Pat Hatt's Blog, page 115

Let's Talk And Walk!

The cat has heard it a time or two. It is far different than the "we need to talk" at any zoo. If that happens run away. It probably won't end in a very nice day. Then again, you could be told you just won the lotto at your den. Yeah right. In your dreams at night.

Here come the squawk.
Maybe even a gawk.
Walking the walk,
The dreaded let's talk.

Talk about what?
I don't know.
And then comes the rut,
As nothing shall flow.

Let's talk but not.
That seems to be it.
For the tongue may rot,
Or some other shit.

I guess it can't wag.
That has to suck.
Must be a drag,
Passing the buck.

I said let's talk.
So let's do that.
I gave my squawk,
Now you add to the stat.

I said let's talk.
That was my addition.
Don't stand and gawk,
Have some ambition.

Let's talk about this.
Let's talk about that.
Maybe that and this.
Or something like that.

But let's talk.
So talk to me.
I said let's talk.
Let your words fly free.

Don't look at me.
Let your words flow.
I need to hear thee.
This isn't a mime show.

So let's talk.
Come and talk to me.
Let's talk and walk.
Talking is free.

Pffft just because they say let's talk they expect you to squawk. They really have nothing to say and who are they anyway? Beats the dreaded them. They breathe phlegm. Trust the cat on that. Get the let's talk where you are at? Is anything said by the let's talker? Do you stare at them like a stalker? Hey, can always pass some gas. That chases them away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Round Forty Eight Brings Us To Date!

Or maybe it could bring you a date. Hey, you and a search engine nut could mate. What would that bring about? Something that you don't let out? That would be wise as the search engine nuts buzz like flies.

soukeqlzy

A weird sneeze that makes your face freeze?

big boobs pasties mimes

A mime boob lover. Be sure not to shove her.

cat grab beer

No thanks. But maybe bills from banks.

decapitate live rat

Sicko alert. Not enough Ernie and Bert?

frog dog its rhyme time

Looking for a book. Works for my nook.

Cats got my balls

That may get a yell as the cat raises a little hell.

Grab a ball and bounce it

Is that what happened later? Hey, at least you didn't face a gator.

My wrinkles are smiling at

At who? Back at you? At the loo? Are you cuckoo?

Just on time man

Damn, not a flash in the pan. Man's got a plan.

Nanny said it was wrong

To play Donkey Kong? Can't sing his DK rap song?

Meghan came afer me with a knife

Was she your wife? Did she cause you strife?

Hooch ate my shoe

There you go, Blue. They found your shoe. It is dog poo after a chew.

Don't worry be happy

Unless you run into Flappy. She is far too yappy.

Story time under my bed

The cat agrees. He can get under there in a breeze.

And the winner this time sure likes to drop a dime. Would they call him a rat? Or it could be a her where they are at. I do not know and do not want to at my show.

Lillies felt tingly on Florence's bottom
Is anyone named Florence any more? Damn, now that is some thrill at her shore. I guess flowers can do more than just look pretty and die. Care to give flower ass rubbing a try? Maybe you could teach a flower ass rubbing class? Just don't expect to see my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Grudge Match By The Batch!

The cat will admit the mutts have things sorta right. They don't care what's done day or night. Leave them one day and they still are happy as can be with your display. But cats make you work for it, at least a bit. Humans though, they just go and go and go so low.

Stole my fudge.
I hold a grudge.
Never will see,
Me with thee.

Stepped on my toe.
Oh friggin no!
That is so bad.
A grudge is had.

You offended me.
It was that disagree.
I'm grudging on you.
No more talk will come due.

You did this.
It caused no bliss.
You did that.
Chewing no fat.

A grudge is had.
I'm oh so mad.
You won't see me.
I am going to flee.

I'm holding my grudge.
I'm not gonna budge.
You see my hands are filled.
That grudge never thrilled.

How can I hold it?
Bit by bit.
Right here I'm holding.
You deserve scolding.

After all, you gave me a flea.
That is so mean of thee.
I can't go near you.
Look! There was cat hair too.

This can't do.
Go away, shoo!
I'm through.
My grudge has come due.

Did you hear me?
I'm holding a grudge against thee.
It is right in my hands.
All because of your opposite stands.

Pfffft humans are dumb and then some. Abuse, murder, cheating and all that bad stuff should get one in a giant grudge huff. But stupid little things like disagreeing with you? I give a whoopdi friggin doo. Those types are just attention whores there at their shores. They want all to agree and have everything wrapped in a bow. They can go pound sand up their you know. Are you part of the grudge holding class? You may not want to tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Not A Way For Human Play!

The cat sees a few here and there. You humans try and pull it off a your lair. I just doesn't work. For humanity it isn't a perk. What is that? Why, it is why humans can't act like a cat.

Reason one is easy.
If you let things get breezy,
Going wherever you like.
You're ready for a slammer hike.

Reason two is simple.
From toe to pimple,
Licking yourself clean,
Is not something to be seen.

Reason three comes to be,
Because you can't go up a tree.
You need branches to climb.
You may as well be a mime.

Reason four is another,
That shall get an, "oh brother."
Watching you try and jump high,
And you can't do it on the first try.

Reason five gets messy,
No need to be dressy.
You can't knock everything on the floor,
And get away with it at your shore.

Reason six has its faults,
You do the cat waltz.
I.e. chase a little red dot.
Yeah, might not go over so hot.

Reason seven you do,
But may lead to a divorce or two.
Only give attention when it is good for you.
That may turn you black and blue.

Reason eight many take the bait.
Their ego rises at a huge rate.
If you think you rule all,
You may have a great fall.

Reason nine is here.
Humans may run in fear,
But if you do so from a vacuum cleaner,
You may be the next loony bin screener.

Reason ten is best.
It tops all the rest.
Sleeping anywhere and everywhere,
You just can't do at your lair.

And now you know why you aren't a cat. Even though many humans try such things where they are at. It doesn't quite work out the same way. No one is going to scoop your crap on display. Have you given any a try? May not want to admit it on the fly. And no, you can't be a singing bass. That would just hurt the ears of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Does Smooth Only Soothe?

The cat has little grief, other than that one time I couldn't get relief. Yeah, the cat couldn't pee but that was years ago at our sea. You humans though seem to have a ton. You must find it no fun.

Life is smooth.
It's no myth.
Does it soothe,
To take the fifth?

Can you take the fifth?
Does that only count down there?
Maybe the fourth with?
Hell, I don't care.

Life will be what you want.
Surely a familiar ring.
Pffft was that a taunt?
Maybe life is out for a fling.

You can get there.
Yes you can indeed.
It isn't so rare.
Patience is what you need.

Nothing will go wrong.
Nothing will come due.
You'll sing a merry song,
And all will be right for you.

Should I pffft again?
That may be in need.
Gotta love a pen.
It can let things take seed.

I suppose now it's a keyboard.
But the same old crap.
Dull as a board,
Falling for the no trap.

Or the trap of this.
Always will be sunny.
Yep, always bliss,
Like a happy Easter Bunny.

But life will be great.
Never mind this cat.
No one can relate.
Always a 100% stat.

No curveballs.
Nothing bad.
Should you get such calls,
Nothing you can't handle at your pad.

Don't you love the cheery stuff? Makes you think life won't be rough. Or at least it makes some think that. Pffft says the cat. Shit is going to happen a time or fifty and it won't be nifty. I'll get that on a bumper sticker when I get some gas. That will make me a famous little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sure I'm Right At My Site!

There are many out there and I have done one or two at my lair. But this one you should know. The cat may get shot at his show. So if I go down in a blaze of glory go and tell my story.

Some are dumb.
Some are eerie.
The rule of thumb,
To the conspiracy theory.

This one is true.
Trust little old me.
I wouldn't lie to you,
With any old spree.

It's going around.
It has been scene.
It can be found,
And isn't serene.

You will know,
You will see.
When done with my flow,
I'll have enlightened thee.

But it could bring danger.
It could get you killed.
So don't trust a stranger,
Or you may get land filled.

What is it?
What have I learned?
It may cause a fit.
Some could get spurned.

It is not complex.
It is not easy to say.
But there is no need to flex.
Hold on at your bay.

Here is my findings.
Here is my notes.
Read the inside bindings,
Don't trust the goats.

That is right.
They sit and stare.
Day and night,
They are aware.

Goats report back to the man.
They tell everything you do.
That is their evil plan.
Goats are ratting on you.

Don't go near a goat ever again. They are spying on your den. Pull the shades and hide away. Goats will get you best in the light of day. Did you know this about goats? They watch you and take mental notes. Then the man takes those notes out of their head. They get everything you have said. My tin foil hat is on straight with this pass. You can trust my goat outing little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Care To Lobby For A New Hobby?

Another review that one can view!
The cat has found more hobbies to share with you. These ones will sure give you something more to do. That is if you survived my last list. I bet most of them were missed.

Graving is first.
A grave yard thirst.
Take pics of grave stones.
Watch out for zombie moans.

Speaking of which,
You can't even twitch.
This hobby has you playing dead.
Yep, dead with a hole in your head.

Then comes to giveaway.
Yep, every single day.
If a stranger passes you by,
Give them 10 bucks on the fly.

Here comes one,
Dogs may find fun.
Looking at animals butts.
Maybe they expect worm guts?

Back to the barnyard.
This isn't so hard.
Make an animal sound every day.
Moo, baa, whatever at your bay.

Don't be a user,
Or some drug abuser.
Just collect drugs.
Watch out for thugs.

Need some know?
Give this hobby a go.
Sue every other week.
May fill your creek.

Be a nut.
Maybe like the animal butt.
Dye your dog's hair.
Make them another animal oh so rare.

Have your fill.
It can thrill.
Or maybe kill.
Literally, collect toe jam, foot the bill.

Here is one for old one eye,
She may see this and cry.
Walk up every staircase you see.
Good exercise in this hobby for thee.

Now you have ten more to give a go at your shore. Care to collect toe jam or drugs? Might be better off with dead bugs. But hey, you could always look at a pets ass. I bet that would impress a lass. Not I or Cass. Keep your eyes out of my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Bushes For Tushes!

The cat read a new study as it popped up and it basically says you'd be better off going outside with your pup. Over using a public loo that is. The cat shall share the learned biz.

They are as nasty as you'd guess.
Unless you guess less.
Nope, bacteria packed to the brim.
But that is known unless one is dim.

Makes you think though.
As cellphones have more bacteria on the go.
Yep, more than a public toilet seat.
Enjoy the bacteria meet and greet.

Anyway, on with it.
This is sure some shit.
Need a hazmat suit.
Chuck everything in a garbage chute?

Human bacteria can be cleaned,
But an hour later it was screened.
It can recolonize that fast.
So clean is a thing of the past.

It can last for hours too,
And not just on the loo.
Nope, on the floor and wall.
Even the side of the stall.

Toilets seats are loaded.
Your germ fetish may be coded.
Gut and vaginal bacteria galore.
Now you know what's in store.

And if you live in a dorm,
Or some place where shared bathrooms are the norm,
Keep your toothbrush far far away.
Trust me at my bay.

For it has been found,
The fecal bacteria can surround.
It can fly up when you flush,
Landing on your nice white toothbrush.

Yummy to that.
Brushing your teeth with fecal bacteria scat.
Oh, and those hot air hand dryers?
They are also bacteria flyers.

If you suck at hand washing,
Germs you aren't squashing.
They will be blown around the loo,
All thanks to crappy hand washing you.

Ready to go in a bush like a mutt? Much safer for your butt. Unless poison ivy is there. Then you may itch for a while at your lair. Most of it was known but I figured I'd give it a rhyme tone. Now you are all wise as the fecal bacteria flies. I'll stick to the grass should I ever need to go from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Change What At Your Hut?

Humans like to whine and say they want change to align, but is that really true? We shall see at my zoo. The answer is an easy one. Although I'll still give it a run.

We want change,
At every range.
But don't change me.
Nope, not with your spree.

Can't have that.
My world is a stat.
Don't change it.
Change every other bit.

Advancements are grand.
Spread them across the land.
Wait! I'd need a new car?
They'd shut down the gas bar?

Greedy oil tycoons would lose dough?
Pffft can't have that given a go.
Nope, not one bit.
That would cause a fit.

Change cancer treatment ways.
Whoops, then who pays?
If nanites can cure it,
We'd go bankrupt and shit.

Let's test it another decade.
Then maybe the idea will fade.
Test and test in a lab.
You go catch a cab.

Change tomorrow.
Today we'll borrow.
Let change wait.
Until the final date.

Then whoops, too late.
Sealed ones fate.
Over and done.
But change isn't fun.

Oh, let's pray.
God will save the day.
One of the 2000 gods has to help.
Listen to our yelp.

See! I looked up from my phone.
Can't you hear me at the tone?
I want change to come now.
Show me that power, wow.

Pffft sadly, the only way humans change these days is if you force it upon everyone. Then the greedy rich sobs won't let that be done. But never fear, iPhone 7.7.7.7.5 is near. That will keep all happy as they can stay yappy. Pfffft maybe one of the 2000 gods will smarten dummies up with some IQ points in their coffee cup. Yeah, pffft more change in the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Move From The Groove!

Pat has an interview here. Go and have a peer!
The cat has heard people clamor, some without a stammer, that where they are going is the best. It sure beats all the rest, Pffft to that. Grass is always greener until you go splat.

Move to Canada today.
It's such a fun bay.
Quiet as can be.
Enjoy a cold, boring spree.

Move to the U.S. now.
It can really wow.
Can buy a gun at a yard sale.
Receive bullets by mail.

Move to China next.
You won't get hexed.
Just enough smog to make you choke.
But bah, that won't hurt any bloke.

Move to France.
Take a stance.
Then fall face first.
So much to drink you'll quench any thirst.

Move to Japan.
You'll be a fan.
Pokemon everywhere.
700+ to give a glare.

Move to Australia with ease.
There isn't even a breeze.
Sweat every which way.
Join the perspiration fray.

Move to Mexico next.
You may be vexed.
Which drug do you want?
Each side of the drug war will haunt.

Move to Greenland.
It is so grand.
Wait...it isn't green.
Such a lying scene.

Move to Turkey.
Makes anyone perky.
Named after a bird.
Turkey turkey isn't absurd.

Move To North Korea...never.
Not even anyone's endeavor.
Maybe Rodman would be all hot to trot.
But most normal people don't want to be shot.

Always a downside to any moving ride. Now the above may not be true, embellished a bit at my zoo. Except for the last, screw anyone joining that nutty cast. Think there is a downside to everywhere? Guess it just depends what you want at your lair. The cat would like no cold but then a bunch of nasty bugs would take hold. Can't win with that green grass, so I'll just eat it with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.