Pat Hatt's Blog, page 143

Here Come The Dumb Who've Had Too Much Rum!

The cat has noticed a thing here and there, like I always do at my lair, some people just can't be helped out. They are stupider than a trout. That actually may be offending the trout. Off with another rhyme I spout.

There are people that are fat.
There are people that are small.
There are people that are scat.
But one likes to rule them all.

There are people that are whiny.
There are people that are broke.
There are people that are tiny.
But one likes to be the dumbest bloke.

There are people that are tall.
There are people that are short.
There are people that fall.
But one rules this report.

There are people that are slow.
There are people that are fast.
There are people that need to grow.
But one is stuck in the neanderthal past.

These people are the top.
These people are the low.
These people can't stop,
Giving IQ points a lethal blow.

These people always fail.
These people always blink.
These people always wail,
Making you want to drown yourself in the sink.

These people are a drain.
These people are a pain.
These people have no brain,
It hopped to the fast lane.

These people are a dunce.
These people are a schmuck.
These people can be fooled more than once.
These people are denser than a truck.

These people won't get this.
These people will walk away.
This people have idiot bliss,
Come whatever will may.

Find them in the road,
Find them on the lawn.
Go and find a toad,
You'll likely teach it more before dawn.

Ever met a person who was so ditsy and dumb that there is more sense in a dog that sniffs a bum? One said I'd like to know how you get paid on the Internet, there is no debit machine. Where do the bills go? Yeah, I just couldn't at my scene. I'd get dumber from sinking that low. A mutt has waaay more sense. Some people are just dense. Now that cat is through with his sass. Don't go sticking any bills up my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Beat Of The Treat!

Halloween is near and all the kiddies will shake their rear. Out they will go and run to and fro. They will want a treat, something that is sweet. And if you don't give one, you may get a TP run. That is a treat for me, but maybe not for me.

The beat of the treat.
The treat is so sweet.
Be the treat to beat,
With your meet and greet.

A toothbrush treat,
Will get a delete.
Won't be a repeat,
Near your concrete.

The beat of the treat,
With a meet and greet,
Brings the treat to beat.
A treat that is sweet.

A gift card treat,
Isn't very neat.
Santa may tweet,
You walked his beat.

The treat on a beat.
The beat of the treat.
The treat so sweet,
It's the treat to beat.

The coffee treat,
For a kid fleet,
Won't be neat.
But could be sweet.

The sweet in the treat,
The sweet to beat.
Beat the sweet,
In the sweet treat.

The I owe you treat,
Will hit the street.
You'll get a treat.
A TP meet and greet.

Meat of the treat.
Meets with the treat.
Treat with no meat.
Leaves less to meet.

With your meet and greet,
Meet the beat of the treat.
Or the treat and the meet,
Treats you to a delete to beat.

Get my treat beat? Was it so sweet? Did you meet and greet the beat of the treat or hit the street on repeat? Saying that three times fast is a treat. Trust my rhyming ass so sweet. A sweet ass is neat? Hey, could be a treat. Now the beat of the treat has come to pass and I'll go treat my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Hypothetical Day Here At My Bay!

The cat was reading a hypothetical thingy the other day and they wanted to know what you'd say. Or it was how you'd hide a body after a kill. Hmm, doesn't that just give you a thrill?

Hypothetically, which would you rather be.
An apple on a tree.
An orange in the sea,
Or a banana tripping me?

Did you pick three?
Damn, now I know you hate me.
Wait, it was hypothetical, right?
So can't hold that against you at my site.

Hypothetically, what would you rather do?
Sit on a shiny public loo,
Wrestle with a kangaroo,
Or steal the blue guy's shoe?

Back to number three?
How dare thee.
Oh wait, still hypothetical and all,
Here at my hall.

Hypothetically, which would you rather see.
A dog taking a pee,
A flea on your knee,
Or the cat stuck in a tree?

Still stuck on three?
I'll curse thee.
What? Hypothetical is the name of the game?
Damn, I guess I'll remain tame.

Hypothetically, which would you rather eat.
Cow testicles picked off the street,
Salamander ever so sweet,
Or the blue guy's shoe?

Was that number three?
A tough choice for thee?
Leather can be tasty.
Unless it's too pasty.

Hypothetically, how would you win a bet?
Play far and hope it's met,
Cheat and leave another in defeat,
Or let the cat handle the meet and greet?

You still stuck on three? Damn, you proved my point at my sea. Hypothetical questions can be used to see into your mind. You are a strange human kind. Hypothetically, would the cat enslave you all? Yep, like heads on a wall. What? It was hypothetical of me. I wouldn't really do it at my sea. Hmm, at least I'd leave you happy like the singing bass. He is always fun for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Back With A Scare By The Pair!

The cat was sniffing around, not butts like a hound, but actual stuff we can use at my sea. I found plenty of news for thee. All of it had to do with Horror movies too. I guess it is the time of year when they are in view.

Ghoulies will get a reboot.
They'll pop out and toot.
Isn't that grand?
Ghoulies walking hand and hand.

Michael VS Jason VS Chucky is near.
Don't you want to peer?
Two guys who kill,
And a doll out for a thrill.

It's Casper The Mean Ghost!
He's going to show from coast to coast.
He'll steal all your stuff,
Doing it in the buff.

Hocus Pocus 2 is being done.
A talking cat is such fun.
This time there will be two.
Nope, none from my zoo.

Ernest Scared Stupid is up for a remake.
Yep, time for a double take.
Ernest will be played by Shia this time.
Damn, that is such a crime.

A new house will be haunted.
The humans will be taunted.
Amityville they will name it.
Hint, it'll still be shit.

Pet Cemetery gets a redo.
A cat stars in this one too.
A cat starts it all.
That will drive people up the wall.

Demons 3 is coming.
Demons 2 was out chumming.
So Demons 3 won out.
What was Demons 1 even about?

The Exorcism of...
Will come from above.
Who cares for the name,
It's all the same.

Mars Attacks 2 is ready.
The aliens will come steady.
What? Can't that scare?
They'll be so small they'll crawl around in your underwear.

Yep, it is all, maybe, sorta, true. I sniffed out the news for you. Now next Halloween you'll have plenty to see and you were given the scoop by me. I should get a kickback for that. Humans need to pay this cat. Then I could just rhyme with sass. That would suit my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Max With No Rhyme, Such A Crime!

Geez, Pat and his non rhyming books. They deserve no looks. Did the cat say that? Whoops, sorry Pat. So today is another novel that has come due. It is actually book number two. Max Blizzard has come back in Max Blizzard and The Cup of Kings at his Camelot shack.

Click Here For A Peer!
Max Blizzard and his friends, Trudesile and Lester, had saved all the realms from Sir Dreadvent and his sevesties. Max had been enjoying time with his father, Merlin, when things started to unravel. One by one the rulers of each realm began to go missing. From Zeus to Odin to King Arthur, they all vanished without a trace.
Now Max and his friends, along with some new and old allies, must come together to save the realms again. They will journey from Camelot to Shangri-La to the mysterious Atlantis, encounter giants, genies and Freleoms. Their imagination power will grow and they may even see what lies beyond death. All in a race to get to The Cup of Kings and save the rulers of every realm before it is to late.
It even has a giant bunny.Don't you think that is funny?Bazooka is the name.Pat is so lame.

It even has a mutt.That thing sniffs a butt.I guess it does anyway.I really can't say.

Death comes into play.The actual boney guy with lots to say.And much, much more.I had to rhyme at my shore.

So there is another novel to add to the batch. How many more will we hatch? Beats the heck out of me. But I'm sure there will be more at our sea. Now back to the regular rhyming sass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Scare For Your Neck Hair!

Do you need a date? Want to find a mate? No superstitions need be had, just hop on a dating site at your pad. Look below. Maybe you'll find one you want to give a go.

I'm originally from a small town living in a small town.
Wow, how were you able to write that down.
Love sports. Love soccer. Love softball.
Hmm, redundant much at your hall?

I'm a very simple woman with expensive taste.
Call oxymorons r us, no time to waste.
Things I don't like: Flakes....Things I do like: Snow flakes...
I guess you want to weed out the fakes?

I like travelinngoutdoor
What? You mean indoors you can't explore?
Raised in the middle of the woods
Deliverance is not fine in any hoods.

I'm not much of a good speller(I hat it realy)
And you were doing so well with the spelling dealy.
My mom thinks I'm the best
Glad you can pass the mommy test.

I'm an easy going girl who would like to meet someone similiar to me.
So looking for a girl who is easy?
I could sayings but I'll save that.
No going to saying the cat?

I' m a 3 two year old woman looking to see what's out there.
And still can't type right with years to spare.
Will update at a lader time
Do I have to get a ladder and climb?

I don't bit.
The cat may bite because of it.
Rock n socks with me.
Don't they roll and live free?

Freak lunchbox
I'll take the one with socks.
I like to pay poker.
Hope you avoid the dreaded joker.

Come to my door and speak.
Sorry, not a mutt at our creek.
Houses are my things.
Do any have wings?

No shit on, no chat.
Think you forgot a R where you're at.
But if shit is what you want,
The cat has jars of it at his haunt.

So there you are. Now you can have some strange/scary dates for Halloween at your sand bar. The cat can always hook you up if you want. Or he'll just sit here and taunt. Any you want to grab from the above dating class? Wise not to tell my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

When You Go Black You Get A Heart Attack?

Stupid humans far and wide. Oh no, I saw black, now someone died. Pffft, idiot humans I'll say once more. What am I going on about at my shore? As if you didn't know. Now away I go.

Oh no, everyone run.
Haul out your big gun.
Be a stupid idiot far and wide.
Take your idiocy in stride.

Run the other way.
Have a great day.
There is a cat on display,
And it sure as hell isn't grey.

It is BLACK!
I might have a heart attack.
Brain cells I lack.
I also don't step on a crack.

Black cats bring bad luck.
I'm such a stupid schmuck.
I believe it to be true.
Can't they spray paint it blue?

Oh no, it's coming near.
I might lose an ear.
Black cats are such bad luck.
I might blow up in my truck.

Hmm, cats and luck?
Yeah, you are a schmuck.
Luck is a human creation,
So change the damn station.

But if you must,
Like in luck you trust,
Here is the truth,
For your little lucky booth.

Black cats or grey cats,
Big rats or small rats,
Humper dog or purse dog,
Small hog or fat hog,

You can be an idiot and pass the buck,
But not a one of them will give you bad luck.
Passing by a tree or telephone pole,
Or even passing a cheery mole,

All are the same.
Your superstition is lame.
Whoops, cat's out of the bag,
You wave the idiot flag.

Actually saw a nut afraid of a black cat before. Pffft so funny, in a pathetic kind of way, to watch at my shore. Grown human afraid to walk by a cat. Idiot is the correct name for that. Scared of black cats at your sea? Better not tell me. But you can tell the singing bass, he won't tell my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I Meant To At My Zoo!

The cat is so slack today. I meant to write a post at my bay but it just slipped my mind. How could that be done by my behind? That just can't be. I ruined my streak at my sea.

I meant to write a post,
But instead I chased a ghost.
Hmm, maybe just a shadow on the wall.
It was moving and needed to be stopped, that's all.

I meant to write a rhyme,
But I wasted my time.
I watched YouTube videos all day.
I just kept pushing play.

I meant to just write.
But it was too night.
Yep, way too dark.
So I listened to a dog bark.

I meant to write a post,
But I was a slacker host.
I cleaned the place.
Hey, need a clean space.

I meant to write a rhyme,
But I committed a crime.
I fell asleep at the keyboard.
I'll need forgiveness from the lord.

I meant to just write,
But then I saw the light.
Yep, I saw the light.
It was small, red and bright.

I mean to write a post,
It would turn out like most.
But then I had to eat.
Damn, it was a fine treat.

I meant to write a rhyme,
But then I saw a mime.
I had to give it a kick.
He hit me with a fake brick.

I meant to just write,
But I didn't just for spite.
The computer was slow.
So I went and watched a crow.

I meant to...
At my zoo,
But had others things to do.
I really did mean to.

Can't believe I meant to and I missed out. Damn that juicy trout. The cat had to have a snack. Wait, did I post at my shack? Maybe it happened while asleep at the keyboard. This post was just stored. I meant to watch a cat video and give sass. I'm just a meaningful little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Boppity Blue And The Kangaroo!

The cat is back once more with another book at his shore. The blue guy whined so much about his shoe that this one just came through. Yep, the blue guy got the spotlight. His shoe fear is a plight.

Boppity Blue had to poo.
So he stopped to let it come due.
Hope he had some tp.
A leaf would be nasty to me.

But before he could go,
He met a new foe.
A kangaroo in the trees.
He hopped up while Boppity Blue was bent at the knees.

He stole his shoe.
Boppity Blue couldn't let that come due.
So he stopped his poo,
And went after his shoe.

A shoe and a kangaroo,
The kangaroo wanted to chew.
Boppity Blue wanted his shoe.
What is Boppity Blue to do?

Will he get his shoe?
Will he get his poo?
Have to ask Boppity Blue,
As he goes after the shoe stealing kangaroo.











Click Here For A Peer!
What was that? Hey, shit wasn't said by the cat. It is just scat. Sometimes you have to hop in the woods and do that. Beats a nasty loo. I just hope you don't run into a shoe stealing kangaroo. Could be worse though. A bear could show. Now Boppity Blue has come to pass so the blue guy can find his shoe thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Need A Man? Become A Halloween Fan!

The cat finds all kinds of ridiculous things around, but you humans can really astound. Are you that simple at your sea? Yeah, it really doesn't surprise me.

When you're in need,
And Halloween is near,
Come plant a seed,
And a man will appear.

Bury a ring in a potato plate.
Then sit around and hope.
Halloween is the date,
Where you'll catch a dope.

The guy who eats it is your mate.
There is no other for you.
So just trust good old fate,
And wait for him to step in view.

Name hazelnuts at your sea.
Name them guy 1, 2 and 3.
Then go on a pyro spree.
Throw them in a fire with glee.

The hazelnut that doesn't pop,
Or explode in the fire,
And instead burns non stop,
Will be the name of the guy you aspire.

Maybe make up a drink,
One from which diabetes will be had.
Yeah, not water from the sink,
That too is bad.

Fill it with sugar stuff,
Then suck it back.
You'll dream of the hot stuff,
And marry him at your shack.

Or just get an apple,
Then cut off the skin.
No need to grapple,
Toss it over your shoulder for the win.

Then turn and stare.
The peel is so wise.
It will make you be aware,
The face of your future guys.

But if that isn't for you,
Just start apple bobbing away.
The first to make it through,
Will marry the next day.

Geez, desperate much? Maybe more than a touch. Not sure if the guys did anything, but women sure wanted that ring. Superstitions far and wide. Glad such idiotic things died. But now we have more that I can sass, which I do with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.