Connie R. Clay's Blog, page 11

Thriving in a Hostile Work Environment, Part 1

 

 

Several years ago, I had a job where I felt underpaid and unappreciated. I prayed for God to deliver me to something better. Year after year went by, and I continued in that position. Even though I was on the clock until five o’clock on Fridays, I usually stopped working at three. For two hours, I visited with coworkers or attended to my personal business. Occasionally, I helped myself to office supplies. The Lord never delivered me from that position. In hindsight, I understand that I didn’t deserve God’s blessings and favor. Instead of stealing hours and supplies, I should have been thriving in that position. I was in my own way.  I found another job where the employer reluctantly matched my salary, and I had to pay more for benefits.  The new employer treated me horribly and fired me after two miserable months.

As Christians, we are to be examples of Godly standards, even when no one is looking. If you find yourself in a hostile work environment, here’s how to position yourself to thrive:

Follow the rules. Take an hour for lunch, even though you can take an hour and a half without getting caught. Wear your name badge above the waist or wherever you’re supposed to wear it even if it interferes with your jewelry or your outfit. When you accept money from your employer, you’re agreeing to play their game, their way.
Do more than you’re paid to do. If you’re expected to produce eight widgets a day, but you can really produce 10, then produce 10! If a particular client rarely checks the work before paying, give that client the same service that you give the client who scrutinizes everything. How are you any better than your worldly coworkers if you do just enough to get by? Take a look at Colossians 3:23 which advises us to work at it with all our hearts as if we were working for the Lord.
Respect authority. Incompetent managers hire more incompetent managers, so you may have several layers of ineptitude at your job. You don’t have to like these people, and hopefully you’re not required to socialize with them outside of work. Speak to them in a respectful tone of voice. Avoid gossiping about them. Rolling your eyes, exhaling loudly or being passive aggressive is a poor reflection on your Father. As Christians, we are expected to surpass the world’s levels. We are to bless those who persecute us.  Take a look at Romans 12:14.

When we don’t feel that we’re being treated well, it’s tempting to do a little less than our best.  It’s easy to ignore rules that no one else follows.  As social standards become cloudier, it’s easy to be disrespectful in a manner that won’t cause immediate repercussions.  But our Father expects more from His daughters! He expects us to set the standard of Godliness in the workplace.

Doing these things puts you in a position to benefit from a hostile work environment. Join me next week, and I will explain in detail what you can do to flourish in any workplace.

Surviving a Hostile Work Environment

https://www.flickr.com/photos/neeterz75/

Slacking, gossiping, backbiting, and cursing. Does this sound like your workplace? Maybe things are more subtle at your office. Those in charge are godless, unethical, and hungry for power. As Christ followers, we live and work in a fallen world. Most of us spend more waking hours at work than we do at home. But what if work is hostile? How do you respond? Think of math. Let’s talk about what you can add to, subtract from, multiply and divide at work.

Add. There is something good at every workplace. Maybe your office has a fun Christmas party every year. Perhaps the office is consistent about recognizing birthdays and anniversaries. You can improve your office environment by adding to what is good. Volunteer to serve on a committee. Help to clean up after a birthday party. While it may be tempting to isolate yourself, not much will change if you hide your light.
Subtract. When coworkers are gossiping, cursing, or telling dirty jokes, walk away. If it’s a meeting, speak to your manager immediately afterwards and let her know that the language offended you. When you feel like participating in a heated email discussion, pause, breathe and consider the outcome you want. Most responses can wait for several minutes until you are able to calm yourself.  Ephesians 4:29 warns us not to allow “unwholesome” talk to come from our mouths. Be different. If everyone stands around slacking on Friday afternoons, do your work. Honor your Maker.
Multiply. Think of the good examples you set, and multiply your efforts. Do you normally get to work five minutes early? Multiply that, and come 10 minutes early. Do you have one person that you offer to help when your work is done? Find a second person to help. Maybe there’s an office outcast that you go out of your way to speak to. Find the second one and be kind to her too.
Divide. Whether there are five people or 50 at your workplace, divide the employee list over a 90 day period, and pray for everyone on that list. If you’re in a small office, your coworkers will get large doses of prayer! How do you pray for these wicked people? Start by praying for their families. If you have a coworker who is constantly wreaking havoc at work, more than likely, her home life is stressed and unhappy. Pray for her children, pray for her husband. In Luke 6:28, we’re directed to pray for those who mistreat us.

As you go through these exercises, force yourself to focus on what is good at work. Is it your salary, the health insurance, or paid holidays? As you walk in each morning, think about the things and the people that you like. Philippians 4:8 advises us to think about what is true, right and lovely.

Avoid taking work home. I mean actual work as well as thinking about work.  Yes, you should vent with a trusted adviser. However, avoid talking about and thinking about work at home. Home should be a safe space where you give and receive love and support.

Many employers offer an employee assistance program that allows employees to have six free sessions with a mental health provider. Taking advantage of this service does not mean that you’re crazy or weak. It’s an opportunity to have dedicated time to speak with a professional about the challenges in your work environment. The mental health provider should be able to offer some coping strategies.

 

Next week, I’ll tell you how to go beyond surviving at work. I’ll show you how to thrive, even in a hostile work environment.

7 Foods to Eat

 

 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevend...

 

I hate being told what not to eat.  Don’t you?  There is so much delicious food on this planet, so I’m creating a list of foods to eat with the reasons why.

Dark chocolate.   It is loaded with healthy antioxidants.  It also has a little caffeine in it if you want to use it as an afternoon pick me up.


Raspberries. They are an excellent source of fiber and vitamins A and C.  They are sweet and low in calories compared to refined carbohydrates.


Whole wheat bread and brown rice. These products are good sources of vitamin B and fiber.  Yes, they have a decent amount of carbs, but those carbs give you energy and are absorbed slowly compared to the carbs in white bread and white rice.


Tea. Green tea and black tea are good substitutes for soda.  Teas have some antioxidants and are very low in calories.


Stevia. This calorie free herb sweetens drinks, cereals and baked goods.


Walnuts and almonds. Yes, nuts are high in calories and fat, but it is heart healthy, life sustaining fat.


Salmon. Fish is brain food and much lower in calories than red meat.  Try to eat salmon or other fatty fish at least three times a week.

Several times a year, I thank the Lord that everything doesn’t taste like cauliflower.  He didn’t have to bless us with so much variety.  Go enjoy the fruit of His labor!  What’s your favorite healthy choice?

Should You Attend a Conference in 2015?

 

 

In 2013, I attended four conferences; three were in a different time zone.  In 2014, I attended one conference in my home state and two out of town conferences.  For 2015, I am planning to attend only one conference, and it is in another state.  Why did I go from four conferences in 2013 to one in 2015?  There are a number of reasons.  My experience should help you decide if attending a conference is a good idea for you in 2015.  For 2015 and beyond, I will consider these factors before I register for a conference:

Cost.  First, what is the cost of registration?  Can I afford it without using credit?  What is the cost of the hotel, airfare and meals?  Although the registration may be affordable, I must factor in the other costs.
Time.  How much time will I need to be away from home?  If the conference is in another time zone, how long will it take me to recover from jet lag?
Information. What will I learn?  Is the conference offering something that I can immediately integrate into my life or my business?
Connections.  Who is scheduled to speak?  Who is scheduled to attend?  Will I make the effort to network with the others who attend?
Use. Once I’ve returned from the conference, will I take the hours necessary to review the material that I learned and apply it?  Will I take the time to email the contacts that I made?
Long Term Value. Will the information presented have long term value for me?  Will I learn something at the conference that would take me months or years to learn on my own?

I spent thousands of dollars attending conferences in 2013 and 2014, and I did not fully consider the costs in advance.  Since I attended four conferences in three months in 2013, I did not take the time to review the information or follow up with the contacts.  Before I attended the conferences, I had a narrow, unrealistic view of the type of virtual businesses that I could start.  After hearing from experts who were doing exactly what I wanted to do, I was educated and encouraged.  Yes, I could have spent less money figuring all this out on my own, but I think it would have taken a few years to learn what I learned in those few months of attending conferences.

Conferences are an excellent way to gain knowledge, confidence and contacts.  If a conference is not an affordable option, consider a staycation.  Let’s say, you want to start an online business.  You don’t know where to start.  Contact a reference librarian at your school or public library.  Ask him to assist you with finding books, DVDs and websites that address the topic that interests you.  Check out the materials that relate to your business idea. Contact your local Small Business Development Center and ask for resources to help you get started.  Check into a moderately priced hotel for the weekend.  Spend your time that weekend reviewing the materials you’ve gathered and visiting websites.  Set up some files on your mobile device. Spend time just thinking about what you want to do and how you could do it.  Your brain is a powerful machine. Give it time and space to operate on your behalf.  While a staycation won’t give you the same information that attending a conference would, you will have spent a few days focusing on your business and studying resources.

Why I Took a Solo Cruise

 

 

 

 

We are called the “Squeeze Generation.”  We are the younger baby boomers who have children at home and also have the responsibility of providing care for aging loved ones.  In early December, the responsibility of caregiving, parenting, working full time and building a business became emotionally overwhelming.  On a whim, I researched taking a solo cruise.  I prayed about it, and the next day, I booked a five-night cruise from Jacksonville to the Bahamas.  Although I was looking forward to the voyage, I was afraid.  Afraid of feeling awkward and lonely among all the families and couples that I would see.  I wondered what the crew would think.  My oldest daughter asked me if I knew anyone who could share the suite with me.  Despite all the doubt and all the questions, I’m glad I took the adventure.

The five days I spent on my solo cruise were the first time in several years that I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted.  One day, I read Les Miserables for several hours.  Some days, I took a brisk walk on the top deck.  While on the tender from the ship to Half Moon Cay, I paused to thank God for the aqua blue water, the clear skies, the light breezes and the stunning beauty of everything around me.  On the last sea day, I saw a majestic rainbow that started on the horizon and ended in the ocean.  One Sunday, I spent most of the day in my cabin watching football.  These five days allowed me to rest my body and refresh my soul.  Just as important, I conquered all the fears.  Nope, I wasn’t lonely, and I didn’t feel awkward. I spent time in Nassau, Bahamas all by myself at the end of my group tour.  No one tried to steal my purse or take advantage of me.  It was a delightful time.

The solo cruise was my sixth cruise, but I did not consider myself an expert.  On the first night of the cruise, a brand new cruiser asked me,

“Is all this food free?”

“It’s included in the price of the cruise,” I explained.

The first time cruiser, who I’ll call Denise, thought that she had to pay extra for the food.  She didn’t know that tips were automatically added to her stateroom account.  She didn’t know to refuse to pay the first price offered at the Straw Market in Nassau.  As Denise and I spent time together and I educated her on how to get the most out of the cruise, I realized that this solo cruise was not just for me.  Denise was experiencing significant personal problems and needed a neutral person to listen and give advice.  It was clear to me that it was a divine appointment.  Denise’s problems were not solved at the end of the cruise, but she had been heard, and she had a different perspective.

I learned a few things during the solo cruise:

The cruise ship is a small town. Someone in the town needs a friend, a confidant or an advisor;
Nobody on the ship is concerned that I’m alone;
Doing something that scares me gives me the courage to face the next challenge;
Time away from loved ones replenishes my strength and equips me to provide the care that they need;
Tomorrow is not promised. There is no perfect time to take a vacation.  I must seize the day.

It’s been almost a month since I returned from the solo cruise, and guess what? I’m planning a solo vacation to Europe for the fall, and I’m considering another solo cruise next year.

 

Why Learn a Second Language?

 

By The World Flag (en wikipedia) [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...)], via Wikimedia Commons

“If you’re tri-lingual, you speak three languages.  If you’re bilingual, you speak two languages.  If you speak one language, you’re American.”  I don’t remember where I heard this statement, but it seems to be true for millions of Americans.  When I went to Jamaica, the staff at the resort spoke English and patois.  Most of the French that I encountered in Paris, spoke fluent English in addition to French.   I took French in college but only learned enough to pass the class.  I’ve attempted to take French a few times since I graduated from college but never completed a course.  2015 will be the year that I finally become fluent in conversational French. So why bother to learn now?

First, it is something I’ve always wanted to do.  Learning a second language will allow me to accomplish a goal that has been on my to-do list for decades.

Second, I’m considering 80 year old me.  Several studies have shown that knowing a second language delays the onset of dementia by four or five years.  Learning a second language improves memory and reasoning. The more I work my brain now, the stronger it will be in 30 years.

Third, I’m a lifelong learner.

Fourth, I want to spend a month living in France.  I want to return to France and spend full days at museums or hours at side walk cafes.  I look forward to taking a train through the countryside.  When I encounter French people, I want to speak their language in their country.

Those are my main reasons.  So why should you learn a second language?

Discipline.  It will take discipline to take a class whether in person or online.  The more you discipline yourself with learning a new language, the more discipline you will have for other endeavors such as eating right or saving money.

New Friends.  You could join a group to learn how to speak a second language, or you could join a group to practice your new language.  To find a group, check on www.MeetUp.com.

Affordability.  It is more affordable than ever to learn a second language.  You could take a 12-13 week class at a local college for less than $300.  Or you could try a DVD/CD program such as Rosetta Stone.  Did you know that you could hire a tutor to work with you on Skype?  Check out www.TakeLessons.com to find an instructor.

Impress Prospective Employers.  Most job applications ask if you speak a second language.  If you have some proficiency in a foreign language, this skill could give you an edge over other job applicants.

Whether it’s French, Yoruba, Chinese or some other tongue, consider all the benefits of being bilingual and commit today to learn a second language.

 

Visit www.WashingtonPost.com and search for the article “A Second Language May Help Sustain the Brain” by Kathryn Doyle.  Do a Google search to read dozens of other articles on this subject.

Three More Ways to Reach Your 2015 Goals

“SanyaRichardsRossRelayLondon2012″ by Citizen59 – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons 

 

 

In an earlier post, I gave you three ways to kick start your goals for 2015.  You need to establish SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound) goals.  Write down your goals in long-hand at least once a day, and turn your written goals into positive affirmations that you recite at least twice a day.  Hopefully, these three things have become a habit for you.  Here are three more tips to help you.

 

Set up interim rewards and reward progress.  If your goal is to lose 30 pounds in 2015, you should reward yourself when you’ve lost 10 pounds and when you’ve lost 20 pounds.  If your goal is to start saving $50 per payday, reward yourself when you’ve consistently been saving $10 because that’s progress.  Don’t derail your goals with your rewards.  For instance, if your goal is to save money, don’t reward yourself with an unbudgeted shopping spree!

 

 

Broadcast your goals. Tell your social media contacts, your family, friends and coworkers what you want to accomplish.  Ask them to check in with you.  If your goal is to take two classes towards a degree, knowing that your friends and family are going to ask you about it, should help you to take the steps necessary to reach your goal.

 

 

Prepare for setbacks. Family emergencies happen.  Cars break down.  Consider the things that could derail your progress and plan accordingly.  For instance, if your goal is to save $50 per payday, but you have to replace the engine in your car, simply adjust your goal. Maybe you’ll have to settle for saving $25 a payday until you’ve taken care of your car repair bill.  The most powerful weapon in your goal attainment arsenal is your brain.  Take time to sit and think through the inevitable challenges and find a solution.

Bonus:  Give yourself grace.  You will make mistakes.  You will have days when you don’t work towards your goals.  Forgive yourself and get going the next day.  If you spend days or weeks off course, you’ll lose momentum.  You can begin again every single day.

I hope these tips help you to reach your goals in 2015.  Let me know how you’re doing and what challenges you’re having.

 

3 Steps to Achieving Your 2015 Goals

 

In January 2013, I had a telephone conference with a lifestyle coach. I told her that I wanted to reopen my law practice, write a book, lose weight and meet my Boaz all before December 31st! My coach’s first order of business was to convince me that I had too many big goals.  We agreed to focus on my writing a book and improving my health.

Prior to working with a coach, I started many Januarys with huge, non-specific plans and often ended the year disappointed with my results. After mentoring and training, I’ve learned a powerful method of setting and achieving goals. Here is a brief summary.

Establish SMART goals:


Think about what you want to accomplish.  For instance, instead of saying you want to increase your income, say you want to increase your income by $1,000 a month.

 

Someone who knows nothing about you should be able to look at the before and after and see results. Saying you want to improve your diet is not measurable, but saying that you want to limit sweets and empty carbs to three a week is a measurable goal.

 

 

Your goal should require you to stretch, but it should also be within your grasp. If your goal is to be married with two children by December 31st, that goal is probably not attainable if there is no special someone in your life. However, if your goal is to exercise five days a week for 30 minutes each day, and you’re currently exercising three days a week, adding the extra two days is possible.

 

Is your goal consistent with your lifestyle and your resources? If your goal is to be self employed by the end of the year, but you have no business ideas or experience, your goal is probably not realistic. If you have been working on your side hustle for a couple of years, and you’ve replaced 35% of your income from your employer, making the leap into self-employment is a reasonable objective.

 

Time bound. Your goal should have a deadline. “I’m going to lose 30 pounds” has no date attached to it. “I’ll lose 15 pounds by June 30th and another 15 by November 30th” is time bound.

 

Making your goals SMART forces you to be precise about what you plan to accomplish.

 

Write down your goals in long hand following the SMART formula. Yes, you can type them on the device of your choosing, but you won’t get the psycho-neural connection that you get from writing them in long hand.  Begin each day by writing down your goals.  Consider your goals as you schedule your day.  Ideas will come to mind.  Make sure you capture them.

 

Recite positive affirmations throughout your day. My shower monologue begins with “I am happy, healthy and whole.”  I had to spend some time in the dentist’s chair last week.  Instead of dwelling on the discomfort, I mentally recited positive affirmations.  Restate your goals as affirmations.  Your affirmation needs to be in the present tense, in first person, and positive.  If your goal is to stop smoking.  Your affirmation would be, “I am tobacco-free.”  If your goal is to stop yelling at your family members, your affirmation would be, “I speak to my family in a polite and loving tone of voice.”

Using these techniques will turbo-charge your ability to establish and accomplish your big goals in this New Year.  Next week, I’ll give you some additional tips for achieving your goals in 2015.

How to Save $5,000 in One Year

 

What could you do with $5,000?  Could you take a seven-night cruise, visit New York City or spend a week at Disney World? Could you take a chunk out of your credit card debt or pay off your car? But how do you get $5,000 at one time?  You make small changes.  Try a few of these hints and put yourself in a position to have an extra five grand this time next year.

Unplug stuff that you’re not using such as TVs, microwaves, cell phone charges, etc.  These items use electricity if they’re plugged in even if they are not on.  Depending on the size of your household, this tip should save you $15 a month on your electric bill or about $180.00 a year.

 

Drive the speed limit and keep your tires properly inflated. This tip will save you about $10.00 a month on gas or $120.00 a year.

 

 

Shop for groceries three times a month instead of four. On the fourth week, decide that you will manage on whatever is in the house.  Trust me, you won’t starve.  Depending on the size of your family and your tastes, this will save you at least $100.00 a month or $1,200 a year.

 

Cancel satellite TV or cable TV. There are dozens of shows that you can watch for free online, and you can check out DVDs for free from the library.  My public library even has a free movie streaming service.  You can also invest in an antennae and receive local channels for free.  This tip should save you between $50 and $150.00 a month or up to $1,800 a year.

 

Get rid of your landline. Does anyone call you at home? If there are at least two cell phones in your home, you can manage without a landline.  My landline bill is $46.00 a month, which costs me over $500 a year.  My excuse for keeping the landline is that I send or receive one or two faxes a month.  I need to take my own advice.

 

Buy clothes once every six months. Buy winter clothes in February when they are on sale, and buy summer clothes in August when they are on sale.  You have one body, and you really only NEED a few outfits. If you limit your clothing shopping to twice a year, you should save between $500 and $1,000 a year.

 

Limit meals out to once a week. If you currently eat out three times a week and spend $15.00 each time, reducing your meals out to once a week will save you $120.00 a month or $1,440.00 a year.  Just imagine all that money that literally goes down the drain.

 

 

Quit using credit cards. When you use plastic, you spend more.  Why do you think the stores and banks offer you so many incentives to use credit?  They know you spend more.  I have a credit card that matches my spending dollar for dollar with reward miles.  I contemplated charging all household expenses and then paying the card off every month.  But I know me!  I would end up spending more just to get the extra miles.  If you must have your flier miles, consider the SunTrust-Delta rewards debit card.  I had this card for about a year and spent enough to travel to Denver for free.  However, I had to make the effort every month to make all major purchases, including my mortgage on this card.  Eventually, I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle.  Eliminating the use of credit cards will save you at least $1,000 a year between your spending less and not having to pay interest or late fees.

 

Shop with cash. Just try it for a week.  When you have to peel off those greenbacks instead of swiping a card, you spend less.  It’s easy to overspend with a debit card.  You know about how much you have in the bank.  You can splurge on the shoes and decide you’ll pay the electricity bill late.  You should save well over $1,000 a year if you shop with cash.

 

Every idea is not for everyone.  However, if you try a few of these suggestions, you should be able to save thousands of dollars a year and perhaps pay for a dream vacation, return to college or payoff a bill.

5 Reasons Why You Can’t Sleep

Do you find yourself physically exhausted but lying in bed wide awake for hours at night?  A lack of sleep leaves us tired, grumpy and unfocused the morning after.  So how do we break this pattern?  There are five things that many of us do that keep us from sleeping well.

Using a cell phone or other electronic equipment an hour or less before bed.  The blue light that we can’t see from cell phones, TVs and other electronics suppresses the hormone, melatonin that we need to sleep.  Conclude all of your business that requires the use of electronics at least an hour before bed.
Consuming coffee, tea, caffeinated sodas and chocolate after 10:00 a.m. Caffeine can stay in the body for up to 15 hours after you consume it.  Having two cups of coffee at lunch could be keeping you counting sheep at night.  Plan to eliminate all caffeine 12 hours before your bedtime.
Using the bedroom as a home office, TV room or other work space. The bedroom should be reserved for sleeping and marital relations.  Make your bedroom an oasis of calm.  Use peaceful blues and soft pinks instead of bright yellows and reds.
Having an inconsistent sleep schedule. If you go to bed at 9:30 p.m. during the week but stay up until after midnight on weekends, you’re disrupting your body’s natural rhythm.  Aim to go to bed and get up within a two hour window seven days a week.
Engaging in stressful activities immediately before bed. If you have difficult conversations or do other nerve-racking things right before bed, you’re taking all that tension to bed.  Replaying conversations and wondering about unfinished tasks can produce just enough anxiety to keep you awake for hours.  Use the last hour before bed to relax.  Have a cup of naturally decaffeinated tea.  Take a warm bath.  Read an enjoyable but not too exciting book.

If you are practicing one or more of these sleep-robbing habits, try eliminating one each night and see if you start sleeping better.  If these strategies don’t help, discuss your problem with your health care professional for additional recommendations.

When you get a good night’s sleep, you’re ready to wake up and be your absolute best.  You are more alert, more focused and in a better mood.