Never Split the Difference Quotes

“Saying “No” makes the speaker feel safe, secure, and in control, so trigger it. By saying what they don’t want, your counterpart defines their space and gains the confidence and comfort to listen to you.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“labels almost always begin with roughly the same words: It seems like . . . It sounds like . . . It looks like . . .”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“wealth of information from the other person’s words, tone, and body language. We call that trinity “words, music, and dance.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Let me let you in on a secret: people never even notice.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“tell my students that empathy is “the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“keeping your eyes peeled and your ears open, and your mouth shut.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Mirroring will make you feel awkward as heck when you first try it. That’s the only hard part about it;”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Use the late-night FM DJ voice. 2.​Start with “I’m sorry . . .” 3.​Mirror. 4.​Silence. At least four seconds, to let the mirror work its magic on your counterpart. 5.​Repeat.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It’s almost laughably simple: for the FBI, a “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When we radiate warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow. When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiations with religious fanatics who have delusions of grandeur generally do not go well.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“What could they give that would almost get us to do it for free?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“It seems like __________ is important. It seems you feel like my company is in a unique position to __________. It seems like you are worried that __________.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“How does this affect the rest of your team? How on board are the people not on this call? What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There are fill-in-the-blank labels that can be used in nearly every situation to extract information from your counterpart, or defuse an accusation: It seems like _________ is valuable to you. It seems like you don’t like _________. It seems like you value __________. It seems like _________ makes it easier. It seems like you’re reluctant to _________.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“you should always be aware of which side, at any given moment, feels they have the most to lose if negotiations collapse.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“In theory, leverage is the ability to inflict loss and withhold gain. Where does your counterpart want to gain and what do they fear losing?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Why are they communicating what they are communicating right now?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Finding and acting on Black Swans mandates a shift in your mindset.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Prepare an Ackerman plan. Before you head into the weeds of bargaining, you’ll need a plan of extreme anchor, calibrated questions, and well-defined offers. Remember: 65, 85, 95, 100 percent. Decreasing raises and ending on nonround numbers will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all you’re worth when you’re really getting to the number you want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Your response must always be expressed in the form of strong, yet empathic, limit-setting boundaries—that is, tough love—not as hatred or violence.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“If you feel you can’t say “No” then you’ve taken yourself hostage.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I feel ___ when you ___ because ___,” and that demands a time-out from the other person. But be careful with the big “I”: You have to”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Why would you ever do business with me? Why would you ever change from your existing supplier? They’re great!”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all parties. It can change your life,”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Every negotiation should start with “No”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“All we’re going to say is, ‘Hey, how do we know José is okay? How are we supposed to pay until we know José is okay?’ Again and again,” I told them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“If you were able to take an armed kidnapper who’d been surrounded by police and hook him up to a cardiac monitor, you’d find that every calibrated question and apology would lower his heart rate just a little bit. And that’s how you get to a dynamic where solutions can be found.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It