Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Access to this hidden space very often comes through understanding the other side’s worldview, their reason for being, their religion.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Understanding the “other” is a precondition to be able to speak persuasively and develop options that resonate for them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“a word of warning: I do not believe in making direct threats and am extremely careful with even subtle ones. Threats can be like nuclear bombs. There will be a toxic residue that will be difficult to clean up. You have to handle the potential of negative consequences with care, or you will hurt yourself and poison or blow up the whole process.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Getting a good deal may push us toward making a risky bet, but saving our reputation from destruction is a much stronger motivation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“To get leverage, you have to persuade your counterpart that they have something real to lose if the deal falls through. At a taxonomic level, there are three kinds: Positive, Negative, and Normative.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Don’t look to verify what you expect. If you do, that’s what you’ll find. Instead, you must open yourself up to the factual reality that is in front of you.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We must let what we know—our known knowns—guide us but not blind us to what we do not know; we must remain flexible and adaptable to any situation; we must always retain a beginner’s mind; and we must never overvalue our experience or undervalue the informational and emotional realities served up moment by moment in whatever situation we face.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“so they tried to fit the information into what had happened in the past. Into the old templates.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But most important are those things we don’t know that we don’t know, pieces of information we’ve never imagined but that would be game changing if uncovered. Maybe our counterpart wants the deal to fail because he’s leaving for a competitor. These unknown unknowns are Black Swans.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I want to emphasize how important it is to maintain a collaborative relationship even when you’re setting boundaries. Your response must always be expressed in the form of strong, yet empathic, limit-setting boundaries—that is, tough love—not as hatred or violence. Anger and other strong emotions can on rare occasions be effective. But only as calculated acts, never a personal attack.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Never create an enemy.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue. This is one of the most basic tactics for avoiding emotional escalations.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Anger and other strong emotions can on rare occasions be effective. But only as calculated acts, never a personal attack.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But be careful with the big “I”: You have to be mindful not to use a tone that is aggressive or creates an argument. It’s got to be cool and level.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Using the first-person singular pronoun is another great way to set a boundary without escalating into confrontation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Why?” makes people defensive.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“For anger to be effective, it has to be real, the key for it is to be under control because anger also reduces our cognitive ability.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“that?”) or deflect the anchor with questions like “What are we trying to accomplish”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“How am I supposed to accept that?”) or deflect the anchor with questions like “What are we trying to accomplish here?” Responses like these are great ways to refocus your counterpart when you feel you’re being pulled into the compromise trap.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“you’re actually going to want the other guy to name a price first, because you want to see his hand. You’re going to welcome the extreme anchor. But extreme anchoring is powerful and you’re human: your emotions may well up. If they do there are ways to weather the storm without bidding against yourself or responding with anger.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“In a real bargaining session, kick-ass negotiators don’t use ZOPA. Experienced negotiators often lead with a ridiculous offer, an extreme anchor. And if you’re not prepared to handle it, you’ll lose your moorings and immediately go to your maximum. It’s human nature.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“From the way they prepare to the way they engage in dialogue, the three types negotiate differently. So before you can even think about bargaining effectively, you have to understand your counterpart’s “normal.” You have to identify their type by opening yourself to their difference. Because when it comes to negotiating, the Golden Rule is wrong. The”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I am normal” paradox. That is, our hypothesis that the world should look to others as it looks to us. After all, who wouldn’t make that assumption? But while innocent and understandable, thinking you’re normal is one of the most damaging assumptions in negotiations. With it, we unconsciously project our own style on the other side.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“For Analysts, though, silence means they want to think. And Assertive types interpret your silence as either you don’t have anything to say or you want them to talk. I’m one, so I know: the only time I’m silent is when I’ve run out of things to say. The funny thing is when these cross over. When an Analyst pauses to think, their Accommodator counterpart gets nervous and an Assertive one starts talking, thereby annoying the Analyst, who thinks to herself, Every time I try to think you take that as an opportunity to talk some more. Won’t you ever shut up?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We’ve seen how each of these groups views the importance of time differently (time = preparation; time = relationship; time = money). They also have completely different interpretations of silence.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“If you are an Assertive, be particularly conscious of your tone. You will not intend to be overly harsh but you will often come off that way.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“To an Assertive, every silence is an opportunity to speak more. Mirrors are a wonderful tool with this type. So are calibrated questions, labels, and summaries. The most important thing to get from an Assertive will be a “that’s right” that may come in the form of a “that’s it exactly” or “you hit it on the head.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When you’re dealing with Assertive types, it’s best to focus on what they have to say, because once they are convinced you understand them, then and only then will they listen for your point of view.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Silence to them is an opportunity to think. They’re not mad at you and they’re not trying to give you a chance to talk more. If you feel they don’t see things the way you do, give them a chance to think first.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It