Never Split the Difference Quotes

“You’ve not only implicitly asked for help—triggering goodwill and less defensiveness—but you’ve engineered a situation in which your formerly recalcitrant counterpart is now using his mental and emotional resources to overcome your challenges. It is the first step in your counterpart internalizing your way—and the obstacles in it—as his own. And that guides the other party toward designing a solution. Your solution.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You seem to think it’s unmanly to dodge a block,” I told him. “You think it’s cowardly to get out of someone’s way that’s trying to hit you.” Brandon stared at me and paused. “That’s right,” he said.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Tell people “you’re right” and they get a happy smile on their face and leave you alone for at least twenty-four hours. But you haven’t agreed to their position. You have used “you’re right” to get them to quit bothering you.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Labeling: Benjie should give Sabaya’s feelings a name and identify with how he felt. “It all seems so tragically unfair, I can now see why you sound so angry.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“■​If a potential business partner is ignoring you, contact them with a clear and concise “No”-oriented question that suggests that you are ready to walk away. “Have you given up on this project?” works wonders.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“That’s why “Is now a bad time to talk?” is always better than “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It seems like you want us to let you go.” We could all agree on that. But that wouldn’t have diffused the real fear in the apartment, or shown that I empathized with the grim complexity of their situation. That’s why I went right at the amygdala and said, “It seems like you don’t want to go back to jail.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“For us this is a real treat. We want to hear what you have to talk about. We want to value this time with you because we feel left out of your life.” Research shows that the best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It looks like you don’t want to come out. It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we’ll come in with guns blazing. It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Labeling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging it. Give someone’s emotion a name and you show you identify with how that person feels. It gets you close to someone without asking about external factors you know nothing about (“How’s your family?”).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“for the FBI, a “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Mirroring, also called isopraxism, is essentially imitation. It’s another neurobehavior humans (and other animals) display in which we copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice. It’s generally an unconscious behavior—we are rarely aware of it when it’s happening—but it’s a sign that people are bonding, in sync, and establishing the kind of rapport that leads to trust.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive voice.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The basic issue here is that when people feel that they are not in control, they adopt what psychologists call a hostage mentality. That is, in moments of conflict they react to their lack of power by either becoming extremely defensive or lashing out. Neurologically, in situations like this the fight-or-flight mechanism in the reptilian brain or the emotions in the limbic system overwhelm the rational part of our mind, the neocortex, leading us to overreact in an impulsive, instinctive way.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“1.​A “No”-oriented email question to reinitiate contact: “Have you given up on settling this amicably?” 2.​A statement that leaves only the answer of “That’s right” to form a dynamic of agreement: “It seems that you feel my bill is not justified.” 3.​Calibrated questions about the problem to get him to reveal his thinking: “How does this bill violate our agreement?” 4.​More “No”-oriented questions to remove unspoken barriers: “Are you saying I misled you?” “Are you saying I didn’t do as you asked?” “Are you saying I reneged on our agreement?” or “Are you saying I failed you?” 5.​Labeling and mirroring the essence of his answers if they are not acceptable so he has to consider them again: “It seems like you feel my work was subpar.” Or “. . . my work was subpar?” 6.​A calibrated question in reply to any offer other than full payment, in order to get him to offer a solution: “How am I supposed to accept that?” 7.​If none of this gets an offer of full payment, a label that flatters his sense of control and power: “It seems like you are the type of person who prides himself on the way he does business—rightfully so—and has a knack for not only expanding the pie but making the ship run more efficiently.” 8.​A long pause and then one more “No”-oriented question: “Do you want to be known as someone who doesn’t fulfill agreements?” From my long experience in negotiation, scripts like this have a 90 percent success rate. That is, if the negotiator stays calm and rational. And that’s a big if. In”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“BATNA: the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing. Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We engage in selective listening, hearing only what we want to hear, our minds acting on a cognitive bias for consistency rather than truth.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“English”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“gentlemen”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“one”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Emotions aren’t the obstacles, they are the means.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Every ‘No’ gets me closer to a ‘Yes.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Humans have an innate urge toward socially constructive behavior. The more a person feels understood, and positively affirmed in that understanding, the more likely that urge for constructive behavior will take hold.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight.1”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Aprenderás a usar tus emociones, tu instinto y tu percepción en cualquier encuentro para conectar mejor con los demás, influir en ellos y obtener más cosas.”
― Chris Voss, Rompe la barrera del no: Negocia como si te fuera la vida en ello

“As they talk, imagine that you are that person. Visualize yourself in the position they describe and put in as much detail as you can, as if you were actually there.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It