Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built. There’s plenty of research that now validates the passage of time as one of the most important tools for a negotiator. When you slow the process down, you also calm it down. After all, if someone is talking, they’re not shooting.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The less important he makes himself, the more important he probably is (and vice versa).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You should engage the process with a mindset of discovery. Your goal at the outset is to extract and observe as much information as possible.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“At a certain point, every negotiation gets down to the brass tacks: that is, to old-school haggling. Chapter 9 offers a step-by-step process for effective bargaining, from how to prepare to how to dodge an aggressive counterpart and how to go on the offensive. You’ll learn the Ackerman system, the most effective process the FBI has for setting and making offers.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“unconsciously accept the limits you place on the discussion. You’ll learn how to navigate deadlines to create urgency; employ the idea of fairness to nudge your counterpart; and anchor their emotions so that not accepting your offer feels like a loss.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Here, you’ll learn why you should strive for “That’s right” instead of “Yes” at every stage of a negotiation, and how to identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm your counterpart’s worldview with Summaries and Paraphrasing”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You’ll discover how to slow things down and make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves; to discern between wants (aspirations) and needs (the bare minimum for a deal); and to laser-focus on what the other party has to say.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place where they can be good Getting to Yes problem solvers.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“am I supposed to do that?” I influenced his System 1 emotional mind into accepting that his offer wasn’t good enough; his System 2 then rationalized the situation so that it made sense to give me a better offer.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“framed (people place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points). Prospect Theory explains why we take unwarranted risks in the face of uncertain losses. And the most famous is Loss Aversion, which shows how people are statistically more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve an equal gain.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“This mentality baffled Kahneman, who from years in psychology knew that, in his words, “[I]t is self-evident that people are neither fully rational nor completely selfish, and that their tastes are anything but stable.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“One, separate the person—the emotion—from the problem; two, don’t get wrapped up in the other side’s position (what they’re asking for) but instead focus on their interests (why they’re asking for it) so that you can find what they really want; three, work cooperatively to generate win-win options; and, four, establish mutually agreed-upon standards for evaluating those possible solutions. It”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“was that the emotional brain—that animalistic, unreliable, and irrational beast—could be overcome through a more rational, joint problem-solving mindset.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Thinking, Fast and Slow.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Loss Aversion, which shows how people are statistically more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve an equal gain.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Prospect Theory explains why we take unwarranted risks in the face of uncertain losses.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Framing Effect, which demonstrates that people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You bake with the flour you have.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The Black Swan rule is don’t treat others the way you want to be treated; treat them the way they need to be treated.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less one million dollars, if I don’t even know he’s alive?” It was quite a sight to see such a brilliant man flustered by what must have seemed unsophisticated foolishness. On the contrary, though, my move was anything but foolish. I was employing what had become one of the FBI’s most potent negotiating tools: the open-ended question.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I should note that leverage isn’t the same thing as power. Donald Trump has tons of power, but if he’s stranded in a desert and the owner of the only store for miles has the water he wants, the vendor has the leverage.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“■​Saying “No” makes the speaker feel safe, secure, and in control, so trigger it. By saying what they don’t want, your counterpart defines their space and gains the confidence and comfort to listen to you. That’s why “Is now a bad time to talk?” is always better than “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But people in crisis only accounted for about 40 percent of the calls we got. The majority of the calls came from frequent callers. These are highly dysfunctional people, energy vampires whom no one else would listen to anymore.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“If you can’t control your own emotions, how can you expect to influence the emotions of another party?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“If you shove your negative leverage down your counterpart’s throat, it might be perceived as you taking away their autonomy. People will often sooner die than give up their autonomy.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The use of pronouns by a counterpart can also help give you a feel for their actual importance in the decision and implementation chains on the other side of the table. The more in love they are with “I,” “me,” and “my” the less important they are.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“One way to understand leverage is as a fluid that sloshes between the parties. As a negotiator you should always be aware of which side, at any given moment, feels they have the most to lose if negotiations collapse. The party who feels they have more to lose and are the most afraid of that loss has less leverage, and vice versa. To get leverage, you have to persuade your counterpart that they have something real to lose if the deal falls through.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It