Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Instead of addressing his grumpy behavior, you acknowledge his sadness in a nonjudgmental way. You head him off before he can really get started. “We don’t see each other all that often,” you could say. “It seems like you feel like we don’t pay any attention to you and you only see us once a year, so why should you make time for us?” Notice how that acknowledges the situation and labels his sadness? Here you can pause briefly, letting him recognize and appreciate your attempts to understand what he’s feeling, and then turn the situation around by offering a positive solution. “For us this is a real treat. We want to hear what you have to talk about. We want to value this time with you because we feel left out of your life.” Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“when you phrase a label as a neutral statement of understanding, it encourages your counterpart to be responsive. They’ll usually give a longer answer than just “yes” or “no.” And if they disagree with the label, that’s okay. You can always step back and say, “I didn’t say that was what it was. I just said it seems like that.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“for six straight hours, relieved periodically by two FBI agents who were learning crisis negotiation, I spoke through the apartment door. I used my late-night FM DJ voice. I didn’t give orders in my DJ voice, or ask what the fugitives wanted. Instead, I imagined myself in their place. “It looks like you don’t want to come out,” I said repeatedly. “It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we’ll come in with guns blazing. It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail.” For six hours, we got no response. The FBI coaches loved my DJ voice. But was it working? And then, when we were almost completely convinced that no one was inside, a sniper on an adjacent building radioed that he saw one of the curtains in the apartment move. The front door of the apartment slowly opened. A woman emerged with her hands in front of her. I continued talking. All three fugitives came out. None of them said a word until we had them in handcuffs. Then I asked them the question that was most nagging me: Why did they come out after six hours of radio silence? Why did they finally give in? All three gave me the same answer. “We didn’t want to get caught or get shot, but you calmed us down,” they said. “We finally believed you wouldn’t go away, so we just came out.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I’m sorry, two copies?” she mirrored in response, remembering not only the DJ voice, but to deliver the mirror in an inquisitive tone. The intention behind most mirrors should be “Please, help me understand.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“As I’ve worked with executives and students to develop these skills, I always try to reinforce the message that being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It’s almost laughably simple: for the FBI, a “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. Of the entirety of the FBI’s hostage negotiation skill set, mirroring is the closest one gets to a Jedi mind trick. Simple, and yet uncannily effective. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Most of the time, you should be using the positive/playful voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking. A smile, even while talking on the phone, has an impact tonally that the other person will pick up on.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive voice. Forget the assertive voice for now; except in very rare circumstances, using it is like slapping yourself in the face while you’re trying to make progress. You’re signaling dominance onto your counterpart, who will either aggressively, or passive-aggressively, push back against attempts to be controlled.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When we radiate warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow. When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back. Understanding that reflex and putting it into practice is critical to the success of just about every negotiating skill there is to learn.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I switched into my Late-Night FM DJ Voice: deep, soft, slow, and reassuring.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“neither wants nor needs are where we start; it begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There’s one powerful way to quiet the voice in your head and the voice in their head at the same time: treat two schizophrenics with just one pill. Instead of prioritizing your argument—in fact, instead of doing any thinking at all in the early goings about what you’re going to say—make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. In that mode of true active listening—aided by the tactics you’ll learn in the following chapters—you’ll disarm your counterpart. You’ll make them feel safe. The voice in their head will begin to quiet down.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“a spoon is a great tool for stirring soup but it’s not a recipe.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Notice we said “It sounds like . . .” and not “I’m hearing that . . .” That’s because the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the offense they might cause. But”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“V konečném důsledku bývají osoby bojkotující dohodu důležitější než osoby uzavírající dohodu.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“Platí to pro jakékoliv vyjednávání: čím více se konkretizují hrozby, tím více se blížíme nějakým reálným následkům spojeným s určitým termínem.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“Ve skutečnosti jsou lhůty často stanoveny zcela náhodně, téměř vždy s nimi lze hýbat a málokdy mají důsledky, které si myslíme (nebo které nám někdo řekl).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“„žádný obchod je lepší než špatný obchod“. Dokonce i v případě únosu? Ano. Špatný obchod v případě únosu znamená, že někdo zaplatí a domů se nevrátí nikdo.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“A prozradím vám ještě další zajímavý poznatek. Ve skutečnosti existují tři typy „ano“: falešné, souhlasné a závazné.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“Hrát si na hluchého je legitimní vyjednávací technika a „Nerozumím“ je legitimní odpověď.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“Tehdy jsem ještě nebyl dost zkušený, abych si u něj všiml nadměrného používání zájmen my/oni, nikoliv já. Čím bezvýznamnějším se někdo navenek činí, tím důležitější pravděpodobně je (a naopak).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion—you fall to your highest level of preparation. One”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Second”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I mean, have you ever tried to devise a mutually beneficial win-win solution with a guy who thinks he’s the messiah? It”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When the negotiation is over for one side, it’s over for the other too. In”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“NO” STARTS THE NEGOTIATION My”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It’s almost laughably simple: for the FBI, a “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. Of the entirety of the FBI’s hostage negotiation skill set, mirroring is the closest one gets to a Jedi mind trick. Simple, and yet uncannily effective. By”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“In this world, you get what you ask for; you just have to ask correctly. So”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It