Pat Hatt's Blog, page 113

A What Off Leaper Who's A Contest Keeper!

We've got contests galore because we ripped off Rosey's shore. Wait! This is a What Off post. I guess we'll have to tweak that at our coast. So giveaways, what are they? Let's go another way.

Win $100 amazon gift card.
It isn't so hard.
Like this and follow that.
You can win where you're at.

And we have a winner.
They sure aren't a sinner.
The winner is....Me!
Damn, I'm lucky at my sea.

Win a new nuclear resistant fridge.
More sturdy than a bridge.
You can survive any blast.
It is sure built to last.

And we have another winner.
They also aren't a sinner.
The winner is....Me!
Again, I'm lucky at my sea.

Win a brand new car.
It can go really far.
Worth $5678.99 to some.
Others may think it dumb.

And we have our next winner.
They really aren't a sinner.
The winner is....Me!
Damn, I'm still lucky at my sea.

Win a date with whoever.
That is right, you pick the endeavor.
Can go out with anyone you like.
Maybe lightning will strike?

And we have another winner.
They sure aren't a sinner.
The winner is....Me!
Wow, I'm lucky at my sea.

Win a trip to Bora Bora,
Where you can really whora whora.
Lots of sand and fun.
It is grand for everyone.

And we have a winner.
They sure aren't a sinner.
The winner is....Me!
Damn, can't be stopped even with 666 spree.

Rosey the cheat? That would be a treat. She could just hit repeat on each winner post. That would save time at her coast. See what happens when power goes to ones head? They rig every contest that is said. Aren't you glad my What Off let you know? Rosey would never sink that low. But if it was for something of high class the cat may be a rigged little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Farmer Type Of Charmer?

So the cat will go after the ninja wannabe today. What is the opposite of a ninja at play? Farmer seems about right. They aren't too stealthy day or night. So a What Off Farmer Wannabe. That would be a site to see.

Corn Growing - Trapping Those Varmints - Growing Your Blog - A Good Dog - Cats In The Barn - Time of Blogging, And Farmer News!
(Wow, it looks like he still has huge ass titles for each post even while farming at his coast)

I turn the blog over to Corn Grower Jerry. He is going to explain why corn growing is scary.

Thanks Farmer Alex for the time. I will even give it to you in rhyme. Yes, corn growing is scary. It is harder than picking a berry. You want to know why? Those corn stalks can get really high. You never know what you will find in there. I've found everything from a bear to a hare. One day a serial killer may show up. I'll blind him with the moonshine in my cup. So watch the cornstalks when you go in there may be something in there to cause you sin.

Thank you for the thoughtful post Corn Grower Jerry and for proving corn growing isn't merry. Now I'm on to a new task. This I just have to ask. How do you stop those varmints from getting in? Do you think scarecrows are a good way to win? I'd like to know your thoughts as I dig some new farming plots.


Growing Your Blog
It has come to my attention that some bloggers need my growing expertise to get a following. Don't worry, no crops you will be swallowing. You just need to build a farm of your own. Get out there with your mower and find blogs that leave a comment at the tone. Then you'll grow a farm like me. Maybe even a potato or three.
A Good Dog
What's a good dog to keep the fox out of the hen house? I've got cats for each mouse. But a good dog is vital to scare those foxes away. I may have to invest in one at my bay. It will protect my hens and stay near the pens. Did you see that nasty fox? I'd beat it with my long john socks.
Cats In The Barn
Why is it there are always more cats in my barn when I go in? You'd think they would get crowded and give another farm a spin. But they always stay in my barn. They multiply like undone yarn. Do you think they are getting merry in there? Maybe my new dog will scare each pair.
Time of Blogging - I was asked my favorite time to blog. That one won't be a time hog. It is before the dawn. I have to then go out and milk the cows, sheer the sheep and mow the lawn.
Farmer News!
I just won the best pig in the county award. That has to strike a cord. Plus, got the most sheered sheep in the county. I made quite the bounty. I also cleaned the yard of cow shit the other day and filled the barn with hay. Oh, and I have a new fresh baked apple pie for one lucky winner today. All you have to do is send me your address and I'll mail it right away.
Do you have varmints running about? Are you up before the sun is out? Do you have cats in the barn? Did you enjoy my yarn? Do you blog at a good time? Do you know how to rhyme?
(hmmm, Farmer Wannabe may not be a sight to see.)
There you are. A new What Off explored at my bar. Do you want Farmer Alex or his Ninja one? The ninja may be more fun. But at least now you know. How any of you will get that apple pie is beyond my show. I guess you will have to go after him for it to come to pass. I'm so glad I'm not a farming little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A What Off Lie Ever So Spry!

What if Neko Random was Neko Lie? Yeah, you'd never believe that Adam guy. Maybe he is lying now? That would really wow. Would screw my What Off up though. So we'll give that a no.

Fish have been found to have wings.
Wow, who knew such things.
Flying fish will be had.
Might make fisherman rather mad.

Cement can be turned to gold.
Damn, I'll join that fold.
Tell me how though.
I want to see its glow.

Cats can jump on flying fish.
That is a real delightful dish.
But would that really be a lie?
Bah, we'll let that one go as fish we fry.

Doorknobs contain bacteria that cures cancer.
That will even impress Santa and Prancer.
Maybe old Rudolph too.
Guess I shouldn't wash my hands at my zoo.

The Titanic was really sunk by an alien craft.
What? They didn't like the big raft?
At least no one got probed.
Up the butt or ear lobed.

Glass can't be broken.
Not even with a token?
You mean the bullet proof stuff?
That has to be tough.

Mario to join the next Final Fantasy game.
Hmmm that may turn out lame.
But then again most Final Fantasy's now suck.
So could be what they need to make a buck.

Blogger is being phased out in 2017.
Damn, there goes my scene.
The cat will have to riot.
Maybe all should try it.

Fans blow ghosts away.
Ghosts are real you say?
Hmm, need to call Ghostbusters.
Not any remake clusters.

The Blue Guy really ate his own shoe.
Geez, and he's been blaming my zoo.
Good to know the lie err umm truth,
Here at my rhyming booth.

You'd learn all kinds of fun stuff if lies Adam were to huff and puff. Would he blow your brain down? Hmmm, maybe send you to looney bin town. If you go out telling all fish can fly in mass you may end up seeming crazier than my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.  

A What Off Review At My Zoo!

So today you'll get a great review. Heck, you may even get two. Yep, Mary Kirkland is here to What Off review. She does a few at her zoo.

I got this book to review,
It has pretty pictures to view.
It has quite a few.
I give it a 2.

That is 2 out of 5.
The pics were alive.
But it was missing something.
It was missing a fling.

There was no love.
Below or above.
No steamy scenes.
Just lots of blues and greens.

Reds and pinks too.
Some brown came due.
A purple pic here and there.
Orange was rather rare.

I need sex though.
There was none in tow.
Nothing happened like that.
Nothing steamy, just a cat.

Yeah, a cat rhymed.
It was well timed.
But all it did was rhyme.
That is just a crime.

The cat was fixed.
Love was nixed.
Not that I wanted to see that.
Why am I reading about a cat?

He may be wild,
But this book is so mild.
Where's the sex and lovin?
In and out things should be shovin.

So that's why it gets a 2.
The pics were great to view.
The rhyme was well timed.
But no love was even mimed.

Hope you liked my review.
It was fun to come due.
Until the next kids book I review.
Hopefully more sex will come through.

Hmmmm I don't think her What Off reviews would work. Going from sex filled books to kids books may not be a perk. She may scare the kiddies away or get targeted by the PTA. Then again could be a new kids book review spin and bring some sales in. No sex is a good thing in those to come to pass. The perk of being a snip snipped little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

What Off The Date To A New Fate!

Today's post would go into dating nuts but we are out of rip off ruts. Instead it is a What Off day. Robyn has come to play. What if she never had to use dating sites? You know, she was already doing things when she turned out the lights.

Snow remover for higher
Are you more costly to the buyer?
Newfie reno crew
Some backwards and upside down too?

Investment Opportunity Only 100,000$ Bucks
Somehow I don't trust you, shucks.
Toner-Save
Big-Shave

Unique Gits
Are the pits.
Contact for Top Comice Prices
Do they come with pizzae slices?

Deer Apples Beware
You're in for a scare.
We carry it all
Must have one big wall.

Funished and ready to go
I hope some TP is in tow.
Never to late
Does late have a gate?

Crave less with lasers
Does it come with phasers?
Enjoy life in my part of the wood
I hope that doesn't get misunderstood.

Counter tpps made easy.
Opposite tp sounds cheesy.
Why go anywhere else when you can have it here
Because you are too wordy I fear.

Movies of you
Spying at my zoo?
Water purifying made simply simple
Like a pimply pimple?

Seeking friends for stuff
My, stuff sounds tough.
Come and join our clan
No thanks, not an orgy fan.

Want some honey roast?
Nah, not something I'd host.
Two of anything for the price of one
Damn, so like a genie wishing run?

I guess she couldn't really avoid the innuendo here. She'd still have it near. Even when using a classified ad site for businesses and such. That wood no one may want to touch. My What Off classifieds have come to pass. They are almost as scary as the dating ones to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A What Off Max! Wait....It's Just Jax!

So old Blabber, with 30 drawing near, had to be said by may rhyming rear, ripped off something already. I guess I'm ripping off a rip off. If it confuses don't scoff. For it is really a What Off today here at my bay.


This is Jax.Blabber's tax.The rip off she chose.Does it mean she doesn't like to wear clothes?


But what if she was this?Would there be list bliss?I guess we shall see.With this What Off spree.
#1Lay down the law! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(screaming in ears, won't get cheers)
#2WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(catches breath to avoid death)Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#3That is the last straw.Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (stole the last straw? Awwww)
#4WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(catches breath to avoid death)Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#5 Tried to ruin my trip to the spa.Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(more like she got a flat tire or her hair caught on fire)
#6WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(catches breath to avoid death)Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#7That shampoo has a big flaw.Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(Don't mess with the shampoo or she'll waaaaa you)
#8WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(catches breath to avoid death)Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#9 A bird saw my eyes and wanted to gnaw.Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(more like it looked at her and flew away to enjoy the day)
#10WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(catches breath to avoid death)Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I guess I proved she ripped off the right one. All that waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ing would be hard on anyone. Plus seems she'd use a lot of filler with each post. That would just be cheating at her coast. Of course that waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ing could be crying too. Ugg to an emotional zoo. On either the cat would take a pass. It would just hurt the ears of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A What Off Spree From The Insecurity Tree!

 Here we are.Insecurities near and far.Well maybe not near.I'm too crazy a rhyming rear.
With What Off month too.What can come due?Oh, it's an easy spree.Just follow little old me.
Want it gone?Such a con?Send it away.With a What Off day.
What's that?Follow the cat.Whoop, said that.Listen to the cat.
What if + rip off.Now don't scoff.Not some remake.Or a love fling to partake.
Nope, a What Off it is.Beats all in the biz.Easy as can be.You still following me?
It was bad.Can't get done at my pad.Bad review was had.Blah, blah I'm sad.
That was the rip.The rip of the trip.Now time for the what.The what if of the rut.
Bad is good.Improve at your hood.Can't get it done?Little by little equals a ton.
Bad review?Even the richest authors get them too.Sad at your sea?At least no one pissed on thee.
And now you have the What Off. Drink from the What Off trough. No need to rip off this or that when insecurity comes up to bat. Give a what if and maybe some roses a sniff. And it's always good not to be pissed on like grass. That's just the What Off advice from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Hide Under The Bed With The What Off In Red!

The first What Off to come due is one starring Blue. Whoops, I mean Red. Blue seems to be dead. Red is here to spread the cheer. Don't let him get near. He'll do more than poke you in the rear. At least that's what I hear.

He's gone red.Wants people dead.Dead and crispy.Blue is wispy.

The devil is here.He won't poke your rear.He'll stab it and take a piece.Doesn't even use grease.

His students beware.Not wanting lopsided underwear.They all pay attention.No phone use or detention.

Humpers have stopped.Humping kinda flopped.He used his big pointy thing,And now humpers can't have a fling.

A cheap snip snip.With no vet trip.A service is had?Poor, poor human lad.

Politicians are no more. He stopped them at every shore.He stopped their lying habit.Sending them down the hole of a rabbit.

As in their own private spot in Hell.That boot camp sure isn't swell. They no longer have a booty.Just a crack to go umm tooty.
He posts about killing.None think they are thrilling.But all pretend so.They don't want to go below.
He can cackle too.That's between me and you.He says he's always horny,Because his head is rather thorny.
A lame joke.Boo to the Red bloke.But beware his red mass,He may pull off your ass.
Now you know what would occur if the lines did blur. If Blue became Red and chaos he would spread. Not a what if I want to see. Would never then rip off his sea. Like I did with my What Off. Got it now from the What Off trough? I think you do. If not, I'll send Red after you. You will have no more cheeks in mass. I think I'll go hide mine under the bed of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Mash Up Land Gets A Hand!

What do you get when you mix a rip off with a mash up? A rip mash fill your cup. Do you have an idea what is going on? No? Bah, I'll help you with my con.

It's mash up time.
A mash up rhyme.
Mashed potatoes are yuck.
Rather chew on a truck.

Nope, not about food.
That would be rude.
I'd give it attitude.
Being rather lewd.

This is a mash,
A ripping bash.
An off the collar.
Some may holler.

A bait and switch.
A new pitch.
Not some song,
But you can sing along.

La, la, la, baa baa baa.
Get a ha ha ha?
A Smurf Sheep.
That would impress Little Bo Peep.

Caught on yet?
Now don't fret.
You sure will.
Many fit the bill.

A cat and dog.
They became a cog.
Around in a wheel.
That would be an ordeal.

A hammer and a stick.
Create a stammer some slick.
Bah, we aren't doing that.
That would bother the cat.

Like that dumb shipper shit.
Hate that every bit.
Assigning dumb names.
Go burn in flames.

So for this mash.
Not a rip mash bash.
But a rip off meets the what if.
A What Off to cause a tiff.

Ready for the What Off spree? Still don't get it at my sea? Oh, but you will. By the end of the month you'll have had your What Off fill. No, not to get off for all you perverts out there. No kitty porn at my lair. Those with no fur scare the cat in mass. I rather like being a furry little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Take A Bite On Sight!

Do you ever stop and think of how dumb some insults are? I'm sure you do or just end up getting insulted at your sand bar. Which is worse? A dumb insult curse? Or being so dumb you get insulted by dumb? Should that be a rule of thumb?

Did I call you dumb?
Cursing me and then some?
While bite me!
Do you see?

Bite me I say.
Quite the display.
If you bent and bit,
Actually doing it.

Hurt me more than you.
Unless on a bone you chew.
Then you may break a tooth.
Hurt you more in a dentist booth.

Or if a dirty person says it.
Then you may regret that bit.
Could catch the plague.
Rather the insult be vague?

Like a pretty finger,
That some let linger?
We've been there.
A finger. Wowweeee. Like I care.

And then there is F*** You!
That makes many stew.
Hmm wouldn't that be a good thing?
Unless you are snip snip at your wing.

Or the insult is from an unattractive mate.
Maybe the other side of the swinging gate?
But most times it would be a thrill.
And hey, may just fit the bill.

Or go F*** yourself.
Unless you are a good little elf,
Been there, done that.
More insulting to pelt scat.

Also we got dumb ass.
That insults in mass.
Who cares if your ass is dumb?
It sits on toilets and then some.

Not like it needs a brain for that.
Let your ass be a dingbat.
It can be as dumb as can be.
Now dumb brain should offend thee.

Dumb brain doesn't have the same ring though. Still, more insulting when you come down to it at your show. Get insulted by the dumb? Hope you don't suck your thumb. So even if the so called insult is crass it doesn't mean you've been insulted even by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.