Pat Hatt's Blog, page 192

All Around They Are Found!

Did you every notice this growing trend? I guess the Internet makes things easier to send. You can sit and learn all day and/or just become one at your bay. What can you become? Let's expertly give it a little hum.

I read a book.
Wow, amazing at my nook.
I read some sites.
I can now perform last rites.

But I can do more,
Than you at my shore.
I am the best.
I am better than the rest

I am a fitness expert.
I know how to make you hurt.
I hiked some stairs.
Good shoes? Who cares?

I am an expert at talking.
I learned it well walking.
Just sit back and listen to me,
And you'll be filled with glee.

I am an expert animal mater.
Umm see you later.
I made a Zebra white and black,
Instead of a black and white attack.

I expertly confused you there.
You aren't even aware.
I am an expert at that.
I declared it at my mat.

I am an expert flyer.
I can take you higher.
That video game I mastered.
On the cement you won't be plastered.

I am an expert writer.
I can pull an all nighter.
Expertly said.
I do not need a bed.

I am an expert in giving,
I leave all living.
Get my expert run?
Yes? Expertly done.

Experts? Who needs those?
They just cause woes.
I am a guru of all.
Listen to my guru call.

I guess experts are easy to come by. Maybe I should give it a try? I am an expert rhyming cat. Hmmm guru may have a better ring at my mat. Anything you are an expert at? Maybe an expert at squashing things flat. Could be an expert at mowing grass. It is okay to admit it to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Dirt Does Not Hurt!

Pffft as a litterbox maybe. But that is it at my sea. What is it with badgering people anyway? Think all should like what they like at ones bay? Pffft once more. They can stuff their wilderness forever more.

You should come,
Bring some rum.
Sleep on the ground.
The stars can be found.

Crap in a hole.
Go for a forest stroll.
Sit around a fire,
Until time to expire.

Come pitch a tent.
Time well spent.
The ground is fine,
Good for the spine.

Eat great food,
When in the mood.
Go for a swim,
Until the lights go dim.

Climb a tree,
To see what you can see.
Nature is everywhere,
Make it your lair.

Pffft to you.
Like my flushing loo.
Sleep in the dirt?
Where animals stop to squirt.

Yeah, sounds so grand.
Could jump off land,
And swim you say?
With all the fecal matter at play.

That also sounds great.
Should be everyone's fate.
And sit around a fire,
When even your ass crack does perspire?

Why not add fuel to it.
Screw the A/C unit.
And eat crap food?
That is just rude.

If I want to sleep in the dirt,
And cause my back hurt,
I'll be reborn as a snake.
Until then, go fall in an earthquake.

The cat is delicate you say? Pffft that is okay by my bay. The wilderness can bite me. A walk or day in it is fine at my sea. But sleeping there on the ground when a house with a bed is around? Pffft to that. I would rather be a house cat. So on camping I will take a pass. You can sleep in animal squirt and swim in fecal matter for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer. 

Some Humans Are Strange Out On The Range!

The other day the cat was out and about when some strange human gave a shout. You would think there was a psycho axe murderer on her tail with the way she was able to wail. But nope, it was just a little bug. I guess it was quite the thug. Isn't there a better way than screaming at it to go away all day?


 Grab this plastic thing,And give it a swing.It's as easy as that.You screaming dingbat.

Or just give a spray,And dead it will be at your bay.Just don't spray your tongue.Your bell is already rung.

Bowl it over.Could even be done by rover.Just have good aim,Then you can maim.

 Swing for the fence.Don't act dense.Hit a home run.That bug is done.

 Step on it with your shoe,And if that doesn't do.Get a bigger one,Then drive over it for fun.

 Or go to the extreme.Kill the bug and its whole team.Might want to clear the place,As you'll need lots of space.

 Or just use a big cannon on a tank.That bug will walk the plank.Bring the house down on it.That will fix it with one hit.

Or as easy as can be,Give it to a kid who's care free.They will snack on it.It would be a hit.

 Simply point the way,And I'll swing by your bay.The bug is good protein after all.I'll eat them all at your hall.

 But the easiest of all,Just let him have a ball.He'll jump on it,Or scare it to death with some fit.
See, there are much better ways to kill a tiny bug. Oh no, it is crawling on your rug. Time to scream like a nut. To that I say, cut! Kill or eat the bug and be on your way, much easier on the ears to all, I say. That last one could kill them in mass. He even frightens my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Rubber Room Or Magic Mushroom?

The cat was relaxing, hey, eating and meowing can be taxing, and there was a noise from above. Maybe some being was trying to send us love? It came and it went, not stopping and pitching a tent.

There came a clatter,
That didn't seem to matter.
A faint little sound,
Nothing too profound.

It came and went,
Trailing down the vent.
Not giving a peep,
Then what the bleep?

The noise was loud,
And rather proud.
Going across the ceiling,
It was an eerie feeling.

Then down it came,
Sounding the same,
Stuck in the microwave vent.
It must have got bent.

It climbed out,
Without a shout.
Trotting along,
Like nothing was wrong.

What could it be?
Are we just crazy?
Give the super a call.
Could be rats in the wall.

Comes for a look,
As I write a book.
Thinks I am rather mad,
Hearing things in my pad.

Then trot trot trot,
Becomes part of the plot.
Both could not be as mad as a hatter,
So out comes the ladder.

Nothing of note,
Aboard this boat.
Yet still a trot,
Annoys a lot.

Pull off a grate,
Hoping to avoid a Gremlin fate.
Then what should appear?
A pigeon giving a "Freedom" cheer.

All through the day we were privileged to be  host to that dumb noisy bird. People thought we were absurd. They were ready to ship us off to a rubber room or throw us in jail for taking a magic mushroom. Turns out it was a trespass. Never doubt my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

That Spark Sure Hits The Mark!

So people far and wide this week are all out looking up at their creek. And you call the cat crazy for chasing a light. You stare at them in the night. Even pollute the planet too. My, what a great human crew.

A light display,
Sparkles over the bay.
Oooo and Awwww.
Add another flaw.

Pay to go on a ride.
Sit with such pride.
Until around you whirl,
And you let loose a hurl.

Human hairball, check!
Cat tower wannabe on deck.
Light followed by masses.
Three things a cat passes.

Win a bear,
At your lair.
Maybe a pair,
Oh so rare.

Yep, rare with germs.
Could give you worms.
Did I ruin your fun?
Had to be done.

Pay to play,
At your bay.
Just to get in,
Rob the money bin.

Germs at your sea,
Stuffed things to cause glee.
Costs that abound.
Three things no cat has found.

Aliens die,
Oh me oh my.
Hmm wait!
A fiction trait.

Run around drunk,
In a big funk.
Wow, look at you go.
Did you eat crow?

Hmm that might not have been crow,
Just so you know.
Could have been crap,
Such a silly sap.

What? The cat is no fun at his hut? Pffft the cat does the fun stuff at home for free. no need to go on a spending spree. A red light is all I need and chase it at top speed. I get exercise and fun. You just stare up, get a kink in your neck and grow a pound or two on each bun. Oh the things humans do in mass are just nuts to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Things You Can Say Part One At My Bay!

A new idea struck and it could be fun with any luck. So away the cat will go and we shall see which way the wind does blow. Things are only good to say if talking about certain things at play. This you shall see, trust me.

Things you can say about your house,
Whether alone or close,
That you can't say about your wife,
Unless you want her to end your life.

That needs a trim.
Blurt it out on a whim,
Things could turn grim,
Unless pointing to a tree limb.

That is one big backyard.
Pick a card, any card.
One will leave you black and blue,
The other she will run over you.

That hallway can fit many men.
Like one or ten?
Geez, you might be out of a lair,
Or maybe she'll like to share.

It has sprung a leak.
May not be for the meek.
Could get a clean clock,
Or pitched off a dock.

I'm at a point in life where I need to downsize.
Word to the wise,
Cover your eyes,
And your umm french fry.

There is pet hair everywhere.
What do you care?
Just pet it,
To avoid a fit.

The garden is withering.
Things may not go slithering,
You may get a trip,
To the big snip snip.

There are too many steps to the top,
May end up in a flop.
You may get beat with a mop,
Or a stove pot top.

That frame is rather wide.
Ooops, you died.
Should have stayed quiet,
Instead of inciting a riot.

So the cat has helped you out once more. Now be sure and add house to such sayings at your shore. You might wish to point too, just in case she second guesses you. Now I will go roll in the grass with my ever so fun little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Forget Ice Cream, Get A Theme!

Want a tip on how not to be insecure at your lair? Well just sit back and stare. Yeah, being crazy helps a ton. But that I have already given a run.


Don't pucker those lips,Shake those hips.Don't clench your ass,Shake that mass.
Twerk and you die,Sorry, don't cry.On with the show,About the flow.
If Tarsier Man,That flash in the pan,Can have one too.Then so can you.
Even the cat,Has one at his mat.Just up to the left.Sorry, no theft.
Made you look.On the right at my nook.Talking about a theme.A steady fun stream.
Whenever you go,Hang your head low,Poor pitiful me,You lost your glee,
Just play your tune,Bounce like a baboon.Shake that moon,Just be a loon.
Don't grab a cat,We hate that.Humans can prance,We'll just give a wtf glance.
So make up a theme,Forget the ice cream.Have a tune all your own,With its unique tone.
Then give it a play,When down at your bay.Be famous like Spider Man.Could even get a groupie clan.
Now was that not better advice than Drazin? He has the mind of a raisin. So forget that so called god. You are better off kissing a cod. Make your own little diddy and dance about. Groupies may give it a shout. Then you can be better than a singing bass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Some Loonie Play For Canada Day!

So for today at my bay instead of singing that annoying O Canada song and be bored to death before long, the cat figures some facts could come due. Canada has facts? Who knew?

Come near, come far,
By plane, train or car,
Just let it rip,
And have a fun trip.

Go to Winnepeg for a spell.
I here it's fun as hell.
You can see more snakes there,
Than in any other lair.

Our money is funny,
Even down where its sunny.
But the ink for the US green,
Was created at a Montreal scene.

We don't just fish.
Could get an iceberg on your dish.
Yep, harvesting icebergs is fun.
I hear we harvest a ton.

My fears are validated,
For it may be gated,
But we built the world's first UFO landing pad.
Butt plugs must have sold like mad.

We have the safest roads for wildlife.
Unless they really want strife.
Build bridges for them to get to the other side.
See, now chickens don't have to hide.

A park in Alberta somewhere,
Is bigger than many a lair.
It is bigger than all of Switzerland too.
I wonder if they have a clue?

Err umm okay.
The drunks must be at play.
For we have bathtub races too.
Why? I have no clue.

Also have the canoe capital of the world.
I guess bathtubs don't want to be twirled.
So canoe it is.
This is starting to fizz.

Oh wait! There is one more.
The best thing ever at our shore.
The world's first outhouse museum is here.
Sadly, it is even near.

Not that the cat cares about such country boasting crap, but I figured I would give it a lap. Where else can aliens and bathtub races take place? At least the drunks get their full thought embrace. Now I will walk across a safe overpass, shaking my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Bored In The Lobby? Go Get A Hobby!

No need to be bored at your sea. Just sit back and listen to me. Yes, I know, you read not listen at my show, but I do not care as away I blare. The cat will get you a hobby with ease, so need no to sit and watch the breeze. Unless you are the Gawker, he is a breeze stalker.

You can't lose.
Forget the news.
Hobbies are here.
Far and near.

Glacier Surfing!
Beats astro turfing.
One freezes your ass,
The other a rash mass.

Volcano Boarding!
Don't go volcano hoarding.
There is enough for all.
Warning! Could die if you fall.

Train Surfing!
Beats butt nerfing.
Or maybe not,
As things can go to pot.

Cosplay!
Dress up at your bay.
Like who gives a crap.
Then trot across the map.

Duct Tape Art!
Take the tape to heart.
Make what springs to mind.
If your mind you can find.

Finger and Toes!
Oh my ocd woes.
Collect the nails of each.
Whoever you can reach.

Condom Collecting?
A nose curl I'm detecting?
A company in China thinks they are swell
Taking used ones and making hairbands to sell.

Crayon Carving!
Look below if you're starving.
But here you can create.
Crayon totem poles is your fate.

Eating Inanimate Objects!
One for the rejects.
That chair looks yummy,
Could make you a mummy.

Now you have a new hobby or three to start with glee. Which one will you choose? Many are sure to leave a nifty bruise. Or leave you kinda, maybe, sorta dead. But do not worry your pretty little head. Try new hobbies in mass, just do not do them near my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Make The Call To A Near Umm Far Away Hall!

It seems every single company has the same call center these days. It is like one big loop around maze. They always go back to the same spot. Basically to some far off sand lot.

Something breaks,
You get the shakes.
This cannot be.
What can be done by thee?

You find the toll free number,
This interrupted your slumber.
They swear they are near,
So you stick the phone to your ear.

You hear lines are busy,
Throwing you in a tizzy.
But forget the hissy fit,
That music is sure it.

The robot voices chimes in,
Saying you will soon win.
Do not go away,
You are in the call fray.

The music is in your head,
It is causing dread.
You can repeat the robot,
It annoys a whole lot.

Then you hear a click.
They pick up some slick.
Ready to hep you,
From a far away zoo.

They can help you out,
They know what it's about.
Just give access they say,
To your computer today.

A remote login is fine.
We stay behind the line.
We won't surf your porn.
You don't have to be torn.

Maybe take some info for this,
Something you will not miss.
Until one faithful day,
When our bills you have to pay.

But remote access is okay.
Listen to what we say.
It will be fixed in no time flat.
Trust us, you silly cat.

Yeah right! Not in the sun or darkness of night. Thankfully the cat has no need to use such things at his feed. At least not much to date. But that will never be such a fate. Install a keylogger they could with ease and then away with your info they will breeze. Do not let anyone trespass, trust my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.