Pat Hatt's Blog, page 152

A Rip Off What? Follow The Nut!

The cat is back on task. What task is that you ask? Why the task of ripping off stuff. Did the title not give that away enough? Am I asking too many questions of you? Whatever will you do?

A rip off here,
A rip off there.
They are something to fear,
At many a lair.

Pixar rips off everything.
Don't believe that cat?
Doc Hollywood and Cars have the same ring.
But keep that under your hat.

One food rips off another.
They both are so grand.
In preservatives they smother,
It even soaks through your hand.

Cars rip off brand by brand.
Or would that be dealer by dealer?
I have no interest in car land.
What next? Rip off an 18 wheeler?

A rip off of books,
Come any old time.
Just give a few looks,
And drop a dime.

Maybe more than a dime.
But that you know.
Don't rip off a mime.
That is just sooo low.

Rip off a brand.
At any old place.
Even a hot dog stand,
You can simply embrace.

Rip off a cat,
You may pay for that.
A scratch or a splat,
Hint, the later is scat.

Got the rip off curse?
It is quite grand.
It could be worse,
Could go into remake land.

But why this from me?
That you should know.
For I'm going to rip off many of thee,
This month at my show.

Any good rip offs you've seen of late? Or would bad rip offs be their fate? Beats the heck out of me. Are you scared I will rip off thee? I guess we shall see what comes to pass from my rip off little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

It Has To Be Said To Hurt The Head?

The cat was told the other day that something was at play. What it was they were proud to say but that was not all at their bay. Nope, not one bit. They sounded like a human twit.

It goes without saying.
They kept replaying.
They said it five times,
Worse than brain dead mimes.

Then they yapped away,
About that which they shouldn't say.
They sure liked to yap to.
But that is a familiar trait in more than a few.

So let's play their game.
The cat can't remain tame.
It goes without saying.
I have to have to cause a little dismaying.

It goes without saying that they sky is there.
Wow, you didn't know that at your lair?
Err ummm It goes without saying you are nuts,
If you never knew the sky was above huts.

It goes without saying water is wet.
My, aren't I a clever pet?
It goes without saying if you think it is dry,
You are one screwed up girl or guy.

It goes without saying that air is there.
Although maybe some should avoid it at their lair.
It goes without saying that should be true,
If you think there is no air around you.

It goes without saying fire is hot.
What? Is that too much of a thought?
It goes without saying if you think not,
You may very well suffer from brain rot.

It goes without saying a door can open.
What? You sat around and started mopin?
It goes without saying if you thought you were stuck,
In the brains department someone passed the buck.

It goes without saying a light gives light.
No bump in the dark to give you a fright.
It goes without saying if you think a light scary,
Your brain may have got swapped out with a cherry.

It goes without saying the cat will rhyme.
To not do that would be a crime.
It goes without saying if you come looking for math,
You may end up out in the bird bath.

It goes without saying that I am through. But did I really need to tell you? Do you use that stupid saying at your sea? It goes without saying you might not want to tell me. The cat will hold that for a later sass. But It goes without saying from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Bad At Our Pad!

The cat was asked a while ago to do a rhyme that was all about a bad cat chime. You know, the things cats do that are not liked by you. That is as easy as can be. But just so you know, there is nothing bad about me. I hear those sighs and I just roll my eyes.

A bad cat trip,
Is about to come due.
I'll let it rip,
Hopefully cats don't curse my zoo.

Bad task number one,
Hair up a human nose.
To do that is fun,
As there she blows.

Bad task number two,
Can get a bit smelly.
Let a crap come due,
Right in front of their telly.

Bad task number three,
Can also concern the TV.
But also a Christmas tree,
Everything is knocked over by a kitty.

Bad task number four,
Sure can get things done.
Let the liter take the tour,
Spread it around so it's stepped on by everyone.

Bad task number five,
If a human won't wake.
Run, jump and dive,
And a scratch you can make.

Bad task number six,
Is oh so easy to all.
Watch them tumble like a ton of bricks,
As you trip them when they go down the hall.

Bad task number seven,
Is sure a yummy one.
Cats can easily be in heaven,
Chewing on food from chicken to bun.

Bad task number eight,
Sure is a doozy,
This one they all hate,
And some even get woozy.

What is it you ask?
It could wake the dead.
With the final bad cat task,
You just pee on their head in bed.

I think I got most. Any more you know at your coast? Thankfully we have never had to do the final one to Pat. He would not take that. We'd get locked away in a closet at our bay. That would just be rude. So in other ways we give him attitude. If cats don't like that I spilled the beans to human screens, take it up with the singing bass. He egged on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Bit Of Fake In Which To Partake!

Seen it here and there at many a lair. Whether that is Twitter or Blogger there is always a hogger. They don't hog this or that, they hog a spotlight like a gnat. They flutter around the light saying something above everything in sight.

That is great!
I so can relate.
What was it again?
I missed it at my den.

Wow, you too?
It happened at my zoo.
What happened though?
I just want to know.

I've done that.
It's where it is at.
At what I have to ask?
I may have hit the flask.

I did that the other day.
What are the chances at play?
What was it you did?
I don't want to miss a bid.

I know that is fun.
I already gave it a run.
Can you tell me what it was?
I may have heard wrong buzz.

That is so new.
I've tried it too.
Did it really come due?
Can yoou tell me how new?

I did that last night.
It really took flight.
Where did I fly?
Don't give me the eye.

Found that out yesterday.
My, that won't cause dismay.
Or will it?
Will it a bit?

Man, that is so cool.
I did it back in school.
It was in school, right?
Come into the light.

I'm the best at that.
I have a high stat.
What was that?
Can I ask a cat?

Don't you love when they retort and pretend they have done it at their court? Then ask later something that lets you know nothing but BS is what they blow. Humans are stranger than a singing bass. So says my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Ruin For You Today In View!

The cat heard something the other day that made me think you humans are crazy in a while other way. That way is not good. It's no wonder so many of you are misunderstood. What was it? Stick with me for a bit.

A remake is coming,
Sadly, a familiar humming.
But we've been there done that.
No need to be a remake cat.

Then comes the whine.
Been done by the feline.
Why do we need such crap?
No originality across the map.

Hollywood for you.
Remakes make me blue.
And there is loads more,
But I don't wish to bore.

The one that stuck out,
As they continued to pout,
Or be an online tough guy,
Those are worse than a house fly,

Was as stupid as stupid can be.
May as well go hang in a tree.
More brains in a monkey.
Plus they could fit in if they smell funky.

Alright, I will now tell.
No need to raise any hell.
"They are ruining my childhood"
Sadly, that can't be misunderstood.

Idiot humans far and wide,
Who in that saying take pride,
Are as dumb as a stump.
So don't be a chump.

Don't ever say that.
Adhere to the cat.
For it is false as false can be,
And stupid to boot between you and me.

Actually between the whole Internet,
As it was typed out by this pet.
Whoopsy, sorry stupid humans everywhere.
Not sorry, as the cat doesn't care.

A remake, reboot, re-this, re-that,
Usually lean toward the very sucky stat.
But they will NOT ruin your childhood at all.
For it is over, done, finished and you had a ball.

Do you get the cat? Are you one that whines like that? They only way a remake or anything can ruin your childhood is if you go back in time and undo the good. Other than that it won't ruin it even if the remake is shit. Now I am done with my ranting pass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Big Production With A Big Reduction!

So the cat has been working on this a while. The biggest thing we ever done when turning the YouTube dial. It was fun to do. May do more than a few. It even has commercials at our zoo. Pat had to get in there too.



The first ever episode of Whose Hairball Is It Anyway, starring Orlin the savannah cat, Cassie the tabby cat, and Mini Me the puppet who longs for no hand up his ass. With your host, Boney.

Activities played are, Stuff from a Drawer, Let's Make A Litter and Play That Movie.

Look for big prizes, big money, big death on some other show. But watch ours while you search for that.
Cassie and I play along,
With that Boney ding dong.
Mini Me comes out to play.
Has a hand up his ass that he likes to say.

We put on a show.
The budget is low, low, low.
Hey, we can't afford a set.
Plus, I'm not a take direction pet.

Pat wants to add dogs to the next one.
Not sure I want the butt sniffing fun.
Guests can come from far and wide.
Hell, may even turn the book tide.

With commercials for the books,
Could help if I get looks.
Or maybe some will skip.
Hope it is a fun trip.

It is a FULL episode though.
So longer than normal at my show.
And no hairballs actually are seen.
But Whose Hairball is it Anyway isn't so clean.

Watch it at your sea? What did you think of the production by me? If you can call a bare bones production that. Hey, works for the cat. Hopefully I can get a few thousand views on this one. That would sure be fun. Mainly to try and sell books from the looks. A cat has to eat to get gas. So feed my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Why Oh Why Has To Fly!

The why of things is on task today. I could go on forever in a day about this at my bay. But I will keep it normal length for all. The cat doesn't want to have you here all day at his hall. You may spread germs around. My ocd doesn't like when they are found.

The why of it all.
Asked from wall to hall.
From ceiling to floor.
Why backwards at my shore?

I wanted to leave you reeling.
Who needs floor to ceiling.
So why watch a sport?
Just a ball on a curt.

Or a ball in a hole.
Wow, they scored a goal.
Whoopdi friggin doo.
Damn, now they scored two.

What overpaid weenies can do.
Why do you play Clue?
To find the place it occurred?
So time gets blurred?

To amuse an elf?
To stop the game from collecting dust on the shelf?
Why do you even indulge me?
I am obviously crazy.

Are you crazy too?
Is that why you come to my zoo?
Why drink and kill your liver?
Do you like to make it shiver?

Why not drink and save your liver?
Are you some sort of wannabe giver?
Why eat all day and get fat?
Why not eat and stay skinny as a cat?

Why go to work for pay?
Why not lie in a garbage bay?
Why work out at all?
Why are you tall?

Why are you short?
Why build a snow fort?
To watch it melt the next day?
Why am I asking that in summer at my bay?

It rhymed, okay?
Why isn't it May?
Why is May before June?
Why is night after noon?

The cat is through making you think. Or maybe just confusing you at our rink. Why am I still blithering on? Has this become a why con? At least it isn't a bunch of dudes singing YMCA. You've got that going for you at my bay. Not sure why that came to pass. But I'll why away with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Snack Attack That Sure Doesn't Lack!

So the cat was watching humans once more. You are rather amusing from shore to shore. Not in a good way. So don't go all peacock at your bay. Meaning preening. Should we do some screening? Bah, who needs that. Let's just chew the fat.

There is a word,
That many find,
To be absurd,
And so unkind.

There is a thing,
That many do.
They hear a ding,
And grab two.

The word is snack.
The meaning is lost.
But many still attack,
And maybe accost.

Nope, not another,
At least I hope.
If they cannibilized your brother,
I really hope they used soap.

They eat a meal.
A meal for a snack.
They find it a great deal,
And forget any flack.

They do it twice a day,
Sometimes even three.
But oh the dismay,
Now they can float in the sea.

But it can't be the snack.
Nope, not making me fat.
That is just whack.
Snacks are where it's at.

A snack is so nice.
It is easy as can be.
Buy things at a cheap price,
Or maybe even free.

The snack is all mine.
That snack can't be beat.
I still have hours before I dine,
So I need a snack so I don't deplete.

My snack is the size of meal,
But who really cares.
Snacks are the real deal,
You can even get them at fairs.

Yep, you humans have lost the meaning of snack. It is not a full fledged meal attack. Nope, it is something little to eat. Like something you'd call a treat. Not handfuls of everything you can shove in your yap. Do you fall into the snack = meal trap? If so, sorry for the sass. Err, umm, not really from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Lips Curled In A Plastic World!

The cat had this pop in and just went with it. Not everything needs a reason for a rhyming fit. But of course it needs a rhyme. The whole no rhyme or reason saying is a crime.

Take your time.
Not in your prime.
No need for eyes of lime,
Or some face of slime.

Lie back and dream.
Trust in the team.
A nip and tuck,
Brings lips of a duck.

A cut and slash,
Gives you a skin rash.
A peck and poke,
Makes your face look broke.

Just trust in the team.
Live the American dream.
With any sort of luck,
It just takes a nip and tuck.

Become a floatation device.
Hey, there's room for mice.
Could make things jiggle,
As they run around and wiggle.

Have to look like that.
Can fix it, stat.
Just a nip and tuck.
Face hit by a truck.

Looks like botox dung,
But the dung is young.
Face frozen in summer,
Going with bummer.

Fat from another place,
Fills each empty space.
Adding the much needed.
So you begged and pleaded.

For more than a buck,
Quack like a duck.
Float in the ocean,
No matter the motion.

Freeze in the heat,
To your own beat.
And as an added treat,
Scare everyone you meet.

I guess a plastic face made the cat's mind race. So out came that. So scary they are to the cat. If I want a plastic toy to bring me joy, I'll go buy a five dollar ninja turtle figurine. A much nicer looking scene. The cat had fun giving sass from his non plastic little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Would You Switch To Get Rich?

So the cat saw this question the other day as he was out and about at his bay and thought it would be fun. It is worth a run. We shall see what is really inside thee. Of course you could lie to me.

Would you rather be,
In life's great spree,
Honest and poor,
Broke as can be at your shore,

Or dishonest and rich,
With enough dough to make many itch?
Maybe a mix and match,
If you can get away with a batch?

Depends on the extent?
A little dishonest won't make anyone bent.
Politicians do it every day.
So why not you say.

Could make up for it in the end.
Fine some good charities and send.
Unless you stick to the greed.
Then you may become another weed.

So what is it?
Dishonest a bit?
As long as you get rich,
A little that can go off without a hitch.

But is that a slippery slope?
Would one be a dope?
Got away with it once,
So tries again like a dunce.

Wanting more and more.
So dishonesty they explore.
Down the rabbit hole.
Goodbye honest soul.

Or stay honest and be poor?
Be something of lore.
Hobo with a Shotgun.
Yeah, sadly I gave that movie a run.

So what will it be?
Any answer at your sea?
Did you have to think?
Afraid to put it to ink?

For the cat it is simple as can be.
Depends on the situation for me.
If it's screwing over a bank or something like that.
Then I could care less at my blog mat.

I guess there is a breaking point for everyone, or a line for when things will be done. Hurting no one at all I could be a dishonest cat to bring on riches stat. But other than that, no way. I'll stick with the 9-5 slave bay. So what about you? Easy answer come due? I know too much thinking and little sass today from my poor little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.