Never Split the Difference Quotes

“In every negotiation there are between three and five pieces of information that, were they to be uncovered, would change everything. The concept is an absolute game-changer; so much so, I’ve named my company The Black Swan Group. In this chapter, you’ll learn how to recognize the markers that show the Black Swan’s hidden nest, as well as simple tools for employing Black Swans to gain leverage over your counterpart and achieve truly amazing deals.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Finding the Black Swans—those powerful unknown unknowns—is intrinsically difficult, however, for the simple reason that we don’t know the questions to ask. Because we don’t know what the treasure is, we don’t know where to dig.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The implication of any well-designed calibrated question is that you want what the other guy wants but you need his intelligence to overcome the problem. This really appeals to very aggressive or egotistical counterparts.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes—black or brown—would be better than the compromise. Next time you want to compromise, remind yourself of those mismatched shoes.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“People generally fear conflict, so they avoid useful arguments out of fear that the tone will escalate into personal attacks they cannot handle. People in close relationships often avoid making their own interests known and instead compromise across the board to avoid being perceived as greedy or self-interested. They fold, they grow bitter, and they grow apart. We’ve all heard of marriages that ended in divorce and the couple never fought.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Ask calibrated questions that start with the words “How” or “What.” By implicitly asking the other party for help, these questions will give your counterpart an illusion of control and will inspire them to speak at length, revealing important information. ■​Don’t ask questions that start with “Why” unless you want your counterpart to defend a goal that serves you. “Why” is always an accusation, in any language. ■​Calibrate your questions to point your counterpart toward solving your problem. This will encourage them to expend their energy on devising a solution.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“one of the greatest-of-all-time calibrated questions: “How am I supposed to do that?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“As an old Washington Post editor named Robert Estabrook once said, “He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“And the secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We don’t compromise because it’s right; we compromise because it is easy and because it saves face. We compromise in order to say that at least we got half the pie. Distilled to its essence, we compromise to be safe. Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“That’s right” is better than “yes.” Strive for it. Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs. ■​Use a summary to trigger a “that’s right.” The building blocks of a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm “the world according to . . .”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But while we can’t control others’ decisions, we can influence them by inhabiting their world and seeing and hearing exactly what they want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“■​Label your counterpart’s fears to diffuse their power.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“2.​The positive/playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking. 3.​The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback. ■​Mirrors”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Talking slowly and clearly you convey one idea: I’m in control.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Feeling, they discovered, is a form of thinking.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I’m just asking questions,” I said. “It’s a passive-aggressive approach. I just ask the same three or four open-ended questions over and over and over and over. They get worn out answering and give me everything I want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Too often people find it easier just to stick with what they believe. Using what they’ve heard or their own biases, they often make assumptions about others even before meeting them. They even ignore their own perceptions to make them conform to foregone conclusions. These assumptions muck up our perceptual windows onto the world, showing us an unchanging—often flawed—version of the situation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“■​Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“There is nothing more frustrating or disruptive to any negotiation than to get the feeling you are talking to someone who isn’t listening. Playing dumb is a valid negotiating technique, and “I don’t understand” is a legitimate response. But ignoring the other party’s position only builds up frustration and makes them less likely to do what you want.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiate in their world. Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are. It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

“SECTION V: NONCASH OFFERS Prepare a list of noncash items possessed by your counterpart that would be valuable.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“QUESTIONS TO USE TO UNEARTH THE DEAL-KILLING ISSUES What are we up against here? What is the biggest challenge you face? How does making a deal with us affect things? What happens if you do nothing? What does doing nothing cost you? How does making this deal resonate with what your company prides itself on?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“QUESTIONS TO IDENTIFY BEHIND-THE-TABLE DEAL KILLERS When implementation happens by committee, the support of that committee is key. You’ll want to tailor your calibrated questions to identify and unearth the motivations of those behind the table, including: How does this affect the rest of your team? How on board are the people not on this call? What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“SECTION II: SUMMARY Summarize and write out in just a couple of sentences the known facts that have led up to the negotiation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But the moment when we’re most ready to throw our hands up and declare “They’re crazy!” is often the best moment for discovering Black Swans that transform a negotiation. It is when we hear or see something that doesn’t make sense—something “crazy”—that a crucial fork in the road is presented: push forward, even more forcefully, into that which we initially can’t process;”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Effective negotiators look for pieces of information, often obliquely revealed, that show what is important to their counterpart: Who is their audience? What signifies status and reputation to them? What most worries them? To find this information, one method is to go outside the negotiating table and speak to a third party that knows your counterpart. The most effective method is to gather it from interactions with your counterpart.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“No matter how much research our team has done prior to the interaction, we always ask ourselves, “Why are they communicating what they are communicating right now?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“views the importance of time differently (time = preparation; time = relationship; time = money).”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It