Never Split the Difference Quotes

“I didn’t know beans about negotiating, so I went for the direct approach.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Yes” and “Maybe” are often worthless. But “No” always alters the conversation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“No” is pure gold. That negative provides a great opportunity for you and the other party to clarify what you really want by eliminating what you don’t want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Performing an accusation audit in advance prepares you to head off negative dynamics before they take root. And because these accusations often sound exaggerated when said aloud, speaking them will encourage the other person to claim that quite the opposite is true.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Pause. After you label a barrier or mirror a statement, let it sink in. Don’t worry, the other party will fill the silence.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Denying barriers or negative influences gives them credence; get them into the open.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Empathy is a powerful mood enhancer.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“the grim complexity of their situation. That’s why I went right at the amygdala and said, “It seems like you don’t want to go back to jail.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The last rule of labeling is silence. Once you’ve thrown out a label, be quiet and listen. We all have a tendency to expand on what we’ve said, to finish, “It seems like you like the way that shirt looks,” with a specific question like “Where did you get it?” But a label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Notice we said “It sounds like . . .” and not “I’m hearing that . . .” That’s because the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person,”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But no matter how they end, labels almost always begin with roughly the same words: It seems like . . . It sounds like . . . It looks like . .”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Once you’ve spotted an emotion you want to highlight, the next step is to label it aloud. Labels can be phrased as statements or questions. The only difference is whether you end the sentence with a downward or upward inflection.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The first step to labeling is detecting the other person’s emotional state.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But it has very specific rules about form and delivery.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“labeling an emotion—applying rational words to a fear—disrupts its raw intensity.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Labeling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging it. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We spotted their feelings, turned them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeated their emotions back to them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“They were able to think from another person’s point of view while they were talking with that person and quickly assess what was driving them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“trying to understand a situation from another person’s perspective. One step beyond that is tactical empathy. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Think about the therapist’s couch as you read the following sections. You’ll see how a soothing voice, close listening, and a calm repetition of the words of your “patient” can get you a lot further than a cold, rational argument. It may sound touchy-feely, but if you can perceive the emotions of others, you have a chance to turn them to your advantage. The more you know about someone, the more power you have.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Getting to this level of emotional intelligence demands opening up your senses, talking less, and listening more.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The psychotherapist pokes and prods to understand his patient’s problems, and then turns the responses back onto the patient to get him to go deeper and change his behavior. That’s exactly what good negotiators do.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“instead of denying or ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify and influence them. They are able to precisely label emotions, those of others and especially their own. And once they label the emotions they talk about them without getting wound up. For them, emotion is a tool. Emotions aren’t the obstacles, they are the means.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out the window.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“How can you separate people from the problem when their emotions are the problem?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There are three voice tones available to negotiators: 1.​The late-night FM DJ voice: Use selectively to make a point. Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow. When done properly, you create an aura of authority and trustworthiness without triggering defensiveness.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Slow. It. Down. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard. You risk undermining the rapport and trust you’ve built.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“To quiet the voices in your head, make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“she mirrored in response, remembering not only the DJ voice, but to deliver the mirror in an inquisitive tone. The intention behind most mirrors should be “Please, help me understand.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It