Connie R. Clay's Blog, page 2

Before you start another diet, try this

Thinking of trying another diet? What if you could learn a few habits that would help you look better, feel better, and perform better? Keep reading for the six simple habits that you can start at anytime to dramatically improve your health.

1. Sleep. Most people need 7-9 hours of sleep a night. While many of us manage on 5-6 hours of sleep a night, we don’t function as well as we would with 7-9 hours of sleep. When you are getting adequate sleep, you should wake up refreshed a few minutes before the alarm goes off. You shouldn’t need 3-4 cups of caffeine to make it through the morning, and you shouldn’t be tired by afternoon.

2. Exercise. Plan to exercise for 150 minutes a week. If you take a 30-minute walk five days a week, you’ve done your 150 minutes. Find an exercise that you enjoy doing. You could try Pilates, kick boxing, yoga or swimming. You don’t have to buy any equipment or join a gym. You can find exercise DVDs at your library and you can find exercise classes on YouTube.

3. Water. Drink at least 7 glasses of water a day. Your brain, cells, and organs need water to function. Sometimes when you feel hungry, you’re dehydrated. Before you grab a snack, drink a glass of water. Once you get into the habit of keeping your body well hydrated, your skin will look better, and you will have more energy throughout the day.

4. Focus on what you should eat for optimal health. Dieting forces you to think about what you can’t eat, instead, think about what you get to eat. Healthy foods include dark chocolate, wild salmon, almonds, walnuts, and berries. There are dozens more.

5. Monitor your associations. Decide who you will eat with. You pick up the habits of the people you spend time with. If you regularly overeat when you dine with certain coworkers, friends or relatives, reduce the times that you eat with those people. Instead of going out to lunch with coworkers five days a week, go twice a week and make your lunch the rest of the time.

6. Self-talk. Think about what you think about. Instead of chastising yourself, think positive thoughts about yourself. Think about being healthy, happy and whole. Envision yourself walking up four flights of steps. See yourself comfortably lifting 30 pounds. It doesn’t take any more effort to think positive thoughts than it does to think negative thoughts.

As you implement these habits, you will feel better, look better and perform better. You will have more energy, and your focus will improve. As a bonus, you might lose weight. Before starting a wellness program, check with your health care provider to make sure the program is appropriate for you.

3 Good Habits

“I resolve to eat more waffles, even though this resolution is in direct conflict with my most important resolution of the New Year, which is to lose two pounds. Waffles are amazing. When I’m dying, I don’t want to regret not having eaten more of them,” said the late Nora Ephron. Does this quote make you think of your plans for this year? What if you could start some habits that will help you accomplish any goal? Here are three to consider:

1. Acknowledge your accomplishments. It’s easy to focus on the big picture and lose sight of the details that make up the picture. For instance, if your goal is to increase your net worth by 25%, you could be looking at a big number like $25,000, but paying off a credit card with an $800 balance is a step in the direction of increasing your net worth because you reduced debt. Make a note of your small accomplishments that move you in the direction of your goals. You could keep a list on your phone or you could keep a small bulletin board in a place where you will see it every day. At the end of the year, your list of accomplishments will make you proud.

2. Stop watering dead plants. Whether it’s investing time and energy into an organization that no longer serves you or maintaining a stale relationship, watering dead plants is a huge waste of mental and physical energy. Are you wondering what dead plant you’re watering? It’s the person, group or commitment that you are thinking of as you read this sentence. When you stop watering dead plants, you have more time for the people and activities that are important.

3. Practice regular self-care. Working hard and taking care of everyone else seems like the right thing to do. But when you neglect your health and well-being, you have less energy, focus and patience. You should make you a priority in your life. Sleep well, ditch empty calories, exercise a few times a week and get some fresh air and sunshine. Set aside time to watch a sitcom, go to a movie, get a pedicure or whatever activity makes you smile, even if it’s occasionally eating waffles. When you are thinking about neglecting yourself, reconsider. Break the bad habit of putting you on the back burner.

Some People Don’t Like You

Rappers Cardi B and Nicki Minaj recently had a physical scrap during New York Fashion Week. There are many theories about why these women dislike each other so much, but for most of us, it doesn’t effect our daily lives.

What does matter to us is the people who don’t like us. I often see Facebook posts in which people complain about other people not liking their posts. People use the term “frenemy” to refer to a person in their circle that they don’t like or trust. As our world has become smaller because of the internet and social media, we are more aware of what people think of us. But does it matter? There are over seven billion people on the planet. Most of them don’t know each other and never will. So how do we deal with the handful of people who know us but don’t like us? How do we deal with those who say unkind and or untrue things about us?

One of the benefits of life in the 21st century is the ability to choose with whom we associate. We can find like-minded friends and associates in social media groups, churches, and business and professional associations. We are under no obligation to waste time and energy with those who don’t like us or respect us.

But what about coworkers and bosses who don’t like us? Let’s start with bosses.

Is the dislike based on personal or professional reasons? Does the boss dislike you or is she

snarly with everyone? If the boss dislikes you for professional reasons, do you need to improve your performance or seek employment elsewhere? Have a chat with a mentor or trusted friend and develop a course of action. With coworkers, try to determine the source of the dislike. If it is professional, try to discover the reason behind it. Maybe the coworker envies you. Maybe your work ethic makes her look bad. Or maybe it’s personal. Your personalities just don’t mesh. As long as you’re able to do your work, why worry about what this person thinks? If the coworker engages in actions that interfere with your performance, discuss the situation with a person that you trust and decide if you should bring the problem to the attention of management and or human resources.

So what about the acquaintance or family member that you can’t avoid? You know the one who always has something unkind to say such as, “I notice you still have that little dent in your car.” With these folks, you have to mentally prepare for the encounter. If you know you will see this person once or twice a month, decide in advance that you won’t allow him to annoy you. When he makes his snarky comment, just stare blankly because you know that the comment doesn’t matter. This is a person who has no good thoughts or words for you, so why respond to a comment or dwell on it? You should also ask yourself if the encounter with this person will matter in five months or five years. The answer is probably not.

We will encounter thousands of people in a lifetime, and most of the relationships will be brief and inconsequential. Our time and energy are limited, and we have the privilege of choosing who matters to us. Before worrying about what a particular person thinks of you, consider these questions about the person:

1. Does she cheer when you win?

2. Does she have your back? Could you live in her spare bedroom if you lost everything?

3. Would she attend your funeral on a cold and rainy day? If she attended, would she cry because you were gone?

If you struggle with feeling rejected and disliked, you aren’t alone. For some it is a complicated problem. I recently read Uninvited: Living Loved when You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst. Lysa is a nationally known speaker and author, but in the book, she talks about being rejected by family, friends and professional contacts. In her trademark relatable style, Lysa explains how to learn and grow through rejection.

Bloom or Move?

Misty Copeland was living in a hotel room with her mother and several siblings when Misty’s ballet instructor asked to move Misty in with her family and give her more intensive lessons and exposure to the arts. Misty excelled and became a world class ballerina.

After his father abandoned the family and his mother died, the scrappy teenager, Alexander Hamilton became a shipping clerk in the Caribbean. When wealthy and influential islanders learned of Hamilton’s high intelligence and talent, they created a trust fund and sent him to New York to get an education. Hamilton became a Revolutionary War hero, created America’s financial system, created the precursor to the Coast Guard, founded an anti-slavery society and a bank, started a newspaper and became the first Secretary of the Treasury. Would Misty Copeland or Alexander Hamilton have bloomed where they were planted? Probably not. Once they were uprooted, they thrived in their new environments.

Do you need to quit trying to bloom where you’re planted? Do you need to move? Here are some points to consider.

1. Often your current situation is static and is not likely to change. Are you in a job where people come to coast into retirement or where opportunities for promotion are minimal? If that’s the case and you want more than the status quo, consider looking for other options.

2. Your current situation is crushing your initiative. Are you in a relationship with a person or organization where there is no growth? Perhaps you attend a church where no one joins and nothing changes. Do you have a friend who has no goals and who doesn’t encourage you to reach yours? Those are situations where you’re not likely to bloom and you could actually start rotting.

3. The present is pulling you backwards. Have you ever picked up a bad habit from someone? Maybe you had a coworker who always came back 15 minutes late from lunch. When you had lunch with her, you came back late too. Or maybe you like to shop with a friend who lives beyond her means. Is it easier to forget your budget when you spend time with her? These are relationships where you actually lose ground.

It’s easy to get comfortable in a good job, an okay church, an average friendship. Staying put is easier than moving, but maybe you need to move to bloom.

How to Get Out of Your Way, Part 1

 

Are you feeling stuck?  Stuck in a job?  Stuck at an income level?  In this 4-minute video you can learn what you need to stop doing so that you can finally get unstuck.  Click below to watch.

 

http://www.connieclay.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/How-to-Get-Out-of-Your-Way-Part-I.mp4

Master Your Money

Do you feel good about how you manage money? Do you feel like you have too little? Does money seem to evaporate once it hits your bank account? I know exactly how you feel. Last year, I got really tired of feeling like money was the boss of me. So I decided to take charge. You can too.

1. Decide that you will be a wise steward of your money. Commit to spending an hour a week managing what you have and learning how to grow your money.

2. Examine all expenses. Last year, I cancelled my gym membership and stopped getting a massage every month. I refinanced my car twice to get lower interest rates. I moved my savings account to an online bank that pays higher interest rates. The biggest savings was dumping the cell phone carrier that I had for twenty years. All of these changes cut over $300 out of my monthly expenses. With the extra money, I made a few extra car payments and I increased my retirement plan contributions.

3. Change your mind. What you think about money might not be serving you. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker, gets to the root of our relationship with money. The root is mindset and early conditioning. Whether our parents sat down with us and taught us how to balance a checkbook or let us figure things out for ourselves, what they said about money and how they managed their money have a profound effect on what we think about money and how we manage it. In Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, Eker explains our money blueprints, and he uncovers how wealthy people, middle class people, and poor people think about themselves and how they think about opportunities and money.

4. Make sure you know the basics. Did you know that all basic money management principles will fit on an index card? In The Index Card: Why Personal Finance Doesn’t Have to Complicated, authors Helaine Olen and Harold Pollack state that everything we need to know about managing money will fit on an index card. They wrote a book to explain each of the principles that fit on the index card. This book shows you how to manage debt, save for retirement, and invest. There’s also an excellent chapter on home ownership.

What apps or tools do you use to manage your money?

18 Smart Money Moves

Do you have a money goal or resolution? If you’ve decided to improve your financial outlook this year, here are several strategies to help you. Choose two or three of these tips and schedule the implementation. For instance, if you decide that you are going to take a class about managing retirement accounts, give yourself a deadline for registering for the class.

1. Get your money. Visit www.missingmoney.com and check to see if you have unclaimed property. If a business owes you a refund, and they are unable to locate you, they deposit the money with the state where you did business with them or where you were living at the time. When I first learned about this site a few years ago, I checked and found out that I had $2,000 in unclaimed property in Virginia. The process was simple. I completed a form, submitted proof of my identity and had my money in a few weeks.

2. Fast unnecessary spending for 21 days.This exercise will make it clear to you where you can cut back. Read The 21 Day Financial Fast by Washington Post columnist, Michelle Singletary.

3. Calculate your net worth. Determine the cash value of your assets. Subtract the amount of debt that you have. That’s your net worth. If you don’t like the number, choose one of the strategies in this post to address it.

4. If your money is a complete mess, and you don’t know where to begin, consider enrolling in Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. This comprehensive nine-week class will teach you money management, how to get out of debt, what you need to know about insurance, and how to allocate your retirement assets.

5. Establish an emergency fund. Something will come up this year. Set aside at least $500 for the unexpected car repair or medical bill. Set up an online savings account. Deposit $5 to open the account. Fund this account with your tax refund and any unexpected money you receive. You can also decide to set aside $25 every pay day until you reach $500.

6. Investigate your options to save for retirement.Whether or not you plan to retire in the traditional sense of the word, there may come a time when you are no longer able to produce income. That time could come when you’re 40 or when you’re 80. Prepare for that time. Many employers will match your retirement contributions. If you are not contributing enough to get the employer match, you might as well be burning that money.

7. Increase your retirement contributions by 1%. While you will barely miss this amount now, it will pay you back later with considerable interest.

8. Set up a fun account.Want to go on a cruise when prices are cheap? Find out how much it will cost and start depositing money into a special account every month.

9. Help someone else.Visit www.WorldVision.org. Here you can make a onetime donation, sponsor a child on a monthly basis or fund a micro-loan to a small business owner.

10. Practice gratitude. Once a day, think of three things that you are grateful for.

11. Set a spending limit.Decide that before you spend a certain amount ($100, $250 or $500) on a non-emergency basis, you will consider the expense for 24 hours.

12. Prepare for your death. You could live to be 100, but you should have your affairs in order in case you die unexpectedly. Speak with an attorney about drafting a will and advance directives. If you have minor children, you will need to choose a friend or relative who is willing and financially able to take care of your children. Consider your need for life insurance. If someone else is dependent on you for income, you probably need life insurance. Term life insurance is best for most people. Determine if your employer, college alumni association or fraternal group offers a group policy. Clean up your financial house. Close credit cards and bank accounts that you don’t use. Prepare a summary of where everything is and make sure a trusted friend or relative knows where to find the summary.

13. Have the talk with your elders. Whether your parents are in excellent shape physically and mentally or are showing obvious signs of decline, you need to have a frank discussion with them. You need to review everything in the “Prepare for your death” paragraph with them. Additionally, determine how they want to live if they cannot care for themselves. Do they want to stay in their home with assistance? Would they prefer an assisted living facility? The best time to have these discussions is when your elders are able to make decisions and give directions.

14. Cut back on meals and beverages outside of home. If you are spending $30 a week on meals and beverages on the go, that’s more than $1,500 a year! This is money that you could allocate for emergency savings or your fun account.

15. Define wealth on your terms.Does it mean having all your needs met and being able to serve others? Does it mean having a net worth of $10,000,000?

16. Schedule time for money management (paying bills and balancing your checkbook) and wealth building (reading books and blogs about money, taking classes and reviewing investments). Make sure this is a time when you are alert and you won’t be distracted.

17. Mimic the financial behavior of Jews. Jews as a whole are wealthier than the general population. Want to know why? Read Thou Shall Prosper: Ten Commandments for Making Money by Rabbi Daniel Lapin.

18. Check your credit report. Visit www.AnnualCreditReport.com and you can receive a free copy of your credit report from all three major credit bureaus. Review each report carefully and insure that the information is correct. If there are incorrect or fraudulent entries, the credit bureau will tell you how to begin the process of removing the data that should not be there.

What can you add to this list of money management tips?

What You Need to Succeed

What will you accomplish in 2018? Will you lose weight? Write a book? Start a business? What tools do you need? You don’t have to go it alone. Here are some resources to help you accomplish your goals in 2018.

Weight Loss

Have you heard of the keto or ketogenic diet? I have been road testing this plan, and I am comfortable recommending it. In a nutshell, you consume a high fat, moderate protein and low carbohydrate diet. In a few weeks on the diet, I lost an inch of belly fat and seven pounds. I took a few days off for Thanksgiving and had no difficulty getting back on track. I am not hungry, nervous or crabby. I have more energy and feel more alert and focused. I’m confident that I will eat this way forever. Make sure you check with your health care professional before trying the keto diet. Want to learn more? Check out, Dr. Colbert’s Keto Zone Diet by Don Colbert, MD and The Everything Ketogenic Diet Cookbook by Lindsay Boyers, CHNC.

Starting a Business

Did you know that you can get free assistance with your business start-up? Visit www.Score.org where you will find information about free workshops, webinars, and business templates. You can also get a free mentor, who has experience running a business and advising entrepreneurs.

Check with your local library. It may have a small business resource center that offers print and electronic resources and workshops for small business owners.

Relationships

Planning to find love in the new year? Do you know what you want? What behaviors are not acceptable to you? Take a look at Boundaries in Dating by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book will help you to determine what your boundaries are. Additionally, you will learn how to enforce boundaries in dating relationships including extending grace or ending a relationship.

Do you want to advance at work and foster harmony at home? Make sure you read the best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This classic will show you how to gain the cooperation of family, friends and coworkers by first considering what they want and how they are motivated.

Decluttering

Several years ago, I decided that I needed to declutter my home, but it never happened until I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. I read the book and started the process in January. It was at times fun and at times tedious, but by the end of October, I had removed over 1,000 pounds of stuff from my home. I feel like a huge weight has been taken out from my life because it has! It is a pleasure to go into my garage and my linen closet. I know that hair products are in the left cabinet in my bathroom and cleaning products, deodorant and shower soap are on the right. My home is a calm, organized sanctuary. I no longer waste time looking for things because everything is in place.

Decluttering my home was my biggest accomplishment in 2017, and it has had a positive effect on so many other areas. For instance, I have compressed my morning routine. It used to take me over two hours to get out of the house in the morning, now it takes me about an hour and 10 minutes. It is a delight to have so many hours back.

Writing a Book

Have you always wanted to write a book? You’re not alone. Millions of people feel that the have a great story to tell or advice to give. Want to sell your book to thousands or millions of people? Check out Sell Your Book like Wildfire by Rob Eagar who is a published author and marketing consultant. The book will show you what to do before you write your book to improve your sales. Take a look at Eagar’s website, www.startawildfire.com for excellent tips on writing and publishing your book.

What will you accomplish in 2018? Ready, set go!

How to Break a Bad Habit

Several years ago, I was chatting with a witness in one of my cases. Let’s call this woman, “Lisa.” Lisa had temporary custody of her three-year-old niece. Lisa told me that she had tried to quit smoking for years. One day, Lisa was in the backyard smoking. Her precious niece came outside and ran straight into a cloud of cigarette smoke. Lisa told me that she put out her cigarette and never smoked again. Habits are easy to form and hard to break. What’s the best way to break a bad habit? Let’s look at a few.

1. Force yourself to think of the damage you’re doing to yourself or to someone you love. For example, if you have problems with overspending, imagine yourself at 80 years old and dependent on one of your children for food and shelter. Pastor Andy Stanley says that your irresponsibility will become someone else’s responsibility. Will your bad habit create work for someone else in the future? How do you feel about that?

2. See yourself on the other side of the habit. How about this example? Maybe you spend too much time on social media. Imagine that you have limited your social media time, and now you have an extra five hours a week. What would you do with that time? How would it feel to be free of your habit?

3. Consider your example. What are you showing your loved ones, employees and friends with your bad habit? People pay more attention to what we do than what we say. My mother never told me that I should read, but I always had two sets of library books at home. I had one set from the public library and another set from my mother’s school library. She was a librarian. Currently, I read two books a month because my mother surrounded me with books, and she was always reading a book, a newspaper or a magazine. I copied her reading habit.

If you have a secret habit, what will your friends and loved ones think when they find out? Are you prepared to deal with those consequences?

Once you break a bad habit, you may need to replace it with something else. For instance, when you gain control of your spending, maybe you will need to start gardening or journaling to fill the time and mental space. As you decide what habit you must break, decide what you will do instead. For instance, if you reduce your social media consumption from seven hours a week to one hour a week, perhaps you could do volunteer work, write a book or organize your home during the extra hours that you gain.

What habit have you broken? How did you do it? How did it change your life?

The First Thing

In a few months, Meghan Markle will marry into the British royal family. Whether you love or loathe the most popular monarchy in the world, this marriage is significant. Do you think that Meghan still thinks of herself as a divorcee? Do you think she acts like someone who had a failed marriage? No. She thinks of herself as duchess so and so. She’s even perfected the royal wave. Meghan Markle didn’t wait until the wedding to start thinking and acting like a royal.

Let’s talk about you. How are you thinking? Are you thinking like who you were or are you thinking and acting like who you want to become?

I know that life is busy. There are distractions. But you have 100% control over your thoughts. Your actions will follow your thoughts.

Let’s assume that you want to travel to Africa next year. It’s been a goal for several years. Are you thinking and acting like someone who is going to Africa in 12 months? Do you have a passport? Have you researched what immunizations you’ll need? Do you know what countries you’ll visit?

Are you just talking about your goals or are you thinking like the person who will achieve those goals?

Let’s use another example. You’re single and you want to get married. Do you constantly complain about the opposite sex? Do you watch TV shows that disparage the institution of marriage? Do you spend time with women who hate men or men who refer to women as female dogs?

Ask yourself if your thoughts and actions are consistent with what you want to achieve.

If the answer is no, you can instantly change your thoughts, and your actions will follow.