Never Split the Difference Quotes

“when it comes to negotiating, the Golden Rule is wrong.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I’ll try,” you should get a sinking feeling in your stomach. Because this really means, “I plan to fail.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“But there is one basic truth about a successful bargaining style: To be good, you have to learn to be yourself at the bargaining table. To be great you have to add to your strengths, not replace them.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Sleeping in the same bed and dreaming different dreams” is an old Chinese expression”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“No” protects and benefits all parties in an exchange.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“So let’s undress “No.” It’s a reaffirmation of autonomy.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Like a contractor building a house, this book is constructed from the ground up: first comes the big slabs of foundation, then the necessary load-bearing walls, the elegant but impermeable roof, and the lovely interior decorations.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“We are emotional, irrational beasts who are emotional and irrational in predictable, pattern-filled ways.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“What does it take to be successful here?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Early on in a negotiation, I say, “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“No” creates safety, security, and the feeling of control”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When someone tells you “No,” you need to rethink the word in one of its alternative—and much more real—meanings:         ■    I am not yet ready to agree;         ■    You are making me feel uncomfortable;         ■    I do not understand;         ■    I don’t think I can afford it;         ■    I want something else;         ■    I need more information; or         ■    I want to talk it over with someone else.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“In my negotiating course, I tell my students that empathy is “the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“I only half-jokingly refer to mirroring as magic or a Jedi mind trick because it gives you the ability to disagree without being disagreeable.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You can be very direct and to the point as long as you create safety by a tone of voice that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure things out.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“When deliberating on a negotiating strategy or approach, people tend to focus all their energies on what to say or do, but it’s how we are (our general demeanor and delivery) that is both the easiest thing to enact and the most immediately effective mode of influence. Our brains don’t just process and understand the actions and words of others but their feelings and intentions too, the social meaning of their behavior and their emotions. On a mostly unconscious level, we can understand the minds of others not through any kind of thinking but through quite literally grasping what the other is feeling.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Your goal at the outset is to extract and observe as much information as possible.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all parties.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“The first step to achieving a mastery of daily negotiation is to get over your aversion to negotiating. You don’t need to like it; you just need to understand that’s how the world works. Negotiating does not mean browbeating or grinding someone down. It simply means playing the emotional game that human society is set up for.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“System 1’s inchoate beliefs, feelings, and impressions are the main sources of the explicit beliefs and deliberate choices of System 2. They’re the spring that feeds the river. We react emotionally (System 1) to a suggestion or question. Then that System 1 reaction informs and in effect creates the System 2 answer.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“One group of waiters, using positive reinforcement, lavished praise and encouragement on patrons using words such as “great,” “no problem,” and “sure” in response to each order. The other group of waiters mirrored their customers simply by repeating their orders back to them. The results were stunning: the average tip of the waiters who mirrored was 70 percent more than of those who used positive reinforcement.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“the sweetest two words in any negotiation are actually “That’s right.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Here are the four steps for setting your goal: ■​Set an optimistic but reasonable goal and define it clearly. ■​Write it down. ■​Discuss your goal with a colleague (this makes it harder to wimp out). ■​Carry the written goal into the negotiation.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“don’t start with “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” Instead ask, “Is now a bad time to talk?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Great negotiators seek “No” because they know that’s often when the real negotiation begins.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“Sometimes the only way to get your counterpart to listen and engage with you is by forcing them into a “No.” That means intentionally mislabeling one of their emotions or desires or asking a ridiculous question—like, “It seems like you want this project to fail”—that can only be answered negatively. ■​Negotiate in their world. Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are. It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea. So don’t beat them with logic or brute force. Ask them questions that open paths to your goals. It’s not about you. ■​If a potential business partner is ignoring you, contact them with a clear and concise “No”-oriented question that suggests that you are ready to walk away. “Have you given up on this project?” works wonders.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“You provoke a “No” with this one-sentence email. Have you given up on this project?”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

“One great way to do this is to mislabel one of the other party’s emotions or desires. You say something that you know is totally wrong, like “So it seems that you really are eager to leave your job” when they clearly want to stay. That forces them to listen and makes them comfortable correcting you by saying, “No, that’s not it. This is it.”
― Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It