Pat Hatt's Blog, page 138

A Nut Attack Once More At My Shack!

The cat must have a target on his back. Maybe it's a clear target I lack? Should I walk around with an F the crazies sign? Then they may stray far far away from the feline. I suppose it could be worse. At least it wasn't Flappy that made me curse.

Christmas is the devil.
It's so not on the level.
It twists everything around.
Like a tail chasing hound.

You shouldn't celebrate it.
Nope, not one bit.
Takes away from religious ways.
Santa has everyone in a daze.

You can't believe in him.
That is just dim.
He makes everything grim.
Christ is the one true HIM.

Let him in.
Christmas is sin.
Don't buy a thing.
Give and give at your wing.

Give to the church.
We need a new perch.
Come and give to us.
See, we are making a fuss.

So give away.
Christmas takes your pay.
We use your pay.
Now come our way.

Ignore the fat guy.
He's just a lie.
Give Christ a try.
Then you won't fry.

This is the way.
Come and join the fray.
Otherwise you are wrong.
Come sing our song.

No cheery tunes.
They are for loons.
Christmas is a drag.
Follow us with a tail wag.

Here, take a pamphlet home.
I bet to us you'll roam.
We are the way.
Heed what we say.

Yep, there were nuts outside a store going on and on and on by the door. Christmas is oh so bad. Religion is oh so rad. Can't have both, just one. Christmas isn't supposed to be given a run. Pffft all these crackpots get is sass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Round Forty One Has Some Scary Fun!

The search engine nuts are still at it. Some seem to have come from my long ago sex fit. The title generator thing that I did at my wing. Don't go sucking back some whiskey and getting all frisky.

whiskey and me on a plane

I said not to get frisky. Joining the mile high club with that whiskey?

monkey finger ass

I can do it too. Human, brain, not you.

first place scary faces

Second place not good enough for you? What the PC brigade is going to do.

tremendous sex tips

Whoopsy, you only found me. No tips for thee.

10 tremendous sex tips

Fine, I'll give you one. When it comes to sex tips from a cat, take none.

Snowman balls on ice

Be very slippery and not nice. Would they stick to the ice?

watch n ra d den

Does your search have a stutter? That has to make you spit and sputter.

Cat playing sex with doll

Wow, you need a girlfriend at your sea. But you won't get one being that creepy.

Sex in back of a truck.

Still shit outta luck. The cat is snip snip and can't ummm, fluck.

managger cauht me

And they saw you have bad grammar. Or are you one with a search stammer?

spelled or spelt or spelleds

You're asking me? They do have a dictionary for thee.

Mom made me each spinach

It's good for you, just look at Popeye's view.

Spanked on the ass in the snow

Did you want the sting to go? Do I even want to know?

Spock sex

Go figure, a trekkie nerd that is searching for something absurd.

And the final one for the day takes the cake at my bay. I guess they really needed a hit. They sure wanted to have it. A hit of what I don't know. But they sure let it flow.

I hit 1000,0000 today and ejaculated
I spit my water when I saw that. How do these people find the cat? The comma is in the wrong place too. But keep it and that seed at your zoo. That is some excitement though and over what, I don't want to know. I will let you figure out that trespass. It is too disturbing for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Miracle For You At My Zoo!

The cat sees another word thrown around a ton. I guess all aren't satisfied with an awesome this and awesome that run. They have to throw miracle into the mix. Miracle sure has a bag of tricks.

It's sooooooo wowing.
All should be bowing.
It's a miracle I got this post done.
I mean look, there's the sun.

What a miracle that is.
The sun and its shiny biz.
It is so miraculous to see.
How did a post ever come due by me?

A miracle I tell you.
It has to be true.
See that smudge on the wall?
It is a miracle, that's all.

Wow, I took a dump in the litter.
That even impressed the babysitter.
A miracle I tell you it was.
Not something just because.

A miracle I can shit.
Wow, think I could sell it?
Bottle it by the pound.
Could sell plenty to a hound.

It is a miracle I'm typing this to you.
It is a miracle that it is in view.
Such a miraculous fate.
It's a miracle it doesn't post late.

Wow, aren't you thrilled?
Your mind must be filled.
It is so miraculous today,
As I type away at my bay.

Look, my fingers didn't fall off my hand.
Wow, that is oh so grand.
A miracle if I ever saw one.
Damn, miracles happen a ton.

I really need to bottle it.
Then I can make a miracle hit.
Miracles for one and all,
Just sniff it back at your hall.

Miracle Air in a bottle.
Coming to you full throttle.
Just open it and suck back the air,
Then miracles will happen everywhere.

It is a miracle you didn't order 50,000 bottles right now. It is a miracle if you truly have a cow. All miracled out at my sea? Think every last thing is a miracle to thee? Pffffft says the cat. Most things are no more a miracle than my scat. Just humans reaching for some stupid thing like luck and passing the buck. Now some may occur indeed but not every other thing at ones feed. Now I am through with my sass and away I go with my miraculous little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Cheer Or Maybe Fear!

The cat hasn't gone the limerick mile in quite a while. So what the hell. I'll ring that bell. It may be swell or prove I need a padded cell. Either way, the cat shall play.

He was jolly and fat,
With a red cotton hat.
His face all aglow,
Enjoying the show,
Until they reached for a bat.

Rudolph was ready.
His fat rather thready.
But he awaited his due,
By a happy elf crew.
His final piece eaten by Elf Eddy.

Santa visited the naughty,
Their track record spotty.
He wanted a thrill,
But forget his pill,
So couldn't beam up Scottie.

Some fat guy was drunk,
And he climbed in a trunk.
The lid slammed down,
As he drove across town,
Squashed when the car was turned to junk.

Santa struck a pose,
And put his finger to his nose.
With a twinkle in each eye,
You could tell he was high.
That and he was wearing no clothes.

Christmas brings toys,
To the good girls and boys.
But I want an auto,
Or a winning ticket from the lotto.
The rest is background noise.

Upon on careful inspection,
Santa made a projection.
The earth held too many,
And he couldn't ignore any.
So he gifted all a yearly supply of protection.

The kids were having a fit,
Tearing presents where they sit.
When along came the pup,
Who had not given up.
Finding his gift of Santa shit.

The cat is through. Got any at your zoo? I could go on all day. But then that may cause dismay. Plus the cat may get on the naughty list. Wait. I think I'm already there unless I was missed. Oh well, what the hell. I said it twice. How nice. Maybe I'll get a new singing bass? That wouldn't impress my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

At The Tone Ask The Phone!

It is rather sad how you humans have your heads down every single day. On your little phones you play. Then you walk into a bus and whine. You get no sympathy from this feline. But worse still you need them for all, not just texting or making a call.

Help me phone.
Help me now!
At the tone,
Have a cow.

I got lost at lunch.
I took a wrong turn.
I found my way at brunch.
Go two steps left, live and learn.

The light bulb won't work.
Phone, what do I do?
Tell me you, jerk!
Change it to something new?

I can't send a fax.
Who does that anymore?
Do they charge a tax?
Phone, save me from this chore.

Phone, my door won't lock.
Can you help me out?
That is a nice photo stock.
Hmm so I twist the key about?

I can't tie my shoe.
What am I to do?
Phone, can I buy new?
Show me what should come due.

Is the toilet handle used?
Should I flush it down?
Phone, you must feel so abused.
I bet if you could, you'd frown.

Phone, what is that I see?
It has fur and meows at me.
Could it be a cat, feline or kitty?
We are in the city.

Phone, what is the difference between the three?
A cat and kitty and feline.
I know they aren't the same to me.
Can you give me a sign?

Phone, what is my horoscope today?
I think that is what I need.
I can't handle this dismay.
Typing is such a hard deed.

You humans and your phones. You ask them everything at the tones. So, so sad that some actually need to ask for such things. And they aren't a kid or under a rock or banished by kings. Ever see nuts searching their phones for two plus two? Some even get lost in the loo. That is sad and crass. No getting lost in public loos for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Boogie At Play Here Today!

The cat is back at his shack with a new book that hopefully won't scare many at their nook. The Boogeyman is out on the attack until someone gives him flack. The Boogeyman doesn't scare her, not even if he has fur.

The Boogeyman was out,
Making kids shout.
When he found a fan.
So he needed a plan.

He watched her boogie oogie,
Not afraid of his boogie.
How could he win?
He needed to do her in.

But it would not work,
All she did was smirk.
A kid was winning.
He found that sinning.

Then he got it.
Nope, it wasn't spit.
That made him mad,
Way more than a tad.

He had to scare,
And stop this affair.
But could it be done?
Would he ruin her fun?










Click Here For A Peer!
And there we go, one more to end the year at our show. The Boogeyman even gets to be that star. My, won't he go far. Now all know he is no more scary than a strawberry. That may be bad to Blabber though, as she thinks a strawberry is a foe. And so adds another book to the mass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Another That's Best Above The Rest!

So the cat has made fun of best before as everything seems to claim it at its shore, but what of those everyday people saying this is the best? Are they as dumb as each and every other best pest?

This is the best.
They say it with zest.
Like it passes a test,
And beats all the rest.

But what of the best?
Can it be your guest?
Best of the west?
This isn't a test.

Best is a pest.
Spray that on a crest.
The pest of best.
That would be quite the fest.

And guess what?
Say it in a rut.
Say it like a nut.
Say it as King Tut.

Not the best at all.
Even if you stand tall.
Could it be the best?
Yep, may beat all the rest.

But do you truly know?
99.9999% sure that's a no.
No and know with my flow.
Cheating a bit, I know.

Why can't you truly know?
You saw its pretty glow.
So you must be right.
Yeah, and a cat won't bite.

You can say it is the best book.
You can say it is the best look.
You can say it is the best flick.
Best can be shouted by every hick.

But doesn't make it true.
Not in the least bit from you.
What would make it true?
That's easy to come due.

Read EVERY single book ever written.
Now with the best you can be smitten.
You can be 100% sure it is the best.
Isn't best just a pest?

That would also mean your opinion is 100% right too. My, the best sure has a hold on the human crew. Maybe just stick with great. Or the over used, "that was awesome," trait. Do you say the best with class? Now you've been wised up by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Better Rant At My Plant!

Some are happy go lucky, thinking all will get or stay ducky. You've met those. They curl the cat's toes. At least the ones without a brain who thinks better is coming on the next train. So they sit and stare without a care.

Better you will be.
Trust little old me.
Better is coming.
Hear its humming?

A better life.
A better wife.
A better house.
A better mouse.

Better is the way.
Better will come to stay.
You just sit and wait,
For your better trait.

Better health.
Better wealth.
A better city.
Such a better ditty.

Dance with me.
Follow that glee.
Now sit and stare.
Better beware.

See what I did there?
Better not care.
Better not fight.
Better will take flight.

There are better days.
Just you sit and gaze.
There are better ways.
Better will make it through the maze.

Better get ready.
Better is coming steady.
Better is on task.
Better not ask.

Better just wait.
Better not hate.
Better will show.
Better's at your window.

Things will get better.
Just put on a sweater.
All better from the cold.
Better can sure take hold.

Pfffffft says the cat. Better believe that. Things won't get better if you just sit and wait doing nothing at all. Unless you have some rich relative that kicks the bucket at your hall. Have to get off your ass if you want better. That is my better rhyming letter. Better can almost always be done, but wishing and hoping isn't going to better anyone. Now that cat is through with this ranting pass. You better believe my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I Have No Time With This Chime!

When the cat needs time he makes time. So that is not this chime. This chime is for things I have no time for. Does that make sense at my shore? It soon will. No need to pop a pill.

Commercials at my sea.
Sorry, skipped by me.
Animal haters one and all,
Can kiss my ass at my hall.

Poor pitiful me types.
I don't give a crap about your gripes.
Whiners from sea to sea.
On you I'd take a pee.

24/7 one topic wonders,
Can stuff their blunders.
My kids, the weather, my food.
Shut up for a second about your one topic or get attitude.

The haters at the gate.
Pfft stuff your hate.
Or go pound sand,
From any old land.

The brain dead.
Stupid is all that is said.
Yeah, you love your pot,
But you still suffer from brain rot.

The idiots who are blind,
I mean of the stuck kind.
Those unable to see another way,
Can go shove their face in my litter tray.

The big bad bums.
They want to become chums,
Just to be a leech.
Sorry, go bury yourself at the beach.

Idiots who ask the same question,
Especially those where it is more of a suggestion.
If I want to hear something over and over,
I'll go play with a butt sniffing rover.

The sympathy seekers.
They love being brain leakers.
Won't do anything to help themselves one bit.
They'd rather you fawn over their fit.

The look at mes, ads, public bathrooms, idiot co-workers, crybabies and fleas.
Damn, this was a breeze.
I could go on all day.
Oh yeah, nosey idiots too at my bay.

What are things you have no time for? Did I hit any at my shore? I could go on forever. Damn, I guess I have time for a good endeavor. Some of them can be hard to avoid though. But best to keep interaction with any low. I always have time for the singing bass, I can swat him with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

With The Flow How Does I Go?

Did you know a blueberry can do a lot? It has quite the plot. It is all hot to trot. Never fear, you will be taught. Taught by a cat. How about that?

There was a man,
We'll call him Stan,
Who had a beard,
And acted weird.

His beard was hairy,
And housed a blueberry.
He'd eat them two by two,
But away one flew.

It missed his mouth,
And headed south.
In his beard it stuck,
Like a shoe to muck.

He went for a stroll,
Embracing his weird role.
He chased all away,
With his scary display.

Dogs and cats,
Cows and rats.
Women and kids,
Men flipped their lids.

Yep, he was scary,
And far too hairy.
But he strutted along,
Whistling a song.

At the end of his walk,
Came a happy shock.
He felt the blueberry on his chin,
It was as good as any lotto win.

He picked it from his beard,
2 days later everyone cheered.
For he had eaten the blueberry,
Leaving everyone merry.

The blueberry was rotten,
Could have even grew cotton.
I guess that would be mold,
Either way, illness took hold.

Poor Stan became a ghost,
After the thing he loved the most,
Poisoned him with mold,
And his body became cold.

Never eat things you find in a beard. They are something to be feared. What was the point in this at my joint? The cat was asked how a story can come due. See now? Easy as can be at my zoo. Think of one thing and let it fly. Can even make a blueberry kill a scary guy. Let them flow and you just never know how they'll go. I could do these in mass, killing off humans is fine for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.