Pat Hatt's Blog, page 159

Come What May With A Could Have Today!

Today the cat will tell you what could have happened as he was out and about. Geez, if everyone thought like this every day they would scream and shout. That would hurt the cat's ears. Plus I wouldn't want to have to listen to all their fears.

Asleep in bed,
Resting my head.
The light fixture could fall on me.
Glass stabs and I'm under a tree.

Get out of bed,
And it brings dread.
Trip and whack my head.
Oopsy, I'm dead.

Make it to the shower.
It has such power.
The shower head flies off.
Taken my final cough.

Get to my breakfast plate.
I eat and take the bait.
Oopsy, I choke.
Now I'm one dead bloke.

I make it out the door.
Down the steps I explore.
Oopsy, trip and fall.
Hello oh hallowed hall.

Walk in the garage below.
And what do you know?
A pipe breaks over head.
Once again I'm good and dead.

Get to the car.
But can't go very far.
It goes boom.
Put something funny on my tomb.

I pull out and onto the street.
Again I'm left in defeat.
Bam, side swiped out of nowhere.
I'm dead, what do I care.

Every five seconds as you drive,
You are lucky to survive.
Hit by a nut or a building goes boom.
Hey, it could fall on you and cause doom.

If you finally make it to work.
There some evil could lurk.
A tack could come in contact with your neck.
Bleed out as you hit the deck.

Wow, the cat could go on all day. That was just an hour on display. How do you humans survive? It's a wonder you ever make it to the end of the day alive. Hey, I had to play with it. Only morbid a bit. The cat may even choke on some bass. That would not be fun for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Forget The Fray With What You Say!

It has been a little bit since the cat stopped you from putting your foot in it. In what you ask? Why that would be the thing that drinks from a flask. So today we are going to give a go things you can say to your mechanic but not your partner flow.

I think she's in need of fluids.
Piss off more than druids.
Or maybe just get drunk.
That may stop any funk.

Can you clean under the hood?
May get whacked with wood.
Maybe hit with the couch.
Could make all a grouch.

It looks a bit deflated on that side.
Hmmm make one lose their pride.
Could go either way.
Neither may have a good day.

There is something wrong with the rear view.
Much throwing of things could ensue.
You better dodge and cover.
May no longer have a lover.

It's riding low to the ground.
That might be okay only for a hound.
Otherwise you may get a kick.
Right to your umm wick.

The gas mileage no longer lasts very long.
That could be all kinds of wrong.
Might not even get a little thrill.
Time for a blue pill?

Something is imbalanced somewhere.
May get the crazy eyed stare.
Hey, at least you'd be right.
Although you may be murdered in the middle of the night.

She no longer opens up like she used to.
Hmmm do you still want to view?
May lose your eyes,
Or be food for flies.

I thought I had a limited edition but it's like any other.
You may go screaming home to your mother.
If you are able to make it that far.
May get hit by your limited edition car.

She seats too many some days.
That could cause a craze.
And maybe, sorta death.
Enjoy your last breath.

And there we are, the cat has helped out humans once again near and far. Don't say the cat is never nice to you. Sometimes you are better off saying moo. Hmmm that may go wrong as well. Maybe never speak where you dwell? That would also get some sass. Sure beats my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Abomination Accommodation

So the cat is back once more with another kiddie book encore. The a to z didn't slow me down. Then again it never does at my town. Although Pat's day job just might. But we will at least keep up this site. The cat will bite him if not. Anyway, on with the plot.

The Abomination Accommodation,
Stars a traveling Dalmatian.
He travels here and there.
He travels without a care.

But somehow his butt grows,
And he gains new toes.
Leaves from his head.
He looks not quite as freaky as the undead.

He wants his room.
But all think he means doom.
So he gets confronted upon arriving.
The hotel wants surviving.

But can he stay?
Will he get tossed away.
Why so many big words at play?
Some kids can't even say.

A challenge from the cat,
Err umm Pat.
Let him get the blame,
If the PTA or kids curse his name.








Click here for a peer!
Big words on every page. It may not be all the rage. But big words had to be done. The cat couldn't miss out on the big word fun. The title alone may scare some away. It will sure be a challenge at any kiddie bay. It may even give parents a bad case of gas. So fun to do for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Back To What To Save Your Rut!

It has been a while since the cat went the what to do mile. So I guess it is about time I did another what to do chime. After a little hate once more. Let's go with what to do with haters at your shore.

What to do, What to do,
When a hater is stalking you.

You sit back and reply.
Tell them to up and die.
Visualize poking them in the eye.
Toss them from a plane in the sky.

Banter back and forth.
Ship them to the far north.
Leave them at the dump.
Sick them on another grump.

Run them down with your car.
Cover them in tar.
Hit them with a bat.
Nail them with cat scat.

Mow over their foot.
Bury them in soot.
Toss them in the ocean.
Cast a spell with a potion.

Unplug the phone.
Block them at the tone.
Stab them with a nail.
Leave them a fake trail.

Send them some porn,
So a virus is born.
Computer goes crash.
They may even get a rash.

Burn down their house.
Infest their house with a mouse.
Or would that me mice?
Termites would be nice.

Spike their food.
Give them attitude.
Send an assassin.
Staple shut their sassin.

Mail them to Timbuktu.
Cover them in super glue.
Rhyme them to death.
Strangle away their breath.

Oh the thoughts.
There sure are lots.
But why go through such a chore?
The best way is to simply ignore.

Haters will hate. Their ego you only inflate. So why respond at all? Then they hit a brick wall. They look like a fool covered in their own drool. Now they are absurd and you got payback by not saying a word. There you are class, what to do from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Round Thirty Four Takes The Tour!

The search engine nuts are never lacking. They keep on coming with their yacking. Some can really yack. They can make up their own search engine pack. For case and point, see the first at my joint.

drink alcohol quotes you are drunk only if you can lie on the floor without letting the bottle down

Wow is all I can say, someone sure likes to waste their day. I hope it was a copy and paste. Maybe they were drunk and had time to waste?

hatt is my friend, patrick

A friend to you? Not so sure at my zoo.

dogs and one cat

Yeah takes a bunch to win against any cat that makes a mutt spin.

you little bug eyed creep

Now that is just rude. What's with the attitude?

hammer it wax that ass

Ummm err ouch I'd say. No waxing at my bay.

minging feet

A zombie foot fan. Maybe there is a clan?

cartoon character with cigar in his mouth big nose

Teaching the kids to smoke? Maybe on the cigar he'll choke.

dog f***s cat

Ewww to that dingbat. Not this cat.

tobbot

Is that an upside down hobbit? Maybe you have to lob it?

pumpkins and jeans and looks like is mooning you

A pumpkin moon ought to make the Halloween Nazi swoon.

zombies in love rhyme

A bite and a kiss
Utter zombies bliss.
It your brains are eaten,
The love pot will sweeten.

a squashed giraffe

Umm err why? Some giraffe hating girl or guy?

Clad dad ob a horse

What does that even mean? Maybe your brain needs some Mr. Clean.

Cat sitting on a butt fart

Can you sit on a fart? Some may take it to heart.

And now the winner sure may make you lose your dinner. So if you just ate you may want to look away to avoid such a fate. You were warned once again at my sea. So don't say I didn't try and help thee.

Tasty cougar milf panties on my clohesline
hmmm redundant using both? Did your lunch go south? Or are you such a panty eater? Maybe you are just that kind of trick or treater? The cat really doesn't want to know. So feel free to keep it on the down low. But enjoy your eating of each older lass. So nasty to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Suffer A Hiccup, All Damned Up!

The cat has found many things you don't have a good choice, well unless you are like the cat and in some things you can rejoice. Like some hateful humans avoiding you forever. Now that is a worthwhile endeavor.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You can turn blue or just go with won't.
Go all PC and people make fun of thee.
Forget the PC and the PTA comes after thee.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Nothing is new and admit it they won't.
Car breaks down every other day.
To car payment town or let repairs take your pay?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Work on you like glue, stop they won't.
Hate the 9-5 with every fiber of your being.
But if you want to survive you can't go fleeing.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You can turn blue or just go with won't.
Help family out and listen to them whine.
Or hear them shout when given the no sign.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Nothing is new and admit it they won't.
Go pay rent and no money to eat.
Landlord can get bent and out on the street.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Work on you like glue, stop they won't.
Step on eggs shells around a grumpy goo,
Or listen to their hells as they go moo.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You can turn blue or just go with won't.
Don't follow back and get some flack.
A follow back attack forms a spam pack.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Nothing is new and admit it they won't.
Vote for one, ignore the other.
Vote for none, rely on your mother.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Work on you like glue, stop they won't..
Show up late and get scolded for it.
Don't take the bait and still get in shit.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
You can turn blue or just go with won't.
Use a public loo and catch germs galore,
Or let a mess come due and wear those underwear no more.

That is a lot of damning at my sea. Any that can be added by thee? Those people that whine about this or that forgo the damning says the cat. Just tell them to take a hike. Hopefully they won't put your head on a spike. And so another rhyme has come to pass from my damn little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Talk So Small Brains May Fall!

It never fails from sea to sea where ever you go people are saying stupid things to thee. Do they think everyone is blind? I mean I know many humans have their head up their behind. That is just nothing new. Much like the small talk that comes due.

I'm standing beside you.
I'm standing behind you.
I've come into your view.
Here's the first thing you spew.

It's raining.
It's sunny.
In weather training?
After money?

It doesn't matter where you are.
It doesn't matter who you see.
Whether you got there by car,
Or swung in from tree to tree.

It's hot.
It's cold.
On a cot?
After gold?

You could be standing.
You could be on your knees.
An alien could be landing,
But you'll still hear about the breeze.

Some strong gust.
Some bleak day.
Whether in lust,
Or rolling in hay.

It's the same everywhere.
People tell you the weather.
They say it with flair,
Whenever you get together.

Lord and behold,
You sweat a whole lot.
Oh it's so cold,
Wait! No, it's hot.

Did you see that storm?
Did you see that sun?
Those clouds can sure form.
Alright, now I am done.

How can I help you today?
What is it you would like?
I've said all I want to say,
So go take a hike.

Are you humans crazy? Maybe just a bit lazy? Or you just have nothing better to say then what is already on display. Get it? Display! Meaning all near you have seen it today. But oh no, you still have to tell all high and low. If I want to hear about the weather in my own backyard, I'll do something not so hard. I'll look outside at the sky and the grass. No need to repeat it all day to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Little Meet And Wheat!

So there is a big thing going around, for years it could be found. Gluten is oh so bad, which it sure as hell isn't rad, but it is just oh so bad. Screw the processed stuff and GMO. Gluten is the only culprit high and low. Yes, gluten is complete crap. But don't be a silly gluten free processed crap buying sap.

Gluten free, gluten free!
Yippee, yippee for me.
I'm so gluten free.
I am as happy as can be.

This is gluten free.
It is so good for me.
I'll lose weight tomorrow.
No more gluten to bring me sorrow.

All of this says gluten free.
Yippeee, so good for me.
I can eat more every day.
There is no gluten at play.

Wait? I'm still fat.
My energy went scat.
Could it really be,
That I'm not gluten free?

What? I still eat bad stuff?
But I just can't get enough.
It is oh so good for you.
As long as no gluten comes due.

It isn't full of crap,
With a gluten free lap.
It is so great for you.
It says so right in view.

Pffft what a sap,
If you fall for that trap.
If it's gluten free or not,
It can still make your stomach rot.

You insides will come out your rear.
Day by day, I fear.
If you think gluten free can do no wrong,
You need to sing a new song.

Why you may ask?
Because of the processing task.
And all the garbage they need to put in it,
Just to make it look like a commercial hit.

Do away with fake or non fake wheat.
Just take your grocery list and hit delete!
Then the weight, the aches, the pains,
Will board some far away trains.

What? You really believed it was just gluten? Sorry, gluten free crap will still leave you a tootin. It is all garbage that will rot you inside and out. So gluten free you can scream and shout, but you aren't so much better off. Yeah, gluten free nuts feel free to scoff. Now gluten free is better than eating gluten any day. But a lot of the crap they put in gluten free stuff is just as bad for you at your bay. So take processed crap and bury it in the grass. You may then have as much energy as my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Pat Can Rock Around The Clock!

So the cat should be annoyed at Pat, taking the credit and all of that, but he can get the nice rap. The cat will stay snarky and pelt unwanteds with his crap. It is in a can after all. Hey, you've been warned if you come near my hall.


The ninja wannabe says Pat rocks.The cat has to agree.Does that cause shocks?While just follow along with me.
The cat is fine to embrace.Pat does feed me after all.So I'm not between a rock and a hard place.Aren't they both hard like a solid wall?
That could get rated R.But I'm snip snip.So I won't get very far.Nothing hard down there to grip.
I don't want to rock the boat.Then it might tip over.Unless it's weighed down by a goat,Or maybe a fat rover.
Instead I'll get my rocks off.How can that be?Not that I want to scoff,But wouldn't I need rocks on me to get some off of me?
I haven't hit rock bottom yet.You can count on the cat.Being a 4 month ahead pet,My blog won't go splat.
I'm steady as a rock.I won't even move around.What is with all this me talk?Pat rocks and has been found.
That mini ninja spy was here.I showed you a week or so ago.He sang like a chipmunk and hurt my ear,That is when he spotted it at our show.
He must have had the clones relay the news,And the ninja wannabe found out.Then away he did cruise,Sending the news out and about.

What news is that?Why it is Pat rocks.It won't be disputed by the cat.On the floor he even knocks.

  Do you see what I mean? He rocks with ease at our scene. Back and forth he goes. When he stops, who knows. Rocking in a rocking chair. He rocks with ease at our lair. When I don't take it that is. Hey, I like the rocking biz. What? I took it literally you say? Pffft, that is what the ninja wannabe meant at his bay. You can't fool the cat. Pat is too boring for anything else at our blog mat. Now I have cleared up the rock with my sass. The blog world has now be rocked by my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Fake Out Little Shout!

The cat was sniffing around once more and he found some more news at his shore. I know you want to be in the know. So I guess now away we must go.

After the success of How To Train Your Dragon,
The execs want to completely rebuild the wagon.
Next is How To Train Your Robot.
That will be oh so hot.

Home Alone 6 is on the docket.
This time a kid's stuck on a rocket.
He is all alone in space.
Santa can't get to his place.

Now we have Sister Act 3.
Yep, the return of Whoopi.
Wait! It's just a reboot.
Whoopi doesn't star or get any loot.

Octopussy was such a cool name,
That they want to make another claim.
Dinopussy is coming to a screen near you.
I hear it's ancient and may be dusty to view.

Wolverine will be in Avengers 3 and 4.
He will take the Marvel tour.
Yeah, he will really be there.
Would I lie to you at my lair?

The 50 Year Old Virgin is coming.
It has all the critics humming.
Maybe they want to star?
I won't judge at my sand bar.

Tower Heist 2 you will see.
Yep, that will be there for thee.
It involves a heist and a tower.
Hint, they cut off the power.

Zombie Planet is coming to you.
Zombies will have a human zoo.
Yeah, zombies pay to watch humans all day.
They may even eat them they say.

The Princess Bride gets a remake.
Yep, it is going to take.
Andre the Giant's ghost will be there.
What? It's true, I swear.

Avatar 6 is being done.
Forget about what happened after one.
We need six first.
Then the last won't be the worst.

That is the cats news for the day. I hope you enjoy being in the know now at your bay. You just wait and see. All of these will come to thee. What is that? I'm a lying cat? Bah, I just have no class within my lying little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.