Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Deadlines cut both ways. Cohen may well have been nervous about what his boss would say if he left Japan without an agreement. But it’s also true that Cohen’s counterparts wouldn’t have won if he’d left without a deal. That’s the key: When the negotiation is over for one side, it’s over for the other too.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back. Understanding that reflex and putting it into practice is critical to the success of just about every negotiating skill there is to learn.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Emotions aren’t the obstacles, they are the means. The relationship between an emotionally intelligent negotiator and their counterpart is essentially therapeutic. It duplicates that of a psychotherapist with a patient.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“For those people who view negotiation as a battle of arguments, it’s the voices in their own head that are overwhelming them. When they’re not talking, they’re thinking about their arguments, and when they are talking, they’re making their arguments. Often those on both sides of the table are doing the same thing, so you have what I call a state of schizophrenia: everyone just listening to the voice in their head (and not well, because they’re doing seven or eight other things at the same time).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“People generally fear conflict, so they avoid useful arguments out of fear that the tone will escalate into personal attacks they cannot handle.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Black Swan theory tells us that things happen that were previously thought to be impossible—or never thought of at all. This is not the same as saying that sometimes things happen against one-in-a-million odds, but rather that things never imagined do come to pass.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Our culture demonizes people in movies and politics, which creates the mentality that if we only got rid of the person then everything would be okay. But this dynamic is toxic to any negotiation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“THE 7-38-55 PERCENT RULE In two famous studies on what makes us like or dislike somebody,1 UCLA psychology professor Albert Mehrabian created the 7-38-55 rule. That is, only 7 percent of a message is based on the words while 38 percent comes from the tone of voice and 55 percent from the speaker’s body language and face.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“People always make more effort to implement a solution when they think it’s theirs. That is simply human nature. That’s why negotiation is often called “the art of letting someone else have your way.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Our job as persuaders is easier than we think. It's not to get others believing what we say. It's just to stop them unbelieving.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“había encontrado antes”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“Through decades of research with Tversky, Kahneman proved that humans all suffer from Cognitive Bias, that is, unconscious—and irrational—brain processes that literally distort the way we see the world.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“information that comes their way to test and winnow”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When we radiate warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow. When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Whether it’s in the office or around the family dinner table, don’t avoid honest, clear conflict. It will get you the best car price, the higher salary, and the largest donation. It will also save your marriage, your friendship, and your family. One can only be an exceptional negotiator, and a great person, by both listening and speaking clearly and empathetically; by treating counterparts—and oneself—with dignity and respect; and most of all by being honest about what one wants and what one can—and cannot—do. Every negotiation, every conversation, every moment of life, is a series of small conflicts that, managed well, can rise to creative beauty. Embrace them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Experienced negotiators often lead with a ridiculous offer, an extreme anchor. And if you’re not prepared to handle it, you’ll lose your moorings and immediately go to your maximum. It’s human nature. Like the great ear-biting pugilist Mike Tyson once said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But while innocent and understandable, thinking you’re normal is one of the most damaging assumptions in negotiations.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“everyone—“No” means one thing: end of discussion. But that’s not what it means.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“emotions. Labeling negatives diffuses them (or defuses them, in extreme cases);”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The approach was half MSU—Making Shit Up—and half a sort of sales approach—”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“treat two schizophrenics with just one pill.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Had that Christian CEO offered me a lowball offer when he agreed to hire my firm, I might have answered, “I’d love to but I too have a duty to be a responsible steward of my resources.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“1.​Effective Pauses: Silence is powerful. We told Benjie to use it for emphasis, to encourage Sabaya to keep talking until eventually, like clearing out a swamp, the emotions were drained from the dialogue. 2.​Minimal Encouragers: Besides silence, we instructed using simple phrases, such as “Yes,” “OK,” “Uh-huh,” or “I see,” to effectively convey that Benjie was now paying full attention to Sabaya and all he had to say. 3.​Mirroring: Rather than argue with Sabaya and try to separate Schilling from the “war damages,” Benjie would listen and repeat back what Sabaya said. 4.​Labeling: Benjie should give Sabaya’s feelings a name and identify with how he felt. “It all seems so tragically unfair, I can now see why you sound so angry.” 5.​Paraphrase: Benjie should repeat what Sabaya is saying back to him in Benjie’s own words. This, we told him, would powerfully show him you really do understand and aren’t merely parroting his concerns.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down, establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the verbalization of needs, and persuade the other guy of our empathy. We needed something easy to teach, easy to learn, and easy to execute. These”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“And the most famous is Loss Aversion, which shows how people are statistically more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve an equal gain.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“we can process only about seven pieces of information in our conscious mind”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Popping his head into her office, the boss said, “Let’s make two copies of all the paperwork.” “I’m sorry, two copies?” she mirrored in response, remembering not only the DJ voice, but to deliver the mirror in an inquisitive tone. The intention behind most mirrors should be “Please, help me understand.” Every time you mirror someone, they will reword what they’ve said. They will never say it exactly the same way they said it the first time. Ask someone, “What do you mean by that?” and you’re likely to incite irritation or defensiveness. A mirror, however, will get you the clarity you want while signaling respect and concern for what the other person is saying. “Yes,” her boss responded, “one for us and one for the customer.” “I’m sorry, so you are saying that the client is asking for a copy and we need a copy for internal use?” “Actually, I’ll check with the client—they haven’t asked for anything. But I definitely want a copy. That’s just how I do business.” “Absolutely,” she responded. “Thanks for checking with the customer. Where would you like to store the in-house copy? There’s no more space in the file room here.” “It’s fine. You can store it anywhere,” he said, slightly perturbed now. “Anywhere?” she mirrored again, with calm concern. When another person’s tone of voice or body language is inconsistent with his words, a good mirror can be particularly useful. In this case, it caused her boss to take a nice, long pause—something he did not often do.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It