Pat Hatt's Blog, page 194

Round Twenty Three Is Coming To Thee!

Here we are for the best this month that come to my sea, or the worst, however you want to look at the nuts who swing from the creepy tree. Let's see what they have to say as they, hopefully, accidentally find my bay.

"fart books"

They found A Fart Apart. Maybe they take the fart to heart?

"gripeas themes"

Hmmm what the heck is that? Searched it, and yep, up comes the cat.

"Strangers have my back on a bus"

That is good to know. I hope they don't be strange and reach low.

"Numb Betsy Tongue"

Wow, Betsy were you searching yourself and found my shelf?

"Stripes on my socks"

Your point is? I don't work in the stripped sock biz.

"My me mine meow"

Hmmmm want to hazard a guess? Are they trying to confess?

"Lippy mimes are no good"

That wouldn't make them a mime if they give a lippy chime.

"Balls make me feel good"

Ummm okay! Watch the snip snip at your bay.

"Pat Hatt awesoe books"

Thanks for the look even if you can't spell at your nook.

"Pitchers say 1000 words"

And they can throw a ball too. A knuckle ball to a knuckle head, meaning you.

"Sign says death by animal feces"

Damn, someone stole my idea at their bay. They are using pringle cans full of cat crap to keep people away.

"Brain how does your garden rise?"

Brian, are you a brain in disguise? Don't answer that question, you might draw flies.

"Honey brings flies to my face."

See! Told you so. You never listen at my show.

"suckle tips are at the end"

Hmmm, yep at the end and you're around the bend.

And the winner here today at my bay is one that really wanted to have their say. I guess they had to type it to make sure somewhere they were a hit.

Simple things in my life are simply found in excrement of a mule.
That is a mouthful to type, I guess with a mule they have a gripe. But at least they did not swear which is rather rare for my lair. I guess they were just of a higher search engine nut class that came to visit my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

So Stalkers Are Shy Under The Blog Sky?

The cat heard something fun the other day as he hopped about each blog bay, that some commenters are shy. That is why they stalk read and then away they fly. Hmmm let's explore that as it intrigues the cat.

Read your post,
So good at your coast.
Wait! That's in my head,
It just can't be said.

I can't type those words.
I have to go watch the birds.
They tweet all day long.
I like how they sing their song.

Sidetracked a bit,
Publish I cannot hit.
I just can't do it.
My finger is having a fit.

What if they don't like it?
What if they send me a pet rock kit?
What if I lose an ear?
Wait! That's another fear.

They may see me.
I can't go on a comment spree.
I am just so shy.
They may poke me in the eye.

That pokey rock commenter just might.
She looks like she can bite.
Oh I have to get away,
This is ruining my day.

I can't handle a retort.
They may hold court.
May decide to send me packing,
I think my heart is attacking.

This just cannot be.
I need to jump in the sea.
I am just so shy.
Oh look at that cloudy sky.

Hail may fall on my head.
I may die in bed.
It could come right through the roof,
Then me, I go poof.

Don't make fun of my scoff?
I can't just turn the computer off.
The gremlins may get me.
Sorry, now I have to flee.

Well the good thing about this post is if I offend shy people at my coast, they will be too shy to say a thing at my bay. Win, win I say. So think people are too shy to say something? Or just don't know what to say when they give a ring? Could be both, could be one. That is what makes it fun. Now I will go pass some gas as I am not a shy little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Cassie And Me And Some Of Thee!

Cassie and The Wild Cat you say? I guess I am wild at my bay. Or at least I pretend to be until something scary comes in front of me. Then I go for a stroll and find the nearest hole. Much like I did this time. Cassie and the Wild Cat 4 is now on tour.


 Here you learn Cassie can read.Psssst, she fakes it at our feed.But don't tell anyone.It may ruin her fun
 
And I can dance on two feet.Isn't that neat?Actually on one foot too.Oh what I can do.
 
And I can jump into the air.I can do it with flair.Butt up or down,I take the crown.

 It beats rolling in the grass.Dogs can do that in mass.Get themselves some fleas,Oh Please!
 
Yeah they can wag a tail,That is just a fail.Whoopdi friggn doo.They also eat poo.
 
Cats can wear a crown.Spitty doesn't frown.They can even wear a hat,Just look at Brian the cat.
 
They can play in a box,And Oui Oui would never eat socks.Then some tabbies from trout towne,Run around like a clown
 
All can fit on a windowsill too.Beat that those who eat poo.They would just break it.Then they would be in deep umm spit.
 So have no fear,Even if a mutt is near.Click here,For another me cheer.
Did you know that cats have a secret meeting place? I think it is between time and space. But who am I to know? I just found the hole and in I was able to go. So now another children's book has come to pass, starring a few of you along with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

It Does Not Like The Amount In Your Account!

The cat has figured out why no one can get money in their bank account that could pile to the sky in a high amount. At least not many people around. So why is it never found?

Your bank account is there,
That you are aware.
A little bit remains in it.
But more would be a hit.

Yet it never seems to fill,
As you pay another bill.
The money just goes scat.
Why is that?

Because money has OCD.
It does not play well with others at its sea.
It kicks the other bills out,
Doing a little twist and shout.

It does not like to share.
Not enough space in its lair.
It likes to live and be free,
No clones allowed hanging from the tree.

Would you want 50,000 clones of you,
Hanging about at your zoo?
Nope, not at all.
Unless you live at the ninja wannabe's hall.

So the original makes them take a hike.
Clones they just do not like.
So you get hit with bills,
Or the need to fix windowsills.

Or maybe in need of gas,
Or to take out a lass.
Maybe just get drunk,
Then it's a slamdunk.

Your money is playing against you.
It is worse than Vegas at your zoo.
It has you spending it here and there,
It has you spending it everywhere.

I mean who really needs bills?
Ship them off to the hills.
Who needs to pay rent?
Could go live in a tent.

See, your money is at fault.
It does not like a full vault.
It wants to be a hermit and all alone.
So it makes you spend at the tone.

Aren't you glad the cat solved that? What? Don't believe me on why your wallet is not fat? I guess your money has you blind. Yep, it made you spend it for your new behind. See! One big conspiracy. You need to have a talk with your money at your sea. Then you can become the 1% class, just remember to tip my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Around They Turn For A Return!

So it seems that now a days along with crummy remakes of this and that there seems to be a growing trend at the TV show mat. Nope, not crummy reality TV. Forget that crap at my sea. Shows that are long gone seem to be finding a new dawn. 24, Heroes, Veronica Mars to name a few that hummed a few bars. Now let's see, what will come next to your TV.

Lost, will get umm lost again.
I bet you anything at my den.
It will come back at some point,
Getting rid of the crappy ending ghost joint.

Bet Firefly will come back too,
Far far down the road to view.
At least something from it,
And it will be a hit.

Stargate and Star Trek,
Will hit the deck.
Either or,
Will get an encore.

Moonlighting will rise,
It will be an actor in disguise.
Or just some bald guy, no lie,
Pretending to be that Willis guy.

Monk will go all germ a phobe,
Once more across the globe.
A Burn Notice may join him,
Geez, this is getting grim.

The X-Files will be back,
Ready to go on the alien attack.
But more like 24,
With only a 12 episode season tour.

Full House will still have a full house.
They may even add a mouse.
Jessie and the Rippers?
Hmmm quite gas chippers?

Adventures of Brisco County Jr. with it's long name,
May up and make a claim.
Or just pretend to,
And have repeats in view.

Quantum Leap will once again leap,
But in the remake crap will creep.
So it will be trash,
Leaving you with a bad rash.

And Dexter will be back in spin off land.
Although spin off is out of hand.
Same character, new place?
A new season they embrace.

Bet you 10 of the above will show again. And when they do you will think of my den. Curse the cat for being right. Any that you believe will come back in sight? I bet they will be more crass, just seems the way things go to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Oh So Scary, You May Turn Hairy!

The cat was going to ignore this day as it is like any other at my bay. But then some nut said she was going to lock herself inside and not leave her place, so I'll bite with Friday the 13th's oh so scary embrace.

Oh no!
Run to a bunker below.
It's another Friday,
With a 13 at play.

Oh so scary.
Might bring out a bad fairy.
She could zap you.
Yeah, and the cat will go moo.

A whole bunch of bunk.
Yet some still get in a funk.
Like it will magically kill.
Guess their real brain cells went to the land fill.

Just as much bad crap,
Happens all across the map,
On Friday 1-31,
Or any other day under the sun.

On the 11th Japan went boom,
Brought forth nuke doom.
The twin towers went down,
Egypt went to uprising town.

But 11 is just fine.
As it should be to those with a spine.
Yesterday someone died.
Two days ago cars did collide.

Wasn't the 13th then.
But they had bad luck at their den.
Or stupidity came due,
But still doesn't touch this day at any zoo.

Look and it will be found.
No matter the day something bad will abound.
You can blame luck, which is all in your head,
Or the day but there will always be dread.

13 is soooo bad.
Locked doors must be had.
Pffffft right!
And the cat will take flight.

Oh no, a full moon too!
The tide is going to eat you.
Pffffft once more.
No matter the day, the moon, the whatever, good or bad will always be in store.

And there is the cat's rant for the day. Did I offend the superstitious nuts at my bay? Good! Now go blow some saw dust off your brain full of wood. Now I am through with my sass, from my very non superstitious little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Would You Rather This Or That At Your Mat?

So the cat will have a little fun as we go on a this or that run. What does this or that entail? I guess you will just have to read and not wail. Or you can do both I suppose, just stay away from me if you blow your germy nose.

Would you rather eat an ass as a treat,
Or something that came out an ass so sweet?
Confused at my sea?
Damn, that gutter and thee.

The cat means fried animal butt,
Or eggs at your hut.
Which one would you eat?
Now eggs don't sound so sweet.

Would you rather be broke,
Or be rich massaging every bloke?
You have to touch them up and down.
Geez, stay out of gutter town.

Would you rather work from home,
Or fly in the air from here to Rome?
See, no gutter relations just for you,
Unless from home you get a daily guest or two.

Would you rather fly or drive,
When going far away from your hive?
Gas bills or a passenger with bad gas,
Could leave you at a gassy impasse.

Would you rather ride a bus,
And listen to people fuss,
Or would you rather ride a horse,
Going round and round the course?

Would you rather have zombies try to eat you,
Or aliens come and probe but not chew?
Hmmm tough one there.
Screwed either way at your lair.

Would you rather be in an earthquake,
As the ground does the hippy hippy shake,
Or a tornado whirl,
Where you can fly and twirl?

Would you rather be told off,
As the offending nut starts to scoff,
Or get a wave and a smile,
That may be more vile?

Would you rather sit and rhyme,
Or do math with a mime?
An easy one there,
At least for many with hair.

Did you answer each one as you went for a this or that run? Or were you confused and felt abused? See, a this or that ending pass. I am such a helpful little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Two Light Hearted Fools And A Rosey Giveaway Nut In A Rut!

The two nuts are back as they sail looking for that Bora Bora shack. I don't think they want to find it or they missed it by more than a bit. Maybe they are in the Bermuda Triangle or something of the like. Either way, on with another hike.

They pose a question to each other,
Making you say, "oh brother."
As who really gives a crap,
About mail at sea on the map?

Nope, not me.
Maybe they've been too long at sea?
Then that spirit guide gets in the way,
And a Rosey giveaway nut is on display.

She seems to like to dance,
Quite the country prance.
Who knows where that came from.
Maybe it happened when she was shot in the bum?

I guess we will never know.
But she has a Rosey glow.
The two light hearted fools,
Stand and listen as she unspools.

I guess she may even win.
Until she is done in.
Who really knows with this.
Another you can't miss.



Okay, maybe you can miss that. I mean it doesn't even star the real cat. That is just rude. But then again I would give too much attitude. So hopefully Rosey didn't end up too well done. She just wants to have giveaway fun. Maybe it was just a load of gas? That sure likes to come out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Giant Curse That Is Rather dVerse!

Have you ever noticed how words are thrown around with ease and humans use them however they please? Even when they make no sense and just prove they are kind of dense. Giant is the word of today and we will use Giant for some dVerse play.


Yep, oh so giant a store.Takes 10 minutes to explore.Giant in every single way.As giant as the bill you have to pay.

Giants in the field.They will never yield.Those 6ft giants are scary.Must be because they are hairy.

A giant book.It is double the size at their nook.It is so so giant indeed.It will be too heavy to lift at your feed.

A giant rock.My, that is a shock.Stare at the one giant rock.Like there are no others at which to gawk.

But if you really want giant,Take on this client.It'll eat you whole.Giant as a flag pole.

And giant in every way.It takes up the whole beach on display.Could eat you too,Turning you into giant umm ewww.

The rest are tiny,Bet they are whiny.So giant indeed.Could rhyme too at his feed.

It a dog, its a donkey, its a horse! Definitely a giant without remorse.Watch as the drool does fly.One of these the cat would never want to spy.

A jolly green giant.I bet he is defiant.He is green after all.So obviously likes green paint at his hall.

That is one giant ass.On that thing I'd take a pass.Many humans could walk under it.Giant is sure the word to hit.
So well giant is thrown around a ton, things are not always giant under ones sun. A bit of an over exaggeration by you humans I would say. But then some are giant on display. I guess you just get mixed up with the giant class. A giant mistake rectified by my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Parents Can Be Screwy, Maybe Even Chewy?

Did you ever hear yourselves when you speak? You humans really have a brain leak. But that we already know. I guess these things just fester and grow. Allow the cat to help you out with this little shout.

Humans create,
That is their trait.
From bombs to a bus,
They make a fuss.

Some go boom,
And bring doom.
Some spur a dumb song,
That goes on too long.

But the creator has a moniker bestowed,
Which seems to be quite a load.
Or maybe the other hides in the wings,
Who really knows with these things?

Father of creating a bus.
Did the mother cuss?
That had to be hard to push out.
Would not want to hear that shout.

Father of the toilet creation,
Must have brought much elation.
The mother was a what?
Toilet drinking mutt?

Ed Lowe was just bitter,
He had no running umm shitter.
So he was the father of kitty litter.
The mother was the baby sitter?

A lass named Mary created the brassiere,
People still gawked and gave them a peer.
Was the father an ice cream cone?
Oh don't sit there and moan.

Unless you like that sort of thing.
It is spring, so have a fling.
Creators of a superhero must sting,
Popping out one with powers would make any sing.

Creator of a reality show.
Pffft father or mother they gotta go.
Probably created it at the dump,
And found some washed up chump.

The father of rhyme,
Met the mother over a dime.
There they made noise,
Sounded like rhyme umm joys.

There you are, now you know who created kitty litter at your sand bar. Don't say the cat never taught you anything at your wing. How can a father or mother be such a thing to an inanimate thing? Even such things as bling? Maybe the creators of things just had a bad case of gas? I can father such a thing out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.