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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by Chris Voss
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“The ability to get inside the head—and eventually under the skin—of your counterpart depends on these techniques and a willingness to change your approach, based on new evidence, along the way. As I’ve worked with executives and students to develop these skills, I always try to reinforce the message that being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting. Psychologist Richard Wiseman created a study using waiters to identify what was the more effective method of creating a connection with strangers: mirroring or positive reinforcement. One group of waiters, using positive reinforcement, lavished praise and encouragement on patrons using words such as “great,” “no problem,” and “sure” in response to each order. The other group of waiters mirrored their customers simply by repeating their orders back to them. The results were stunning: the average tip of the waiters who mirrored was 70 percent more than of those who used positive reinforcement.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Mirroring, then, when practiced consciously, is the art of insinuating similarity. “Trust me,” a mirror signals to another’s unconscious, “You and I—we’re alike.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Conflict between two parties is inevitable in all relationships. So it’s useful—crucial, even—to know how to engage in that conflict to get what you want without inflicting damage.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“What were needed were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down, establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the verbalization of needs, and persuade the other guy of our empathy.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“If you believed Kahneman, conducting negotiations based on System 2 concepts without the tools to read, understand, and manipulate the System 1 emotional underpinning was like trying to make an omelet without first knowing how to crack an egg.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all parties. It can change your life, as it has changed mine.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“voice. It’s generally an unconscious behavior—we are rarely aware of it when it’s happening—but it’s a sign that people are bonding, in sync, and establishing the kind of rapport that leads to trust.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“No matter what happens, the point here is to sponge up information from your counterpart. Letting your counterpart anchor first will give you a tremendous feel for him. All you need to learn is how to take the first punch.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“If they do there are ways to weather the storm without bidding against yourself or responding with anger. Once you learn these tactics, you’ll be prepared to withstand the hit and counter with panache. First, deflect the punch in a way that opens up your counterpart. Successful negotiators often say “No” in one of the many ways we’ve talked about (“How am I supposed to accept that?”) or deflect the anchor with questions like “What are we trying to accomplish here?” Responses like these are great ways to refocus your counterpart when you feel you’re being pulled into the compromise trap.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“but saving our reputation from destruction is a much stronger motivation.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“person’s use of pronouns offers deep insights into his or her relative authority. If you’re hearing a lot of “I,” “me,” and “my,” the real power to decide probably lies elsewhere. Picking up a lot of “we,” “they,” and “them,” it’s more likely you’re dealing directly with a savvy decision maker keeping his options open.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“At the time, we were deep into Getting to Yes. And as a negotiator, consultant, and teacher with decades of experience, I still agree with many of the powerful bargaining strategies in the book. When it was published, it provided groundbreaking ideas on cooperative problem solving and originated absolutely necessary concepts like entering negotiations with a BATNA: the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve (instead of fight and resist). It applies to the smile-er as much as to the smile-ee: a smile on your face, and in your voice, will increase your”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“La mayor parte del tiempo, lo recomendable será usar el tono positivo/alegre. Es el tono de una persona de trato fácil y de buen talante. La actitud debe ser ligera y alentadora. Aquí la clave está en relajarse y sonreír cuando estés hablando. La sonrisa tiene un impacto tonal que la otra persona captará incluso por teléfono.”
Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello
“thinking you’re normal is one of the most damaging assumptions in negotiations”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“all negotiation, done well, should be an information-gathering process that vests your counterpart in an outcome that serves you.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Non scendiamo a un compromesso perché è giusto, ma perché è facile e ci permette di salvare la faccia. Scendiamo a un compromesso per poter dire che almeno siamo riusciti a recuperare metà della posta in palio. Se vogliamo distillarne l’essenza, scendiamo a compromessi per sentirci al sicuro.”
Chris Voss, Never Split The Difference, The Storyteller's Secret [Hardcover], Talk Like TED, TED Talks 4 Books Collection Set
“In a recent study,4 Columbia Business School psychologists found that job applicants who named a range received significantly higher overall salaries than those who offered a number, especially if their range was a “bolstering range,” in which the low number in the range was what they actually wanted. Understand, if you offer a range (and it’s a good idea to do so) expect them to come in at the low end.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“One, separate the person—the emotion—from the problem; two, don’t get wrapped up in the other side’s position (what they’re asking for) but instead focus on their interests (why they’re asking for it) so that you can find what they really want; three, work cooperatively to generate win-win options; and, four, establish mutually agreed-upon standards for evaluating those possible solutions.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“Un buen negociador está preparado, desde el inicio, para cualquier posible sorpresa; un negociador excelente intenta usar sus habilidades para revelar las sorpresas que sabe que le aguardan.”
Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello
“[I]t is self-evident that people are neither fully rational nor completely selfish, and that their tastes are anything but stable.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“reasonable attempt at negotiations must be made prior to a tactical”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It
“You’ll be tempted to concentrate on money, but put that aside for now. A surprisingly high percentage of negotiations hinge on something outside dollars and cents. Often they have more to do with self-esteem, status, autonomy, and other non-financial needs. Think about their perceived losses. Never forget that a loss stings at least twice as much as an equivalent gain.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Why are they communicating what they are communicating right now?” Remember, negotiation is more like walking on a tightrope than competing against an opponent. Focusing so much on the end objective will only distract you from the next step, and that can cause you to fall off the rope. Concentrate on the next step because the rope will lead you to the end as long as all the steps are completed.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“How do I know José is alive?” she asked the first time they talked. To their demand for $5 million, she said, “We don’t have that kind of money. How can we raise that much?” “How can we pay you anything until we know José is okay?” Julie asked the next time they talked. Questions, always questions. The kidnapper who was negotiating with Julie seemed extremely perplexed by her persistent questions, and he kept asking for time to think. That slowed everything down, but he never got angry with Julie. Answering questions gave him the illusion that he had control of the negotiation.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“As his story showed, the key to getting people to see things your way is not to confront them on their ideas (“You can’t leave”) but to acknowledge their ideas openly (“I understand why you’re pissed off”) and then guide them toward solving the problem (“What do you hope to accomplish by leaving?”).”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
“Make sure they know you’ll act as a flesh-and-blood argument for their importance. Once you’ve bent their reality to include you as their ambassador, they’ll have a stake in your success. Ask: “What does it take to be successful here?” Please notice that this question is similar to questions that are suggested by many MBA career counseling centers, yet not exactly the same. And it’s the exact wording of this question that’s critical. Students from my MBA courses who have asked this question in job interviews have actually had interviewers lean forward and say, “No one ever asked us that before.” The interviewer then gave a great and detailed answer. The key issue here is if someone gives you guidance, they will watch to see if you follow their advice.”
Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It