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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by Chris Voss
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“And the more you talk about non-salary terms, the more likely you are to hear the full range of their options. If they can’t meet your non-salary requests, they may even counter with more money, like they did with a French-born American former student of mine. She kept asking—with a big smile—for an extra week of vacation beyond what the company normally gave. She was “French,” she said, and that’s what French people did. The hiring company was completely handcuffed on the vacation issue, but because she was so darned delightful, and because she introduced a non-monetary variable into the notion of her value, they countered by increasing her salary offer.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“What I mean is this: When confronted with naming your terms or price, counter by recalling a similar deal which establishes your “ballpark,” albeit the best possible ballpark you wish to be in. Instead of saying, “I’m worth $110,000,” Jerry might have said, “At top places like X Corp., people in this job get between $130,000 and $170,000.” That gets your point across without moving the other party into a defensive position. And it gets him thinking at higher levels.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Moore discovered that when negotiators tell their counterparts about their deadline, they get better deals. It’s true. First, by revealing your cutoff you reduce the risk of impasse. And second, when an opponent knows your deadline, he’ll get to the real deal- and concession-making more quickly.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“I’m here to call bullshit on compromise right now. We don’t compromise because it’s right; we compromise because it is easy and because it saves face. We compromise in order to say that at least we got half the pie. Distilled to its essence, we compromise to be safe. Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“If a potential business partner is ignoring you, contact them with a clear and concise “No”-oriented question that suggests that you are ready to walk away. “Have you given up on this project?” works wonders.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Politely saying “No” to your opponent (we’ll go into this in more depth in Chapter 9), calmly hearing “No,” and just letting the other side know that they are welcome to say “No” has a positive impact on any negotiation. In fact, your invitation for the other side to say “No” has an amazing power to bring down barriers and allow for beneficial communication.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Well, it seems like you’ve been handling the rough day pretty well,” he says. “I was also affected by the weather delays and missed my connecting flight. It seems like this flight is likely booked solid, but with what you said, maybe someone affected by the weather might miss this connection. Is there any possibility a seat will be open?” Listen to that riff: Label, tactical empathy, label. And only then a request.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“That’s right” is better than “yes.” Strive for it. Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“When the pressure is on, you don't rise to the occasion - you fall to your highest level of preparation.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“If you approach a negotiation thinking that the other guy thinks like you, you're wrong. That's not empathy, that's projection.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Skilled bargainers see more than just opening offers, counteroffers, and closing moves. They see the psychological currents that run below the surface. Once you’ve learned to identify these currents, you’ll be able to “read” bargaining situations more accurately and confidently answer the tactical questions that dog even the best negotiators. You’ll be ready for the “bare-knuckle bargaining.” And they’ll never see it coming.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“You know the moment: you’ve mirrored and labeled your way to a degree of rapport; an accusation audit has cleared any lingering mental or emotional obstacles, and you’ve identified and summarized the interests and positions at stake, eliciting a “That’s right,” and … Now it’s time to bargain.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“price,” I said. “I’m sorry, I just can’t do that.” Up he stood again. No smile now. Still befuddled. After a few seconds, he walked back to his manager and I leaned back. I could taste victory. A minute later—no eternity this time—he returned and sat. “We can do that,” he said. Two days later, I drove off in my Salsa Red Pearl Toyota 4Runner—for $30,000.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Wow, your offer is very generous and this is the car of my dreams,” I said. “I really wish I could do that. I really do. This is so embarrassing. I simply can’t.” He dropped into silence and I didn’t take the bait. I let the silence linger. And then with a sigh he trudged off again. He returned after another eternity. “You win,” he said. “My manager okayed $32,500.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“offering. I’m sorry, this is really embarrassing. I just can’t do that price.” He stared at me in silence, a little befuddled now. Then he stood and went into the back for what seemed like an eternity. He was gone so long that I remember saying to myself, “Damn! I should have come in lower! They’re going to come all the way down.” Any response that’s not an outright rejection of your offer means you have the edge.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“How am I supposed to do that?” I asked deferentially. “I’m sure,” he said, then paused as if he wasn’t sure what he’d meant to say. “I’m sure we can figure something out with financing the $36,000.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“I gave him an understanding nod and pursed my lips. The key to beginning a haggle is to rattle the other guy ever so gently. You do it in the nicest way possible. If I could thread that needle, I had a good chance at getting my price. “I can pay $30,000,” I said. “And I can pay it up front, all cash. I’ll write a check today for the full amount. I’m sorry, I’m afraid I just can’t pay any more.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“That is, “Yes” is nothing without “How.” Asking “How,” knowing “How,” and defining “How” are all part of the effective negotiator’s arsenal. He would be unarmed without them.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Look at this closely: see how the mixture of mirroring and open-ended questions dragged out the information about Bruno’s financial problems, and then the “No” method exploited his desperation? It might not have been a great idea to use this method if there’d been another buyer, but with no one else it was a brilliant way to get Bruno to bid against himself.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“There’s a critical lesson there: The art of closing a deal is staying focused to the very end. There are crucial points at the finale when you must draw on your mental discipline. Don’t think about what time the last flight leaves, or what it would be like to get home early and play golf. Do not let your mind wander. Remain focused. They wrote:”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“it’s by implying that disagreeing with you is unfair.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“After that, some version of “Your offer is very generous, I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me” is an elegant second way to say “No.” This well-tested response avoids making a counteroffer, and the use of “generous” nurtures your counterpart to live up to the word. The “I’m sorry” also softens the “No” and builds empathy. (You can ignore the so-called negotiating experts who say apologies are always signs of weakness.) Then you can use something like “I’m sorry but I’m afraid I just can’t do that.” It’s a little more direct, and the “can’t do that” does great double duty. By expressing an inability to perform, it can trigger the other side’s empathy toward you. “I’m sorry, no” is a slightly more succinct version for the fourth “No.” If delivered gently, it barely sounds negative at all. If you have to go further, of course, “No” is the last and most direct way.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“the best way to get your counterparts to lower their demands is to say “No” using “How” questions. These indirect ways of saying “No” won’t shut down your counterpart the way a blunt, pride-piercing “No” would. In fact, these responses will sound so much like counterbids that your counterparts will often keep bidding against themselves. We’ve found that you can usually express “No” four times before actually saying the word. The first step in the “No” series is the old standby: “How am I supposed to do that?” You have to deliver it in a deferential way, so it becomes a request for help.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“In the Chinese martial art of tai chi, the goal is to use your opponent’s aggressiveness against him—to turn his offense into your way to defeat him. That’s the approach we took with Alastair’s kidnapper: we wanted to absorb his threats and wear him down. We made sure that even scheduling a call with us was complex. We delayed making email responses.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Of course, the open-ended “How” question is one of them—maybe the most important one—but there are many more.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“How does this affect everybody else? How on board is the rest of your team? How do we make sure that we deliver the right material to the right people?”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“(A surprisingly high percentage of negotiations hinge on something outside dollars and cents, often having more to do with self-esteem, status, and other nonfinancial needs.) We’ll never know now.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“That’s why negotiation is often called “the art of letting someone else have your way.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“A deal is nothing without good implementation. Poor implementation is the cancer that eats your profits.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Your tone of voice is critical as this phrase can be delivered as either an accusation or a request for assistance. So pay attention to your voice. This question tends to have the positive effect of making the other side take a good look at your situation. This positive dynamic is what I refer to as “forced empathy,” and it’s especially effective if leading up to it you’ve already been empathic with your counterpart.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It