Pat Hatt's Blog, page 157

Your Design Isn't Fine!

So the cat was hopping here and there the other day when he cam across some video that he hit play. I think I lost a few IQ points as I listened to it. Let's just say it was full of more than spit.

Humans are designed to eat meat!
Nope, not even as a treat.
The cat will skip the meat,
As that is just the same old beat.

Design is more fun.
Let's give it a run.
You were designed?
Hmmm I hope all the papers were signed.

Did they start with the toe?
Damned if I know.
Designed in a barn?
Maybe made out of yarn?

Were we all designed the same?
Damn, that would just be lame.
Maybe there was a hiccup in the machine.
Some got designed mean.

At least the designer can draw.
Bad drawing should be against the law.
Coming out like Bigfoot wouldn't be grand
No wonder he hides across the land.

No fun baby making is had.
That is just a fad.
You weren't made in back of a cab.
Nope, you were designed in a lab.

Hmm which is worse?
Hey, it beats a hearse.
You can even update your design,
If your design isn't fine.

The plastic is there.
Even some fake hair.
We can add to it.
Or some other umm spit.

I designed this post.
Damn, I'm a designing host.
Maybe I'll get that gig.
Make a human in need of a bad wig.

Designed like a store.
Designed and nothing more.
Sex is just a myth.
Design a human to be with.

Pfffft such idiots out there trying to push their crap. Do they even think before they flap? I guess the answer to that is a big fat no. Morons think what works for one works for all high and low. Their design obviously has a bad case of gas. I am done being a designing little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Give, Give, Give So All Can Live!

So the other day the cat was arguing with a nut who likes to be stuck in a rut. They think all should be handed to them on a silver platter, where  from, it doesn't matter. But oh yes they say, in order to get out of any mess rich people should pay.

The rich can be pricks.
But so can hicks.
Rich just get away with more,
As they have the cash at their shore.

They have so much cash though,
That a giving they should go.
They should give to one and all.
The oh so less fortunate at their hall.

It would make the world a great place.
The rich with a giving embrace.
Yeah, that will make all cheery.
Hmmm ummm that is one theory.

Some have the silver spoon,
Most are a stupid loon.
Others are egotistical arse holes.
But some got it through goals.

Yet, all should just give?
They will help all live.
Like the lazy people who can't get off their ass,
And sit expecting a free pass.

Say they give to one,
Who really needs it done.
What happens next though?
Three guesses at your show.

Five more come whining.
It becomes like gold mining.
Fifty more come after.
Soon thousands are hanging from every rafter.

All with a sad tale,
Wanting money by the pail.
A hand out thinking they deserve it.
Then back home they go and sit.

The rich will be okay though,
As the whiners, scam artists and crazies show.
After all they are rich as can be.
They should give to you and me.

Pffft why would they want that?
Humans on them like scat.
They do something nice once,
Then they have to fend off every single dunce.

Are rich people jerks? Yeah many, not all, have those not so great perks. Do some people really need help? Yeah, they do when they yelp. But should rich people give and put up with all the shit? Nope, not one single bit. I wouldn't if I was at all. Maybe anonymously at my hall. But never come out and do it because you would have to deal with every poor pitiful me nitwit. You can live in a fantasy world where people wouldn't come out of the woodwork, but you'd get them thinking it was a perk. And if you give to one and not another, they'd call you a meanie, arse hole, racist, prejudice or whatever else as they curse your mother. It's too bad there is such a whiny, self entitled class. End rant from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

So Sad When You Are Blantantly Bad!

Have you seen some authors that make you go what the umm duck? Maybe you have lots of luck. If not you are probably nodding yes. There seem to be more rather than less. Not trying to knock anyone at my sea, but some things are clear even to a cat sitting in a tree.

The title is great.
Such a nice fate.
Different title on the cover?
Hmmm a two title lover?

The title is still great,
It will sell out of the gate.
Spelled differently on each.
Are you trying to teach?

My description is grand.
The best in the land.
You won't want to miss.
It simply says, "read this."

No, wait!
That's not my fate.
It says something more.
"Red this" is the encore.

Red like a bull?
Hmm are you just full?
You know bull and spit.
Or something like it.

Stuck in the sand.
Isn't it grand.
Sinking below.
What do you know?

A big long description.
Quite the depiction.
Hes, gooes, and reding are great.
Good luck with that, mate.

A preview is here.
Read without fear.
Copyright in Atlata stat.
Damn, how did you get that?

Back to the cover.
Aren't all just a lover?
Paint and some text are grand.
It will hit every stand.

Slap my hand.
Take a stand.
Red it today,
For little pay.

There is just some people that either are lazy as can be or should really take 50 more looks at their sea. Little things like that should easily be caught. One or two small mistakes won't hurt a lot, but blatant ones like that, sure do confuse the cat. Have you seen any come to pass? They sure get some head shaking from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Hook Or By Look!

You humans and your eyes. You think you are so wise. You see but don't see. Are you following me? I guess we shall see. See, again from me. A see type spree. Don't give that look to me.

What's in a look?
Could write a book.
Whoops, already do that.
Excuse the rhyming cat.

Look you looked.
Your look has been booked.
But did your look see,
What came to be?

Look up, look down.
Look driving through town.
Look in, look out.
Look and shout.

Twist and look.
Look what I did at my nook.
Catch that look?
See, off the hook.

Hook of the look.
Look of the hook.
Look that you took,
From castle to rook.

All from a look.
That one took.
Simple as see.
Following me?

Look beyond, look within.
Look until you can win.
Look around, look without.
Look at you become a trout.

Fish out of water,
Or maybe an otter.
A funny looking beaver?
Look, a meat cleaver.

Look, but do you see?
Looking beyond thee?
Stuck in a look.
Hook or by crook.

Stuck with the look.
Not seeing you cook.
Look and not see.
Look, done with my spree.

Are you looking at me strange? Look, some spare change. Oops, you missed out. Do you look while out and about? Or do you just drive or walk or strut or wiggle your butt, as you go from hut to hut? Look but not see has sure come to many. They are on a phone giving sass. They wouldn't even see a billboard featuring my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Step By Step To Get Pep!

Ready to be like old one eye? Ready to step until you die? Step right up at my sea. Step in it with glee. Unless you step in crap. Then you may not be a happy stepping chap.

A step by step guide.
Come take he ride.
Create a better life.
Free from the strife.

One, two, three.
Magic as can be.
Three, two, one.
Your work is done.

Following steps is great.
Start stepping, mate.
Soon you'll be like me.
Stepping and oh so happy.

10 steps to get rich.
Come scratch that itch.
20 steps to get a wife,
Or husband in your life.

Wait, husband is 2 steps.
Consult the book reps.
10 steps to de-clutter.
May even rid you of a stutter.

15 steps to become OCD.
Err um rid it from thee.
6 steps to writing a book.
Read a book to write a book at your nook.

5 steps to being debt free.
What, I can't spend money?
Then how can I buy the book?
Bad logic at your nook.

4 steps to getting a better job.
Damn, I can't go to a bank and rob?
6 steps to eating right.
Pffft drop dead at night.

7 steps to understanding your pet.
A nut case you can bet.
365 steps for your great year.
On a leap year you may cause fear.

60 steps to the door.
80 steps until I hear you no more.
100 steps until you are out of sight.
125 steps seems about right.

Aren't you ready to step out and twist and shout? Life can be great stepping away. Learn how not to make your life go astray. One step, two step, three step, four. Come on up and take the stepping tour. 6 steps to get rich = you make me rich well you waste your time on 6 steps with my pitch. Most, not all, the self help and stepping crap is simple stuff that should be known by any chap. Can I get 10 steps to reducing gas? That may help my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Blog Detention Convention!

It seems someone out there got the whole class detention. I hear they made some perverted mention. I wonder what it was? Maybe I'll look into the buzz. Felines were exempt though. I guess they had no room for litter boxes lined up in a row.

Hank was first.
Betsy was not.
Her feet had thirst.
Is Hank a #1 robot?

Brian tried to take over.
Mary went along.
She even brought rover.
It tried to sing a song.

Old one eye was there.
Jax yapped about hair.
Her head was bare.
Old one eye didn't care.

Adam had a fact.
Snowcatcher rode in.
She was caught in the act.
Adam thought it was a win.

Rosey had some mail.
Theresa whined about being stuck
Together they tried not to fail.
They wanted to give away a buck.

Fundy Blue made all yellow
Claudia thought that was neat.
Fundy Blue turned her mellow,
As she sketched street.

Mary Kirkland held a rat.
Elizabeth Seckman wanted out.
The rat peed on a hat.
That made many shout.

Humbird hummed a tune.
Anne was just drunk.
It was nearing noon.
The smell resembled a skunk.

The ninja wannabe tried to strum.
Betty viewed all from a bench.
A broken guitar made him glum.
He wished he had a wrench.

Stephanie Ferris wrote a note.
Manzanita hide at the back.
That was soon all they wrote.
All suffered a worm attack.

The cat can ship you all worm pills if you like. That will make those things take a hike. But who was the cause of this detention? R never got a mention. I guess it was his fault. He let too many words slip from the vault. It made all get locked up in mass. Just keep those worms away from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Rosey Request Put To The Test!

So the cat was yapping about this or that a while back at our blog mat and Rosey revealed a detail that was a real fail. What was that you ask? Today you find out as we rectify that task.

Something not seen.
It is very unclean.
Can stick between your toes.
Cause humans woes.

But it has to come.
Not out the bum.
Or any kind of gutter.
Snip snip, don't stutter.

It is more than that.
It is only from a cat.
Well maybe a dog too,
If some nasty stuff they chew.

But what could it be?
A flea on a knee?
A hair up the nose?
Gas smelling like a rose?

All good guesses from you.
But wrong at my zoo.
Then again she may not have done those as well.
But first we have to rectify this hell.

Not 666 and it's tricks.
We've given her such licks.
Hey, maybe it's a lick?
Again, a very wrong pick.

But licking is in need.
It has to take seed.
Part of the process of it.
More than a little bit.

So a lick and spit.
Have you got it?
I know a few have it.
Cheat rhyme, just a bit.

But I was hacking.
It was attacking.
How can this be?
My poor old tummy.

Blah it goes.
Watch you toes.
Can even splat the wall.
We are talking the hairball.


Rosey, that was just for you. Now you've seen a hairball at your zoo. Aren't you so impressed and glad that you confessed? Scratch that off your list. It isn't something to be missed. Was it your first time as well? Don't be afraid to tell. Now I will pass some gas and go lick my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Place To Go For A Show!

It is warm and there is no snow storm. So what can you do? Why go out and about at your zoo. Yeah, we are fine ones to talk. We barely go out for a walk. Hey, we run around here. That helps us keep a toned rear.

Where to go?
Where to be?
High and low.
From sea to sea.

The dead will rise.
The young will bite.
So be rather wise,
And stay in at night.

The balls will bounce.
The cars will drive.
Might gain an ounce,
But you'll survive.

Where am I going?
What am I saying?
Just start rowing.
Follow my playing.

The sand is there.
The water is clear.
But just beware,
Sand in the rear.

The hills are tall.
The lake is round.
Climb a great wall.
That would astound.

Where are you?
Where did you go?
To a petting zoo?
Do I want to know?

Pet a little.
Pet a lot.
If it's brittle,
Don't get caught.

Hop a train.
Hop a plane.
Choose the fast lane.
Unlock the chain.

Now you know.
Now you can do.
With my flow,
All is true.

True as can be, here at my sea. Don't believe me? Bah, just go fly free. Hmm some of that sounds wrong. Maybe try ping pong? It is up to you, but much one can do. Now I will go trespass and be a criminal little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Fact Stream Of Your Team?

A little sports facts for today the cat decided to put on display. Did you know them already? They will come steady. Of course I went for some weird ones. There do seem to be tons.

MLB umpires can't wear tighty whities on the field.
Nope, they have to yield.
They need to wear black underwear.
So if they split their pants, no one will care.

The average lifespan of a major league baseball,
The ones they don't hit over the wall,
Is five to seven pitches.
Damn, they need better stitches.

In Thailand one sport is so grand,
Even if everywhere else it is bland.
Kite flying is a professional sport.
Ummm do they have their own court?

The Olympic rings cover ever flag on Earth.
Yep, they sure are something of worth.
At least one color out of five,
Appear on every flag alive.

Golf is the only sport to be played on the moon.
You mean that was not just a cartoon?
Anyone can win there,
With no gravity to spare.

Tetherball has origins like no other.
It could scare your mother.
A Tartar ritual where you chop off your enemies head,
Tie it to a rope and whack it around until bed.

60 percent of the rich NBA guys,
Are sure not financially wise.
They blow their whole fortune in 5 years.
I bet that gets them no cheers.

The average mouth guard is as nasty as can be.
Not only does it have spittle from thee,
But it has blood, chemicals and fecal matter.
Ummm they must be quite the shitty chatter.

The volleyball used to come from some place strange,
Thankfully that eventually did change.
It came from the bladder of a basketball.
Can you have a bladder if you never go at all?

Japanese golfers carry hole in one insurance.
I guess they need that extra assurance.
Or maybe there is a hole in their head?
Either way, the insurance industry gets fed.

Do you carry golf insurance for a hole in one? You may not want to answer that under my sun. Does a basketball really have a bladder within? Not being able to go has to be a sin. The cat is done with his sass and off I go sporting my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Beat The Heat With A Delete!

Think it should be hot by now? Hmmm it may be for a grazing cow. That sun can get as hot as can be if you are beneath it all day at your sea. Shouldn't I know you may ask? Well it is only -4 degrees Celsius as I do up this task. Does the cat being six months ahead fill you with dread?


Insecure you say? Throw it away.It is that easy.Nope, not being cheesy.
Well maybe so.But bury it below.Let it go.Frozen, I know.
Like the heat,You can't get beat.If you do,Red equals your view.
Burnt to a crisp.No wind to wisp.You avoided the shade.Is that a fair trade?
What was that, cat?How can insecurity relate to that?  It's as easy as can be.Just follow along with me.
To beat the sun,And still have fun,You wear a hat.How about that?
You stay in the shade.Sun block you trade.Or maybe buy.Warning, some of that can make you die.
But I digress.Time to confess.It isn't as easy as one, two, three.Nope, it's as easy as thee.
Things can be done to block the sun,So you can run and have fun.Insecurity can be beat the same way.You can decide whether or not to let it play.
Simply find a way.It's that easy, okay?Take a break and do something new.Tell that nasty old insecurity to shoo.
Did the cat make sense? Are you over your insecurity fence? Watch that you don't get stuck in the bum. That may hurt there, chum. The cat just doesn't let insecurity trespass. Plus it helps to be a crazy little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.