Me and memes and memories Quotes

“Summers in England are brutally hot. They are so scorching they are like winters in Florida.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Are people online real? I am a hologram. My favorite color is duck soup in audio format.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Trees are sentient. That’s why I pet their leaves. They have feelings, but it’s not like they read books.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“In the future, jokes will write themselves. They'll have to, because all the people will be illiterate and will only be able to communicate with each other with the help of an AI mediator.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I went to a theater two nights ago. I know, you’re probably wondering if Abe Lincoln got shot. But no, I visited 1865 last week, and I stayed for a few years while perfecting my harmonica ears.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I like music from the 80s, 90s, and elevators. I think it’s easier to fill up a space like a mechanical lift than it is to fill up a whole decade.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Insult in such a way so as to flatter, to soften the sting. Might bring about actual change in behavior in The Offended.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“The job of a comedian is to be handsome. The better looking the guy, the more women will laugh.”
― jarod kintz, Me and memes and memories

“The caracal's ears are so big they're like bird's wings. When a whisper takes flight like a butterfly, that feline is listening.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Whenever I tell people I like to dance, they invariably ask if I can MoonWalk. No, I say, but I can fake it in a film studio.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Boxcar Willie was the Bruce Willis of Branson. He made others Die Hard, and usually because they were listening to his music.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Trees don't poop. Think about THAT next time you choose a pet. They also don't need you to take them for walks.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I love powdered vaporwave music. That’s what I mix in my coffee to make it taste like fresh elevator.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“When traveling, most people want fast and safe. But if slow and dangerous is your thing, have you considered a hot-air balloon?”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“The future looks bright. That’s because the artificial sun will be outside your shipping container apartment, and you’ll be enjoying your government-mandated fifteen minutes of synthetic Vitamin D body-sponge time.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I love Johnny Cash and Eddie Money. But for the purest sound, listen to Richie Goldandsilver.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Music is a way to time travel. Most people like to go back to the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s, but have you considered visiting the year 4321 through your ears?”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I don’t trust The Cloud to preserve my most sensitive data. That’s why I store my valuable memories in the brains of my cats.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“The secret ingredient to my macaroni and cheese is saxophone music. I use it in powdered format, because sometimes it's dormant from the 1980s.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“My armpits sweat like BBQ water. It’s fire-roasted to quench even the thirstiest runner.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“A convertible Ford Mustang with the top down would make a great drivable hot tub. Say, if you’ve got one that’s already full of water, do you think my ducks could get a ride?”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Amelia Earhart is the inverse Helen Keller of aviation. Nobody has seen or heard from her since her last flight, so she was such a bad pilot she turned the whole world blind and deaf.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Of all the warriors in the world, The Māori may be the best dancers. When other fighters prepare for battle, The Māori break out into a choreographed routine.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Haka is performative warriorism. As far as fighters go, the Māori are dancers.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I have a black cat that meows like a dark sweater. When you hear it, it just warms your chest.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“What’s red and has horse fart all over? Your penis, pervert.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Only men who have crouched in the trenches under heavy machine gun fire, and then rose as one to charge the perceived enemy, know true comradery. But hey, maybe corporate team building exercises also transform strangers into brothers.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“Geese are not shaped like footballs. That makes it harder to throw them, but still, our family scores a lot of points when we get together during Thanksgiving.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“In my dream I was dreaming. And in that dream I was also dreaming, and on and on down seven layers. When I woke up I had to wake up again and again and again because I was nested levels of sleep deeper than even Time itself dares to venture.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories

“I used to be really fast at watching movies. If one flick was 90 minutes long, I would be done in an hour and a half. Now it might take me weeks to finish that same film.”
― Jarod Kintz, Me and memes and memories