Pat Hatt's Blog, page 119

Gone Fishing, You Wishing!

The cat was out and about when he heard some nuts shout. They were going fishing in the sea. They were as happy as could be. Power to them I say. But to me, fishing is a big no way.

Sit in a boat.
Maybe with a goat.
It can help it float.
Didn't you get that note?

Hold up a rod.
Seeking shark or cod.
The former may be hard,
Get a boat the size of a yard.

So Jaws tells us.
You may also cuss.
Next bait the hook,
And hope fish give it a look.

There they swim below.
Not very in the know.
Swimming in their own crap,
And pollution by every chap.

Some glowing fish.
That is a wish.
A great snack.
Pollution can't lack.

Where was I?
Oh right, the fly.
The one on the hook,
Or maybe a worm you took.

Watch as they squiggle and squirm.
Don't you love a worm?
Pat got his sister to eat one once.
Yeah, that day she was a dunce.

Then after the baiting,
Comes the waiting and waiting and waiting.
Wow, that sounds so thrilling.
Did I mention you are filling?

Yep, filling to the flies,
And other bugs that fill the skies.
You go and give them a snack.
I bet you don't lack.

Then you get a catch.
Easier to play fetch.
What could have taken root?
Oh look, you caught an old rubber boot.

To fishing I give a big hell no. No way I will go. Plus the cat is allergic to fish, so it is not something we wish. Like to go fishing at your sea? It is right up there with camping for me. Meaning no way. But you got that at my bay. I'll go fish around the singing wall bass. He's the only fish that gets near my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Principles Of Me From Sea To Sea!

The cat saw this around his travels and decided it was good to throw down some gavels. Why would one have two of those? Hell, why have one gavel held up like a rose?

Ten principles of me.
It is as easy as can be.
Number one is to rhyme.
But you get that chime.

Number two is easy too.
Don't be glue.
Move and get things done.
No magic day fun.

Number three is here.
It is, screw fear.
Does nothing for you.
Flush that down the loo.

Number four is ready.
It is staying steady.
Nothing will happen overnight.
Have to keep with things for them to take flight.

Number five is grand.
Lend a helping hand.
To those who deserve it.
The rest can scoop my umm shit.

Number six can be fun.
Do what needs to be done.
Don't whine about it forever.
Just do the damn endeavor.

Number seven isn't rough.
People don't like you, tough!
Can't please everyone, everywhere.
So let them stop and glare.

Number eight is simple too.
Think at ones zoo.
Don't do something you wouldn't want done to you.
Not always funny when taking the opposite view.

Number nine takes seed.
Big difference between want and need.
If it is not a need.
Doesn't always have to take seed.

Number ten is to have fun.
Screw the worry by a ton.
Who needs any of that?
Surely not this cat.

Do you have ten there at your den? I bet you could have guessed most of mine. But then you do know the feline. Now I am through with my ten at my zoo. Maybe I should have made a list like Blabber? That could grab her. Bah, who needs that to come to pass? Not my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Green Hair I'll Eat At My Lair!

And so the cat awoke and he was faced with an orange bloke. Then more sprouted up. I would much rather take a pup. These guys just never stay away. I will murder them all one day.

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

What do you get when hoarding stuff?Never ever finding you get enough.A mountain of things filling your place,With it ready to give you an embrace.
I don't like the sound of that.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Not getting crushed my a mountain of stuff will take you far.
And you won't get turned to goo,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

Gambling is fine every now and then..You could make back winnings times ten.But too much and you are a fool,On the street corner filled with drool.
Something like a mental patient.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Avoid the casino and you will go far.
You won't look like mental patient stew,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

Why put everything out there for all to see?
Proving you are nothing but a, look at me.Posting to every social media act.This may be a hard to swallow fact,
 But you are way to needy.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Avoid Facebook whining and you will go far.
If not all anyone may hear is moo.
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Do you have that song stuck in your head? Are you filled with dread? I suppose that is one perk of them visiting me. You know I like to be as annoying as can be. Now the cat will go back to the singing wall bass. He is much better on the ears of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Gold Brick With Pay Per Click!

Today you have to click. I want to make dough some slick. Come one and all. Click everything on my wall. Did you click yet? Don't read the words of this pet. Click now or I'll give a loud meow.

Click it, Click it good.
Have you understood?
Click it all now.
Click to wow.

Look! A man has turned blue.
Click so dough will come due.
I get paid per Click.
Click it some slick.

Cats from wall to wall.
Click it at my hall.
Click it in a hurry.
Things are so furry.

Keep it real.
Click for a deal.
Get your zit popped.
Click or you'll be bopped.

Get some blabber in.
Click and spin.
Click and jump.
Click over the hump.

Rats! Click it now.
Click to wow.
Click a bunch.
Click for cat lunch?

That a fact?
Click on the act.
Click before it goes.
Click your heels and toes.

Free beer!
Click it near.
Click it strong.
Click, you ding dong.

Click for clones.
Click at tones.
Click for wannabes.
Click for fleas.

Click for mail.
Click or fail.
Click or go.
Click high and low.

Did you click? Do it, quick. I want the click. Click brick by brick. Are you click happy? Are you getting snappy? Did you click? Do it, quick. Wait, what? I don't get paid per click at my hut? Damn all of this clicking to below the grass. Go ahead and get click happy with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Ring The Bell And Sell, Sell, Sell!

Today you'll get tips and may want to shake your hips. They are all ways for you to make some extra dough at your zoo. No need to thank the cat. I am happy to help where I'm at.

Light on cash?
No need to dine and dash.
You can fill your purse up.
Maybe even a tin cup.

So go for the gold.
Let the weird take hold.
It will be great.
Charge an interest rate.

The stand in curse.
No need to be perverse.
Some people don't like to swear.
So you do it for them at their lair.

The stand in husband or wife.
Some have no life.
Help make their family go away.
Get right into the part and play.

The nose picker.
Save that old ticker.
Pick someones nose.
Yeah, you sink to new lows.

The car man.
Everyone will be a fan.
Carry people on your back.
Warning, it may give you a heart attack.

The TV show filler.
Whether reality crap or thriller.
Watch and report back the good parts.
You could fill many hearts.

The see if it works.
Could get some good perks.
And it may include hazard pay.
See if you survive things and end up okay.

The bald helper.
Bald people may be a yelper.
So let them play with your hair.
Up to you if you let them go down there.

And there you are.
Tips for near and far.
Use them all at your sea,
Become rich as can be.

Sadly, there are probably nuts who would want each one. And even worse things are given a run. Some even hire people to piss on them. Wouldn't that job be a real gem? Yep, that one is true. The rest I made up at my zoo. But feel free to use each one in mass. Just don't report back any results to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Did You Catch That From The Cat?

Have you caught up? May need coffee in your cup. Caught up to what you ask? Geez, not caught up to the task. The cat shall help you though with today's flow.

Caught up to me.
Catch up now.
Plenty to see.
So don't have a cow.

That you might.
Catch me if you can.
Day or night,
The cat can beat any man.

Catching my drift?
My, you are slow.
Maybe the swift,
Will let you know.

Caught up in it all.
That can take place.
I do get random at my hall,
At a pretty steady pace.

Is my pace pretty?
That is sure strange.
Can't even see the kitty,
Today at my range.

Case and point.
Caught up yet?
A random joint,
Has been met.

Don't get happy.
No weed here.
You can go be yappy,
With Colorado joints near.

Catch and release?
Think you know?
This shall cease,
When yes comes from no.

I'd didn't catch that.
You missed at my sea.
Whelmed is a stat,
That is fine by me.

Where did that go?
Where did you catch?
Are you done with my flow?
Okay, now got fetch.

Caught up you are now, right? I know you caught on at my site. Catch my random pass? Are you caught up in it in mass? That has to be bad, more than a tad, for you just caught some gas. You may want to catch and release my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Do Not Hot To Trot!

The cat was watching on to this and that. They must have had brains full of scat. That would sure stink. Get it? Wink, wink. Yep, a cat can wink. Now on to the missing link.

A how not to,
Should be easy for you.
Just don't do it.
Not one little bit.

Don't walk on the street,
In the summer heat,
Barefoot and nude.
That is just rude.

Don't drive on a flat.
You'll go splat.
Right into a ditch.
Then you'll bitch.

Don't paint your body to charm.
That should raise an alarm.
With wall paint that is.
You'll get hospitalized with such biz.

Don't jump from a roof.
An idiot you are with that goof.
Height won't help you fly.
You'll just go splat and die.

Don't touch a burner to see if it is hot.
That could hurt a lot.
Do you want to lose a hand?
Isn't having no brains grand?

Don't pick up a sleeping cat.
We won't chew the fat.
You may get a scratch or three.
A brand new scar for thee.

Don't switch lube for super glue.
Nothing fun will come due.
Yep, this one is true.
Saw it at the redneck's zoo.

Don't say Great Post.
Unless R at your coast.
It won't work.
So go away, jerk.

Don't sit and stare,
Full clothed or in underwear.
It isn't going to do itself.
Sorry, Santa captured every magic elf.

Any more do nots at your sea? I could go one forever with them for free. But then you'd get bored of me. Or get mad I made fun of thee. Some things humans do are strange in mass. Keep those nuts away from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Ruler So Cooler!

The cat was pondering the question of he would do if he ruled the world at his zoo. The question was easy to answer for me. Is it easy to answer for thee?

Why would I want that?
I'm just a rhyming cat.
I'll sit and nap.
Not a ruling chap.

But if I had to,
I'd give all a golden loo.
You should like where you shit.
That would create no fit.

Then we'd abolish cold weather.
We'd do it together.
Except where the polar bears roam.
Wouldn't want them attacking my home.

Then we'd kill all disease.
It would be a breeze.
Fire all the "find the cure" bimbos.
And give the money to one who knows.

I'd print my own money.
I'd name it something funny.
Then hand all a million of it.
That may crash the market a bit.

The cat would kill fleas too.
Really, what do they do?
Just make us all itch.
Burn the whole lot in a ditch.

I'd demand vets get a thermometer up their ass.
Then they know how it feels up their mass.
That would be a good one.
It should really be done.

I'd make all cars fly.
Rid the world of stupid humans in the sky.
The idiots would die.
Smart people wouldn't cry.

I'd make sure I got waited on every minute of every day.
No rest for any at my bay.
They have to feed me and clean my crap.
Hmm, that is already done by that Pat chap.

But screw that.
Too much work for the cat.
Except for maybe the vet.
I'd like to know that was met.

Would you do much? Is it too much to even touch? Ready to rule the world at your sea? The vet one should be done for free. The cat would also hope it caused them gas. That is what they get for sticking things up my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Fake Gets Another Take!

The cat was snooping here and there and I learned more that I have to share. I know you will just have to know. So I will let you know today at my show.

They are making Bad Girls 2.
Did you even know one came due?
Revenge is getting a movie made.
Revenging it will be called by the trade.

Basic Instinct will be back.
This time that open leg shot gives all a heart attack.
Take This Job and Shove It is getting a remake.
Did you even know there was a first take?

Alvin and the Chipmunks meet Scooby Doo.
That will sure impress Blue.
All Dogs Go To Hell is up.
Its a horror movie with a pup.

Dawn of the zombie unicorns are here.
Will you run from their horny fear?
Dumbo three is on their plate.
I guess they skipped two's fate.

It's Hot Tub Tim Machine 3.
Something that will drop more IQ points from thee.
The one armed man is back.
Taking his fake arm and giving all a whack.

Planet of the human race.
Said to have a very slow pace.
Batman and Spiderman as one.
That will sell a ton.

How to Turn a Calendar Page.
Bet that will make no wage.
The Muppets Vs. The Mummy.
I hear they don't get chummy.

The Postman 2.
More mail is due.
See Cats Run.
Wow, that will sell a ton.

The Little Mermaid for real.
Another stupid real people deal.
The Terminator just won't die.
Another sequel giving me one question, why?

We've got Space Balls 2.
Wait, is that news new?
Pirates of Mars is coming soon.
Depp dances in space like a loon.

You have heard it here first. Doesn't that quench your news thirst? Will you see Dawn of the Zombie Unicorns on opening day? It will sure be one worth very little pay. SyFy will probably steal that idea from me. I'll sue them at my sea. Now my not so true news has come to pass from my sleuthing little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Don't Sweat It, Not One Bit!

 Insecurity can come,Like a fart out the bum.It just happens to some.Like my analogy, chum?
But then you get worse,And maybe even curse.Why is that?Follow the cat.
Because it is summer.The sun isn't a bummer,But the heat may be.Are you following me?
The heat can't be beat,Unless the A/C is a treat.Then that is sweet.But eventually you'll need a meet and greet.
You'll have to go to work.So not a perk.You'll have to go get food.Shoppers can give attitude.
You may even go play.I think they call it a beach day.Just a giant litter box to me.Hey, I'm just warning thee.
And what will happen?Still following my rappin?You will sweat.That's a safe bet.
Sweat down the back.Maybe even the butt crack. Could sweat down near Blinky.Yeah, everything may get stinky.
Oh the heat.It can be sweet.Make you smell ripe.Can't tell over Skype.
But if you sweat insecurity too,You may be screwed at your zoo.Dehydrated you could be.So drink water and out the insecurity you'll pee.
Doesn't that solve all? Piss it out at your hall. No more insecurity will be had and you'll just sweat everywhere else at your pad. Don't you love the heat? Beats mountains of snow on the street. Thankfully the cat hides away with Cass and doesn't get a sweaty little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.