Pat Hatt's Blog, page 122

8 Months In The Making With Some Title Shaking!

About 8 months ago the cat looked through his feed. Many a post title sure took seed. Can you see yours  there? Do you even remember at your lair?

Pancake Art
Goes with a sparkly fart?
When Facebook and Blogger Collide.
I will run away and hide.

First Date
Too early for a mate?
Monday Meandering meanders,
Hope there was no fight with sanders.

Death of a Foe
By a stubbed toe?
RiffTrax, October Movie Preview, Alien Movie Trivia, Battle of the Banned, Ninja News, and New Releases!
Aren't you glad this mouthy title ceases?

Getting Reviews
One pain in the butt to light fuse.
San Francisco Proper
Don't get caught by a copper?

Shaken Doggie Syndrome gets shaken,
Pukes up more than bacon.
Hook, Line & Sinker…Or Something Like That
Old, One Eye & Stairs...Says the cat.

Fact of the Day: Twin Difference
Is it cheating if I use indifference?
Redneck Red Carpet Recap
Hope the carpet doesn't come with the clap.

Clematis Monday
Damn, sounds like a std was at play.
Wall-Banger
At least you were a clanger.

It’s Too Bleepin’ Crowded in Here!
Damn, orgies coming near?
#Ad Understanding and Managing Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease (FLUTD) #PurinaPartner
That is better than art, grrrr?

List: How to act like a hipster.
Become a double dipster.
Flower's Cage Set Up
All in view of the pup.

Roof Top Security
With a pee impurity.
It's Monday...Again
Nope, Wednesday at my den.

Can you guess who is who? The mouthy ninja wannabe is easy to guess at any zoo. Be interesting to see if I remember when this comes to pass. I'm sure I will with the good memory of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Don't You Know A Way There At Your Bay?

The cat didn't get any hate mail for once, instead I got an email from a dunce. At least they were nice enough. But their head may be filled with fluff.

Do you know how?
Come on and tell me
You just wow,
With so many books at your sea.

You must know a trick.
One that I can use.
I want sales some slick.
How can I light that fuse?

There must be a secret I don't know.
Can you share with me?
My sales aren't even so so.
Will you help for no fee?

Come and tell me now.
I know that you know.
Your sales must wow.
They can't be low.

I will be really grateful to you.
I'll be so very much.
Tell me at my zoo,
And I'll keep in touch.

Pfffft says the cat.
I hit the big delete.
Not gonna chew the fat,
With someone on repeat.

Said the same damn thing,
50 different ways.
That email ring,
Was like trying to get through a maze.

And yeah, I sell a ton.
Pfffft and I'm Santa Claus too.
But don't tell anyone.
I'll get too many letters at my zoo.

But if you really must know,
And I know you really must.
Even if now whoever you are turns into a foe,
These words you can trust.

No magic out there.
Not a single bit.
Have to work and work some more at your lair,
Anyone who says otherwise is full of shit.

Any nuts asking you for a magic trick? Do you hit delete with a click? If looking for actual advice the cat can share, but pffft to the magic crap at ones lair. The cat just had to clear that up. It was like reading an email from a pup. I'd rather get one from King Abubu saying his fortune is coming to my zoo. Now the cat shall await any sass. I always enjoy that when sent to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Human Troop Through A Hoop!

The cat has seen you humans train dogs to jump through hoops. Even some cats have done the hoop loops. Do you know why you do this? It is not to entertain or cause bliss.

Look at you,
The human crew.
Able to train,
Think it's a gain.

But nope, not it.
Not one bit.
Just your ego at play,
At the end of the day.

Thinking you are more.
No hoops at your shore.
You don't jump at all.
Nope, not at your hall.

Want that promotion?
Don't want a demotion?
Guess what you do?
Jump through hoops on cue.

Want that win?
Do all others in.
Yes you train,
Hoop jumping each lane.

Need a loan?
Hold the phone.
You jump through a ton.
Isn't paperwork fun?

Hold the phone?
To hear a dial tone?
Why would you hold a phone?
That bored when alone?

Where was I?
I knew on the fly.
But I was asking you?
Hop the the hoop on cue.

One foot, two foot,
Can't say put put.
Put put or putt putt?
Go ask a mutt.

Look at you.
A hoop jumper too.
Proof in the hoop.
A hoop jumping troop.

Did you hop on through? Still think you don't jump through hoops at your zoo? At least a mutt only does a real one. You humans jump through hoops you can't even see under any sun. That is right, there is more than one sun in sight. Hmmm maybe that was just a ball of my gas? It sure beats my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

No Matter What At A Family Hut!

The cat argued the other day, we'll more or less had his say and then walked away. I had no time to sit and play. I did have time, but I'd rather rhyme. Okay, no more contradicting at my sea. On with it from little old me.

No matter what,
From hut to hut,
Help family out.
That is the shout.

Help them in need.
Help them buy weed.
Help them with money.
Help make all sunny.

Not just spouse and kids,
Or parents that flip their lids,
Nope, siblings and extended relatives too.
Need to help them all at your zoo.

Can't not help out.
God will shout.
You will go to hell.
That won't be swell.

Yep, used that.
Pffft says the cat.
At least I'll be warm,
And there won't be a snow storm.

And as for the rest.
Pfffft also passes the test.
No friggin way.
I'd have to consider saving so called relatives who were drowning in the bay.

Wow, got wordy there.
But then you don't care.
Those close you do and do,
But the rest can shoo.

Like the leech,
With a hand always in reach.
The lazy bum,
Who grabs every bread crumb.

The whiny nut,
Always something wrong at their hut.
The all about me,
On them the cat shall pee.

And all the rest.
Screw the helping fest.
I'll help those who deserve it,
Family or not, the rest can go spit.

Up for helping every relative at your sea? Even the bums, if you have any, and their bumming spree? Yeah, we cut many limbs off the tree. So pffft, they will never get help from me. Some, family or not, you have to cut ties or they'll swarm you like flies. That was today's sass from my not so helpful little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The I Don't Know Assumes As You Go!

The cat sees it here and there and has even bought into at his lair. Sometimes we just assume that one is right or wrong and life moves along.

I don't know,
So you are right.
Look at your glow,
Your idea has bite.

I don't know,
So you are wrong.
You are now a foe,
We can't get along.

The I don't know,
Sure has a flow.
Can create a foe,
Which ever way the wind may blow.

A friend too,
If the wind blows the right way.
Oh what can come due,
If I went to the gutter to play.

Anyway, assume that or this.
I assume Betsy will find that wrong.
I'm right with my wrong hiss?
Care to just sing along?

I don't know.
But he does know.
So now I know.
In the know I go.

I know I cheated.
But I don't care.
I can't be defeated.
Here is some cat hair.

I assume you know,
That it can't be done.
No cat hair through screens will show,
I said it just for fun.

But now you know.
Now you can see.
Or away you can go,
Disappointed you'll get no cat hair from me.

Do you go right or wrong,
When the I don't know shows?
Are you one to play along,
Or stick up your nose?

Assuming one is right is never a good thing, doesn't matter who they are at your wing. Agreeing or disagreeing just because will make your brain end up full of fuzz. It may be better not to know if they are full of crap. So we should assume not to fall in any trap. Now I will go assume I have gas and pass it out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Never Too Late To Learn Feels The Burn!

The cat has heard it said and he just shakes his head. Never too late to learn you say? I think we can prove that wrong here today. Don't believe little old me? You just want and see.

Never to late to learn,
It seems to always return.
It comes back,
Like fleas to a pack.

A pack of mutts,
That are in ruts.
Did I compare you to mutts?
Oopsy, a punch to the guts?

Hey, wasn't too late there.
Did it with time to spare.
Am I too late on the too late?
Nope, 7 to go at my gate.

7 what you ask?
Now 6 with my task.
My task to fit ten.
Notice that at my den?

You do now.
And holy cow!
You learned again.
Hmm backwards at my den?

Whoops, can't prove that.
Not to be done by the cat.
We need to make it burn.
So here we take a u-turn.

Head in the fire,
You burn and expire.
Whoopsy, too late to learn fire bad.
See, proved it at my pad.

Jumping from rooftops makes you go splat.
Proved twice by the cat.
How and why?
It's because you thought you could fly.

A finger in the socket,
Sure is outdone by a pocket.
Stick it in there and you fry.
Never learned as you did die.

I could go on and on.
Never say never with your con.
The cat shall prove you wrong.
Never count out Donkey Kong.

Hmmm, just threw the last line in. Hey, it popped in at my bin. Still think it is never too late to learn after my little u-turn? The cat proved it with ease. It was quite the breeze. And you even learned too. Score for my zoo. Now I am done teaching class and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Schmuck That Quacks Like A Duck!

You have probably heard it a time or two. You could make 100K a year doing such and such at your zoo. Or some other sum that is large. It is usually shouted by the nut in charge.

You could make a ton.
100K with a yearly run.
Come and join our crew.
100K may be in view.

Pffft to you.
Whether 100, 250, or 50K at ones zoo,
You are full of crap,
With what you flap.

Sure, you could.
Not saying you would,
But you could.
Your lingo is understood.

The bum on the street corner could.
Just needs enough cans in their hood.
A garbage man could too.
Maybe finds cash thrown away from some zoo.

A thief could as well.
They may get damned to hell.
But they could steal.
Hey, it's still work to go through such an ordeal.

The lotto ticket buyer,
Could reach even higher.
Chances aren't great,
But 100K could easily be on their plate.

The inventor in his cave,
May be crazy with a rant and rave,
But he could as well.
Ringing that 100K bell.

The poor pitiful me,
With some sappy story about falling from a tree,
Can get 100K on gofundme.
Easy as can be.

A cat could make it.
Have some grumpy fit.
Boom, 100K is in hand.
Isn't life grand?

Anyone could.
Not that anyone would.
But anyone could.
So shove it at your hood.

Could you make 100K this year? That would sure bring cheer. Hey, you could. Not saying you will in your hood. But you could. Is the could understood? The cat will now go eat some grass which could cause $100 bills to come out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

An Insecure Tire? Set It On Fire!

Did you know,At your show,That a did you know,Can provide you with info?
Redundant there?I'm well aware.But are you?Maybe not at your zoo.
Insecurity comes back.It likes to attack.It can never lack.Away it shall hack.
But it's full of hot air.The kind that likes to blare.You know, like Flappy.That nutcase can get yappy.
 Much like a tire,It won't expire.At least until it's played out,With its insecure shout.
And much like a tire,It can be set on fire.Burn some rubber.Maybe do it shaking like Flubber?
That may take blubber.Avast yee land lubber?That just popped in.Hey, a sword can do a tire in.
So can a screw.It gives a hole to you.You get screwed.Not in a fun way, how rude.
It can be changed.Easily rearranged.Easier than a tire too.No car jack needed at your zoo.
So when insecurity creeps in,Take it for a spin.Burn some rubber.Walk the plank with the land lubber.
Now you aren't insecure anymore, right? All thanks to my site. No need to thank the cat. I never tire where I'm at. Round and round the cat shall go. Maybe could use a few new parts at our show. But the tires still work. That is a perk. Now I'll retire to the grass where I'll roll around on my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Writer Ghost From Coast To Coast!

Casper seems to be out and about. Hmm, that may be another shout. People are ripping off Casper from sea to sea. Writing and being as happy as can be.

I can't write.
Not a bit.
Day or night,
It turns out shit.

But I want to.
I want to be known.
I want my name in view,
Throw a dog a bone.

I've got it.
I'll hire someone.
They can write every bit,
And I can say I had it done.

James Patterson can do it.
He still gets rich.
So with someone else writing a hit,
It will go off without a hitch.

I have no ideas at all.
This stuff is rough.
Can I buy that at my hall?
Yep, I can buy that stuff.

Bought an idea or two.
I bought a ghostwriter too.
Now the book will come due,
And I'll be in public view.

It was all me.
All me I say.
I paid a fee,
To have it that way.

You'll never know.
Not one bit.
My name continues to show,
So I wrote it.

What? It never sold?
It wasn't a hit?
But my name is in bold?
I must have hired a twit.

I'll hire a new one.
This sure is fun.
I can write a ton,
Just delegate out every one.

Articles and non fiction are a different story, but how can one brag about a ghostwritten story in all their glory? I'd feel dirty putting my name on something I didn't do. Well maybe not ocd dirty but you get the picture at your zoo. Ever consider ghostwriting at your sea? Ever cheat and have it done for thee? Could work for a pen name I suppose. Alright for pen names to sink to new lows. I'll stick to my own writing in mass. I wouldn't want anyone else to rhyme for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

The Digital Way Or Hard Copy Still On Display?

The cat has seen the argument here and there with plenty of things shouted out to spare. Some say digital is the way and others hard copies at their bay. Whether that be movie or book all are stuck at their nook.

Digital is the best,
It beats all the rest.
Nope, hard copy is the way,
Then I can always read or play.

With digital it may get lost.
Who cares about the cost.
Amazon or Apple may go down.
Or they may leave town.

Pffft if Amazon or Apple dies,
You'll probably end up eating flies.
For the world will have gone to shit.
So I don't buy that one bit.

I own the blu ray.
It is hear to stay.
It is all mine.
That is so divine.

Pfft once more.
You own nothing at your shore.
Well, you own the right to watch it.
But that is all with each hit.

Digital can't be gotten all in one place.
It makes it hard to embrace.
Where as movies can sit on the shelf.
Also can be given my santa's elf.

Well that is true.
Pain in the ass in view.
Having them in 3 separate spots,
Can sure suck lots.

My internet may go down.
That will make me frown.
It means I can't see what I want.
It will just sit and taunt.

Oh no!
Your internet went down for an hour or so.
Dial 911 at your sea.
It's the end of the world for thee.

There will always be a way,
For you to go and hit play.
Unless the world goes to shit.
Then you'd have no electricity anyway to play it.

I guess with books you wouldn't need electricity unless it was night. Which side are you on with the plight? I was hard copy for the longest while but what is that point now with so many a dial? Not like you need them taking up tons of space and if you need to watch something there is always a way to embrace. Unless your internet sucks worse than the cat's gas. Then you may want to stay physical like my actual little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.