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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by Chris Voss
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“That’s why your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“When deliberating on a negotiating strategy or approach, people tend to focus all their energies on what to say or do, but it’s how we are (our general demeanor and delivery) that is both the easiest thing to enact and the most immediately effective mode of influence.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“How am I supposed to . . . ? How do we know . . . ? How can we . . . ? There is great power in treating jerks with deference. It gives you the ability to be extremely assertive—to say “No”—in a hidden fashion.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Yes,” as I always say, is nothing without “How?” You’ll also discover the importance of nonverbal communication; how to use “How” questions to gently say “No”,”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“You say, “Fine. I’m leaving,” and you begin to walk away. I’m going to guess that well over half the time they yell, “No, wait!” and run to catch up. No one likes to be abandoned.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“If despite all your efforts, the other party won’t say “No,” you’re dealing with people who are indecisive or confused or who have a hidden agenda. In cases like that you have to end the negotiation and walk away.”
Chris Voss, Never Split The Difference, The Storyteller's Secret [Hardcover], Talk Like TED, TED Talks 4 Books Collection Set
“Set boundaries, and learn to take a punch or punch back, without anger. The guy across the table is not the problem; the situation is.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Think of punching back and boundary-setting tactics as a flattened S-curve: you’ve accelerated up the slope of a negotiation and hit a plateau that requires you to temporarily stop any progress, escalate or de-escalate the issue acting as the obstacle, and eventually bring the relationship back to a state of rapport and get back on the slope. Taking a positive, constructive approach to conflict involves understanding that the bond is fundamental to any resolution.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“I want to emphasize how important it is to maintain a collaborative relationship even when you’re setting boundaries. Your response must always be expressed in the form of strong, yet empathic, limit-setting boundaries—that is, tough love.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“reflejo, llamado también isopraxis, consiste básicamente en imitar. Es otra forma de neurocomportamiento que mostramos los humanos (y otros animales) que hace que nos copiemos unos a otros con intención de hacernos sentir cómodos.”
Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello
“Get face time with your counterpart. Ten minutes of face time often reveals more than days of research. Pay special attention to your counterpart’s verbal and nonverbal communication at unguarded moments—at the beginning and the end of the session or when someone says something out of line.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“One can only be an exceptional negotiator, and a great person, by both listening and speaking clearly and empathetically; by treating counterparts—and oneself—with dignity and respect; and most of all by being honest about what one wants and what one can—and cannot—do. Every negotiation, every conversation, every moment of life, is a series of small conflicts that, managed well, can rise to creative beauty. Embrace them.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“During a typical business meeting, the first few minutes, before you actually get down to business, and the last few moments, as everyone is leaving, often tell you more about the other side than anything in between. That’s why reporters have a credo to never turn off their recorders: you always get the best stuff at the beginning and the end of an interview. Also pay close attention to your counterpart during interruptions, odd exchanges, or anything that interrupts the flow. When someone breaks ranks, people’s façades crack just a little. Simply noticing whose cracks and how others respond verbally and nonverbally can reveal a gold mine.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“As we’ve seen, when you recognize that your counterpart is not irrational, but simply ill-informed, constrained, or obeying interests that you do not yet know, your field of movement greatly expands. And that allows you to negotiate much more effectively.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Using your counterpart’s religion is extremely effective in large part because it has authority over them. The other guy’s “religion” is what the market, the experts, God, or society—whatever matters to him—has determined to be fair and just. And people defer to that authority. In”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Normative leverage is using the other party’s norms and standards to advance your position. If you can show inconsistencies between their beliefs and their actions, you have normative leverage. No one likes to look like a hypocrite. For example, if your counterpart lets slip that they generally pay a certain multiple of cash flow when they buy a company, you can frame your desired price in a way that reflects that valuation.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“People will often sooner die than give up their autonomy. They’ll at least act irrationally and shut off the negotiation.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Remember: 65, 85, 95, 100 percent. Decreasing raises and ending on non-round numbers will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all you’re worth when you’re really getting to the number you want.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Taking a positive, constructive approach to conflict involves understanding that the bond is fundamental to any resolution. Never create an enemy.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“When other people will be affected by what is negotiated and can assert their rights or power later on, it’s just stupid to consider only the interests of those at the negotiation table. You have to beware of “behind the table” or “Level II” players—that is, parties that are not directly involved but who can help implement agreements they like and block ones they don’t.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“You don’t directly persuade them to see your ideas. Instead, you ride them to your ideas. As the saying goes, the best way to ride a horse is in the direction in which it is going.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“You can get your counterpart into a mood of generosity by staking an extreme anchor and then, after their inevitable first rejection, offering them a wholly unrelated surprise gift.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“While going first rarely helps, there is one way to seem to make an offer and bend their reality in the process. That is, by alluding to a range.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“A few years ago, I stumbled upon the book How to Become a Rainmaker,3 and I like to review it occasionally to refresh my sense of the emotional drivers that fuel decisions. The book does a great job to explain the sales job not as a rational argument, but as an emotional framing job.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“A counterfeit “yes” is one in which your counterpart plans on saying “no” but either feels “yes” is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going to obtain more information or some other kind of edge. A confirmation “yes” is generally innocent, a reflexive response to a black-or-white question; it’s sometimes used to lay a trap but mostly it’s just simple affirmation with no promise of action. And a commitment “yes” is the real deal; it’s a true agreement that leads to action, a “yes” at the table that ends with a signature on the contract. The commitment “yes” is what you want, but the three types sound almost the same so you have to learn how to recognize which one is being used.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“That’s why labels are so powerful and so potentially transformative to the state of any conversation. By digging beneath what seems like a mountain of quibbles, details, and logistics, labels help to uncover and identify the primary emotion driving almost all of your counterpart’s behavior, the emotion that, once acknowledged, seems to miraculously solve everything else.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“In other words, labeling an emotion—applying rational words to a fear—disrupts its raw intensity.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“In my negotiating course, I tell my students that empathy is “the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition.” That’s an academic way of saying that empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world. Notice I didn’t say anything about agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs. That’s sympathy. What I’m talking about is trying to understand a situation from another person’s perspective.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It