Pat Hatt's Blog, page 109

The Goal Has Come To Pass From My Little Rhyming Ass!

5 years ago today the cat set a goal at his bay. What was that goal you ask? Why it was an every day task. The cat posted one post a day every day since at my sea. And yeah, 24 posts in one day were also given a spree.

A goal is grand.
Have it in hand.
There it sits.
Matching wits.

The goal can linger.
Can give it the finger.
But when stubborn as can be,
No goal escapes me.

Through total shit.
Writing a new hit.
And this and that,
Out came the cat.

Some long gone.
Thought it a con.
Many still here.
Always coming near.

With something to say,
I come back every day.
Nonsense may ensue,
But that needs to be said too.

Some 1850 or so posts in the folder,
And each of us five years older.
Much has come due,
At many a zoo.

From numb tongues to gawkers,
Some search engine stalkers.
All brought a post,
And fun at their coast.

Should the streak end,
Won't go around the bend.
For the goal is reached.
Have I teached?

Can be met.
Even by a pet.
A little know how,
And yourself you can wow.

Now this rhyming pet,
Has a goal that's been met.
Each day with fun.
Whether rain, snow or sun.

And there we are. Been a fun 5 year ride at my sand bar. Also no repeats or redos or reboots at all. Screw that crap at my hall. Now will it last another 5 or more? I guess we'll see what life has in store. Although with me being pretty far ahead I can tell you that there is plenty left to be said. The voices up there still gather in mass. Thanks for making it such a fun goal to reach for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Little Thinking Or Sinking?

Ready to go all wishful today? Hey, maybe a genie will come out to play. That is a wish granter, right? Pffft and I turn into a dog at night. What are you thinking? Into the gutter are you sinking?

Make a wish.
Use a fish.
Or a spoon and dish.
Maybe a splash and splish?

Whoops, splish and splash.
Hey, don't make a dash.
Not like I gave wrong cash.
Wish for a little mish mash.

Thinking I'm nuts?
Bah, made those cuts.
That door never shuts.
At least I don't sniff butts.

Thinking there still?
Maybe about a shiny bill?
Or how you need a happy pill?
Maybe that's run of the mill.

Can a mill run?
That would be fun.
Wishful for those?
Thinking of woes?

Worked right in.
With my wishful spin.
Did you think on it?
Are you having a fit?

Wishful thinking for me.
Fun to confuse at my sea.
A wishful thinking spree,
Might get you stuck up a tree.

Winning is wishful thinking.
Even a contest for blinking.
I can blink more than you.
You know it to be true.

Wishful thinking at play,
It crops up most every day.
Like no traffic will magically come due.
Wowee, how wishful are you?

Maybe your job will give you the day off?
Maybe you're spouse won't scoff?
Maybe you'll finally get a big break?
Gee, what thoughts wishful thinking can make.

Are you a wishful thinker at your sea? Do you go on only a thinking spree? At least you exercise your brain a bit even if you never do shit. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? Wow, can really take wishful thinking to heart. The cat is now through with his wishful thinking class. So I'm thinking I'm now through with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Don't Bug Out With This Shout!

Cassie and I were running around and a little creature was found. We had to get that intruder as that thing living with us couldn't be ruder. Or at least it can annoy. So we stopped its ploy.


I spotted it first,After quenching my thirst.It had to die.How was I to know it could fly?

Cassie saw it after that.She is such a lazy cat.She heard me say that.So she called me a dingbat. 

She said she'd win.She'd do the bug in. Then she gave me her ass.She really has no class.

Pffft under the computer tray.Like it would be there at our bay.With giving such places a glance.  She stood no chance.

My spot was best.I did the pillow test.It had to be under there. The pillow is far more rare.

Cassie yelled for me.She was full of glee.She found the thing,And got off a wing.

It still flew.One winged, who knew? She hadn't caught it yet.She couldn't beat this pet.

I rolled my eyes.I can easily catch anything that flies.So I got ready to jump.I came down with a thump.

Yep, I landed in the litter.Cassie got a little bitter.For I stomped the bug.I then buried the dead thug. 

After an "I win" shout,I jumped right out.I gave it my ass. Yeah, I truly do have no class.
Don't you believe me? It was a sight to see. I jumped on that bug with ease. It was such a breeze. What was that? It was thanks to Cassie cat? Pffft it was all me. How do you kill bugs at your sea? Do you kill them with class? Do you shriek and give them sass? If you do that later in mass stay far away from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Smoking Is Great, Trust Me Mate!

Wow, the cat never knew he was lied to for so long. I guess people are just wrong. Or maybe they are right? Beats the heck out of me at my site. Actually it doesn't one bit but let's go with it.

Show A is grand.
So many watch it across the land.
That means it is good.
So great in every hood.

Show B is crap.
No one takes a lap.
Not many watch it at all.
So it is crappy and will stall.

What logic there.
A good show makes viewers stare.
Good is as relative as can be.
But let's go with it, shall we?

I said that twice.
Must be a good way to entice.
Say it once more.
Let's go with it at my shore.

Wowee, that means it is great.
It is said at a high rate.
The more it is said the greater it is.
Great must also be that fluck you biz.

Alcohol must be so good for you.
No liver damage at any zoo.
So many people drink it.
It has to be great, every bit.

Smoking causes lung cancer?
Bah, tell it to Vixen or Prancer.
So many people do it it must be grand.
Don't believe that lung cancer thing across the land.

Adultery is the best.
It passes the test.
No divorce, stds or the like.
So many do it that it's an instant strike.

Quitting is so great.
So many do it it has to be first rate.
They quit everything and anything.
So go ahead and have a quitting fling.

See? It works so well.
That logic is so swell.
The more that do it the better it is.
It's not just for the TV biz.

Pffffft and if you believe any of that, I've got a bridge for sale where we are at. It will only cost you $1,564,732 and change. Maybe those numbers will rearrange. How does $5,164,372 sound? A much better deal so it must astound. Just because something gets more views or is done by more doesn't make it great at any shore. Reality TV is case and point. Think the masses make it great at your joint? On that logic we shall take a pass. I don't want to be a sheep little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The Dip Of The Weirdo Flip!

Things sure can flip and flop with ease. They can change with the breeze. What once was can be is and what was is can be a was biz. Is the cat confusing you? I guess I'll get to it at my zoo.

Facebook, what's that?
That is just scat.
You are weird for using it.
Who needs that shit?

Twitter, is that a bird?
140 characters is absurd.
Why would you use that?
Did your brains go splat?

Linkedin, another one?
How are they fun?
Who are you linked to?
You haven't got a clue.

Instagram, there is another?
Put a pillow over your face and smother.
That would be better for you.
Wow, a picture of your shoe.

Fast forward a bit,
And you get a new fit.
A few years come and go.
Time for a new flow.

Facebook is so grand.
Are you on Facebook land?
You're not and like to meet in person?
Wow, your life that must worsen.

Twitter is a real helper.
Now all can be a yelper.
Famous folks can even have their say.
Bow down and follow the fray.

Linkedin is of such great need.
Employers can stalk your feed.
Show all everything you've done.
Isn't linking up fun?

Instagram is the best.
Show pics of everything and be a pest.
You can even show one of your shoe.
Woweee, that is such a great view.

You're a weirdo if you don't have all.
How can you live without them at your hall?
You sure need a Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Instagram wall.
Join them and many others and have a ball.

Pfffft is all the cat can say. I'll pfffft again on display. First you were a weirdo for not having one and now you are if each one isn't done. What? You want to actually talk? So weird that you want to squawk. Just post it on your Facebook wall. You should tell all. Pffft all the social media just gives me gas. It can also suck on it when it comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Here Today It's The Warrior Way!

You have to love the internet, right? I mean it allows the cat to have a site. Who knew a cat could type and rhyme? Thanks to the internet you now know with each chime. But we need justice too. That justice is soooooo needed to come due.

It's so bad.
He isn't glad.
That can't be fine.
No need to wait in line.

Social Justice Warrior away!
They're here to save the day.
Well, at least pretend to anyway.
They need to have their say.

That was so racist of you.
You said people can't be blue.
That was just so so so bad.
Social Justice Warrior will take down your pad.

Oh wait, that was said by him.
That guy is nuts and rather dim.
But he's getting lots of hits.
I have to repeat his fits.

Social Justice Warrior needs points.
I agree with your racist blue joints.
I am the law in these parts.
I'm saving faint hearts.

Don't you argue with me.
I have sidekicks to attack thee.
My Social Justice Warrior clan,
Will attack any woman or man.

On the internet that is.
We don't do that real life biz.
Mommy's basement is so safe and sound,
And we can't have other people around.

But that's neither here nor there.
We are here and we are aware.
The Social Justice Warrior shall prevail.
We'll make your racism fail.

Social Justice Warriors don't just stop that.
You need to be PC where you are at.
Don't say Christmas or in we'll swoop.
The Social Justice Warrior and the sidekick troop.

My stance has been adopted.
It is correct because in it others have opted.
That is the Social Justice Warrior way.
We go with the most popular thing others say.

Pffffft Social Justice Warriors can go pound sand. Nothing but whiny little assholes across the land. Trying to gain popularity by agreeing with the masses. That just proves they are a bunch of dumb asses. Did I just shame the Social Justice Warrior today? Whoops, not sorry at my bay. Did you know they were called Social Justice Warriors at your sea? More like idiots who want approval so they blindly agree. The cat hopes they fall face first into a pile of grass where a present has just been left from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Love Thy Self Like A Happy Elf!

The cat has a bad thing to tell you, Pat wrote another novel where no rhyme comes due. That is so rude to the cat. But then this one is so wacky I can forgive that. It is truly as nuts as can be. Was it known that Earth has a brain by thee?

Click Here For A Peer!
I was minding my own business at a book convention when what I thought was a crazed fan, like I have any of those, came up to me. I should have known better than to play along, especially when the voices in my head were screaming for me to run. Before I could do so I was taken away by my crazed fan, who really wasn't a fan, and whisked off to Earth's brain. Yes, Earth has a brain and a body.
There I not only learned that some version of my soul was destined to save Earth's brain, but that reincarnation was real. Dino Me, Slug Me, Half Breed Me and many more proved that. Madison, my not so crazed fan, had a collection of mes. If that sounds strange, you better buckle up.
Throughout the course of this escapade I had to deal with cannibal pirates, porno ninjas, killer geriatric robots, a newborn baby that swears like a sailor, aliens, more robots, Hippers, Diggers, Unknown and so much more. Add to that some evil dude wants to melt me down in some magic voodoo pot and you have what could be my final written work ever. Or is it?
So tell your friends as I may not make it out alive. Or I may and I could still use the money. And in case you are wondering, yes, the tale depicted in this book is a true story. Events are told how they occurred. Unless I die before the end of this, then you may have to make up the rest for yourself.
So there you are. Ready to learn about Earth's brain and Earth's body at your sand bar? Who knew there were two? Half Breed Pat is very weird too. He has an ass shaped head. That must cause him dread. Slug Pat, Dino Pat and Bear in a Tutu Pat are just as strange. That doesn't sound like it will change. This very weird meta type novel has come to pass. It even makes a reference or two to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Not So Smart With The Ass Art!

The cat has done it a time or two, not going to admit to what at my zoo. That would require me to use my memory, you know. I have a nap to get to after this flow. What has been done? Why a smart ass time that wasn't so fun.

Be a smart ass,
It is so grand.
It may not have class.
But who needs that in hand?

Although by being one,
You may get screwed.
Nope, not screwed for fun,
As some may find it rude.

Like if the stick up their butt,
Comes to your place a calling.
They may think it smut,
Or it may cause brawling.

The job interview is another.
It could screw you.
Your chances it may smother.
Especially if they go moo.

As in they're sheep.
No farm for us.
Don't think too deep,
You may start to cuss.

The blog post isn't one,
So I can do the above.
Unless G rated is done,
Then you may get no love.

A funeral is best avoided.
That may go over rough.
Your high society may be voided,
If you make fun of dead stuff.

Court, if you get stuck there,
Is sure another to run from.
The judge won't care,
If the gavel breaks your thumb.

Church may get you hanged,
Especially way down south.
At best your head may get banged,
So best to close your mouth.

And a doctor visit could go either way.
It could leave you with regret.
If the doctor says okay,
A hand up your ass may be a safe bet.

Any other times not to be a smart ass? Bah, some will give you a pass. Others sure may not though. May have to watch what you let flow. Although it can lead to interesting situations all around, even if you have to run away as fast as a greyhound. I can be a smart ass to Cass. She can't get rid of my smart little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Donate Today As You Pay!

The cat was out and about and then heard a familiar shout. It was as familiar as can be and I'm sure it has been heard by thee. Would you like to donate to this and that? Just add a buck to my corporate hat.

Groceries collected.
Idiots neglected.
If it's a good day.
Otherwise the idiots play.

You still have to pay,
No matter the day.
So pay up and get out.
But then comes the shout.

Donate a dollar?
A familiar holler.
Why not two?
We could round up for you?

Yep, let's donate.
Let's take the bait.
Let's believe you.
Yeah, sarcasm came due.

Bite me is better.
Get it on a sweater.
Just hide it from nuts,
And those angry mutts.

Who makes the claim?
Not the guy or dame.
Nope, not one bit.
Corporate a-holes don't give a shit.

Nope, not at all.
They pretend to stand tall.
They really are pretending,
As they do a lot of pucker up bending.

You donated away.
I did with my pay.
Let's just pretend.
Many sure did lend.

Woweeee, Corporation A donates a ton.
Yep, they donated after fleecing everyone.
It was all because of the corporation.
They deserve all of the elation.

Don't forget their handling fees.
Taking those out was a breeze.
You helped them seem grand.
Don't you feel all warm and tingly across the land?

Pfffft is all the cat can say, especially after reading some things they do at their bay. They may shave a bit off for expenses and such and it can add up to much. Or they just claim they made it all. Yep, no help from anyone else as they stand tall. Pfffft they can just suck on the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

An Error For You And Life Too!

Don't you just love when you go to a site that you know is there and you get "error site not found" instead at it's lair? Or you get error 503. What happened to the other 502 sure beats the hell out of me. But we've been there. Let's go all error without a care.

Error runs life.
Error causes strife.
But error to this?
May cause bliss.

Bank error for you.
$1,000,000 comes due.
Take it and run.
Error and have fun.

Error at the checkout.
Free food so don't pout.
All your groceries are free.
Take them and flee.

Error while buying a car.
Now you can go far.
You get a free upgrade,
And double the value of your trade.

Error while on a date.
You got the wrong mate.
Hmm that could go either way.
But hey, maybe they pay?

Error with your cat.
He has golden scat.
Can you sell shit?
Hey, farmers need it.

Error with your baby.
Not ready maybe?
So it stays in.
Hmm, is that a win?

Error with a day.
Presents come your way.
It's your birthday after all.
Yeah, but not until fall.

Error at the job.
You passed poor old Bob.
Or maybe you kissed ass.
Errors can be so crass.

Errors make you ill?
Errors fit the bill?
Errors are around.
Was my error found?

Enjoy the errors of life? Hey, maybe an error can lead to a husband or wife. You just never know how errors will go. But dumb site errors can bite me. Hate them and their error 503. Now I've got to pass some gas so no error occurs for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.