Pat Hatt's Blog, page 140

Intruder Abounds As Our Head Pounds!

The cat is still recovering from the other day. Some intruder came to our bay. She tried to be nice and give us a brush, but we treated her like something you'd flush.

There she was,
Here just because?
I knew not why.
But away I did fly.

Cassie gave a glare.
She has one hateful stare.
Females and big dogs she gives it to.
I guess she wants to be the only female at our zoo.

Then she ran under the bed.
We were both filled with dread.
Why did Pat let her in?
This surely wasn't a win.

We couldn't have her.
She didn't make us purr.
She was just scary.
And far too hairy.

Although that hair I may like to chew,
Between me and you.
Pat's armpits learned that.
Hey, I'm a weird cat.

She then moved near our litter box.
Good thing she had on socks.
My litter might stab her feet.
Nope, after going, I'm not neat.

Then she moved further in.
She was near my food with her sin.
She reached up with a do hickey,
And that is when things got tricky.

The fire alarm went off.
That made us both scoff.
It gave us a headache as well.
Those things sure are hell.

She said it worked fine.
Waved goodbye to each feline,
After checking a box.
She left and Pat turned the locks.

So she was the yearly fire alarm tester,
Only here to set the thing off and pester.
I guess that's not so bad.
Things are now back to normal at our pad.

What? Did you think it was something more? Whoops, sorry for the curve ball at our shore. This was four months ago though. So I guess you never know. Our headache is hopefully gone by now. We sure can hiss, spit and meow. But she thought it was cute. That doesn't work when I'm trying to be a brute. Next time the cat will have to pass nasty gas out of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Light or Deep At Your Keep!

We all know the blue guy likes to snore. You can hear him at some far away shore. But then how about you? Are you snoring away at your zoo? Can you snore and read at the same time? Damn, if so, you are in your prime.

Do you sleep light?
Do you sleep deep?
Do you sleep at night?
What hours do you keep?

Why do I care?
Why do you ask?
Sleep isn't rare.
It's a daily task.

Do you sleep early.
Do you sleep late?
Do you go squirrely,
If no sleep is your fate?

What was that?
I'm a nosey cat?
You didn't know that?
Where have you been at?

Do you sleep in late?
Do you get up early.
Did you take the bait,
And bet I'd reuse squirrely?

Mad that I'm a re-user?
That is too bad.
No need to be an abuser,
Just sleep on it at your pad.

Do you sleep on your side?
Do you sleep on your back?
Or do you do a nightly ride,
Flipping here and there at your shack?

No, not that ride.
But that is okay.
Do it with pride.
It may fall off one day.

Do you snore?
Do you get up to pee?
Both are a chore,
And cause no glee.

Why did I ask?
You asking again?
Because with such a task,
I can say all of the above at me den.

That and more indeed. I sleep everywhere and every which way at my feed. Can you say you are on par with the cat? I hope you don't snore like a super powered rat. The cat only snores a little and thankfully Pat's ears aren't brittle. Did you fall asleep with this pass? Sorry, not really, from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Pull A Con And Tack It On!

The cat has figured out how to win. It is easy to do all others in. Yep, easy as can be. Do you want me to share at my sea? Okay, since you asked so nicely I will. I'm sure it is a thrill.

TV show, movie or book.
Even a videogame at your nook.
You want to make it a success?
First don't make it a mess.

Then don't be a copy cat.
Wait! People like that.
Okay, be a copy cat.
Can't make a mess out of that.

Same rhyme twice.
Isn't that nice?
A copy catting cat.
How about that?

Right. So you can copy.
But that may get sloppy.
That is so last year.
All world building cheer.

Yeah, Marvel got copied a lot.
But so far none are as hot to trot.
The secret isn't in no secret war.
The secret is to swing open the door.

That is right.
Play nice at your site.
Swing open that door,
Inviting many into your shore.

It can now be a mess.
It can be paint by numbers no less.
And it won't matter.
All will give you dough served up on a platter.

What is it you ask?
Can't you follow my task.
It is as easy as can be.
Double up at your sea.

Yep, just throw in a big name.
Now your project won't be lame.
Ninja Turtles meet Howard the Duck.
That would make many a buck.

21 Jump Street meets Men in Black.
Wait, they are supposedly doing that attack.
Yoda meets Boogerman.
A sure fire hit with many a fan.

I could go on all day. Maybe I should get Captain Crunch to join my bay. Not sure why that just popped in, but I'll go with it at my looney bin. So when looking to sell, don't dig a new well, just add a big name and you'll get your fame. It can be complete crap and it will still sell across the map. You'll make more money than a singing bass. Be sure and share some with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Rules Of Fools!

So the cat sees it here and there and you also see it everywhere. Whether or not you are aware or even care, beats me and my cat hair. But the cat has time to blare and so why not yap about something that isn't rare.

Rules are here and there.
There are rules to spare.
That we sure know.
So on with the show.

What of the rules of fools?
They flood like swimming pools.
They are all about.
Fools squawk and shout.

Squawking rule fools,
Worse than a dog that drools.
Except if the drool lands on your head,
Then that is something to dread.

The rules are many.
Things can't have any.
There have to be rules for all.
Tightly tied in one big ball.

Rules for eating.
Rules for treating.
Rules for working out.
Rules they sure shout.

Rules for shaming.
Rules for blaming.
Rules for lying.
Rules for the dying.

Rules high and low.
They change on the go.
But there is still a lot.
The rules are hot to trot.

Rules can be whelmed.
They must be helmed.
Helmed isn't a word
Blogger spell check rules are absurd.

But what is the rule of the fool?
The fool that believes the golden rule.
The rule of the golden fool.
Proving they are a garden variety garden tool.

As in they are mostly grand,
For digging up shit across the land.
That rule of the fool would be,
Their rules work for 100% of the population from sea to sea.

Morons in the end. Whoops, did I offend? Damn, I broke the shaming rules. Sorry, poor garden tools. There are rules of society that aren't even applied to all, as the rich get off with one phone call. There are things that are bad for all, like tossing back a vat of acid at your hall. But there are no rules that work for 100% of the people 100% of the time. Not even if you're a mime. So stick it says the cat to each rule dingbat. The cat shall follow the rules that works for him in mass and give the rest the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Let's Justify Today Along The Way!

You humans really have to get justification for everything you do. That is so sad and true. Don't believe the cat? I'll prove it with a little rhyming spat.

I am the best.
I beat the rest.
Say it with me.
I'm the best from sea to sea.

I bought this.
The deal wasn't one to miss.
I didn't have the money,
But it was a deal, Honey.

I ran the light.
It was at night.
No car in sight.
He hit me out of spite.

The movie would have been great,
But the studio wanted a new trait.
The script wasn't bad at all.
See? I wrote it in crayon on the wall.

I stole that car.
He was drunk at a bar.
I saved a drunk driver.
Should put me on Survivor.

I robbed that bank.
I upped my rank.
I had to because I'm broke.
They are insured, you bloke.

You should have done this,
If you wanted to keep my bliss.
You really made me cheat,
With your attention delete.

I ate nothing yesterday,
So I can sit and play.
No need to exercise here.
See? Not much of growing rear.

I killed them because they were mean.
They were demons and unclean.
God told me to.
Believe it to be true.

I'm still the best.
See my preening chest?
Say it with me.
I'm the best from sea to sea.

An excuse to justify a reason why. Always need an oh me, oh my. Justification sure seems to be your thing. For reasons for everything you can sing. Need to justify everything at your sea? Might not want to tell me. Then I can give some more sass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a great fall.

Play The Wheel And Get A Deal!

So the cat was around a nut the other day, always seems to be the way, and they were going to win the lottery. Then what? Take up pottery? Beats me. But they are going to win at their sea. They found a trick that is oh so slick.

Going to win.
No need to spin.
It's a new ordeal.
It's a lottery wheel.

I'll pick 30 numbers or so.
Spend a few 100 and away I'll go.
I'll turn that into a ton.
Then to Hawaii I'll run.

I guess that would be fly.
But they can give running a try.
Probably more practical than the wheel.
Let's stick with their ideal.

You see, I'm promised 5 of 7 numbers.
Easier that buying cucumbers.
That is is all 7 hit.
But with 30 they will split.

Can't you see?
I'll be richer than thee.
I'll be oh so rich.
I can have people scratch my itch.

The lottery wheel is how it's done.
That is how you win a ton.
It is such a new thing.
All I can say is cha-ching.

Hmm, not quite.
Lottery wheels on many a site.
They may, at best, increase your odds a tiny bit.
But you are full of umm shit,

If you think it will make you win.
Whether or not the thing can spin.
But go ahead and waste your dough.
The lottery will love you though.

And to say they are new?
You have a loose screw.
Been used for decades at least.
Dumber than a butt sniffing beast.

Just because they are new to you,
Doesn't mean they are new.
So enjoy being backwards rich,
And scratching your own itch.

What some people believe at their sea sure makes them seem a tad crazy. Not in a good way at all there at their hall. Lottery wheels can work though, if you have millions in dough. Then it will give you every number to pick. You'll win some slick. After spending millions to do so. Counter productive at your show? Ever gave a lottery wheel a go? Did you win high or lose low? I have more sense in my gas that comes from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Looking Up Like A Silly Pup!

Did it ever occur to you that humans are like dogs at their zoo? No, they don't eat their own poo, at least I hope that is true, but just like a pup will worship you, you all worship those without a clue.

Years upon years ago,
It was Zeus high and low.
The guy slept with everything going,
Yet he still got a royal showing.

There was a bunch then.
Gods above mere men.
And as much as they were fiction,
So are these other idiots with each depiction.

Worships actors by the ton.
They aren't like everyone.
They deserve your praise.
After all, they play make believe like the kids you raise.

They are just as whiny.
Their ego anything but tiny.
They can't even tie their own shoes,
And they always have to make the news.

With assistants two by two,
A PR rep to blind you,
And a good script written,
You are well and smitten.

Then you got the crybabies.
Who are roided out and act like they got rabies.
My, they can throw a ball around.
Go and bow down on the ground.

They are so great.
None can relate.
Oopsy, they stubbed their toe.
Now off to the sidelines they go.

But they can still promote.
Pepsi got their vote.
Or whoever pays the most.
They'll sell it from coast to coast.

And just because they do,
It will be bought by you.
Gullible humans everywhere.
Just look at washed up actress touting shiny hair.

Don't you want that?
Grab it where you're at.
I now have more respect for a mutt.
That's saying something at my hut.

Worship the crybabies and children at your sea? Aren't they as great as can be? Wow, they are on reality TV. They must be worshiped by thee. Pfffft to each and everyone. Lazy asses can go fry in the sun. On worshiping any such idiots the cat will take a pass. They can simply pucker up to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Do You See = Stupid As Can Be!

The cat got asked the stupid question once again. How many times is that at our den? I think I've lost count. Been asked it a high amount. What is it that gets cheers? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

How should I know?
Do I look like a .99 a minute psychic show?
Why do you care?
Bet I'll still have the same underwear.

Wait, I'd have to wear those.
Maybe same socks on my toes?
That isn't good enough for you?
Hey, I bet it's at least new.

Maybe I'll go fly a kite.
Could gain super human sight.
Maybe fall from a step.
A scrapped knee gives no pep.

You asking again?
You want me to write it in pen?
Pffft, good luck with that.
Go somewhere else and be a dingbat.

Maybe I'll be sitting here blogging.
5 years ahead would be quite the logging.
Don't even think I can get that far.
Sorry, no repeat crap at my bar.

Maybe I'll win the lottery.
Heck, could take up pottery.
Whelmed I may just be.
At least whelmed is tax free.

Could be dead in a ditch.
Yeah, that would be a bitch.
Don't want to be a downer?
Bah, go bug an out of towner.

Would it be towner if you are in a city?
That could make a fine future ditty.
See, you helped me out.
I can see a future shout.

Not 5 years though.
Stuff it at your show.
I'll enjoy each day,
And not make some plan to slave away.

Not a good answer for you?
Well boo friggin hoo.
Or whoodi friggin doo.
Either way, I haven't a clue.

Do you love that question at your sea? Why 5 years do they ask with glee? 1 would make more sense. That far out if you know exactly where you'll be you may be dense. That or a time traveler at your sea. For things can change faster than leaves on a tree. Plus how can you see? Do you look into a crystal ball or TV? The cat is through with his sass and I'm sure in 5 years, if I don't croak, I'll still be a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Rounding Act That's A Fact!

The cat was reading that and this, it was something you can miss, and he saw them state a fact. 1 million use this act. I looked about here and there and numbers like it did blare. Hmmm, something fishy is going on. I smell a con.

1,000,000 use this.
2,000,000 use that.
The zeroes you can't miss.
They are quite the stat.

Not 1,000,001 use it.
Not 2,000,546 have joined.
Nope, just lots of 0's hit.
0's are so much better coined.

And hey, that's okay.
Let the 0's out to play.
0 isn't a number on display.
Hey, that's what they say.

But 1,000,000 exactly is fact.
That is the whole case.
Our rounding has such tact.
Doesn't it put a smile on your face?

0's give you a thrill.
Unlike that other stuff.
1,067,897 makes you ill.
Looking at that is just rough.

So let's lie away.
Call it fact at the end of the day.
Many 0's on display.
And not an "over" to join the fray.

Nope, just 1,000,000.
That is the only fact.
Glad it's not a trillion.
More fact 0's we'd have to enact.

Have you caught on?
Have you followed the cat?
Believe it's a con?
Easy rounding each stat.

999,965 could use it.
But rounding is the way.
You need an extra hit.
Round up the display.

So join on in.
Have yourself some fun.
Let's give it a spin,
And round when we are done.

There are 2 cats here, that means 10 I fear. I rounded up at my sea. That 0 is oh so pretty. Care to give it a go? It's a fact don't you know. Yeah, the cat read too much into the rounding. But at least a rhyme it is founding. Or has founded now. I'm done, don't have a cow. Or have a rhino. Save that for a wino. Now I'm done rounding in mass with my ever so factual little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Maybe, Sorta, Going Green If You Get What I Mean!

The cat had to deal with a green nut the other day. Nope, not a little green martian at my bay. Those who go way, way, way out there at their sea and have to tell everyone about it as they hug a tree. So just for fun I let my mouth run.

Go green and don't drive.
There is no way we'll survive.
Go green and drive a bike,
Or walk and take a hike.

Drive a bike you say?
Walk every which way?
Did you make your own shoes?
Did you make the bike you choose?

No, but I eat green.
No meat at my scene.
I make sure to make little trash.
I don't even carry cash.

Did you grow your own food?
Did your trash get taken away by some dude?
What? You didn't walk it to the dump?
My, you are a green chump.

I collect my own rain water.
I am quite the green trotter.
Listen to me and go green.
Now stop making a scene.

Did the buckets you use to collect it,
Get made by you every little bit?
No? Damn, you are so bad.
Not very green at your pad.

What are you saying?
Of course for stuff I'm paying.
I want to keep the economy going.
But we all need a green showing.

Did you make that wallet?
Or did you mall it?
Did you make it from trash?
Hope it doesn't give you a bad rash.

Go away from me.
I am green like this tree.
You are twisting things around.
Green is where it is found.

Now you can go save a whale,
After your great green fail.
Enjoy your fake green life.
Maybe you'll get a fake green wife.

Green nuts bug the cat. They think they are all of that. But guess what? That bike, wallet, food, etc. were shipped near your hut. So that means gas was used. Gas was abused. Stuff was used to make the crap. It could have traveled halfway across the map. Wow, you just proved you are soooooo green. Bite me I say to them and their uber green scene. Only way to go green is live in the woods, use nothing made or grown that wasn't by you, and poop in a hole. Then you will obtain your green goal. Other than that go preach to a leech, maybe you'll get eaten by a shark at the beach. Hey, that would be green in mass. Go help the sharks says my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.