Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Como ya he dicho, el secreto para llevarse el gato al agua en una negociación es hacer creer a la otra parte que controla la situación. Por eso las preguntas calibradas suenan ingenuas: su objetivo es lograr que el interlocutor se sienta al mando, cuando eres tú quien dirige realmente la conversación”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“CNU developed what is a powerful staple in the high-stakes world of crisis negotiation, the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM). The model proposes five stages—active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change—that take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We are easily distracted. We engage in selective listening, hearing only what we want to hear, our minds acting on a cognitive bias for consistency rather than truth.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Pactar con el diablo: cuándo negociar y cuándo luchar.[1]”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“En lugar de priorizar tus propios argumentos —de hecho, en lugar de pensar durante los momentos iniciales en lo que vas a decir— debes convertir a la otra persona, y lo que esta tenga que decir, en tu único y absoluto centro de atención.”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“En el capítulo 2 aprenderás a evitar las asunciones que ciegan a los negociadores neófitos y a reemplazarlas con técnicas de Escucha activa, como la del reflejo, los silencios y el tono de voz de locutor de radio de programa nocturno. Descubrirás cómo se pueden ralentizar las cosas y hacer que tu contraparte se sienta lo bastante segura para desvelarse; aprenderás a discernir entre deseos (aspiraciones) y necesidades (el mínimo de un acuerdo); y a concentrarte en lo que la otra parte tenga que decir.”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“awareness of the complex and hidden subtleties of conversation, the power of certain words, the seemingly unintelligible emotional truths that so often underlie intelligible exchanges.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiators have to be decision architects: they have to dynamically and adaptively design the verbal and nonverbal elements of the negotiation to gain both consent and execution.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“you can be sure that everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control. If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We don’t see each other all that often,” you could say. “It seems like you feel like we don’t pay any attention to you and you only see us once a year, so why should you make time for us?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The language of negotiation is primarily a language of conversation and rapport: a way of quickly establishing relationships and getting people to talk and think together.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“disagree without being disagreeable.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Never be so sure of what you want, you wouldn't except something better”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“■​Review everything you hear from your counterpart. You will not hear everything the first time, so double-check. Compare notes with team members. Use backup listeners whose job is to listen between the lines. They will hear things you miss. ■​Exploit the similarity principle. People are more apt to concede to someone they share a cultural similarity with, so dig for what makes them tick and show that you share common ground. ■​When someone seems irrational or crazy, they most likely aren’t. Faced with this situation, search for constraints, hidden desires, and bad information. ■​Get face time with your counterpart. Ten minutes of face time often reveals more than days of research. Pay special attention to your counterpart’s verbal and nonverbal communication at unguarded moments—at the beginning and the end of the session or when someone says something out of line.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“hope it gets you over that fear of conflict and encourages you to navigate it with empathy. If you’re going to be great at anything—a great negotiator, a great manager, a great husband, a great wife—you’re going to have to do that. You’re going to have to ignore that little genie who’s telling you to give up, to just get along—as well as that other genie who’s telling you to lash out and yell. You’re going to have to embrace regular, thoughtful conflict as the basis of effective negotiation—and of life. Please remember that our emphasis throughout the book is that the adversary is the situation and that the person that you appear to be in conflict with is actually your partner. More than a little research has shown that genuine, honest conflict between people over their goals actually helps energize the problem-solving process in a collaborative way. Skilled negotiators have a talent for using conflict to keep the negotiation going without stumbling into a personal battle.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But even if you don’t have other offers or the interested buyer is your first choice, you have more power than before your counterpart revealed his desire. You control what they want. That’s why experienced negotiators delay making offers—they don’t want to give up leverage. Positive leverage should improve your psychology during negotiation. You’ve gone from a situation where you want something from the investor to a situation where you both want something from each other.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“■​Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation. So design an ambitious but legitimate goal and then game out the labels, calibrated questions, and responses you’ll use to get there. That way, once you’re at the bargaining table, you won’t have to wing it. ■​Get ready to take a punch. Kick-ass negotiators usually lead with an extreme anchor to knock you off your game. If you’re not ready, you’ll flee to your maximum without a fight. So prepare your dodging tactics to avoid getting sucked into the compromise trap. ■​Set boundaries, and learn to take a punch or punch back, without anger. The guy across the table is not the problem; the situation is. ■​Prepare an Ackerman plan. Before you head into the weeds of bargaining, you’ll need a plan of extreme anchor, calibrated questions, and well-defined offers. Remember: 65, 85, 95, 100 percent. Decreasing raises and ending on nonround numbers will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all you’re worth when you’re really getting to the number you want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“1.​Set your target price (your goal). 2.​Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price. 3.​Calculate three raises of decreasing increments (to 85, 95, and 100 percent). 4.​Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying “No” to get the other side to counter before you increase your offer. 5.​When calculating the final amount, use precise, nonround numbers like, say, $37,893 rather than $38,000. It gives the number credibility and weight. 6.​On your final number, throw in a nonmonetary item (that they probably don’t want) to show you’re at your limit.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You can do this directly by saying, in an encouraging tone of voice, “Let’s put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal.” Or you could go at it more obliquely by asking, “What else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?” And if the other side pushes you to go first, wriggle from his grip. Instead of naming a price, allude to an incredibly high number that someone else might charge. Once when a hospital chain wanted me to name a price first, I said, “Well, if you go to Harvard Business School, they’re going to charge you $2,500 a day per student.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“As a well-prepared negotiator who seeks information and gathers it relentlessly, you’re actually going to want the other guy to name a price first, because you want to see his hand. You’re going to welcome the extreme anchor. But extreme anchoring is powerful and you’re human: your emotions may well up. If they do there are ways to weather the storm without bidding against yourself or responding with anger. Once you learn these tactics, you’ll be prepared to withstand the hit and counter with panache. First, deflect the punch in a way that opens up your counterpart. Successful negotiators often say “No” in one of the many ways we’ve talked about (“How am I supposed to accept that?”) or deflect the anchor with questions like “What are we trying to accomplish here?” Responses like these are great ways to refocus your counterpart when you feel you’re being pulled into the compromise trap.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“kick-ass negotiators don’t use ZOPA. Experienced negotiators often lead with a ridiculous offer, an extreme anchor. And if you’re not prepared to handle it, you’ll lose your moorings and immediately go to your maximum”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“They talk about the ZOPA—or Zone of Possible Agreement—which is where the seller’s and buyer’s zones cross. Say Tony wants to sell his car and won’t take less than $5,000 and Samantha wants to buy but won’t pay more than $6,000. The ZOPA runs from $5,000 to $6,000.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Like you saw Aaron and Julie do with their kidnappers, the best way to get your counterparts to lower their demands is to say “No” using “How” questions. These indirect ways of saying “No” won’t shut down your counterpart the way a blunt, pride-piercing “No” would. In fact, these responses will sound so much like counterbids that your counterparts will often keep bidding against themselves. We’ve found that you can usually express “No” four times before actually saying the word. The first step in the “No” series is the old standby: “How am I supposed to do that?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Instead, take a different tack and use your own name. That’s how I get the Chris discount.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR USAGE OF PRONOUNS The use of pronouns by a counterpart can also help give you a feel for their actual importance in the decision and implementation chains on the other side of the table. The more in love they are with “I,” “me,” and “my” the less important they are. Conversely, the harder it is to get a first person pronoun out of a negotiator’s mouth, the more important they are.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“As Julie did, the first and most common “No” question you’ll use is some version of “How am I supposed to do that?” (for example, “How can we raise that much?”). Your tone of voice is critical as this phrase can be delivered as either an accusation or a request for assistance. So pay attention to your voice. This question tends to have the positive effect of making the other side take a good look at your situation. This positive dynamic is what I refer to as “forced empathy,” and it’s especially effective if leading up to it you’ve already been empathic with your counterpart. This engages the dynamic of reciprocity to lead them to do something for you. Starting with José’s kidnapping, “How am I supposed to do that?” became our primary response to a kidnapper demanding a ransom. And we never had it backfire.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Calibrated “How” questions are a surefire way to keep negotiations going. They put the pressure on your counterpart to come up with answers, and to contemplate your problems when making their demands. With enough of the right “How” questions you can read and shape the negotiating environment in such a way that you’ll eventually get to the answer you want to hear. You just have to have an idea of where you want the conversation to go when you’re devising your questions. The trick to “How” questions is that, correctly used, they are gentle and graceful ways to say “No” and guide your counterpart to develop a better solution—your solution. A gentle How/No invites collaboration and leaves your counterpart with a feeling of having been treated with respect.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Another simple rule is, when you are verbally assaulted, do not counterattack. Instead, disarm your counterpart by asking a calibrated question. The next time a waiter or salesclerk tries to engage you in a verbal skirmish, try this out. I promise you it will change the entire tenor of the conversation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The script we came up with hit all the best practices of negotiation we’ve talked about so far. Here it is by steps: 1.​A “No”-oriented email question to reinitiate contact: “Have you given up on settling this amicably?” 2.​A statement that leaves only the answer of “That’s right” to form a dynamic of agreement: “It seems that you feel my bill is not justified.” 3.​Calibrated questions about the problem to get him to reveal his thinking: “How does this bill violate our agreement?” 4.​More “No”-oriented questions to remove unspoken barriers: “Are you saying I misled you?” “Are you saying I didn’t do as you asked?” “Are you saying I reneged on our agreement?” or “Are you saying I failed you?” 5.​Labeling and mirroring the essence of his answers if they are not acceptable so he has to consider them again: “It seems like you feel my work was subpar.” Or “. . . my work was subpar?” 6.​A calibrated question in reply to any offer other than full payment, in order to get him to offer a solution: “How am I supposed to accept that?” 7.​If none of this gets an offer of full payment, a label that flatters his sense of control and power: “It seems like you are the type of person who prides himself on the way he does business—rightfully so—and has a knack for not only expanding the pie but making the ship run more efficiently.” 8.​A long pause and then one more “No”-oriented question: “Do you want to be known as someone who doesn’t fulfill agreements?” From my long experience in negotiation, scripts like this have a 90 percent success rate. That is, if the”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“As an old Washington Post editor named Robert Estabrook once said, “He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.” This same technique for suspending unbelief that you use with kidnappers and escaping patients works for anything, even negotiating prices. When you go into a store, instead of telling the salesclerk what you “need,” you can describe what you’re looking for and ask for suggestions. Then, once you’ve picked out what you want, instead of hitting them with a hard offer, you can just say the price is a bit more than you budgeted and ask for help with one of the greatest-of-all-time calibrated questions: “How am I supposed to do that?” The critical part of this approach is that you really are asking for help and your delivery must convey that. With this negotiating scheme, instead of bullying the clerk, you’re asking for their advice and giving them the illusion of control. Asking for help”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It