Pat Hatt's Blog, page 156

Back In Time With This Animal Chime!

So last week the beer guys reminded the cat of all that came before me. There was much to see. I'd sure go on the hunt there. The tabbies of trout towne may swear. But what they heck. Let's put the past on deck. All but the first two attributed to wikicommons on display at my zoo. This was back before digital cameras and such. Dating myself much?


So there were a few of these.This one the cat did tease. He couldn't catch me.Such a slow poke at the other sea.

Then there are a ton of those.There the cat hair blows.But these two we know.So on with the show.

There were peacocks. They liked gawks.And they were rather mean.Peck your eyes out at their scene.

The white ones were more lame.They never had such a mean claim.But they sure left a pile of shit. Yep, more than a bit.

This guy is as crazy as can be.He'll peck off your knee.High strung isn't even enough to describe him.He wanted to make your life grim.

Chicken shit would describe this one.He once got loose and had the ability to run.Did he run though?Nope, tried to get back into his cage show.

And then there were these.Can smell them with a breeze.Heck, even without a breeze.They sure did not please.

Even had a few of those.They would strike a pose.Then try and make the birds a snack. Couldn't break through the cage with their attack.

These came on by.Stabbed a dog near the eye.How rude they were,Them and their stabby fur.

And just for the tabbies of trout town.So they don't feel down.Suza sent it for me to pass along. Is wanting to kill those flashy birds wrong?
There were many more birds too. Yep, a good 15 different kinds at Pat's former zoo. None were as crazy as those above though. The cat would have made them all eat crow. Hmm, bad choice of words there. The stink from the cows sure could scare. Now you have seen the past with this pass. So glad it's here that it is just Cass and my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Mars Boom And Doom!

So some nut had a theory that was a bit eerie. Eerie as in it sounded like a movie rip off more than a bit. But hey, I get a post out of making fun of it. He may have visited one too many bars. Anyway, now let's travel to Mars.

Mars had life.
It had little strife.
All were as happy as can be.
They even had animals like me.

Life was like it is here,
Although less advanced I fear.
If you can call us advanced at all.
At least we don't draw on the wall.

Two races lived on it.
The Cydonians and Utopians were a hit.
They lived together in peace.
Then came the big decrease.

An alien race came to Mars.
Wonder if they have flying cars?
Then they nuked the place,
Blowing off every Martian face.

Everything there was dead.
Life of Mars was put to bed.
The aliens blew up the place,
Then they flew back into space.

Hmmm meanies they were.
Blowing up Martians made them purr?
I wonder if they can purr?
Their travel must be a blur.

And yet they haven't bothered our sea.
Maybe those aliens cease to be?
Or maybe they think we'll blow ourselves up.
So they just wait for such a hiccup.

Quite the names he pulled to.
What would they be named by you?
Clan one and clan two?
That would be to easy to come due.

Think the theory is right?
Did aliens come with might?
They blew Mars to bits,
Creating those big pits.

It is a fun theory,
But as said, rather eerie.
Maybe Independance Day got stuck in his head.
Or Mars Attacks just filled him with dread.

No doubt life out there some where does exist. But are they that advanced and pissed? I mean just to come all that way and blow something to bits. Maybe they like to throw space fits? One strange theory indeed. Had to give it a go at my feed. You never know about that Martian gas. It can play tricks on you like that from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Round Thirty Five As They Are Still Alive!

The search engine nuts like my place. I guess a rhyming cat they embrace. I am not sure that is a good thing, but it allows me to give them a ring. I suppose that could be bad too as it could keep bringing them to my zoo. Maybe the search engine nuts are after fame and are too shy to leave their name.

workin in the bush above tush

Do you whistle while you work? That could be a perk.

big eyes glasses pet

Pets get glasses now? That ought to raise an eyebrow.

comebacks for rhymes

I rhymed you
Boo hoo
That is all you can do
Go boo hoo

shaggy mutt

Does this look like Scooby Doo here at my zoo?

copy cat dirty rat rhyme

Copy cat
Dirty rat
Chewed some fat
That was that

stepped in dog shit

And you are telling me this why? Maybe you should be more spry.

sex yex

You convex with your sex yex hex.

what can the cat do

Poo in your shoe at half past two.

pissed of being

A pissed off ghost or something more at your coast?

deer licking other deer's neck

A deer fetish I see. The WWF may come after thee.

тайм ю райм

Well it is sorta an eye rhyme. Some bad grammar crime

found some bugs today in my 

In my what? How rude of you not to finish at your bug filled hut.

My mommy wont let me play

So you come to my bay? She really will not let you play if here you spend your day.

grudges get settled grammar style

Hmmm is it that easy? Maybe I will ask the Grammar Nazi.

And now for the winner this time. They must come from far far away with their chime. They are really out of the loop. Maybe they live in a chicken coop. Who knows though. Any guesses as to the below?

Should I fear woodchucks chucking my wood
Maybe they are just misunderstood? I hope they are talking about logs at their hood. But then again I really do not want to know. It is probably some bad porn show. So now another search engine round has come to pass and they are just as strange as ever to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Dog In A Frog?

So Pat is off in nonsense land which the cat thinks is grand. You know I like nonsense at my sea. Plenty of it sure comes from me. Anyway, off he goes and suffers new lows. It has a mutt who sniffs a frog's butt.

There is a log.
There is a dog.
There is a frog.
Nope, no hog.

What's in the log?
Dog or frog?
Frog or dog?
Watch the log.

The log in a bog?
Ask the dog.
The log has a clog?
Ask the frog.

A dog or frog,
Are in the log.
Unless it is just the dog,
Or maybe just the frog.

Have you spied the log?
Caught the dog?
Caught the frog?
Is there a dog in your frog?










Click here for a peer!
And there you go. Another kids book to add to my show. Could there ever be a dog in a frog? Have to come out a brown log. Plus be one mighty big frog. Poor, poor dog. Maybe the dog will give bad gas? Beats my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Come And Play The End Of Day!

If only I had eaten it when I had the chance. I should have gave it more than a glance. But I was too busy snoozing in the sun. Now because I was lazy there isn't one. The sun has been blocked out. We have barely any trout. The food supply has run dry. Litter is no longer piled high. The Earth has stopped spinning. They are now winning.

There isn't much a cat can do. They no longer can fit in the loo. Humans have gone underground. They have even taken out many a hound. Run and don't be seen is the only way to stay alive. I am not sure how much longer any of us will survive. There are more birds than cats now. I can't even say that anyone would have a cow. The cows are all dead. Many other species have also bled.

That planet united in one final shot, but they caught onto the plot. Not even a nuke could take them down. Instead they bounced them back toward any old town. It did not matter to them. They just spit some phlegm. That stuff is as nasty as can be. I once got some on me. Poor Cassie lost most of her fur because of it. Pat took a major hit. He can no longer talk. The phlegm severed his vocal cord when he tried to gawk. I think that one is on me. I shouldn't have been so lazy and let it get free.

I look back on that day and wish it went another way. It crawled across the floor like any other but then it became the Mother. It birthed millions of them and they all grew. Their size was something completely new. If it hadn't consumed my shit, Earth wouldn't have taken a hit. Everyone would still be alive and we wouldn't be down to a million humans trying to survive. We only have two million cats. Hell, they even took out most of the rats. They consume and never stop. Every species is nothing but another crop.

I think this is the end. This is the final message I can send. The internet is slowly dying as the circuits they are frying. I had to use dial up to get this far. That was like riding in an old wooden car. All because that spider consumed my shit, we are on the brink of it. Extinction is at hand as giant spiders roam the land. Not even the cockroaches will live to tell the tale. But if by somehow the giant spiders should fail, I just wanted to let you know I wish I could go back and deal Mother her final blow. I feel our extinction is going to come to pass. I hope somewhere everyone can forgive my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Forget The Fads So Say The ADs!

So the so called MDs are so high on their drugs and like to help out the big pharma thugs, that they are classified as allopaths now. Not sure who made that up, but it came about somehow. And what does allopathic doctors when abbreviated make? ADs, as in the cash they try and rake.

This pill will help you.
What I say is true.
There is no cure.
Don't you love its allure?

Bah, that is just a fad.
Never work at your pad.
Try this fancy pill.
You will no longer feel ill.

At least you won't feel like you are.
You may now feel like a drunk at a bar.
But that is just the side effects of it.
Don't worry about that shit.

You will be A OK!
Just listen to what I say.
Take this fancy pill and live.
Trust in everything I give.

Smoke, sit on your ass and take the pill.
You may want to have an up to date will.
But that is just in case.
Hey, only 1/100,000 die after the pill explodes their face.

But don't worry about that.
No need to get off your extra fat.
Just eat the GMO and take this pill.
Go ahead, have you fill.

This pill has been approved by the FDA.
That makes it golden, so cough up your pay.
That thing from overseas has not been proven one bit.
So listen to me and don't buy into it.

It was made up by a quack.
My fancy pill may give you a heart attack,
But it has been proven to work.
Bah, not just by some rich big pharma jerk.

A few billion off of this pill,
That helps you from being ill,
Is just a small price to pay,
For helping you have a brighter day.

So trust in me.
Forget naturopathy.
Forget the stuff outside of North America's shore.
Cuba's advancement in medicine over us is just lore.

Pffft to big pharma and their crap. Pffft to moronic doctors who believe the shit they are shoveling across the map. ABX and the like can come in handy. But all the other crap they feed you like candy? Yeah, friggin right. Change your diet, exercise and kill each parasite. Bingo! Fixed and no need for their stupid lingo. Of course there are more drastic things too. But guess what? Can be fixed without 50 pills going up your ass at your zoo. I am now done with today's sass. Big pharma and their crap can kiss my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Whelmed Today At My Bay!

Are you now underwhelmed with me? Are you overwhelmed with glee? Are you just whelmed today? Are you annoyed with the questions on display? See where this is going? You will be whelmed with my showing.

Over, under around and through,
Well at least two are true.
Over and under,
Sound off like thunder.

Overwhelmed, underwhelmed,
But whelmed is never helmed.
Why is that?
Normal is a bad stat?

Underlying, overlying,
No lying is given a trying?
Is sleeping bad?
Not for my pad.

Underpriced, overpriced,
Priced just got diced.
For no matter the price,
Some times it isn't nice.

Undershot, overshot,
But shot is never hot to trot.
Then who wants to be shot?
It would hurt a lot.

Undertax, overtax,
With tax no one can relax.
Piss off the IRS,
And you are in a tax mess.

Overworked, underworked.
Worked is not clerked.
For you are doing it wrong,
If just worked sings its song.

Underused, overused,
Used just sounds abused.
So maybe not being used,
Leaves one amused.

Overtaken, Undertaken.
Taken you aren't makin.
Why is that?
Beats the cat.

Underwrote, over wrote.
Wrote is the right note.
For it was the same,
With my over, under claim.

Did you catch on? Are you over my con? Under my spell? Did this confuse or cause hell? I suppose it might. But that is fine to take flight. The cat is overly confusing some days with his rhyme maze. So now I will go plunder some grass with my whelmed little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Where We're At It's Lazy Kombat!

I was lying on the center island and licking my ass when up jumped Cass. She wanted the spot to herself. I guess she got bored of the cat shelf. Then this came to pass. Aren't I a laid back little rhyming ass?




Who will be next up?Dan and his pup?Brian with the killer hat?It is razor sharp where he's at.
Adam with a fact chat?He'll fact you to death, then splat. Old one eye to scare?She wants to steal your eye so she'll have a spare.  Gloria uses poison food, so beware.She'll laugh without a care. Robyn with Martha Stewart bare.Damn, that is a fatality right there.
Sherry and her killer duck bill?Betsy and her cat hill?They'll all charge you.Might have a rabbit in there too.
Hank wanting to be number one?That means he'll make you done.Blue beating you with one shoe?That fatality would be new.
Halloween Nazi and her boiling pot?That would hurt a whole lot.Manzi turning you into a worm?She then stomps on you as you squirm.
The redneck turns you into a giant zit,Then she sticks out her finger and pops it.The tabbies think you are a burd.Yeah, they attack, and that's how they spell that word.
The beer guys double team.Their team isn't really a dream.They make your balls stick to a wall.If you don't have any, their draw some on you, that's all.
Anne will get you with paint fumes.Then plant you like mushrooms.Then she'll dose you in fire,And watch as you burn and expire.
Blabber pelting you with shampoo?Could be clean then at your zoo.Who will be next up to fight?Will they have the might?

There you are. Enjoy the Lazy Kombat at our sand bar? We really get it done. I even made Cassie run. That is a score for me. Then I went where you can't see. So who is next up to bat? Can you top the Lazy Kombat of the cat? Hey, it was only Cass. If a dog shows up, I'm more of a Mortal Kombat little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Check The Cheque By Checking The Check!

A cheat blog post title rhyme, but that is not so much of a crime. Hey, the spelling is different at least. The nature of the English beast. Maybe through in a bloody hell. Wanker could be an easy sell. But keep the spotted dick. Anyway, on to the check or cheque or maybe checkque pick.

Got your things.
Got your stuff.
The joys of kings,
Or maybe dandruff.

Reach for cash.
Reach for cards.
Blink an eye lash,
Pissing off bards.

They hum and haw.
They roll their eyes.
You have a flaw,
But think you are wise.

A check is here.
A cheque is there.
You bring it near,
Without a care.

It will save you.
It will save all.
Just let them stew,
It is not last call.

You sign and sign.
Asking the amount.
Is your brain fine,
As you clearly can't count.

Ask a third time.
Maybe even a fourth.
Bring out a dime.
Wish they'd ship you far north.

You smile and wave.
The check is done.
All are closer to their grave,
After your cheque fun.

But you screwed a banker,
You got stuff for free.
You laugh like a wanker,
For a few days they won't charge thee.

Whoops, the money is gone.
Whoops you're a nut.
Fell for your own con,
Check the cheques up your butt.

Who uses checks at the friggin store any more anyway? I mean is it so hard to use a debit card on the little card display. You aren't gaining anything in the end, just driving all around the bend. The banks are fast you know, unless in some secluded land you go. Then they may tell you to stuff your cheques in mass. That works fine for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A But Rut!

That is but not butt, so no excitement for a mutt. But the buts will have it with my but fit. Are you confused? But I'm oh so amused. Now on with the but show. But I want to give it a go.

The magic word,
That flips the bird.
No need to swear.
No need for fare.

You're in luck.
It don't suck.
Pass the but,
Get in a rut.

I would help but...
Don't make the cut.
I don't mean to brag but...
Look, no gut.

I meant to do that but...
I was watching smut.
I would do that but...
I'd rather putt.

I'd do that but..
I'm too much of a nut.
I would have fixed that but...
I am fine with my hut.

But's the word.
But's the turd.
But's the smell,
That raises hell.

No but's from you.
Do it at your zoo.
But is long gone.
But is a con.

But I can't.
Says the ant.
Stepped on it goes.
But caused woes.

But I'm through.
But you're new.
But I don't know.
Buts can show.

Are you in on the but?
Think I'm a nut?
But at least I'm fun.
But now I'm done.

Have fun with the buts at your place? Do buts you embrace? Maybe butts and not buts or buts and butts. Butts in but ruts. But no need to but with sass with your but mass. Give your but with class to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.