Some People Don’t Like You

Rappers Cardi B and Nicki Minaj recently had a physical scrap during New York Fashion Week. There are many theories about why these women dislike each other so much, but for most of us, it doesn’t effect our daily lives.

What does matter to us is the people who don’t like us. I often see Facebook posts in which people complain about other people not liking their posts. People use the term “frenemy” to refer to a person in their circle that they don’t like or trust. As our world has become smaller because of the internet and social media, we are more aware of what people think of us. But does it matter? There are over seven billion people on the planet. Most of them don’t know each other and never will. So how do we deal with the handful of people who know us but don’t like us? How do we deal with those who say unkind and or untrue things about us?

One of the benefits of life in the 21st century is the ability to choose with whom we associate. We can find like-minded friends and associates in social media groups, churches, and business and professional associations. We are under no obligation to waste time and energy with those who don’t like us or respect us.

But what about coworkers and bosses who don’t like us? Let’s start with bosses.

Is the dislike based on personal or professional reasons? Does the boss dislike you or is she

snarly with everyone? If the boss dislikes you for professional reasons, do you need to improve your performance or seek employment elsewhere? Have a chat with a mentor or trusted friend and develop a course of action. With coworkers, try to determine the source of the dislike. If it is professional, try to discover the reason behind it. Maybe the coworker envies you. Maybe your work ethic makes her look bad. Or maybe it’s personal. Your personalities just don’t mesh. As long as you’re able to do your work, why worry about what this person thinks? If the coworker engages in actions that interfere with your performance, discuss the situation with a person that you trust and decide if you should bring the problem to the attention of management and or human resources.

So what about the acquaintance or family member that you can’t avoid? You know the one who always has something unkind to say such as, “I notice you still have that little dent in your car.” With these folks, you have to mentally prepare for the encounter. If you know you will see this person once or twice a month, decide in advance that you won’t allow him to annoy you. When he makes his snarky comment, just stare blankly because you know that the comment doesn’t matter. This is a person who has no good thoughts or words for you, so why respond to a comment or dwell on it? You should also ask yourself if the encounter with this person will matter in five months or five years. The answer is probably not.

We will encounter thousands of people in a lifetime, and most of the relationships will be brief and inconsequential. Our time and energy are limited, and we have the privilege of choosing who matters to us. Before worrying about what a particular person thinks of you, consider these questions about the person:

1. Does she cheer when you win?

2. Does she have your back? Could you live in her spare bedroom if you lost everything?

3. Would she attend your funeral on a cold and rainy day? If she attended, would she cry because you were gone?

If you struggle with feeling rejected and disliked, you aren’t alone. For some it is a complicated problem. I recently read Uninvited: Living Loved when You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst. Lysa is a nationally known speaker and author, but in the book, she talks about being rejected by family, friends and professional contacts. In her trademark relatable style, Lysa explains how to learn and grow through rejection.