Pat Hatt's Blog, page 144

Round Thirty Nine Is For The Feline!

So I've been saving the cat search terms up for a while of those who find me and my rhyming style. Google sure can send some strange ones. I'm not sure they are all about cats so we may offend nuns.

Nun pussy cats

I told you so. Think this searcher is going down below?

cat on my lap on my leg on my dick

My, you typed all of that? Guess you weren't killed by the cat.

Cat sore feet me

Hopefully it is your sore feet. Maybe a cat stole your seat?

pussy in the barn

Roll in the hay? Hope you itch a lot at your bay.

scared and lonely cat and fish

Maybe they want to make a wish. Or the cat wants the fish on a dish.

Jax with cat hair

Damn Jax, run out of shampoo there at your zoo?

cats in the cradle smothering baby

Hmm, get the hair puller. Cradle just a little fuller. 

cat towers r us

Not sharing. None we are sparing.

man cat loving

Hopefully not in the redneck way, otherwise it is okay.

cat hair up my nose

Sneeze it out. Don't pout.

cat hair in my 

In my what? Nose at your hut?

cat pulled my hair

Pat knows all about that. His armpit hair was pulled by the cat.

gf cats are the devil

Did they pee on you? What does the devil look like at her zoo?

pussy cats felines cat

You know you only need to search one, right? Such a waste of a search site.

And the winner of the cats brings out the dingbats. I guess the winner is always a dingbat. It is no different with cat. Are you surprised my this? I guess to each their bliss.

Human smelling cat ass on all fours
Does that get you umm ready? Turn you on steady? I hope not. That is scary a lot. I'll take a butt sniffing mutt any day over some redneck human at my bay. And now the cat search engine one has come to pass. No human will ever be sniffing my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Stupid Side Takes Pride!

The cat knows you have seen much here and there as you surf the internet at your lair, but did you know there is plenty of crap to help out each and every chap? Even criminals everywhere. My, the internet can blare.

How to create a fake stock.
Step by step as you walk.
Taken through all the steps of it.
Then you can get money from bullshit.

How to express love.
Damn, fits like a glove.
Not sure I want to see pics.
No need for porno flicks.

How to hide an erection.
Damn, I guess no love connection.
Kind of cancels number 2 out.
What's that all about?

How to take a shower.
My, that takes a superpower.
Turning the knob is so hard to do.
I can't take it at my zoo.

How to be random.
I can do it in tandem.
A goat is in a boat.
Random enough for a vote?

How to remove a staple from your hand.
Damn, having no brain must be grand.
Let's all go staple our hands today.
No? You and staples don't want to play?

How to change television channels.
Umm, do you use wall panels?
Too fat to get up and do it?
Don't know which button to hit?

How to fly in your dreams.
Wow, I can fly on moon beams.
That is so great.
No other how to can relate.

How to blink well.
Come now, do tell.
My eyes really want to know.
They only blink a thousand times a day at my show.

How to avoid going to hell.
The rules are as clear as a bell.
Don't go to Australia in the summer.
Expecting something more? Bummer!

Now you have lots of usual information at your sea. No need to thank me. I hope you all go take a shower now. You must be so stinky it would impress a cow. Knowing how to is a big win. Fly in those dreams at your looney bin. Now I'm done with this help for stupid people pass. I'm such a random little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Next Big Thing Gets Another Fling!

You humans throw that term around a lot. Next big thing is your only known plot. That or your new and improved crap, which had to be made by a brain dead sap. But we've been there. Let's go to a fun one at our lair. Cryptocurrency will replace all. Bitcoin will make the loonie and toonie fall.

Cryptocurrency is here.
Join and have no fear.
Why waste paper money.
This is far more sunny.

You don't need a wallet.
Well that is what they call it,
But your physical one can go away.
Where will you put the pics of your kids at your bay?

Do they even do that any more?
Beats me at my shore.
Cryptocurrency will take over.
It will even be used by rover.

Hmm, how many years have they said this?
My, cryptocurrency is such bliss.
But if it comes everything will be tracked.
So every little dime you make will be tax stacked.

Can't beat the IRS.
No need for a tax mess.
As every little thing will be taxed.
Your payment will be maxed.

Hold on for a bit with Bitcoin.
Don't you wanna join?
Dogecoin can reel you in.
Butt sniffers sure sounds like a win.

Mastercoin will make you bow down.
Your scuffed knees may make you frown.
Namecoin is the best name ever.
Isn't that just oh so clever?

Zerocoin takes that cake.
Zero coins you can make.
Potcoin says it all.
Pot heads stand tall.

So basically all you have to do,
Is think of a word at your zoo.
Then poof, you have a coin.
Maybe even a coin named after a loin?

Erectcoin just for you.
Throw in an IBScoin too.
Doesn't that make you smile?
Turn the cryptocurrency dial.

Got yourself any of these coins do you? It may come to pass in some form at many a zoo. I've got a few of the low tier ones, just in case they are ever worth tons. But doubt it very much at my sea. Have a fun name for a coin from thee? Yep, I named a coin after gas. That would only be done by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

What's With The Cow Anyhow?

The cat has seen it all, not really at his hall, but he likes to pretend. Hey, you humans just keep going further around the bend. First you have cow testicle eating festival things, now you think they have wings. Or maybe you can reverse that. Which came first, the cow or the pile of scat?

A holy cow!
That has to wow.
The thing can't meow.
But is holy somehow.

It eats and shits.
Eats even the apple pits.
Yum, yum, yum,
And then some.

Then hurls up the food,
Most find that rude.
But nope, not the cow.
It is holy somehow.

Eats once more.
Spit up at its shore.
A mutt can do that.
But nope, not holy for eating scat.

No holy mice.
No holy lice.
No holy sharks.
But sharks can leave holey marks.

See what I did there?
I'm sure you are aware.
Unless stuck with a holy cow.
Then I'd raise an eyebrow.

No holy horses.
No even holy golf courses.
The later would be sad.
Could make a Tiger glad.

Nope, just holy cows.
No whats, ifs or hows.
They are the holy ones.
Even when they have the runs.

Pigs supposedly can't fly.
Unless they go up when they die.
Dogs are supposedly a best friend,
Even if they butt sniff and bend.

Cats just rule all,
Don't mess with us at your hall.
But cows are holy.
That has to offend poor moly.

Holy moly can you believe that? You humans gave holy to an jumbo sized rat. You even drink their milk too. That is just so eww. Why not holy platypuses at every sea? At least they are funny looking to me. Nope, a lazy holy cow pass. There is no hope for you humans says my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

They Are Real And After Your Meal!

Since it is Halloween month out there, the cat will let you in on something at my lair. Vampires are real. Yep, they are as real as your car wheel. They are full of more air to. But that we'll get to at my zoo.


Sadly they don't look like this,At least 99.9% of the time as they hiss. Still, who wants a dead thing?That desperate at your wing?
Geez, just go to a bar.Beats something like a wheel on a car.Could work in a rubber there,But that's too easy at my lair.
Back to vampires on display.Real is what I say.But you are shaking your head.Hey, literal blood suckers I never said.
They are the poor pitiful me's.They whine more than a stray has fleas.Sucking you down into their pit.Whining about any kind of shit.
They'll whine and whine and whine some more.Sucking your life away at your shore.They get a thrill from it to.Hey, at least they don't yell, boo!
Do they turn you on as much as a dead thing?I'll leave that for you to experience with a fling.No need to tell that cat your fetish for the dead.Keep that under your bed.
Yep, they'll whine about that too.Poor me can't get a dead thing at my zoo.Maybe they need to whine then.Not even the dead want to come near their den.
No matter what you say,They won't have a happy day.Staying down in their hole,Is their only goal.
And then bringing you into it,Joining them in their hell pit.Sucking your life away.Those vampires are here to stay.
And don't worry all you lasses,I like to appease the masses,So I'll give you a sexy guy vampire too.No need to thank me at my zoo.

Doesn't he just turn you on? Damn, I'm so helpful at my lawn. Know any such vampires at your sea? Hopefully you don't have fantasies about dead things and thee. But you can tell that to a singing bass. I don't need to know with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Helpful Day At My Bay!

The cat has searched far and wide, finding books that will fill you with pride. No need to thank me, just read and learn with glee. I bet you will enjoy each one. They sound oh so fun.

How to poo at work.
That has to be a perk.
Hover and don't touch.
Germs are there, much.

Toilet Yoga.
No need for a toga.
If you can't go,
Pose and out it will flow.

Pornogami is here.
Everyone give a cheer.
No need to give anything a yank.
Keep the gas in the tank.

Drink as much as you want and live longer.
Damn, liquor makes us all stronger.
Pornogami may make you shiver,
But liquor empowers the liver.

Crafting with cat hair.
What a fun affair.
Scare the allergic nuts away.
That works for my bay.

Do it yourself coffins.
Umm, my rhyme is as dead as goffins.
What is that?
Beats the cat.

How to fake a back exam.
Kill the doc with toe jam?
I bet that would be easy.
Zombie feet are cheesy.

How to shit in the woods.
For those sick of the hoods.
Now to the trees you can go,
And shit to and fro.

The beginners guide to sex in the afterlife.
Damn, living I can't even get a wife.
But the afterlife has sex?
Hope it isn't complex.

How to survive a robot uprising.
Get metal and start disguising.
Trick Skynet at your bay.
Then it won't make you pay.

Aren't you glad I found these books for you? Now you can learn even more at your zoo. That is such great luck. Most don't cost more than a buck. Now go and read each one because sex in the afterlife sounds like such fun. At least according to the singing bass. I'm still not a convinced little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Number Trumps Lumber!

The cat has done a post on luck, telling all humans it is as made up as that plastic duck. But humans still have their lucky numbers out there. They think they are something rare. Not really though. Sorry to burst your bubble, not really, at your show.

I have such luck,
I'll win more than a buck.
Just play this number oh so rare.
It is never used anywhere.

7 billion humans around,
And only for me luck is found.
This number is my lucky one.
I will win when done.

Pffft says the cat.
Pfffft to all of that.
Wow, a magic number.
Might as well say you have magic lumber.

Hmm, if drunk enough that could work.
Ahh, the gutter mind perk.
Now back on task,
As in the numbers we bask.

But you are wrong.
I heard it in a song.
It is my birthday.
Luck will come my way.

Pffft once more.
Pffft to any lore.
Pfffft to you.
Pffft to your made up word too.

Millions of others have your birthday.
Millions of others heard the song at their bay.
Millions of others have millions of reasons more,
For the number bringing luck at their shore.

Lucky numbers sure do get around.
Damn millions of them are found.
No wonder everyone wins the jackpot.
No wonder everyone never works a lot.

Lucky numbers are just so grand.
They give all a helping hand.
Oh wait! The cat is mistaken,
Some other number came out when the lottery ball was shaken.

Damn, if only it was my lucky number.
Then in bed I could slumber.
It sure is my wish.
Lucky numbers are about as magical as a half eaten fish.

Saying a number is lucky is the same as saying 13 is bad luck. Just a way for humans to pass the buck. Luck is a made up word and lucky numbers are just as absurd. Now numbers can mean something to each, as 24 is sure here at our beach. But that is it. Numbers are no more lucky than spit. There is my lucky number sass, I'll now wiggle away my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Run Wildish With The Childish!

The cat and Pat have both been called childish a time or two, and hey, we don't mind at our zoo. But why is it only one way? That is kind of off we say. So let's fix that now with a rhyming meow.

Childish you are.
Childish by far.
But you can drive a car,
And can even go to a bar.

But you don't do two in one,
After your drinking fun.
That is adultish right there.
So adultish at your lair.

You work and pay bills.
You get no extra frills.
That is adultish and then some.
So adultish you suck back the rum.

Adultish is your game.
Adultish is forever tame.
Spell check doesn't like adultish though.
But childish is alright to give a go.

So adultish of it.
Not taking my made up shit.
Stuck in its ways.
Forever trapped in a maze.

You live on your own,
Pay for your own phone.
So adultish of you,
To have your own zoo.

Sorry, living in nanny's basement doesn't count.
That falls under the childish amount.
Adultish is when you can see that.
Adultish thinks childish is scat.

Did childish rebel,
Sending adultish to hell?
Is that why adultish went away?
Adultish just didn't want to play.

Adultish was a stick in the mud,
So it fell with a thud.
Or maybe it was forced out,
Because of its non pta shout.

Adultish is oh so bad,
It's when you watch porn a tad,
Then get a virus and can't watch anymore.
Stuck half way through must be a chore.

Are you adultish at your sea? Or more childish like me? Maybe we need a mixish of both. The cat could create the mixish oath. I'd work in plenty of sass, but that you'd expect from my childish little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Death As Some Draw Their Last Breath.

The cat was off doing this or that when the Halloween Nazi's voice was heard where we're at. Some how her freaky dreaming came to me. It was not a fun sight to see.

The Halloween Nazi was snug in her bed,
With visions of death going through her head.
She smirked and cackled all through the night,
I hear her husband even thought her a fright.

Her first victim was Rosey and her giveaway scene.
She had sent her some mail that was very unclean.
Rosey opened it to write a brand new blog post,
Then a knife popped out and Rosey was toast.

The ninja wannabe sure did not getaway.
He had is guitar and was enjoying the day.
He gave it a strum and that was it.
The amp's high voltage burnt him to shit.

Grace was next on her hit list of foes.
Turns out Grace, or Heaven, was doing things that curl toes.
With one curl her toenail broke off and started to fly.
It landed in her ear, seeping into her brain, and Grace did die.

Snowcatcher was next and quilting up a storm at her sea.
The Halloween Nazi watched, cackling with glee.
She grinned as Snowcatcher fell and got stabbed.
Those quilting needles can be deadly when one is jabbed.

The Beer Guys were more tricky as there are two.
But the Halloween Nazi was far from through.
Bry Bry was called by that instead of Bryan.
That resulted in way more than him just sighin.

But while he was searching for who called him that,
His Chinese neighbors crept over and knocked him out flat.
They took his spleen and ate it for some body or spirit perk.
Brandon vowed to end the Bry Bry calling jerk.

Though when trying to search and find the evil name caller,
He ran into gum wrapping that had been chewed smaller.
His dog needed to be saved once again at his sea.
It spit up, Brandon slipped on it and went head first into a tree.

If that wasn't enough, a beer bottle fell from it.
Brandon was toast as the glass caused his head to split.
At least the Halloween Nazi isn't such an evil witch.
She did let his dog live without so much as giving him an itch.

Then she cackled all over again at one with a fetish for a shoe.
It was an easy one for her as she left a shoe in view.
Blue was so happy he grabbed the shoe and ran.
Turns out the shoe exploded and he was a dead blue man.

The redneck was trying to keep it real and all of that.
She was out popping a zit while disco dancing and chewing the fat.
She flung her arm in the air to pop the big zit,
It worked, but the goo was acidic and she choked on every bit.

Jax could not help but run from a strawberry.
She's nearing 30 years old and still finds them scary.
A bird thought she was as crazy as can be.
It swooped down and pecked her eyes out for free.

Hank was inkling to be number one at a store.
He was on the road and got ready to soar.
But as he hit the gas and went faster and faster,
He found he had no brakes and Hank ended up plaster.

Betsy was in the kitchen dancing with a spoon,
When many cats ran about making fun of her acting as a loon.
She missed tripping over each one as the doorbell rang,
Neighbor guy showed up with his tightey whiteys and skid marks, dang.

Mary was sitting with her horde of dogs.
They all sat around like bumps on logs.
Then one decided to go out and eat some strange crap,
Coming in and licking Mary with poison breath as she took a nap.  

Betty was out searching for a town once more.
She decided to give the GPS a chance to help her explore.
She followed the directions it gave her to a tee,
Straight of a cliff, exploding in a canyon, whoopsy.

Adam applied for Jeopardy and got his chance.
There he was filming and ready with his wide stance.
He knew the answer right away and hit the buzzer as it came.
A malfunction caused sparks and Adam died from the game

Truedessa ate eggs and let loose more then you'd guess.
It was sparkly farts if I really must confess.
Turns out that they are bad to breathe in though.
For they caused her lungs to grow and then blow.

Mary Kirkland was getting freebies by the pound.
She even had many for her little greedy hound.
One she opened and the box was so big she fell in.
She was shipped to Timbuktu and died in the tin.

Manzi was hooking herself up to some big machine.
She wanted to be good and oh so very clean.
Turns out worms were eating the wires like sand.
Manzi kinda fried there in her land.

Birgit had computer woes from that Windows 10.
She chucked it against the wall at her den.
It blew to pieces and flew every which way.
A piece hit her forehead and now it's there to stay.

Suza got her grammar nazi on and edited away.
But her client did not like what she had to say.
So he paid her in gold bricks by the ton.
Suza got crushed by every single one.

Jacqueline was gardening when up it came.
It was a vegetable that looked anything but tame.
The thing popped and threw seeds into her hair.
The seeds sunk into her brain and now its bare.

Susan was caught up in edits by a ton.
It had been days since she saw the sun.
Actually it seems that it was longer than that.
She caught scurvy and died as her insides went splat.

Fundy Blue was looking through old letters from her dad.
She should have been more careful there at her pad.
She got a paper cut and bacteria was loaded on the letter.
Her body took it all in and let's say she never ended up better.

Sandra Cox found a commercial with animals enjoying each other.
They would jump around like the other species was their brother.
Unfortunately there was a mating call on the video she was playing,
It brought a tiger to her door and for that video she is paying.

Kathy Combs was out barbecuing up a storm.
The day was much like any other as all was the norm.
Then when she went to flip the meat around,
She was pushed face first into the hot grill by some stray hound. 

Sherry had her duckbill ready and was trying to call ducks.
Not a one came, proving her duck calling rather sucks.
But what did come was some sort of goose.
It infected her with rabies after taking a big bite out of her caboose.

Bijoux got fed up with a cellphone talker that was near.
She went and ripped the cellphone from the woman's ear.
That was really not a nice thing to do.
The cellphone blew up and Bijoux did too.

Al was stuck posing on a sidewalk loo.
He got sucked in and became human goo.
I guess you can say there was a swirl to his death.
I hope as he went down that he held his breath.

Robyn got a neat treat to her dinner table.
She thought she was in heaven as it was such a fable.
It was a chocolate plate, spoon, fork and glass.
She ate the poisoned chocolate and became one dead lass.

Old One Eye was the last of the bunch,
The Halloween Nazi was really out to lunch.
She popped Old One Eye's eyeball from her head,
Then she ate it up while Old One Eye laid dead.

And so in the upcoming days to Halloween,
You may want to be extra careful at your scene.
For the Halloween Nazi is dreaming how to end your life.
Boy, she must make one scary wife.

The cat just had to warn you all. Now you can prevent it at your hall. The Halloween Nazi is just so mean. I bet her killing devices are even unclean. Would the cat ever lie to any of you? Bah, not on Thanksgiving at our Canadian zoo. Do you believe what has come to pass? You can trust in my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Some Brain Type Rain!

So a while ago at her sea snowcatcher gave an idea to me. She wants all spammers and haters brains to explode. Damn, wouldn't want to meet her on the road. She may run you down in a rage. Maybe she offs people for a wage? Those snowflakes are just a cover. A gun or poison is her real lover. Anyway, back on task before she puts poison in my flask.

Brains go boom.
That would bring doom.
With a big splat,
You'd become a stat.

1 in 5 brains will blow.
That's 1.3 billion deaths you know.
Population control too.
What exploding brains can do.

If you are an internet tough guy,
Your brains go bye bye.
If you like to spam,
You mind turns to jam.

If you go out and steal,
Your brain no longer turns its wheel.
If you look at one the wrong way,
Your brains make you pay.

Hmmm there may not be a human left.
All the exploding brains would have heft.
My OCD wouldn't want to clean that.
Nope, exploding brains doesn't apply to a cat.

We can do what we please.
But if you so much as sneeze,
Your brain goes boom.
What's left of you is in a tomb.

So now beware.
Do things with care.
If you don't do it.
Brains turn to spit.

As in they leak from you face.
Good you need to embrace.
Can't be a criminal of any kind.
Can't even moon your behind.

Brains exploding is upon us.
So you can't fuss.
Time to give nice a chance.
Maybe the human race will advance.

Yeah, that will be the day.
They'd all go boom I'd say.
All on Earth would be sunk.
Except for maybe a monk.

Wouldn't that suck? Brains exploding everywhere like muck? If you did anything bad at all your brains would splatter on the wall. Sword of Damocles in a way. Everyone would always have to have a nice day. Even when you have a bad case of gas. Good thing I'm an exempt little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.