk and the like.
My, that is a rough hike.

Then your voice may go,
You'll lose your flow.
Talking makes you sad.
That is just so bad.

So is it just the cat,
Here at his non texting mat?
Do you love texting too?
I won't, just a little, judge you.

There was my crap texting rant for the day. Hate that crap at my bay. If you have something long to say don't make me sit until May. If you do I may get kind of crass with my texting hating little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

An Update You Say At My Bay?

Aren't updates just the best? They sure pass every test. They are ever so grand. The cat doesn't know why you humans do not do it more across the land. I will update you on the update to keep you up to date at my gate.

Updates are fun,
Updates are done.
There are a ton,
Needed to run.

Run the money,
Out like honey,
Right from your hand.
Isn't that grand?

Facebook update today,
More you can display.
Plus more ads for you.
One turns to two.

Blogger updates galore.
Come here to explore.
Damn, nothing works right.
That update had some bite.

Iphone 7.4.6.5.5.5.5.5 is out.
Time to twist and shout.
The screen is 1mm smaller.
Easier to call her.

Updates in food.
GMO isn't crude.
It is oh so grand.
Take a modified stand.

Updates in everything but,
The dentist hut.
Still need the drill.
I guess it gives a thrill?

Updates in politics.
Yet same old tricks.
Same update since the dino age.
All reading from the same page.

Update in your TV.
It looks so much more pretty.
If you sit right next to the screen.
Look at that nice spleen.

Updates to this and that.
Updates from a dingbat.
I'm just going to call it.
Updates = fill my wallet.

There we are at my bar now all are updated near and far. What? You thought it was an update of my hut? Pfft the cat changed sleeping spots today. Did you really want to hear about that at my bay? More fun going after the update in mass with my oh so up to date little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.