Never Split the Difference Quotes

“People have a need to say, “No.” So don’t just hope to hear it at some point; get them to say it early.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“humans all suffer from Cognitive Bias, that is, unconscious—and irrational—brain processes that literally distort the way we see the world.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Here are some of the key lessons from this chapter to remember: A good negotiator prepares, going in, to be ready for possible surprises; a great negotiator aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find. Don’t commit to assumptions; instead, view them as hypotheses and use the negotiation to test them rigorously. People who view negotiation as a battle of arguments become overwhelmed by the voices in their head. Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible. To quiet the voices in your head, make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. Slow. It. Down. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard. You risk undermining the rapport and trust you’ve built. Put a smile on your face. When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve (instead of fight and resist). Positivity creates mental agility in both you and your counterpart. There are three voice tones available to negotiators: The late-night FM DJ voice: Use selectively to make a point. Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow. When done properly, you create an aura of authority and trustworthiness without triggering defensiveness. The positive/playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking. The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback. Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling has a great quote that sums up this concept: “You must accept the reality of other people. You think that reality is up for negotiation, that we think it’s whatever you say it is. You must accept that we are as real as you are; you must accept that you are not God.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But why did they work? That was the question that drew me to Harvard, to that office with Mnookin and Blum. I lacked confidence outside my narrow world. Most of all, I needed to articulate my knowledge and learn how to combine it with theirs—and they clearly had some—so I could understand, systematize, and expand it.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Know the emotional drivers and you can frame the benefits of any deal in language that will resonate.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The implication of any well-designed calibrated question is that you want what the other guy wants but you need his intelligence to overcome the problem.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Most people approach a negotiation so preoccupied by the arguments that support their position that they are unable to listen attentively.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Cuando la gente tiene un estado de ánimo positivo piensa con más rapidez, y es más probable que se avenga a colaborar en la resolución de un problema (en vez de luchar y resistirse). Esto tiene que ver con el «sonreidor» tanto como con el «sonreído»: si ponemos una sonrisa en el rostro y en la voz, también aumentará nuestra agilidad mental.”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“El objetivo es identificar lo que nuestros interlocutores necesitan en realidad (en términos económicos, emocionales o del tipo que sea) y hacerles sentir lo bastante seguros para que hablen largamente de lo que quieren.”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“Quiero decir: ¿alguna vez has intentado construir una situación beneficiosa para ambas partes donde «todos ganan» con un tipo que se cree el mesías?”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“As negotiators we use empathy because it works. Empathy is why the three fugitives came out after six hours of my late-night DJ voice. It’s what helped me succeed at what Sun Tzu called “the supreme art of war”: to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The negotiator played the role of bully, conciliator, enforcer, savior, confessor, instigator, and peacemaker—and that’s just a few of the parts.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“A successful hostage negotiator has to get everything he asks for, without giving anything back of substance, and do so in a way that leaves the adversaries feeling as if they have a great relationship. His work is emotional intelligence on steroids.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Can he say to a bank robber, “Okay, you’ve taken four hostages. Let’s split the difference—give me two, and we’ll call it a day?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“so”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiation as you’ll learn it here is nothing more than communication with results. Getting what you want out of life is all about getting what you want from and with other people.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“[I]t is self-evident that people are neither fully rational nor completely selfish, and that their tastes are anything but stable.” Through decades of research with Tversky, Kahneman proved that humans all suffer from Cognitive Bias, that is, unconscious—and irrational—brain processes that literally distort the way we see the world.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Remember, a hostage negotiator plays a unique role: he has to win.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We tend to limit our field of vision to our issues and problems, and forget that the other side has its own unique issues based on its own unique worldview.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“SECTION IV: CALIBRATED QUESTIONS Prepare three to five calibrated questions to reveal value to you and your counterpart and identify and overcome potential deal killers.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It seems like _________ is valuable to you. It seems like you don’t like _________. It seems like you value __________. It seems like _________ makes it easier. It seems like you’re reluctant to _________.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“SECTION III: LABELS/ACCUSATION AUDIT Prepare three to five labels to perform an accusation audit. Anticipate how your counterpart feels about these facts you’ve just summarized. Make a concise list of any accusations they might make—no matter how unfair or ridiculous they might be. Then turn each accusation into a list of no more than five labels and spend a little time role-playing it.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“SECTION I: THE GOAL Think through best/worst-case scenarios but only write down a specific goal that represents the best case.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“the adversary is the situation and that the person that you appear to be in conflict with is actually your partner.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Whatever the specifics of the situation, these people are not acting irrationally. They are simply complying with needs and desires that you don’t yet understand, what the world looks like to them based on their own set of rules. Your job is to bring these Black Swans to light.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“people operating with incomplete information appear crazy to those who have different information.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“1.      Set your target price (your goal).         2.      Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price.         3.      Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent).         4.      Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer.         5.      When calculating the final amount, use precise, nonround numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight.         6.      On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It